bill schulz, he thinks he is on mob wives right now. and next to me, bill hammer, weekdays at 9:00 a.m. on this fox channel. and he cries for his mommy. good to see you pinch. >> congratulations to the new york metropolitan for their opening game shutout against the braves of atlanta. as a result our sports section has picked them to win the national league pennant. just kidding, andy. we don't have a sports section. >> i thought you would do an old timey guy. >> i am shocked you are speaking with me. >> let's end the charade right now. god bless texas. god bless the child. just don't god bless the usa. at least when you are passing through the people's republic of massachusetts. patriotic singer lee greenwood would be rolling over in his grave, but he is very much alive, and pissed off they planned to change it is leer ricks to his song "god bless the usa" to relove the -- we love the us. local parents flipped out too. >> god is a big part of society and we are taking him out and you can see it in more drugs and kids in trouble. it refl

there is no way to define annoying besides bill schulz. >> speaking of bills i would like to fix. often lead disgusting comments about yourself. all truthsful. >> i am a cuter, but i don't like blood, so that's the best way to do it. the internet was built to offend , annoy and intimidate. look at the people who made it. they are all annoying looking. as far as arizona is concerned on one hand you are jan brewer talking about big government, and then on the other hand she passes a bill like this. it doesn't make sense. you can read more, but if you read it in arizona i might go to jail. >> you know what i love about this, i did some reading of my own. it is something i like to do or to have somebody do for me. the bill has its roots in the old telephone stocking law which was in a time when you would crank call people. you would have obscene phone calls. and it was an odd time in the 70s to get like panting phone calls. i could get that -- are you sure they were for your sisters? >> i was doing them. but how can that be the same as harassing somebody on-line? it is completely diff

and he is the only person in town not allowed to use the bathroom at barnes and nobel, bill schulz and he is so sharp he gives paper john stocil cuts instead of the other way around. he is the host of "john stocil." his latest book is called "no they can't" and it is his thoughts on women voting. no, i kid. it is about how government screws up everything. you have to read the book. it is good. we will talk about it later. and the front page never fails to enrage. good to see you, pinch. >> a "times" reporter says a century after the sinking of the titanic they find ocean tides and ocean mirages may explain the disaster long associated with human inep paw tude. ♪ once more ♪ you open the door ♪ something, something ♪ something, something easily the best movie since the world first laid their ears on the electric boogaloo sound track. greg? >> thanks. a, john stocil will never come on this show for another two years, and two, these things are getting longer longer. >> should i sing more? >> no. >> we did a long shot there and people saw more than they needed to. >> if you love castro you

my sidekick, bill schulz, currently auditioning for "21 jump street 2". and she is so brilliant diamonds wear anyone knee versions of her on their finger. and sitting next to me, ann coulter, columnist and author. her latest book is called "demonic" or my lost weekend with the hells angels. interesting story. and he sheds a tear because his end is near. it is our new york times correspondent. good to see you, pinch. >> according to the sign section, fossils of a dinasaur found in china show it was the largest known feathered animal living or extinct. the species was named -- which means feathered tyrant. and here i thought that's what rush limbaugh called big bird. >> nicely done. >>> should obama bashing be allowed if you are the few and the proud? well, lawyers are seeking to block a hearing set for this thursday. we will decide whether to discharge the 26-year-old vet after he posted a negative brief about his boss on facebook. according to the filing, he claims his views are protected under the first amendment. however, the military has had a policy s

off his high school girls failed hockey team for being too good. 1k3* what happens when we send bill schulzterview some incredibly tall women? hopeful leahy is squashed like a bug. >> andy? >> yes. >> didn't you use the same tease last night? >> you mean the one bill getting squashed like a bug? >> yes. >> i prefer to. and it gives me another chance to talk about bill getting squashed like a bug. >> go away. let's welcome our guests. she is so hot al gore blames her for all of the dead polar bears. good for her because polar bears suck. her latest book is called "demonic, the untold story of the osmond family." and he knows the price for flight like i know finding mr. right and it is jack blaze. the vocal list for night ranger. his new solo album you must buy "rock and roll ride" is out now. and he puts the super neither super fun, bill schulz. and jim norton was busy so sitting next to me is sherrod small. >> come on, greg. that was hurtful. >> it was meant to be after what you did to me. >> his bias is ruthless and his stories are truthless. good to see you, pinch. >> greg bishop talks to

back to you, andy. >> thanks to lori, bill schulz, kevin and chr

back to you, andy. >> thanks to lori, bill schulz, kevin and chris, sandy duncun, the san diego zoo's joan embry and morris day and the time. i'm andy levy. i'll see you next time. plap mr. bill. >> bill: "the o'reilly factor" is on. tonight. >> i also agree with our first

it is my sidekick, bill schulz. and he loves to make people laugh right before he chops their arms off because he is a homicidal maniac. and his fact checking is sloppy in all of his copy. good to see you, pinch. >> we visit france where this year's crops of peas, sweet, tender and verse till, mark a new season. it is french for give peas a chance. i guess role play doesn't work well when it is in another language. sad face. >> i don't think anything you do -- >> there is a cup in front of me. >> he who has hands, move it. >> all right. does being cool help you rule? well, president obama is hip as hell. >> if keeping the interest rate is low is not a way to help our students, they say we should do everything to pay down debt. so long as it doesn't include tax and billionaires. students have to make this rate increase work. frankly i don't buy it. >> that was the president slow jamming the news on fallen, the most recent example of our commander-in-chief's coolness. remember when he sang that al green song? remember

it is my psychic, bill schulz. and sitting next to me is the co-host of the opie and anthony show. and the nation cries while he unloads his lies. it is our new york times correspondent, good to see you, pinch. >> rut editor of "maxim." i offer you the op-ed options of the fiery marie dowd. i think you will find that advanced age notwithstanding these gals have great grammar and gams. ps, i refer to them as fiery because she is a red head, don't you know. >> should the government pay for your town ballet? according to alec baldwin it is not nay. the "30 rock star" whatever that is, and ben folds visits the nation's capital, which i believe is milwaukee on monday to press for more government funding for the arts after it was cut last year. the actor said his own industry which is tv and film is often like the, quote, potato chip business. it is junk food. if you want something more sophisticated like music, theater or excellent films like "the marying man" you will have to pay for it yourself. they received $1 per back hair alec has epiladed. i would want a budget of a billion dolla

it is my repulsive sidekick, bill schulz. and if hilarity was a pogo sick i would bounce up and down on him until i got tired. and his dying wish is to get wrapped around fish. good to see you, pinch. >> a nice, tuna would be nice. the paper would like to take this moment to apologize in the break down of our editorial opposites. it resulted in the following misleading sunday headline. check out your delta sky miles on-line, or. >>> jeer yen -- or nigerians donate together new york times and how to get 10 free viagra pills. those m and m looking things were so not viagra. and pinch out. >> there you go. should we look to the border to get our system in order? well, on monday, a day of the week, the mexican president of the united states should copy their flare for health care. and if the supreme court happens to nix obama's overhaul felipe calderon, if that is his real name, suggests we follow his example with a press conference with the leaders of the united states, mexico and something called canada. obama said he is confid

it is my sidekick, bill schulz. and he knows singles like i know shingles. he is in a new movie "flika" i think it is about a mouse. sitting by me for the first time, mr. clint black. and he is a cranky old coot you would love to shoot. good to see you, pinch. >> if he hasn't gotten to his point he surely will soony, that's why you need to read. the belch indicates you used to write about food. >> put a lot of work into that? >> yes, i did. i rhymed via song. >> belching paper. it gets better. it is like an anti-bullying campaign. go away. does the country lose if prez won't booze? the new york times thinks so of the shocking -- shockingly it is not favorable. they site the sobriety or moderation of jimmy carter. william taft and herbert hoover and george w bush by saying sobriety provides raw git tee of thought. the best presidents were open minded and open to a drink. the nondrinkers were terrible presidents. he points out that jefferson adams who wasn't even a president were devoted drinkers all. i can't think of anyone who was more shocked by this conclu

and the forgotten kardashian, my resols sigh sidekick, bill schulz. and if he were a merry go round i would sit on him and spin. the editor-in-chief of the wildly successful daily caller. six million uniques an hour, right? >> yes. >> and the pinko troll that is circling the bowl. our new york tiles correspondent. good to see you, pinch. >> on month 20 of our oppressive titanic centennial coverage. the style section profiles the first, second and third class fashions showcased on the ship of dreams. not a drab, all are fab. and if you want to talk about leo's hair i am ready to gab. >> excellent. >> it was excellent. >> no i was just saying to get moving. i was not referring to you. >> brilliant. >>> so, blah, blah, blah, hillary rosen, blah, blah, blah, anne romney, blah, blah, blah, outrage. >> have you mitt romney running around the country saying, well, my wife tell me what women care about are economic issues. when i listen to my wife, that's what i am hearing. guess what. his wife has never worked a day in her life. >> to the left that was paul

and his new fragrance, putrid, hits stores next week, it is bill schulz. and people all over the country hang on his every word and the meat hooks he keeps in his underground torture pit. it is comedian tom shaw lieu. and he is the little old lib who likes to tell fibs. good to see you, pinch. >> on week 20. reporting of the 100th anniversary of the ship of dreams disaster, james ban reports on titanicking, fans who visit new york cemeteries where the victims are buried. yes, it is an actual thing. you can be blase about some things, rose, but not the titanic. cue the model t up on to the boat where jack and rose will eventually make love. they steam up the windows, don't you know. hand across it. beautiful. >> is the number of reds very widespread? that is the claim of allen west who believes 80 of his colleagues are members of the communist party. west was speaking at a town hall event, an actual state when he was asked what percentage of the legislature he thinks rquote, card-carrying maxist or international socialists. the colonel -- did i say the colo

and bill schulz who thinks he is on the set of "good times." sitting next to me is thadeus mcthe coulder. and he is written by hacks who fabricate facts. what's up, pinch? >> we visit east london. 1k3* what is that foggy old barrel for this chap. i fill my tunnel tunnel with a -- tum-tum and saunter off to pick uh dilly and a bit of bird watching. and by birds i mean prostitutes. and by watching i mean -- andy 1234*. >> are you done? >> yes. >> they never caught him, you know. >> yes. >> they invoked uh bod do bad for a campaign-ad. obama's re-election team has a new video of bill clinton giving the president props for killing osama bin laden. but it suggests mitt romney would not have been so bold. watch, if you dare. >> he took the harder and more honorable path, and the one that produced, in my opinion, the best result. >> it is not worth moving heaven and earth, spending billions of dollars trying to catch one person. he was referring to the hunt for osama bin laden. >> well, romney's camp has fired back saying, quote, it is now sad to see

it is my repulsive sidekicks, bill schulz. 1k3 he is smarter than an 8 ball , and it sounds painful. sitting next to me, the former u.s. am ambassador to the u.n and contributor. and he skews the scats for the democrats. how are you, pinch? >> happy birthday, william shakespear. he went on to produce things that have yet to be duplicated anywhere except in our thursday style section. here is a favorite line of mine. "they say i am crazy because i'm about to go dumb again. they ain't see me because i pull up. throw your diamonds we're in the -- and that might have been kanye. no, it may have been shakespear. >> it never gets better. >>> does it pay to get your ba? according to the government data, no way. one in two tbrads are jobless or unemployed with many scraping by as waiters or waitresses or personal assistants to greg gutfeld. my problem areas won't shave themselves, people. the ap says it is the worst in 12 years thanks to technological advances that are killing jobs like bank tellers. those with degrees are hurt the most. many are facing a double whammy, a term i just coined

it is my sidekick, bill schulz. and he blows audiences away with his genius act and a shotgun. sitting next to me, tom shalou. and he is a stupid pile of pages that will fill your day with rages. good to see you, pinch. >> he says madonna's new album is a bipolar collection of songs . it matters less than the pinosh of her delivery. replies the material girl, hello? hello? he is such a fine upstanding young man. next time i see him, i intend to give him a new hula hoop along with several pieces of penny candy. okay, well, time to watch my story. bye. unfortunately she forgot to hang up. what followed was an hour of her talking back to the characters on "days of hour lives." greg? >> thank you. >> you're welcome. >>> what is the law's fate minus the mandate. that is the question the supreme court, who ever they are dealt with on wednesday with the justices hearing arguments whether the affordable care act should go bye-bye if they ruled the mandate portion doesn't fly, fly. the mandate that forces you to face the penalty is the troubling part of the law, and the court was leanin

he is my sidekick, bill schulz. and he can pull more legs than a leg pulling machine. it is the great comedian jim norton. he is easy to bash because his sales are trash. good to see you, pinch. >> today dining our restaurant critic reviews allison 18 which is the answer to the only two questions charlie sheen ever asks. that, -- na, na, na, pinch! >>> will the election depend on man's best friend? and is it worse to eat than not offer a seat? romney has been roughed up for strapping shamus, his dog torkts roof years ago. but now obama is in the cross hairs for dining on dog. on tuesday "the daily caller" pointed out in his memwior he talks about growing up in indonesia with his dad. quote, with lolo, i learned how to eat small green chile peppers raw. and away from the table i was introduced to dog meat, tough, snake meat, tougher, and roasted grasp -- grasshopper, crunchy. so obama ate a dog. but to be fair the dog never worked a day in his life. romney said his dog made a vacation trip in a carrier on a car roof. axel rod put this photo on saying how loving owners t

it is my repulsive sidekick, bill schulz. and if fearless reporting were a dusty welcome mat, i would bang him on the front porch while my neighbors watch. sitting next to me the senior correspondent, rick eleven -- rick leveth thal. good to see you, pinch. >> this civic holiday occurs on the third monday of every april and is celebrated via the boston marathon. most importantly two actors retrace the midnight ride of some whistle-blower whose name was lost to history. either way, william dunn is one of the great americans in the history of history. and i suspect any and all share the patriotic genes. isn't that right? you bet your black and white butt it is, new york times. cool. >> that was a long journey for a little payoff. no, there was no payoff. did the world's oldest profession affect our discretion? they were sent to protect and they found time to get wrecked. they had 11 secret service agents who were sent home from columbia after an alleged night of booze and flooz. the agent who was placed on administrative leave

it is my sidekick, bill shuldz schulz. and if he was a tea cup at disneyland, i would ride him until i throw up. and his profits sink because ties op ed stinks. good to see you, pinch. >> he is pushing to sharply restrict the amsterdam coffee shops and prohibit the sale of the drugs to nonresidents. you are doing something here, man. the outlook is uncool. they lead the reaper madness, by gum. >> interesting point. while i was doing the interest duckses, a woman walked into our studio with what three young children. if you noticed when they you can walked out when i did your inter disux. your introduction. >> you shouldn't bring kids in while we are taping "red eye." >> you should not do the introductions before they can see the nice puppet. who is bringing -- how old were those kids? >> very young. they just all scooted out. >> well they should have. >> nobody is watching the door here. nobody is watching the door. pat still ruled the universe if she had a wallet instead of a purse. they will most likely allow jenna to co

schulz, thanks bill, that does it for me, i am tv's andy levy. >> bill: "the o'reilly factor" is on. tonight. >> the republic party is gay bashing, muslim bashing, latino bashing. >> bill: wild guy howard dean has made an oracle out of me. his attacks on republicans are over the top and we pricketted it would happen. >> young people are just not going to vote for romney. >> unelected group of people would somehow overturn a duly constituted and passed law. i'm pretty confident that this court will recognize that and not take that step. >> bill: president obama's criticisms of the supreme court have teed off a bunch of federal judges and the justice department was ordered to explain. megyn kelly will tell us what happened today. >> there will be justice for trayvon martin. >> bill: and an african american scholar says al sharpton is full of bologna that black teenagers are not afraid of whites they are afraid of other black teenagers. we have a controversial discussion. caution, you are about to enter the no spin zone, the factor begins right now. captions by closed captioning service