it's benes, you jackass. my last name is benes! yeah! jerry...jerry... jerry...jerry... jerry. jerry...jerry...jerry-- jerry? jerry! yes. i like what you've done there. may i help you? uh, yes, yes. i'm, um, dr. van nostrand from the clinic. um, i'm going to need elaine benes' uh, chart. she's, um, a patient of mine, and, um... i don't think she's gonna make it. it's, uh, very bad very, um very messy. i see, and what clinic is that again? [gibberish] excuse me? uh, from the hoffermeindorf neuer clinic in, um, belgium. oh, really? the netherlands? where's my chart? did you get it? no. what? what happened? i don't know, but now they got a chart on me. i don't know where they could be. can't find 'em. that's marvelous. the dance continues. well, if i find them i'll call you. great, then maybe we could go out and do something. sure. hello. hi. so the little guy finally asked me out. really? hey, i can't find his photos anywhere. you know what happened? some guy from the post office confiscated them. he left his card. i don't know what newman wanted to see me for. gentlemen...gentle

good day miss benes. it's roger ipswich. oh. hey, how things doin' in accounting? i notice you've been charging quite a bit of merchandise on the peterman account. well, i am the president. yes, and we're all very impressed. nevertheless the expense account is for business purposes only. well isn't the president allowed to do anything that they want? no. i'll be in your office first thing tomorrow. good day. good day. hello? anybody. whoo. hey. hey. why didn't you get the big one? this hat just bottles in the heat. i don't even need a coat. it's unbelievable. i don't believe it. i got a date with the saleswoman. she got a little marisa tomei thing goin' on. ahh. too bad you got a little george costanza thing goin' on. i'm goin' out with her tomorrow. she said she had some errands to run. that's a date? what's the difference? you know the way i work. i'm like a commercial jingle. at first, it's a little irritating. then you hear it a few times, you're hummin' it in the shower. by the third date, it's--♪ by mennen ♪ how do you make sure you're gonna get to the third

you won't regret this, miss benes. what time should i be in? i get up at 4:00.be here as early as 4:25. oh, elaine! this dry air is curing me like a black forest ham. mr. peterman... you're back. who's mr. fancy? i--i was thinking maybe i should spend the night. oh, that's sweet but actually, i... i think i'd prefer it if you left. what? you were completely right. i sleep so much better when i'm alone. and you scream in your sleep. i do? there was a man, he was trying to get into my apartment last night. he was jiggling the doorknob for 25 minutes. [sighs] come on, it was probably the wind. no, no, no. it was a fearless cat burglar. what took you so long? i live in new york. what the hell happened? this thing is a-- is a behemoth. what did you do?! i was making a--a simple lane change. i put on the blinker and--and it took off on me. and next thing you know, i was submerged. i'm telling you, jerry i'm very lucky that those crocs didn't get me. you are such an idiot. well, we gotta get the car cleaned up for my parents. do whatever you want. it's your car. my car

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benes. ok. good day. hi, george. hi. this is fantastic. have you ever had a mackinaw peach? those. well, too bad. it's all done. [gagging] yes! yes, it's back! i can taste again. what's the date? uh, 15th. 15th! yes! last day for the mackinaws. i can still make it. wait. newman, newman. mmm! sorry. last one. but if you want to suck the pit... [laughing] [laughing] [whimpers] look, beauford. it's the mailman! you remember the mailman, don't you? kra--kramer, don't! get him! [ teen ] times are good, aren't they, kids? it's nice having u-verse, isn't it? see back in my day, we didn't have these newfangled wireless receivers. fangled? no, we watched march madness in the living room... that's where the tv outlet was. what is he talking about? and if mom was hosting her book club that day, guess what...you missed it! we couldn't just move the tv all willy-nilly all over the house. ohh! ohh! kids today have it so good. ok. [ male announcer ] call to get u-verse tv starting at $19 a month for 2 years with qualifying bundles. rethink possible. 6<"? [ female announcer ] before allegra

as we speak oklahoma is still suffering the effects of pope bene-drought the 16th? [laughter] i mean, isn't that cute? [cheers and applause] kind of cute. anyway, i think that's cute over to you stephen. thanks, steve! [laughter] nation, no one is a bigger fan of the civil rights movement than yours truly. i even attended 1963's historic march on washington-- and this is true-- while still in my mother's womb. [laughter] i'll never forget martin luther king's stirring words. [heartbeat sounds] [muffled voice] [laughter] that's why i'm personally invested in a challenge to the 1965 voting rights act now before the supreme court. that's right. the law that banned the silencing of african americans is finally coming before our nation's foremost silent african-american. [laughter] of course, before the voting rights act black people were regularly kept from voting with roadblocks like literacy tests, poll taxes, and "you must be this white to vote" signs. [laughter] now that law is being challenged in the supreme court by shelby county, alabama. they argue that the law

beneful healthy weight.ut more play in your day. ♪ ♪ >> bob: was president obama the inspiration for satan? not just here on "the five" but as a character in the history channel new hit series "bible." if you look at the pictures side-by-side, they do look a lot alike. history channel says absolutely not. highest respect for the president. producer mark brunett call it nonsense and say the moroccan actor, and i can't pronounce his name so i won't, cast as satan starred in similar roles, one before president obama was in office. for everyone here says hollywood goes lays down for president obama, i don't care what they say about this. >> greg: this is your one reason. >> bob: that is too striking similarity to think someone didn't do that. it was a purposefully done and horrible. >> greg: so you are saying that support from obama in the media went from 99% to 98%. >> bob: it's moving in the right direction isn't it? >> greg: you put them side-by-side it's obama now and obama in three years. that's the office

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benes can explain why a jerry seinfeld signed for this package at the exact same time the couch was stolen door before, mrs. payton. he didn't know how. he's a comedian, mrs. payton. they don't know how to do anything. they're saying i'm responsible for the couch? there was nothing i could do. he had a federal express slip with your signature. he's diabolical. he thought of everything. he was setting me up from day one. were we victims of a sting? i'm sure he's laughing over this with his doorman buddies. ha ha ha! ha ha ha! so you didn't even want the couch? no. i was just messing with his head. and they think they're better than us! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! anyway, jerry... jerry? we have to replace the couch. buy a new couch? not...necessarily. why not take back the couch you gave me? with the poppie stain? sure. then my father will have no place to sleep. he's got to move out. it's got a pee stain. the cushion's turned over. i guess. you get a couch, i lose my father it couldn't be more perfect. now, it's called the bro. or the manssiere. but i prefer the bro. i like manssiere. well, i have

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allow me to reconstruct this for miss benes as i've heard this story a number of times. newman, kramer if you'll indulge me. according to your story, hernandez passes you and starts walking up the ramp. then you say you were struck on the right temple. the spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple striking newman between the third and the fourth ribs. the spit then came off the rib, made a right turn, hitting newman in the right wrist causing him to drop his baseball cap. the spit then splashed off the wrist pauses in midair mind you... makes a left turn, and lands on newman's left thigh. that is one magic lugey. you may think you're an idiot, but i'm a much bigger idiot than you are. don't insult me. remember who you're talking to. no one's a bigger idiot than me. am i a hipster doofus? no. no. she said i'm not good-looking enough for her. jerry, look at my face. am i beautiful? george, am i beautiful? you're very attractive. is it possible i'm not as attractive as i think i am? we're not gay. not that there's anything wrong with that. no, of course not. if that's w

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beneful healthy weight. find us on facebook to help put more play in your day. 14 clubs.tell us a legal golf bag can hold. and while that leaves a little room for balls and tees, it doesn't leave room for much else. there's no room left for deadlines or conference calls. not a single pocket to hold the stress of the day, or the to-do list of tomorrow. only 14 clubs pick up the right one and drive it right down the middle of pure michigan. your trip begins at michigan.org. >>> there are going to be people who die because of this. and in this body, let it be said today, that we don't want to see anyone die or anyone hurt or anyone denied and that's exactly what this bill is going to do. which is why we have to repeal it. >> that was tea party darling michele bachmann speaking on the house floor earlier this hour. this week she received four pinocchios from the "washington post" fact checker after claim that 70% of food stamps end up in the hands of d.c. bureaucrats. in fact, only 6% of the program is spend on administrative costs. rick, i actually as comedic as michele bach

beneful healthy weight. find us on facebook to help put more play in your day.roughout our lives. one a day women's 50+ is a complete multivitamin designed for women's health concerns as we age. it has 7 antioxidants to support cell health. one a day 50+. >>> as much attention is focused on the nra's opposition to gun law reforms in this country wayne lapier rrrers and fellow lobbyists are pushing for more guns globally. a united nations treaty that aims to reduce international arms trafficking. the treaty would require countries to determine whether weapons they sell would be used to commit serious human rights violations, terrorism, or transnational organized crime. and those kinds of limits would be bad for business, of course. joining us now for more on this, from washington, former house judiciary counsel, democratic strategist, julian epstein, and msnbc political analyst, jonathan alter, a columnist for "bloomberg view." julian, with thousands of lives at stake all around the world, 150 countries are coming together to try and prevent arms trafficking, but

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oh, rick, this is an old, old friend of mine, elaine benes. rick is a periodontist. he does giuliani's gums. heh heh. well, this is my boyfriend dr. ben gelfand. oh, well i'm an intern. hey, stop kidding, ben. he's a doctor. he's a ve-ry good doctor. carlito's just passed out! can anyone help? well, there's a doctor right here! no! there's not. can't you at least tell them what to do? like what? shouldn't he elevate his legs? right. elevate your legs! i hope carlito feels better. ben really wishes he could have helped. i thought he was a doctor. i--i call him doctor. george. of course... absolute zero! what? what is with all these books? i stopped having sex. all right, i'll see you, phil. all right, i've got room for 2 but the only thing i have is in the nonfiltered section. hey, hey how ya doin'? what do you got, a smokers' lounge in there? oh, yeah. people really seem to be enjoying themselves. you know they come in once, it's like they're addicted. jerry, oh, there you are. you didn't answer your phone. i was out. oh. jerry, great news. i got you... an assembly.

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secretary: please hold for elaine benes. oh, i don't believe this. jerry! jerry: hey. hey. just finished laying out her first issue of the j. peterman catalog. how's it look? [muffled] it's a peach. what's that? i say it's a peach. oh. elaine, let me ask you something. when i told you my breakup was mutual, did you believe me? no, no, no. it's weak. no one's gonna buy it, and you shouldn't be selling it. i gotta do some research here. hey, hey. me. talking. you know, jerry, between you and me i always thought kramer was a bit of a doofus, but he believed in me. you did not. so, as i see it, he's not the doofus. you are the doofus. oh, i'm the doofus? yes. you, jerry, are the doofus. you know it occurs to me that kramer is at karate right now. well, maybe i'll just go down there and thank him in person. yeah, that's what i was thinking. hyah! uhh! [yelling nonsense asian language] kramer. what are you doing? oh, well i'm dominating. you never said you were fighting children. well, it's not the size of the opponent, elaine. it's, uh, the ferocity. this is what you used to bui

and that... had made you smile. [ announcer ] beneful. play.od for you. >>> two of the biggest stories in washington right now include the president's push on gun control and dealing with immigration. i'm joined now by lynn sweet, the washington bureau chief for "the chicago sun-times." lynn, good morning. thanks for being here. >> thank you, good morning to you. >> now, gun control is front and center again, with the president saying, quote, shame on us if we've forgotten the victims of newtown. will something get done, or is momentum waning here? >> well, i think momentum is waning. you know, the senate democrats have tasked out a judiciary committee to measure some measures. there's not support for all of the four key measures and that's why the white house had these mothers who are mothers of gun victims there yesterday, to try and keep the pressure on. unfortunately, i've seen this before, after other horrible shooting incidents, there's a lot of momentum to do something and then in the end, congress doesn't act. right now, the only measur

and that... had made you smile. [ announcer ] beneful. play. it's good for you. >>> welcome back.ome stories making news this morning. pope benedi president obama discussed his hopes for immigration reform during an interview with spanish language network telemundo, saying he's optimistic of having a bill signed into law this summer. >> i think we've seen enormous progress over the last month and a half. i think both sides, democrats and republicans, had been very serious about the negotiations. i'm actually very optimistic that when they return in early april that we'll see a bill ready to move through the process. >> but the president cautioned that a divide between business and labor on wages for new low-scale workers could kill that legislation. >>> an nbc news exclusive. kate edwards is speaking out for the first time since her father's acquittal on campaign fraud and the affair that ended his political career. in an interview set to air tomorrow on the "today" show and "rock center with brian williams," kate says she was devastated and disappointed with her father. >>> u.s.

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and that... had made you smile. [ announcer ] beneful. play.ou. >>> at the very moment president reagan was being wheeled into the operating room, his top cabinet officials convened a crisis meeting in the situation room in the basement of the white house. >> right there. >> look at that little tape recorder there. >> national security adviser richard allen put a cassette recorder on the table. >> i'm sitting here, and the tape recorder's there in front of me. >> as the tape rolled, cabinet officials worried whether the soviet union could have been behind the shooting. >> we never knew if it was just one person at the time. we did not know. >> white house council fred fielding. >> the cold war was still pretty cold. >> in poland a shipyard uprising had the soviets on edge. >> there were a larger number than usual, double as a matter of fact, of soviet submarines off our coasts. >> on the tape, secretary of state alexander haig asked allen -- >> do we have a football here, do we? >> right here. >> i had a full copy of the football, which was the

and that... had made you smile. [ announcer ] beneful. play. you. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> john: number myth number 4, we're safer because of lawsuits against reckless companies and dangerous products. that is logical but what if you want to buy one of these plastic gas cans. >> largest manufacturer has closed up shop. >> john: that was in oklahoma. >> nothing has made me prouder to see the way this the team finished this job. >> john: after 50 years, 15 people lost their jobs. >> these people were my family. >> my plan is to go home and lay down and cry. >> john: companies disappear all the time. markets change. new products emerge but this company made something that is high demand. what happened? this happened. some people use the gas cans positive to pour gasoline on fire. some were burned and some were killed. it's terrible but is it the gas can's fault? >> oh, my god. >> people with the cans. >> the lawyers have designed systems that are good for lawyers and bad for our community. >> john: the lawyers. >> if you or a loved one.... >> john: if you get hur

and that... had made you smile. [ announcer ] beneful. play.president obama wants republicans to meet in the middle. how can they when they're on the far right? it's friday, march 29th, and this is "now." >>> i'm joy re,

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