and musical guest john fogerty, featuring jon batiste and stay y homin."and now, live on tape from a safe distance, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey, everybody. welcome to "a late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. just hearing the band do the theme song is strangely moving. i forgot how much i missed hearing those guys! it's how many days? how many days have we been doing this? 40 days. this is the 40th day that i have been quarantined with my wife and kids. i feel like noah, but i only have one dog, and he's only interested in my leg. we all want haircuts at this point. i did something drastic tonight, i combed my hair in the other direction just for a change of pace and that was a bad idea. first of all, i'm getting a very p atrician flop over here. this the very mid-'70s jackson brown. over here, there's a lot of empty real estate i didn't know was there.s usoved by combover. we should talk to the network and sell ad space there. it could say honda, mountain dew or v.w. who's the sponsor right now? >> claritin. >> stephen: stay claritin clear!

jon batiste, everybody.t of "the lat "the daily show" whs currently "the daily distancing show" on comedy central, trevor noah. nice to see you. >> what's happening, stephen colbert? >> stephen: just going doing a show like you. >> just attempting to do a show is what we're doing. that's what this is. >> stephen: that's right. in many ways i felt bad about the situation we're in until i saw nascar drivers losing their minds because driving virtually wasn't what they were used to in real life. i thought, okay, maybe i'm not the only one losing my mind trying to do what i do in this environment. >> stephen: one to have the crazy things is you're going through this very odd isolated experience and because of that, you're not actually aware all the time that every person is going through the same isolated experience. i mean, you know it intellectually. >> yes. >> stephen: but just because of the nature of it, you don't get to see it happening to other people most of the time. >> right, right. and i think what's

jon batiste. hello, jon! >> jon: hello, hello! what's the word? what's the word?d is "bird." i've been cook up some chicken thighs, some hot korean chili paste. so delicious. >> jon: how you-- how you messing that. what are you doing with it? >> stephen: rub it on the chicken like a massage oil. >> jon: it's running all over is there do you want to play a little something before we go? >> jon: yeah, a little herbie. it's birthday week. >> stephen: you know him as an n.b.a. haul of haimer, an analyst on "inside the n.b.a.," and of course, the star of "kazaam." he is the subject of a new docuseries, "shaq life." please welcome to "a late show," dr. shaquille o'neal! dr. o'neill, thanks for being here. >> thanks for having me. i can't believe i've never been on your talk show before pup are the funniest man on late night. i appreciate you having me, sir. >> stephen: and you are suddenly my favorite guest of all time. thank you. >> thank you. >> stephen: i can't believe i haven't had you on, either. i've had charles barkley on, like, eight times at this point. >> i'm-

now, enjoy some music from our own jon batiste. the "late, late ,"

jon batiste. hello, jon batiste, somewhere out there in the world. ♪ ♪ hey! >> jon: hello! >> stephen: we were just setting things up here. >> jon: pete, what's going on with you? >> stephen: he says hi, wants to know what's going on with you. >> stephen: i have peter here. i have evie right here. >> hello, jon. >> jon: hey, evie, how are you. >> we miss you! how are you? >> jon: good, i miss you. >> i know. >> jon: it's tough but we're going to pull through this one. >> stephen: you're all by yourself, right. >> jon: i'm practicing appreciation, you know,. >> he was what? >> stephen: he's practicing appreciation. absence makes the heart grow fonder. >> i'm reading sue leica's daily prompts. her isolation journal stuff is great. >> jon: that thing is a lifesaver. it gets your mind going in the morning, and it gets you focused. >> it does. >> stephen: how can people find it online. >> jon: you just type "isolation journal" into google or go to her website. she has a beautiful but complex name. it's a vowel salad. >> stephen: it's the national vowel surplus. >> jon: exactly.

give it up for jon batiste and stay human, everybody! ♪ ♪ jon, feeling good? >> stephen: you're feeling good? >> jon: staying healthy. >> stephen: i'm staying very healthy. don't forget to socially diance yourself. >> jon: yes, yes, completely. >> stephen: i don't know what that means. i think it means have fewer friends, i'm not entirely sure. but evidently, it's a healthy thing to do. >> jon: yeah, be an introvert, you know. >> stephen: speaking of friends, our friend john krasinski is going to be out here in just a moment. ( cheers and applause ) he's just a lovely... handsome, talented, funny. >> jon: yeah, director. >> stephen: unbelievable. very threatening. >> jon: amazing. ( laughter ) >> stephen: now, donald trump may have had a rocky weekend, but so did trump's chief of staff, mick mulvaney, seen here just waiting for this headline, "trump fired his chief of staff, mick mulvaney." ( laughter ) this is a little surprising, because both mulvaney and trump just attended the conservative political action conference, or c-pac, where nothing seemed amiss.

featuring jon batiste and stay homein'. and now live on tape from a safe distance, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, i was just pretend they go could be at home without a camera. welcome to "a late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. happy to be here. happy... tuesday, i think? it is tuesday. good. thank you, thank you, sir. i don't always know. i'm so grateful that i'm still able to do a show for you guys and for all of you out there watching, one assumes. it's possible my producers are lying to me that we're broadcasting at all. "sure, stephen, we've put a van on your front lawn. it talks to space. now take a shower and shout into your phone." whatever. i'm grateful for something to do. now, there is one aspect of the show that i have really been missing and that is my conversations with our friend jon batiste. last couple of weeks, jon's music has been featured throughout the show, but we have not connected on the air yet. so let's give that a shot.jon b. >> jon: hey! >> stephen: what's going on, my friend? >

featuring jon batiste and stay homin.' now, live on tape from a safe distance, it's stephen colbert. >> stephen: welcome to "a late show." i'm steve coalbert. happy earth day, everyone. today is a big one, because it's the 50th earth day! the big 5-0. and, i gotta say, earth's still looking great. she's just getting hotter every year, even with the receding glaciers and putting on a little water weight around the coastline. and earth is having kind of a moment right now because, with people staying home, the earth is turning wilder and cleaner, with reduced co2, better air quality, and animals roaming city streets. turns out the best present for earth day is the same as mother's day: time away from her children. just get all the unruly humans out of her hair so mother earth can sit in a bubble bath and watch "outlander." now, while humans stay inside, the world's cities are getting reclaimed by animals. a puma roamed the streets of santiago, chile. in india, hungry monkeys have been entering homes and opening refrigerators

but first, let's say good night with some music from jon batiste.come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from all the way

ward featuring jon batiste and stay homin.' and now, live on tape from a safe distance, it's stephen colbert. >> stephen: if it's true, that will be great. oh, hi. welcome to "a late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. my wife and i were just talking out what's actually happening so we can all go bao living our lives. sure, i'm just looking forward to the glorious day when this scriess over, and i can rip off my mask and go into a crowded room full of elderly people and lick them all. and what gets me is president trump should have seen the covid crisis coming. we're now learning that as far back as january, "the president's intelligence briefing book repeatedly cited the virus threat." well, there's your problem. those are three of trump's least favorite words: "intelligence," "briefing," and "book." if they really wanted him to pay attention, they should have called it his "daily pornographic hamburger fire truck." for a guy who doesn't know what he's talking about, trump sure does talk a lot. he was at it again yesterday,

with jon batiste and stay homan. and now, live on tape from a safe distance, it's stephen colbert. >> stephen: hello, everybody. welcome to "a late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. i hope you're all doing well. we're good here. though, one of the oddest things about doing the show at home, from my lile study he is that it's starting to feel normal-- and that is really weird. i mean, why is my son sitting on the floor wearing a headset? he's talking to my director back in new york. say hi to jim. >> hi, jim. >> stephen: does jim say hi back? >> he didn't say hi back. >> stephen: is he mad at me? probably. >> stephen: peter's been terrific. every member of my family has been terrific, which statistically means, i'm the bad roommate. but we have no choice. right now, inside is the place to be, because the news from the outside is alarming. this week, the government projected 100,000 to 240,000 deaths from coronavirus. that's why it's so important right now that everyone stays safe and stays focused. and stay insid

jon lapook and cate blanchette featuring jon batiste and stay homin.' ansthen colbert. >> stephen: hello! hey! and welcome to "a late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. it's nice to see you. i can't see you. i would like to see you. i miss you. i know you get to see me, but this is a one-way street. and i really like my audience. i like the connection. i like the give and take. i like the energy. you know who really, really misses having an audience? donald trump. you see, he can't hold rallies you see, he can't hold rallies right now, because the coronavirus would threaten the lives of his supporters. and politics 101 is "don't kill your voters." remember, adlai stevenson lost with his slogan, "i will murder all of you in '52." so trump has turned the coronavirus press briefings into the white house everyday into little rallies, where he rambles incoherently and attacks the press. and yesterday, he outdid himself with a hissy fit melt-down that clocked in at a generalissimo-mas-grande of two hours and 24 minutes. it was like watching "the irishman

tonight stephen welcomes bill gates and claire danes and mandy patinkin, featuring jon batiste and "stayomin." and now, live on tape from a safe dis >> stephen: hi, everybody. welcome to "a late show." we're in the middle of a fight in the room. do we need to clean up the area? i don't think so because you can't see it. i can and i'm fine with it. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. last night, i talked about the governors who have decided to reopen their states in opposition to the federal guidelines, but one day later, i'm happy to report that cooler heads have prevailed in our nation's leadership, because the insane clown posse is calling off its annual gathering of the juggalos festival. they've also officially changed their name to the rational clown posse. of course, this move will disappoint fans of i.c.p., known as "juggalos," seen here confusing their grandparents. yesterday, the clown posse's record label, psychopathic records, issued a statement: "with thousands of deaths during the covid-19 outbreak, we refuse to risk even one juggalo life by hosting a

say hi to our friend jon batiste. >> way that, way that. >> stephen: who dat?ou're happy and you know it ) ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) >> stephen: you know, folks, i spend a lot of time gathering the big stories, inviting the major news players, and generally taking care of important business at the big, interdepartmental corporate conference that is my monologue. but sometimes, i like to set up a zoom meeting with some college buddies, get in my p.j.'s, crack open a jar of nutella, and tease craig about the time he launched bottle rockets out of his butt crack in the rambling video chat of news that is my quarantined "meanwhile" segment: "quarantine-while!" quarantine-while, "the amish are getting a covid-19 drive-through testing center for horse and buggies." once the samples are collected, they're sent to the labs where amish scientists churn the results. quarantine-while, governments around the world are working hard to contain the coronavirus pandemic, and some of them have pretty interesting strategies. for instance, in indonesia, one village has started using volun

now, enjoy some music from our own jon batiste.u come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show >> re:

featuring jon batiste and stay human.live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) >> stephen: hey! nice to see. delightful! delightful! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: good to see you! there you go! >> stephen: stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: nice. there you go. a busy night. a busy night here. spring is in the air. nice to see you, chris. welcome, one and all, to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. another candidate-- ( cheers and applause ) yet another candidate has dropped out of the democratic race. and we're getting a clearer picture of america's future, and it looks a lot like america's past. ( laughter ) and i'll give you the latest in tonight's edition of: >> i have a plan for that. >> i beat trump. >> corn pop was a bad dude! >> aaahhh! >> bing, bing, bong, bong. >> "fury road to the white house 2020!" >> come on! >> stephen: now-- ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) >> stephen: folks, i'm afraid i have

and enjoy some music from our own jon batiste.o have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show al reggie: ladies and gentlemen,

featuring jon batiste and stay homin'. now, live on tape from a safe distance, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome to "a late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. how are you guys doing tonight? i can't hear you! because i'm alone. so alone. i'm alone, right, pete? >> oh, you are so alone. >> stephen: thank you. pblazer, i'm all dressed up fora cocktail party. but, evidently, the network thinks we should do a show. what's up? let's see, what's up? okay, here's big news. in the democratic primary, there's big news, because there is no democratic primary. because today, senator bernie sanders announced he was dropping out of the 2020 democratic race. i guess during a pandemic, crazy ideas like medicare for all just don't resonate. bernie addressed his supporters this afternoon in a live stream. >> i want to thank the many hundreds of thousands of americans who attended our rallies, town meetings, and house parties from new york to california. some of these events had over 25,000 people. some had a few

before we go, we'll enjoy music from our own jon batiste.ght don't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show

the 1000000000 batiste is deeply involved in the fight for more transparency in the coffee business but today she's also vying for the title of the world's best coffee creation. nicole has already won several awards at the german barista championships now she's competing in a completely new category coffee in good spirits. the challenge is to create the best mix of coffee and alcohol nikolas ambitious and bones to trump the competition. the fair brings together thousands of specialists from all over the world. coffee is a hot commodity and a huge business one that this man from berlin wants to change. some other tips in aims to revolutionize coffee production from planted seed to roasted beans everything should remain in the hands of the produces the day he's trying to win over his supporters. is a big deal we can get very close to the coffee experts and. consumers it's just fun pouring the coffee and getting the feedback. there is a bit of a back story to how he got here. 4 years ago some other discovered his passion for african coffee today he's an expert on this subject it takes 9 mo

and now before we go, enjoy some music from our own jon batiste. ♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs captioned't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show ( cheers and applause ) >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen,

tonight i'm going to go live on instagram with late show band leader jon batiste.o to @ari melber on instagram. we will see the whole thing live, talking music and covid and a whole lot more. please come visit us. d and a whole lot more please come visit us when you shop for your home at wayfair you get way more than free shipping. you get thousands of items you need to your door fast the way it works best for you. even the big stuff. you get a delivery experience you can always count on. you get your perfect find at a price to match on your schedule. you get free two day shipping on things that make your home feel like you! wayfair. way more than furniture. that liberty mutual customizes your insurance, i just love hitting the open road and telling people so you only pay for what you need! [squawks] only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ there's my career,... my cause,... my choir. i'm a work in progress. so much goes... into who i am. hiv medicine is one part of it. prescription dovato is for adults who are starting hiv-1 treatment an

they'd crack open the beers and give them food and whatever until the summer and batist adecides he's got to get rid of these guys because just by hanging around they're sort of winning in a strange way. so he gets 10,000 soldiers and sends them up into the mountains, he calls it operation end of fidel. so they all plow into the mountains and fidel gets word of it and they set booby traps along these mountain trails. and he's got 300 men so of course being a classical scholar he says it's like -- which didn't end well for the spartans, but that was his idea. and the overwhelming odds were there, and they didn't -- they had all sorts of contingency plans, but in the end they were terrified they start to lose their morale. they give up. they start surrendering en masse. and fidel has this brilliant idea of treating them extremely well, and giving them medicine and feeding them and let them go back. they're quite decent, they're not hurting us. so everyone else in the army realizes why are we dying for $35 a month for batista who's basically raping the country. and they start to lose fai