con, because bong's student visa ran out and now trump wants to deport him. well, that's true. [ laughter and applaus] unfortunate for bong. >> steve: he's a good ki >> jimmy: he's a good kid. i love bong. nice kid. >> steve: smart and kind. >> jimmy: yeah, he's a cool dude. pro, going to graduation and putting on your white cap and gown. con, having a hard time i through the eye holes. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] hey-oh! >> steve: i get it. that's the worst kind o racism [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i've said it forever. >> steve: i don't like i i don't enjoy that. my kind of racism is good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pro, the universit logo looks like a half lion, yrs tr'air d[ lahter] "it's tere!i ' seeng v onl. on, thenba ctor oc uger] "fot th ere." v'll getur somel: ing gun anth y apine ,acde gin issi ouand r d shump. lig getofft.[ gr . lau] [wn [ la ] ndinal prcricu awastefmoned ar f years wn't g a n,sr wsit ll er cher applse hae osand rihwh ssn every fa wants best pland the phones. on-mobves you both. 'vgot be ued ev get nes uimitg lte da for j$50 eachd geh l

. >> bing bing bong bong bing bing bong bong. >> whoa, what have we done? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] including we have tonight on the show never before seen footage from "batman versus superman." [ cheers and applause ] the "after oscars post show." we'll be right back with ben affleck! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: jimmy kimmel after the oscars is brought to you by samsung. go to youtube.com/jimmykimmielive to see guillermo nursed in a virtual world using a samsung v-r headset. e seizing opportunity. so i' thank you, we' ll call you. evening, film noir, smoke, atmosphere... bob... you' re a young farmhand and e trade is your cow. milk it. e trade is all about seizing opportunity. can't get unlimited data for your family? other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive! not t-mobile! lte data for just fifty bucks each, and get a fourth line, free! hurry. only at t-mobile. >>> you look good, you should wear that jacket home and make love to your wife. >> oh. that would be great. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel

bong-bong! bing-bing-bing!laughter, applause) (whooping) can i just take a second to acknowledge how cool it is that we didn't have to put the words "bing-bing" into donald trump's mouth. -(laughter) -just a thought. so, ladies and gentlemen, the great debate: does donald trump have a small or large penis? -(laughter) -i got to say, personally, i think it's huge. after all, he's using it to (bleep) the entire republican party. we'll be right back. (cheering, applause) trustit powers...sher with cascade platinum. (politely) wait, wait, wait! you baked-on? dish issues?onna work. ...through... your toughestuck-on food. better than finish. cascade. ) verizon is the number one network in america. i know what you're thinking, they all claim stuff like that. yeah, but some of them stretch the truth a little bit. like this. faster, more reliable and better coverage than ever. and it shows the coverage there. uh, oh, hold on. oh! map is not a depiction of coverage! well, then what's the point? i'm speechless. only veriz

i love bong. nice kid. kind. >> jimmy: yeah, he's a cool dude. pro, going to graduation and putting on your white cap and gown. con, having a hard time iye holes. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] hey-oh! get it. that's the worst kind o racism [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i've said it forever. don't like i i don't enjoy that. my kind of racism is good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pro, the universit half dragon.f you turn it sidewa it looks like trump's hair i a windstorm. [ laughter ] "it's too windy here! like it." pro, seeing a trump univei degree on the wall.lowly backing out your doctor's office. [ laughter ] "forgot i had another appointment elsewhere."i'll get surg somewhere else. >> jimmy: pro, going to graduation and throwing yo cap in the air. con, accidentally grabbing trump's hair, tossing it to etch a ger shepherd start humping it. what? [ growling ] hey, get off that. [ growling ] hey.laughter ] [ growling ] [ laughter ] critics argu it's a waste of money and afr four years students won't able to get a job.words, it's college. there you go. [ chee

con, because bong's student visa ran out and now trump wants to deport him. well, that's true. [ laughter and applaus] unfortunate for bong. >> steve: he's a good ki >> jimmy: he's a good kid. i love bong. nice kid. >> steve: smart and kind. >> jimmy: yeah, he's a cool dude. pro, going to g graduation and putting on your white cap and gown. con, having a hard time i through the eye e holes. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] hey-oh! >> steve: ii get it. that's the worst kind o racism [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i've said it forever. >> steve: i don''t like i i don't enjoy thatat. my kind of racism is good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pro, the universit logogo looks like a half lion, half dragon. con, if you turn it sidewa it looks like trump's hair i a windstorm. "it's too windy here! i don't like it." pro, seeing a trump univei degree on the wall. con, then slowly backing out your doctor's ooffice. [ laughter ] "forgot i had anothther appointment elsewhere." >> steve: i'll get surg somewhere else. >> jimmy: pro, going to graduation and throwing yo cap in the air. con, acc

bong bong, binge binge binge. (applause). >> trevor: can i just take a second to acknowledge how cool it is that we didn't have to put the words bing, bing into donald trump's mouth. so ladies and gentlemen, the great debate, does donald trump have a small or large penis? i got to say personally, i think it's huge. after all, he's using it to [bleep] the entire republican party. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) hey there, can i help you with anything? hey siri, what's at&t's latest offer? oh, i don't think that siri can... right now, switch to at&t for an iphone and get one free. wow, is that right? yeah, it's basically... yes. that is the current offer from at&t. okay siri, you don't know everything. well, i know you asked me to call you the at&t hostess with the mostest. okay, shut her down. turn it off. right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. when the thirst is real. there's no substitute for that classic, crisp, lemon-lime flavor. ♪ those bub

bong-bong! bing-bing-bing!laughter, applause) (whooping) can i just take a second to acknowledge how cool it is that we didn't have to put the words "bing-bing" into donald trump's mouth. -(laughter) -just a thought. so, ladies and gentlemen, the great debate: does donald trump have a small or large penis? -(laughter) -i got to say, personally, i think it's huge. after all, he's using it to (bleep) the entire republican party. we'll be right back. (cheering, applause) why are you so tired?ts... ahh, the "after lunch food coma." we've all been there. you had planned on ordering the salad, but the pasta and fries looked so good. now, you're trying to find a place to catch a few zzzs... without the boss catching you. next time, grab a great tasting 5-hour energy® shot. it'll help you stay alert and productive... no matter what's on the menu. now is the time for 5-hour energy®. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome back. now there was one other big piece of election news over the weekend. dr. ben carson gave th

bong bong, binge binge binge. (applause). >> trevor: can i just take a second to acknowledge how cool it is that we didn't have to put the words bing, bing into donald trump's mouth. so ladies and gentlemen, the great debate, does donald trump have a small or large penis? i got to say personally, i think it's huge. after all, he's using it to [bleep] the entire republican party. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) an oven-baked digiorno? or waiting for delivery? did you have that beard when we ordered? a hot, fresh-baked crust? or? did we order extra soggy? don't settle for delivery. rise to the occasion. it's not delivery. it's digiorno. carry the centimeter, divide by 3.14 something something something... [ beeping, whirring ] great caesar salad! ♪ and now the name your price tool shows people policy options to help fit their budget. is that a true story? yeah! people really do save an average of over $500 when they switch. i mean about you inventing it. i invented the story, and isn'

bong bong, binge binge binge.just take a second to acknowledge how cool it is that we didn't have to put the words bing, bing into donald trump's mouth. so ladies and gentlemen, the great debate, does donald trump have a small or large penis? i got to say personally, i think it's huge. after all, he's using it to [bleep] the entire republican party. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) what brand of makeup is better for your skin than wearing no makeup at all? neutrogena® cosmetics. powders, concealers and foundations in new shades for more skin tones. with vitamins and antioxidants. your skin will look beautiful when you wear it and even after you take it off. neutrogena® cosmetics see what's possible. sfx: rocket blasting off sfx: (countdown) 3, 2, 1 rocket i am winnie, chantelle winnie. when my thirst is real? i release those crystal clear bubbles of sparkling lemon-lime flavor. their crisp taste, and tingling sensation. cuts right through to give me exactly what i need. obey your thirst. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ can you

rore a lot ments th baba g bonge ere th but also, too, if ca e rst ti, d the cali, dides s sce. gotough niwihelar on shli liasluch di. th cre goftadnant wae opporty clinth rst 20 's ao la tais team cameroonulio acch ouitlsooe yes,a he t heig chro t beanmorehappr th p. belot. c scbeth se ment twalk cochi>> mit feeat. ter 've ou thst aritls babalk ofthis cd woe reerw appropat paseals d d lf, kn i waockingth . e'roomscinundi, 64. . wew thwas gotothy.and kild th onit a e odathepleyll m,d wee not ttre g e ors n thbecause un anoi >>owth ght al esebs.>> rhes alsmheinlockerome y pp couldn't. rcusyeah, but ybinoumi can e inthybe cut wash at ac y.>> jefgravleliveor us niduta adknit ayagt st. th w gur seontr tr. rslfabdul k u. matt ryes pocondthpa t ha barber pullsup r ree. c'tov seinr nextwe onwhh nounceamile jefferson out, virginia won tonight. for complete seeding of next week's acc tournament log on to >>> real quick now, the canes and the lightning tied at three in overtime. there's the game winner. the canes lose in o.t. 4-3. exciting night tonight in the triangle. >>> thank you for

bong bong, binge binge binge. (applause). >> trevor: can i just take a second to acknowledge how cool it is that we didn't have to put the words bing, bing into donald trump's mouth. so ladies and gentlemen, the great debate, does donald trump have a small or large penis? i got to say personally, i think it's huge. after all, he's using it to [bleep] the entire republican party. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) ♪ whistle music throughout (dogs barking) nearly half of us will need a lawyer this year. find the right one for you on avvo. avvo. legal. easier. i...just me...me andrd my four daughters.... ah, there's a lot of dancing and pageants that go on in our kitchens and living rooms and things like that. i've had to learn to accept certain things like the fact that my toe nails and finger nails are going to be painted constantly. but it's really awesome to watch them at their own things. they're great kids... all of them. whatever home means to you, we'll help you find it. zillow. ♪

bong lingng om, boom 7 bg, bin c cch chjng a-rrrr >> wee have t a eak. en we come baba, myy c cousin sal and h h h hner i at the customer service c cnterert co.n wel bebeight back. wuon t t town ororin the nht, at&telps keepeveryo cneed. right now at at&t,uy one get e e on our most popor smsmtptpnes. mattetehow yoyohang out,, are every minute of it. buy e get one f2ee on n st popar smaphonon. red lobsbsr's lobsterfest is bk. so come try the largest variety lobster dishes of the yr, li lobsterover's dream or new d dlingngobster tls. ititit parar o oevery plate,e, d you're invitit. so come in whihit las. tired of worki for peanuts?@ well what if told you that peanuts ca f you? that's right. i'm talking fufuime delivery of 7 grams ootein and 6 essential nutrnt rns the haworkg wer of t pnu >>ijmy marplplplonnd mumuc fm crles kel is on the way.y. but first, a a those of y y who watc on a regular bas from time to time i disistch my usus sal to varus locations one of our favoritit spopots the custster service counter at co, where sal pvide some heheworld' b b w

bing, bing, bing bong bong cling ba, ba, ba bye boom, boom ca-ching ching a-rrrr >> we have to take a break. when we come back, my cousin sal and his hidden camera is at the customer service counter at costco. we'll be right back. out on the town or in for the night, at&t helps keep everyone connected. right now at at&t, buy one get one free on our most popular smartphones. no matter how you hang out, share every minute of it. buy one get one free on our most popular smartphones. and right now, get up to $650 in credits per line to help you switch to at&t. red lobster's lobsterfest is back. so come try the largest variety like lobster lover's dream or new dueling lobster tails. it's a party on every plate, and you're invited. so come in while it lasts. lease a 2016 lincoln mkx for $399 a month well what if i told you that peanuts can work for you? that's right. of 7 grams of protein and 6 essential nutrients. ever see a peanut take a day off? i don't think so. harness the hardworking >> jimmy: martha plimpton and music from charles kelly is on the way. but first, as those of you who w

but delays have pro bong had d had. >> we bought in an independent auditor to come in and assess the applications for assistance. they had to show proof they were business during that time. his former executive assistant said he hugged, kissed and touched her repeatedly. he was docked 10% of his salary for a year. she's now suing the school and the dean. take a look at these three suspects. they're already wanted on fell any cases. >> apple's attorney talks about the case agains fbi and dwr it's nor if flrk. >> if the fbi can force apple to turn its energies, its neerngs, its resources to work for the government, then the government can do that to other people as well. >> now, olson, who argued in front of the supreme court already, the case could entd up there tomorrow. near new park mall. it appeared that someone may have tried to hide it. the skull was from a male desert big horn she. hunting is heavily regulated. >> are you ready? less and then three months after the seventh star wars movie premiered, filming is under way in the his tar -- star wars fams are excited. >> i know. g

." ♪ bing, bing, bing bong ♪ bong ♪ cling ♪ ba, ba, ba ♪ bye ♪ boom, boom ♪ bing, bing ♪ ca-ching ching take a break. when we come back, my cousin sal and his hidden camera is at the customer service counter at costco. we'll be right back. ♪ out on the town or in for the night, at&t helps keep everyone connected. right now at at&t, buy one get one free on our most popular smartphones. no matter how you hang out, share every minute of it. buy one get one free on our most popular smartphones. and right now, get up to $650 in credits per line to help you switch to at&t. so come try the largest variety of lobster dishes of the year, like lobster lover's dream or new dueling lobster tails. nvited. so come in while it lasts. ♪ ♪ lease a 2016 lincoln mkx for $399 a month only at your lincoln dealer. twell what if i told you that peanuts can work for you? that's right. i'm talking full time delivery of 7 grams of protein and 6 essential nutrients. ay off? i don't think so. harness the hardworking power of the peanut. ifor all the wrong reasons.gical