a story -- my husband ben bradlee died nearly three years ago, and it was during the time that i wascare of him, the last two years of his life he had dementia i began to think about spirituality, because even though i was, had thought i was an atheist, it way clebecame cl i was looking for something, too, and needed some sort of spirituality to give me strength to get through what i went through, and what i finally came to realize was that taking care of ben was the most spiritual thing i'd ever done in my life and gave my life meaning, and i think one of the things in this country, well, all over the world. too many people are searching for happiness, which is the wrong way to look at it. they are looking for happiness to find meaning. when, in fact, you need to find meaning to become happy. and that's what i found, and i found that loving ben and taking care of ben was the most meaningful thing i could have done and it has given me, my book is called "finding magic" but it's brought magic into my life. >> is this something that, is this a journey that is part -- because i find --