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Jun 27, 2016
06/16
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[ bleep ] i'm not [ bleep ].his poor half [ bleep ] job. >> next -- >> you know the guy that flashes little kids at pools, that's a piece of [ bleep ] >> timothy schreiber is on the move and still pressing buttons. >> this one offender, he is the ultimate test down while you can maintain your professionalism. >> you're not going to manipulate the system here at limon. >>> i'm plan sis rivera. the death toll from the flooding in west virginia stands at 25 and things may be worse. heavy rains are forecast for hard-hit areas. a flash flood watch for counties monday. >>> all eyes on wall street monday morning to see if a friday free fall that followed brita britain's decembision. more than $12 million of wealth was lost on friday. now back to "lockup." >>> due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. >> that's crazy? what's that noise? >> i hear it, too. >> when "lockup" producers first interviewed inmate michael gill, they were interrupted as other inmates flooded the administrative segregation unit b
[ bleep ] i'm not [ bleep ].his poor half [ bleep ] job. >> next -- >> you know the guy that flashes little kids at pools, that's a piece of [ bleep ] >> timothy schreiber is on the move and still pressing buttons. >> this one offender, he is the ultimate test down while you can maintain your professionalism. >> you're not going to manipulate the system here at limon. >>> i'm plan sis rivera. the death toll from the flooding in west virginia stands at 25...
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Jun 24, 2016
06/16
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i'll [ bleep ] that horse. the problem is even if i [ bleep ] it, they'll say i fell off the horse and it was terrible. >> jimmy: >> jimy: tonight on the show music from christina aguilera. dj khaled is here. and we'll be right back with kevin nealon. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by "odd mom out." watch new episodes every monday and catch up on-demand now only by bravo.
i'll [ bleep ] that horse. the problem is even if i [ bleep ] it, they'll say i fell off the horse and it was terrible. >> jimmy: >> jimy: tonight on the show music from christina aguilera. dj khaled is here. and we'll be right back with kevin nealon. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by "odd mom out." watch new episodes every monday and catch up on-demand now only by bravo.
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Jun 11, 2016
06/16
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he's a [ bleep ] failure to my program. you kick me out of the [ bleep ] [ bleep ] program. but them other guys -- >> you think i can keep you in the program when you almost killed a guy? >> how is he almost dead? he ain't dead. [ bleep ] up there, they was up there fighting, they didn't get cast away. >> that's the most brutal assault i've seen there in two years. >> so are you saying i did that? >> you and i know that you did it. >> nah, man, you ain't going to put words in my mouth -- >> whatever they do with it, that's up to them. you're not going back on that unit. >> i'm not trying to get back on that unit. my objective is reached. >> that's the thing that really pisses me off and you really [ bleep ] on that. >> what's that? >> because i think you had that planned all along -- >> [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. that's all i had planned? how would that benefit me? listen, my reputation precedes me. i'm going to bring [ bleep ] with me. you know why? because i'm going to bring [ bleep ], [ bleep ] today and give it to him and start fresh the gift of life. i didn't do that. i didn
he's a [ bleep ] failure to my program. you kick me out of the [ bleep ] [ bleep ] program. but them other guys -- >> you think i can keep you in the program when you almost killed a guy? >> how is he almost dead? he ain't dead. [ bleep ] up there, they was up there fighting, they didn't get cast away. >> that's the most brutal assault i've seen there in two years. >> so are you saying i did that? >> you and i know that you did it. >> nah, man, you ain't...
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Jun 30, 2016
06/16
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>> my bleep. stephen: i've never seen ( bleep ) but i've read some great reviews. ( applause ) sam, sam, what do you think people will say at your funeral? >> i assume they'll be saying "wow, i've never seen yankee stadium so packed." ( laughter ) stephen? why are we here? what is our purpose? >> stephen: well, i guess it's hard to say. but i'd like to believe that we're here to love one another and, above all, to promote "the legend of tarzan" opening this friday. samuel l. jackson, everybody! we'll be right back with julie. klausner! ( cheers and applause ) bud light party here to discuss equal pay. women don't get paid as much as men and that is wrong. and we have to pay more for the same stuff. what? yeah. cars... what? dry cleaning... what? shampoo. what? you pay more but get paid less? that is double wrong. i'm calling everyone i know and i'm telling them about this. this has got to stop! bud light proudly supports equal pay, that's why bud light costs the same no matter if you're a dude or
>> my bleep. stephen: i've never seen ( bleep ) but i've read some great reviews. ( applause ) sam, sam, what do you think people will say at your funeral? >> i assume they'll be saying "wow, i've never seen yankee stadium so packed." ( laughter ) stephen? why are we here? what is our purpose? >> stephen: well, i guess it's hard to say. but i'd like to believe that we're here to love one another and, above all, to promote "the legend of tarzan" opening this...
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Jun 27, 2016
06/16
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your unit. [ bleep ] you. i ran professionally. [ bleep ] [ bleep ] you. i've always thought that you're not going to go home anyway, so why tolerate this [ bleep ]? what you need to do, man, is just start raging, just start punishing people, you know, it doesn't matter why, just punish them. but that's not the answer. one thing about being incarcerated is it all comes down to a loss. you know, a loss of freedom. loss of people. loss of family, friends. it's one great big loss. but you begin to realize that i don't want to give the system my mentality. i don't want to give the system my sanity. i don't want to give them my integrity. i don't want to give them my loyalty. they're fighting for it. every day, it's a fight in here. every day, you're fighting for something. what i decided to do, i sought mental health. mental health didn't come to me. i went to them. i told them that i would like some help. >> he's been in the idu, our segregation unit, disciplinary segregation unit, i think for 5 1/2 months now. and he's been conduct clear throughout that time
your unit. [ bleep ] you. i ran professionally. [ bleep ] [ bleep ] you. i've always thought that you're not going to go home anyway, so why tolerate this [ bleep ]? what you need to do, man, is just start raging, just start punishing people, you know, it doesn't matter why, just punish them. but that's not the answer. one thing about being incarcerated is it all comes down to a loss. you know, a loss of freedom. loss of people. loss of family, friends. it's one great big loss. but you begin to...
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Jun 15, 2016
06/16
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). >> larry: whoa, whoa, whoa guys. ( bleep ), ( bleep ). do it! i'm not doing anything. i appreciate you protecting this organization, but your tone doesn't seem very girl scout to me. >> oh, oh, is this girl scout enough for you? this is my badge for needlework. >> larry: oh that's nice. that's kind of cute. >> yeah, i stuck a giant sewing needle into the eye of a deadbeat who wouldn't pay for their peanut butter patties. chiebl chiewbl( cheers and applause ) >> pay your cookie debt, mrs. paulsen, while you still have one good eye! >> larry: oh my god! this is kind of messed up you guys. it's not very scout-like, is all i'm saying. all this over cookies? >> it's not the cookies, larry. >> the cookies are the symptom of a much bigger problem in america. >> larry: obesity? >> smart-mouthed (bleep)! ( cheers and applause ) larry, do not make me earn my creative play badge right now, don't do it. because that's a lot more violent than it sounds. >> larry: i believe that! >> i got this, i got this. larry, you like thin mints? >> larry: they're
). >> larry: whoa, whoa, whoa guys. ( bleep ), ( bleep ). do it! i'm not doing anything. i appreciate you protecting this organization, but your tone doesn't seem very girl scout to me. >> oh, oh, is this girl scout enough for you? this is my badge for needlework. >> larry: oh that's nice. that's kind of cute. >> yeah, i stuck a giant sewing needle into the eye of a deadbeat who wouldn't pay for their peanut butter patties. chiebl chiewbl( cheers and applause ) >>...
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Jun 12, 2016
06/16
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i called you a [ bleep ]. you're a [ bleep ] nasty [ bleep ]. >> okay. the racial tension around here is a bit crazy, anyway. if they would have put me in a situation where i would have probably been arrested if i didn't have evidence of what happened. i'm glad i had the evidence. so if anything else was said, hey, guess what, i have it on tape. this is how it went down. >> the woman's rage displayed in front of her children, gets ratcheted up even further. >> get the video off my kids! now! or i will [ bleep ] break it. i'm going to whip my coffee at him. >> go ahead. [ bleep ] [ bleep ] nasty [ bleep ]. >> when the woman goes in the store. benning decides to get on with his day. >> i said you know what, let me just go to work, be done with it. you can't get angry enough to use that word. no one should use it in that connotation, it's wrong. because it has crazy history behind it. >> at work benning shows the video to his colleagues. >> i was going to show my co-workers, and that's it. one of my co-workers is like, you should post that. that's absolutel
i called you a [ bleep ]. you're a [ bleep ] nasty [ bleep ]. >> okay. the racial tension around here is a bit crazy, anyway. if they would have put me in a situation where i would have probably been arrested if i didn't have evidence of what happened. i'm glad i had the evidence. so if anything else was said, hey, guess what, i have it on tape. this is how it went down. >> the woman's rage displayed in front of her children, gets ratcheted up even further. >> get the video...
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don't waste my time, (bleep)! don't waste time, (bleep) >> larry: mike, you have him saying a lot of extra stuff they don't think is important. i don't know if these are the proper lessons. >> tst me, larry. i'm saving his life. pop quiz: the stereotype is that black men have bigger dicks. true or false? >> stereotypes is bad, so... false? >> (bleep), i will beat you to within an inch of your life! >> larry: mike, mike, calm down! >> true? true? >> do your research, son! that (bleep) is science. >> larry: it's okay, it's okay. >> larry: next question the "n" word. >> larry: let's not go there. mike yard and one of his students, everybody. students, everybody. don't go there, mike. t-mobile does data, differently. while the other guys gouge you for every bit of data you use, now, t-mobile lets you stream all the video and music that you want from your favorite services. free! without using one bit of your lte data. plus, you can roll your unused data forward. nobody does data like t-mobile. switch today and get thr
don't waste my time, (bleep)! don't waste time, (bleep) >> larry: mike, you have him saying a lot of extra stuff they don't think is important. i don't know if these are the proper lessons. >> tst me, larry. i'm saving his life. pop quiz: the stereotype is that black men have bigger dicks. true or false? >> stereotypes is bad, so... false? >> (bleep), i will beat you to within an inch of your life! >> larry: mike, mike, calm down! >> true? true? >> do...
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you already got ( bleep ).ther you don't know. especially you don't know. >> no eye contact, yes. >> larry: that's a really good point, mike. a lot of people don't know that point. >> so how do i get directions? >> cross the street and use google maps. don't waste my time, (bleep)! >> don't waste time, (bleep) >> larry: mike, you have him saying a lot of extra stuff they don't think is important. i don't know if these are the proper lessons. >> trust me, larry. i'm saving his life. pop quiz: the stereotype is that black men have bigger dicks. true or false? >> stereotypes is bad, so... false? >> (bleep), i will beat you to within an inch of your life! >> larry: mike, mike, calm down! >> true? true? >> do your research, son! that (bleep) is science. >> larry: it's okay, it's okay. >> larry: next question the "n" word. >> larry: let's not go there. mike yard and one of his students, everybody. don't go there, mike. if right twix® is going to be over there cascading caramel on cookie all night, we'll be over here
you already got ( bleep ).ther you don't know. especially you don't know. >> no eye contact, yes. >> larry: that's a really good point, mike. a lot of people don't know that point. >> so how do i get directions? >> cross the street and use google maps. don't waste my time, (bleep)! >> don't waste time, (bleep) >> larry: mike, you have him saying a lot of extra stuff they don't think is important. i don't know if these are the proper lessons. >> trust...
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Jun 19, 2016
06/16
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i stripped [ bleep ] from this [ bleep ] cell man.what you guys want to do, let's do it. [ bleep ] i'm done playing with you guys. >> got a little hurt there with his hands. throwing a tantrum. hitting the strip cage, but he'll be all right. >>> next, blanco gets out of medical only to hold his cell hostage again. >> go get suited up, we're down to 14 now. >> and davon gets the verdict on his dirty drug test. >> the best-case scenario is they drop it. the worst-case scenario is they find me guilty and send me to the hole. why do so many businesses rely on the us postal service? because when they ship with us, their business becomes our business. that's why we make more e-commer deliveries to homes than anyone else in the country. here, there, everywhere. united states postal service priority: you fight heartburn fast. with tums chewy delights. the mouthwatering soft chew that goes to work in seconds to conquer heartburn fast. tum tum tum tum. chewy delights. only from tums. everythyou were once...at now, pretty bad at. it's the same f
i stripped [ bleep ] from this [ bleep ] cell man.what you guys want to do, let's do it. [ bleep ] i'm done playing with you guys. >> got a little hurt there with his hands. throwing a tantrum. hitting the strip cage, but he'll be all right. >>> next, blanco gets out of medical only to hold his cell hostage again. >> go get suited up, we're down to 14 now. >> and davon gets the verdict on his dirty drug test. >> the best-case scenario is they drop it. the...
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Jun 19, 2016
06/16
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hey -- >> you show your [ bleep ]?eally in here for prostitution. >> this is a very harsh environment for them because the other inmates will egg them on. they're very easily persuaded. >> you're special, brian. >> i like to say on camera -- pants down and show all the inmates' butts. >> when i get out to the yard and i see these people out there, i'm going to smash them. that's what it all amounts to. >>> up next -- >> you don't feel like you're going to hurt anybody else? >> no. >> okay. >> the inmates in iowa's cell house 220 greet a new young arrival with taunts and threats. >> i'm scared to death where i'm at because i don't know what's going to happen. >> but this new inmate might be more dangerous than he looks. an. and the power to automatically find your car... i see you car! and i got the power to know who's coming and when if i break down. ...you must be gerry. hey... in means getting more from your car insurance with the all-powerful drivewise app. it's good to be in, good hands. >>> cell house 220 at iowa
hey -- >> you show your [ bleep ]?eally in here for prostitution. >> this is a very harsh environment for them because the other inmates will egg them on. they're very easily persuaded. >> you're special, brian. >> i like to say on camera -- pants down and show all the inmates' butts. >> when i get out to the yard and i see these people out there, i'm going to smash them. that's what it all amounts to. >>> up next -- >> you don't feel like you're...
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Jun 26, 2016
06/16
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busted. >> [ bleep ] [ bleep ] snitch!on claims the aryan brotherhood has extorted his family for more than $400. he's finally received the money order receipts he's been requesting from compton's mother. they should serve as evidence of extortion or protection money to keep compton from being assaulted again. but he thinks they mean something else. >> we got receipts for your mom. >> okay. >> ain't no $400. comes out to about like $210. >> it says to me debt, it doesn't say extorsion. it don't say extortion. it says debt. that's what that says to me, because it's small amounts. extortion -- i've seen extortion here. they're hundreds of dollars. >> she's got hundreds of dollars in receipts. >> inmates often find themselves in trouble when they accrue debt in prison, and that's what he thinks happened to compton. the money orders weren't for protection but for debt repayment. >> i'm going to give you one shot right now to tell me the truth. >> i am telling you the truth. >> look at me. >> dude, how is that debt? >> i've see
busted. >> [ bleep ] [ bleep ] snitch!on claims the aryan brotherhood has extorted his family for more than $400. he's finally received the money order receipts he's been requesting from compton's mother. they should serve as evidence of extortion or protection money to keep compton from being assaulted again. but he thinks they mean something else. >> we got receipts for your mom. >> okay. >> ain't no $400. comes out to about like $210. >> it says to me debt, it...
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Jun 19, 2016
06/16
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>> pleased to meet you. [ bleep ] [ bleep ] >> what are you looking at? >> look at this. >> [ bleep ]. >> look at that. >> right there. >> no, i don't know any of them but i will know them. >> you will know them, huh? >> i don't want to know is that a girl? >> do you have a broken leg? you will get aspirin. if you have a flu, you will get aspirin. turn back and face forward. >> the students aren't on the yard very long when they learn how unpredictable life here can be. [ alm ] >> alarms signaling a major disturbance are common at corcoran. inmates who don't hit the ground risk getting taken down by staff. >> see that? there ain't nothing to it. >> you had everybody hitting the ground. you had the correctional officers telling them what to do. everyone was yelling and screaming. and it was intense. >> when the yard observation officer tells you you can get up, until then you don't move. >> get up. get up. >> back in order. back in order that you were at. >> there were a couple of kids that were shaken. it wasn't the field trip that they thought it was goi
>> pleased to meet you. [ bleep ] [ bleep ] >> what are you looking at? >> look at this. >> [ bleep ]. >> look at that. >> right there. >> no, i don't know any of them but i will know them. >> you will know them, huh? >> i don't want to know is that a girl? >> do you have a broken leg? you will get aspirin. if you have a flu, you will get aspirin. turn back and face forward. >> the students aren't on the yard very long when they...
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Jun 20, 2016
06/16
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so [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. the system they can [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. you know?everything i can possibly do to make them work more, they took my yard. why not take my tv, which they did as property, and not get my visit. all because i was not kicking down the door to get their attention to come down. what the hell? they put you in that position and then when you -- you are trying to fix it, remedy it, they come and punish you more. the [ bleep ] level system. change it back. let the doors open and let us do our [ bleep ] time. this ain't helping me or society come out like this. >> back in level five, david scritchfield is also finding it hard to see the love of his life. >> they've refused to give us visits because she's an ex-staff member here. because of that, the only way that we're going to be allowed to have visitation is if, you know, we get married. so we're going to work it out and try to get married over the phone. i love the fact that i'm getting married to the woman i love, but i don't like the fact that my hand is being forced into that. it would be
so [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. the system they can [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. you know?everything i can possibly do to make them work more, they took my yard. why not take my tv, which they did as property, and not get my visit. all because i was not kicking down the door to get their attention to come down. what the hell? they put you in that position and then when you -- you are trying to fix it, remedy it, they come and punish you more. the [ bleep ] level system. change it back. let the doors open and...
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Jun 30, 2016
06/16
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no mother [bleep] snakes. doesn't belong in [bleep] planes you guys. so the pope loves his airborn press conferences, and we actually were able to reach someone who's at one right now. for more details on the pope's historic statement, let's go live now to pope francis' plane with vatican p.r. liaison cardan jorlos. >> ciao, larry. >> larry: thank you for video chatting me from the plane. i understand you were also with the pope when he made his groundbraining statement about homosexuality. >> that's right. i'm honored to have been a witness to history. but to be honest, his holiness does that sort of thing on every flight. >> larry: sounds like sydney poiter. police. >> who? >> larry: yes. >> oh yeah. when he first boards the plane, he's very serious. then he throws on a pair of yeezy boots and shotguns two tiny bottle of limoncello. that's when plane pope comes out. >> larry: wait, plane pope? >> yes, plane pope. and plane pope doesn't hold back on anything. >> larry: so plane pope is what explains why he says these things that seem to go against nor
no mother [bleep] snakes. doesn't belong in [bleep] planes you guys. so the pope loves his airborn press conferences, and we actually were able to reach someone who's at one right now. for more details on the pope's historic statement, let's go live now to pope francis' plane with vatican p.r. liaison cardan jorlos. >> ciao, larry. >> larry: thank you for video chatting me from the plane. i understand you were also with the pope when he made his groundbraining statement about...
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Jun 15, 2016
06/16
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each other ♪ come rain or come shine ♪ i'll [ bleep ] your [ bleep ] and you'll [ bleep ] mine ♪ >> ichad and daniel don't find love at the end of this, i think they might ride off into the sunset together. >> i [ bleep ] my family, i [ bleep ] my friends, and now i'm going to [ bleep ] you, the american people, like nobody has ever [ bleep ] you before. >> jimmy: tonight on the show the music of led zeppelin as performed by train, bill simmons is here, and we'll be right back with anthony anderson. so stick around. >> portions are jimmy kim live were brought to you by "still the king," premiering this weekend only on cmt. ♪ starbucks® cold brew coffee. now with house-made vanilla sweet cream. smooth meets sweet. in stores now. only at starbucks. [ screaming ] rate suckers! [ bell dinging ] your car insurance goes up because of their bad driving. people try all sorts of ways to get rid of them. [ driver panting ] if you're sick of paying more than your fair share... [ screams ] get snapshot from progressive, and see just how much your good driving could save you. ♪ >>> welcome back. h
each other ♪ come rain or come shine ♪ i'll [ bleep ] your [ bleep ] and you'll [ bleep ] mine ♪ >> ichad and daniel don't find love at the end of this, i think they might ride off into the sunset together. >> i [ bleep ] my family, i [ bleep ] my friends, and now i'm going to [ bleep ] you, the american people, like nobody has ever [ bleep ] you before. >> jimmy: tonight on the show the music of led zeppelin as performed by train, bill simmons is here, and we'll be...
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Jun 20, 2016
06/16
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bleep ] [ bleep ]. i don't think she said what i said. >> what she said i said. >> what did you say, joe? what was the word? >> he called me a tramp. >> tramp, yeah, that's what i said. to him. if you want, put me six months. take all the good time -- do what you got to do. >> that's the problem. >> [ bleep ] you. you guys know that. you brought me over here for small, petty nothing crap. you guys know that. >> sanchez i feel you're going do dictate what's going to happen here? >> i'm not dictating nothing. >> that's not the case. i'm going to move you out of this unit. that's it. take him back. and i'll deal with you on monday, joe. >> the hell with monday. just do it now. pull me out of this unit now. get me out of here. i want to go back to 61. so you guys can't threaten me with no steps. i never asked to leave the north anyway. >> i just want to separate him from this environment at this time. it is just not a good situation right now for the correctional officer or the inmate. >> she said she is go
bleep ] [ bleep ]. i don't think she said what i said. >> what she said i said. >> what did you say, joe? what was the word? >> he called me a tramp. >> tramp, yeah, that's what i said. to him. if you want, put me six months. take all the good time -- do what you got to do. >> that's the problem. >> [ bleep ] you. you guys know that. you brought me over here for small, petty nothing crap. you guys know that. >> sanchez i feel you're going do dictate...
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Jun 11, 2016
06/16
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each other ♪ come rain or come shine ♪ i'll [ bleep ] your [ bleep ] and you'll [ bleep ] mine ♪ >> iat the end of this, i think they might ride off into the sunset together. >> i [ bleep ] my family, i [ bleep ] my friends, and now i'm going to [ bleep ] you, the american people, like nobody has ever [ bleep ] you before. >> jimmy: tonight on the show the music of led zeppelin as performed by train, bill simmons is here, and we'll be right back with anthony anderson. so stick around. >> portions are jimmy kim live were brought to you by "still the king," premiering this weekend only on cmt. retirement. not now! i'm cleaning the oven! yeah, i'm cleaning the gutters! washing the dog! washing the cat! well i'm learning snapchamp! chat. chat! changing the oil... (vo) it's surprising what people would rather do than deal with retirement. pressure-washing the... roses. aerating the lawn! (vo) but with nationwide it's no big deal. okay, your retirement plan is all set. nationwide? awesome. nice neighborhood. ♪ nationwide is on your side >> i work in human resources. >> jimmy: do you have to
each other ♪ come rain or come shine ♪ i'll [ bleep ] your [ bleep ] and you'll [ bleep ] mine ♪ >> iat the end of this, i think they might ride off into the sunset together. >> i [ bleep ] my family, i [ bleep ] my friends, and now i'm going to [ bleep ] you, the american people, like nobody has ever [ bleep ] you before. >> jimmy: tonight on the show the music of led zeppelin as performed by train, bill simmons is here, and we'll be right back with anthony anderson. so...
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Jun 25, 2016
06/16
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i want to [ bleep ] for the people of the united states. >> let's go the next, [ bleep ] you.ep ] you. >> i think the warriors will respond. they've needed a [ bleep ] in the butt to get their team to play better. >> they had signs saying [ bleep ] draymond. >> on vacation for the [ bleep ], especially having three babies. i can [ bleep ] or push it out. >> name something of yours that's seen better days. >> my [ bleep ]. >> my marriage. >> your super [ bleep ] mind blowing forecast. >> this weekend, [ bleep ] fest is in dallas at the convention center. ♪ >> [ bleep ]ing in space. we are [ bleep ]ing in space. >> tonight on the show we have music from meghan trainor from "bloodline," ben mendelsohn is here, and we'll be right back with mindy kaling. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy hmmmmm... the turbocharged dream machine. the volkswagen golf gti. named one of car and driver's 10best, 10 years in a row. jennifer martinez was able to put extra moneyher mortgage, back into her home-based business. helping her do what she was destined to do... like a boss. buy in. quicken loans. home
i want to [ bleep ] for the people of the united states. >> let's go the next, [ bleep ] you.ep ] you. >> i think the warriors will respond. they've needed a [ bleep ] in the butt to get their team to play better. >> they had signs saying [ bleep ] draymond. >> on vacation for the [ bleep ], especially having three babies. i can [ bleep ] or push it out. >> name something of yours that's seen better days. >> my [ bleep ]. >> my marriage. >> your...
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Jun 21, 2016
06/16
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WPVI
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[ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> say hi to jimmy. >> jimmy who? what the [ bleep ]? >> here's your change. >> here, dad, catch. [ laughter ] >> [ bleep ]. >> dad, catch. >> jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy told us to do it. >> happy father's day, everybody. >> happy father's day to you. >> dad, catch. >> hey, catch. [ laughter ] >> dad, catch. >> damnit, kennedy. this is sugar. >> hey, dad, can you hold these for a second? >> what? why are you throwing that at me? [ banging ] ? >> catch. >> come on. is that pop? why? what is wrong with you? quit it. >> dad, catch. [ bleep ]. >> are you [ bleep ] kidding me right now, man? [ bleep ] you. >> daddy, catch. >> thank you. >> catch. >> oh. >> dad. >> oh. [ laughter ] >> catch. >> ouch. what is wrong with you? >> hey, dad, catch. >> hey, how -- that's pretty damn good, isn't it? thank you. it's just what i needed. >> catch. >> dad, catch. dad, catch. dad, catch. >> knock it off. what's wrong with you? >> jimmy kimmel. why aren't you catching? >> dad? >> you're stoned. you stink like week. >> catch. >> damnit. >> jimmy kimmel said to
[ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> say hi to jimmy. >> jimmy who? what the [ bleep ]? >> here's your change. >> here, dad, catch. [ laughter ] >> [ bleep ]. >> dad, catch. >> jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy told us to do it. >> happy father's day, everybody. >> happy father's day to you. >> dad, catch. >> hey, catch. [ laughter ] >> dad, catch. >> damnit, kennedy. this is sugar. >> hey, dad, can you hold...
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Jun 11, 2016
06/16
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WJLA
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we're gonna [ bleep ] win!hank you for your time. >> jimmy: it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments whether they need it or not. it's this week in "unnecessary censorship." >> the woman who was doing yoga on her vacation in our state ended up getting [ bleep ] by a bear. >> we weren't ready to play. they just [ bleep ] us right in the mouth. >> he's she's working on klay thompson. >> i am telling you, i am so looking forward to [ bleep ] donald trump! >> saw a big black [ bleep ] coming this way. >> he's been called the [ bleep ] bandit. ♪ caring for each other ♪ come rain or come shine ♪ i' and you'll [ bleep ] mine ♪ >> i feel like if chad and daniel don't find love at the end of this, i think they might ride off into the sunset together. >> i [ bleep ] my family, i [ bleep ] my friends, and now i'm going to [ bleep ] you, the american people, like nobody has ever [ bleep ] you before. >> jimmy: tonight on the show the music of led zeppelin as performed by train, bill simmons is here, and we'll be righ
we're gonna [ bleep ] win!hank you for your time. >> jimmy: it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments whether they need it or not. it's this week in "unnecessary censorship." >> the woman who was doing yoga on her vacation in our state ended up getting [ bleep ] by a bear. >> we weren't ready to play. they just [ bleep ] us right in the mouth. >> he's she's working on klay thompson. >> i am telling you, i am so looking forward to [ bleep ] donald...
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Jun 12, 2016
06/16
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MSNBCW
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[ bleep ], [ bleep ]!october 8th, 2015. in prairie view, texas, 26-year-old jonathan miller serves as a member of the city council. he spends the day doing community service with his fraternity brothers who are in town preparing to celebrate homecoming at their alma mater, prairie view a&m university. >> sitting down, watching the football game that was on tv that night. and that's when we decided, hey, let's go practice some steps outside. >> stepping is basically a traditional dance that fraternities and sororities do at the college campuses. >> jonathan miller stays inside while the three frat brothers begin to practice their routine. >> we're out here like 15 seconds. my line brother came to change his shoes at his car. as soon as he came to change his shoes we saw a police officer coming from down the street. >> police officer comes up to us, asks for our i.d.s, asks us what are we doing? we're up to no good? >> and i can see the police lights off this paneled wall. so that kind of showed me that i ne
[ bleep ], [ bleep ]!october 8th, 2015. in prairie view, texas, 26-year-old jonathan miller serves as a member of the city council. he spends the day doing community service with his fraternity brothers who are in town preparing to celebrate homecoming at their alma mater, prairie view a&m university. >> sitting down, watching the football game that was on tv that night. and that's when we decided, hey, let's go practice some steps outside. >> stepping is basically a traditional...
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Jun 17, 2016
06/16
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WJLA
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i want to [ bleep ] for the people of the united states. >> let's go the next, [ bleep ] you.ou. >> i think the warriors will respond. they've needed a [ bleep ] in the butt to get their team to play better. >> they had signs saying [ bleep ] draymond. >> on vacation for the [ bleep ], especially having three babies. i can [ bleep ] opur it out. >> name something of yours that's seen better days. >> my [ bleep ]. >> my major. >> your super [ bleep ] mind blowing forecast. >> this weekend, [ bleep ] fest is in dallas at the convention center. >> tonight on the show we have music from meghan trainor from "bloodline," ben mendelsohn is here, and we'll be right back with mindy kaling. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by new orleans tourism. visit happytuesday.com and explore the possibilities. there's still time to save on great gifts for dad! like a new dress shirt or tie. a watch gift set. or a performance golf shirt. and, no matter how you pay take an extra 20% off these sale prices! everyone gets kohl's cash too! all weekend at kohl's. woman: i have
i want to [ bleep ] for the people of the united states. >> let's go the next, [ bleep ] you.ou. >> i think the warriors will respond. they've needed a [ bleep ] in the butt to get their team to play better. >> they had signs saying [ bleep ] draymond. >> on vacation for the [ bleep ], especially having three babies. i can [ bleep ] opur it out. >> name something of yours that's seen better days. >> my [ bleep ]. >> my major. >> your super [ bleep...
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Jun 7, 2016
06/16
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>> here to [ bleep ]. >> here to [ bleep ]?here to [ bleep ]. >> when you are young you're like [ bleep ] around. >> when i was young, i [ bleep ]ed around a lot. >> you said it was a nice [ bleep ] foreman this morning. i had my name on it. >> you got the big [ bleep ]. you got the big [ bleep ]. >> holy [ bleep ]. >> right now dog [ bleep ]ers are paid more than child care workers. you know, look, i believe in [ bleep ]ing dogs. >> that is why i believe we have got to end [ bleep ]ing. [ applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show, falcinelli are with us. kyle chandler is here. and we'll be right back with senator bernie sanders. stick 5r7bd. today's the day! oh look! creepy gloves for my feet. when i was a kid there was a handle. and a face. this is nice. does it come in a california king? getting roid rage. hemorrhoid. these are the worst, right? i'm gonna buy them. boom. i'll take them. impulse buy. ommmmmmmmmmm. presenting the american express blue cash everyday card with cash back on purchases. it's all happening. and no an
>> here to [ bleep ]. >> here to [ bleep ]?here to [ bleep ]. >> when you are young you're like [ bleep ] around. >> when i was young, i [ bleep ]ed around a lot. >> you said it was a nice [ bleep ] foreman this morning. i had my name on it. >> you got the big [ bleep ]. you got the big [ bleep ]. >> holy [ bleep ]. >> right now dog [ bleep ]ers are paid more than child care workers. you know, look, i believe in [ bleep ]ing dogs. >> that is...
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Jun 18, 2016
06/16
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CNBC
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. >> i call bull[bleep] to that. is there anybody that does anything competent down in the florida keys? >> with resources stretched thin at multiple locations... >> you want me to order it even though there may or may not be enough money to pay for it? >> don't worry about that. >> u.s. key lime pie company has failed to make a profit on $1.4 million in sales. if i can't get this owner to focus on his core business of pies... if we don't make, we don't sell it--end of discussion. this business will crumble. >> i really don't want to filmed during this. i really don't. >> my name is marcus lemonis, and i fix failing businesses. 2.5 million people visit key west a year, and you only sell 40,000 pies. i make tough decisions. we're closing the store. we're done. i'm not talking about it anymore. and i back them up with my own cash. >> check that out. >> it's not always pretty... >> tired of this bull[bleep]. >> but this is business. >> we're gonna have a battle on this one. >> i do it to save jobs... i got to get some s
. >> i call bull[bleep] to that. is there anybody that does anything competent down in the florida keys? >> with resources stretched thin at multiple locations... >> you want me to order it even though there may or may not be enough money to pay for it? >> don't worry about that. >> u.s. key lime pie company has failed to make a profit on $1.4 million in sales. if i can't get this owner to focus on his core business of pies... if we don't make, we don't sell...
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Jun 24, 2016
06/16
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COM
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who the [bleep] is this? in conclusion, who dis?disgusted to say represents iowa but there's one good news about the report. >> they decided not consider it on the house floor. [laughter] i love it. even members of your own party wouldn't consider your asinine amendment. that's what you get. and now next time you try to [bleep] it's not going to be so easy because now we all know who dis. >> larry: robin thede everybody. we'll be right hey there, can i help you with anything? hey siri, what's at&t's latest offer? oh, i don't think that siri can... right now, switch to at&t for an iphone and get one free. wow, is that right? yeah, it's basically... yes. that is the current offer from at&t. okay siri, you don't know everything. well, i know you asked me to call you the at&t hostess with the mostest. okay, shut her down. turn it off. right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. ♪ you never believed in fairytales. knights in shining armor or happily ever after. but you believed when the right one came al
who the [bleep] is this? in conclusion, who dis?disgusted to say represents iowa but there's one good news about the report. >> they decided not consider it on the house floor. [laughter] i love it. even members of your own party wouldn't consider your asinine amendment. that's what you get. and now next time you try to [bleep] it's not going to be so easy because now we all know who dis. >> larry: robin thede everybody. we'll be right hey there, can i help you with anything? hey...
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Jun 24, 2016
06/16
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COM
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republican (bleep)!he congressman leading the sit-in was none other than famed civil rights protester john lewis. >> john lewis, the civil rights icon led the sit-in. >> best known for the work he did in the civil rights era leading the march over the bridge in selma. >> he led the fight to end segregation in the '60s. >> trevor: that's what john lewis does. he's been sitting in for decades. he knows when you want something, sit in. gun control, sit in. civil rights, sit in, opening night tickets for "star wars," you sit in! hmm! overcome we shall! (laughter) the biggest winner for me was c-span because, you see, a big part of the story is that the speakerrer of the house paul ryan ordered c-span's cameras turned off which meant the world couldn't see the democrats' protest. but seems like paul ryan forgot what year it is. >> there are no cameras or microphones inside because house is not in session so c-span cannot be on. >> it's caught on pop periscoped other outlets and c-span is broadcasting those pe
republican (bleep)!he congressman leading the sit-in was none other than famed civil rights protester john lewis. >> john lewis, the civil rights icon led the sit-in. >> best known for the work he did in the civil rights era leading the march over the bridge in selma. >> he led the fight to end segregation in the '60s. >> trevor: that's what john lewis does. he's been sitting in for decades. he knows when you want something, sit in. gun control, sit in. civil rights, sit...
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(bleep) that guy, larry! >> larry: you're right.the way, great job at the correspondents dinner. i loved it. >> larry: thanks, i guess. arry, it ain't just my boy idi who's creeped out by this creep. break it down for him, adolph. get out here! >> my boy! hold for applause! george zimmerman is a fat tub of rancid goat (bleep). reasonable people like us can agree on this, nein? >> larry: uh, i would say i would rather not agree with you on anything. >> look, i've done some bad stuff, and even some stuff you don't know about -- i invented crocs. >> yes, he did! >> larry: you invented crocs? i told you -- i'm evil. but i will not have the hitler name associated with george zimmerman! by the way, loved the correspondents dinner. >> larry: thanks, i guess. it was good. it was good. >> look, larry, we gotta go, evil doesn't rest-we have to get to work on overturning that tom brady suspension. >> everyone: go patriots! hell's team! (cheers and applause) >> larry: we'll be right back. freedom is in the air. because now you're free to watch
(bleep) that guy, larry! >> larry: you're right.the way, great job at the correspondents dinner. i loved it. >> larry: thanks, i guess. arry, it ain't just my boy idi who's creeped out by this creep. break it down for him, adolph. get out here! >> my boy! hold for applause! george zimmerman is a fat tub of rancid goat (bleep). reasonable people like us can agree on this, nein? >> larry: uh, i would say i would rather not agree with you on anything. >> look, i've...
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Jun 24, 2016
06/16
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WPVI
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so [ bleep ] stupid. >> what sent ben affleck on this rant, and what is he saying about it tonight? >> it's a [ bleep ] ridiculous smear campaign. >> if you take multiple medications, a dry mouth can be a common said effect. that's why there's bio tooen for people who suffer from a dry mouth. >>> hey, need fast heart burn relief? try cool mint zantac. it works in as little as 30 minut minutes. no pill relieves heart burn >> good evening, we start here tonight with the breaking news out of london that could have serious economic and political reverberations for the rest of us. the cliff hanger vote on whether britain will stay in the european union. with the latest on what they're calling brexit. >> in one of the most dramatic days in politics, this country has seen in decades, the people in britain have spoken with still a number of votes to be counted. leave is leading the country. the country is heading toward a british exit dubbed brexit to leave the european union. immigration at the forefront making the argument for britain to take control of the borders and economy. taking bac
so [ bleep ] stupid. >> what sent ben affleck on this rant, and what is he saying about it tonight? >> it's a [ bleep ] ridiculous smear campaign. >> if you take multiple medications, a dry mouth can be a common said effect. that's why there's bio tooen for people who suffer from a dry mouth. >>> hey, need fast heart burn relief? try cool mint zantac. it works in as little as 30 minut minutes. no pill relieves heart burn >> good evening, we start here tonight...
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Jun 27, 2016
06/16
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MSNBCW
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. >> [ bleep ]! rip my [ bleep ] guts out when i'm getting ready -- [ bleep ]. >> while other inmates turn the violence against themselves. >> i cut my vein. >> i have a daughter that just turned 13 years old and she's my pride and joy. >> and with the personal cameras provided by "lockup" producers, inmates share their feelings about life behind bars. >> it's sad in my heart to know that i had to do that and take time away from my daughter. ♪ >>> maybe we can touch on just a little bit about what it's like to have spent 20 years in prison. when they first handed me this camera, i'm like, what? how does this work? i don't know what an ipod is. i don't know how to work these fancy gadgets. they had to show me. i don't know how to use a cell phone. the only vision that i have of the outside world outside these walls is what i see on tv basically. >> 40-foot-high walls, razor wire, armed officers monitoring every move from towers above. escapes from indiana state prison are rare. there is one place, how
. >> [ bleep ]! rip my [ bleep ] guts out when i'm getting ready -- [ bleep ]. >> while other inmates turn the violence against themselves. >> i cut my vein. >> i have a daughter that just turned 13 years old and she's my pride and joy. >> and with the personal cameras provided by "lockup" producers, inmates share their feelings about life behind bars. >> it's sad in my heart to know that i had to do that and take time away from my daughter. ♪...