boomhauer? try to shield you from this kind of stuff, peggy but boomhauer is pretty good with the ladies and he's agreed to show bobby some of his secrets. hank, the man's longest relationship was a three-day weekend. what kind of secrets could he have? i don't know. he wouldn't tell me. he could be doing anything. he could be taking bobby to a pickup bar or a hooters! oh, god! that's right, hank. no worries, little b. we're going to get you back on track. be talking about secret being strong enough but was made for a woman, you know? there really is a secret to getting women? please, i need to know. i won't tell anyone. i swear. i swear. we should have given bobby a pager. he might have become a drug dealer but at least we would always know where he is. man, talking 'bout an ol' fishin' magician, man. talking 'bout a dang ol' ta-da! what are we doing at shelwyn's? i thought you were going to show me your lady secrets. mm-hmm. mm? hey, man, you just watch ol' b-dog, you'll learn. hey, pretty lad

boomhauer, you're good at stage patter.they'll give a little "hey, man, how y'all doing in branson, man? let me hear you say, 'yeah.'" good. perfect. do that. ( yells ) you kidnapped my daughter and took her across state lines to play hillbilly music against her will. i've been looking for a reason to put you in jail, and now i have it. what are you talking about? you gave her permission to come with us. never! i make sure she practice mozart. get into van cliburn, then ivy league orchestra. from there, she play paris, rome. then i take her back to my hometown of luang phabang and stick it up their nose. that's why she ran away from you. she'd rather play bluegrass and win this contest and then get a record deal and open up the connie souphanousinphone theater and... ah, i'm a jackass. stop stating the obvious. where is my daughter? uh... i don't know. i'm sure she's fine. she's with bobby. great. that narrows it down. now all we have to do is check every free buffet in town. bobby: how about this one? i've been working out

boomhauer... the year is 1979. every week the entire nation turns for hope to laverne and shirley.ed koppel arranges to have 44 americans held hostage on a sound stage in burbank by actors impersonating iranian fanatics. and arlen's leading all-time rusher is hank hill. ( all cheering ) the hopes and dreams of a small texas town in the state of texas rest squarely on the broad athletic shoulders of their star running back and his trusted towel manager. look at hank go. touchdown! yay, dad! ( all cheering ) okay, stop it. no one wants to watch this. hey, who wants to dance? dale, help me move that couch. dang it! what's the matter, hank? you don't want to see the part where you broke your ankle? film's a little grainy, but i think you can see bone. i don't want to see my ankle and i don't want to carry the dang torch. uh... anyone want to see nancy in an art film? shug! dad. someday someone's going to make the world's largest fruit pie and the next day i'm going to get in the guinness book of world records for eating it. bobby, i'm not in the mood for riddles right now. i'm just say

bobby's too young, ladybird's too old i already own a wife boomhauer doesn't have the time so bill, this be your in. don't worry, peggy. i'll take care of you. that is as unnecessary as it is repulsive. peggy hill can take care of herself. ( chuckling ): oh, boy. you're going to have your hands full with this one, bill. next item, hank's lawnmower. yo man, i got dibs on it. oh, you're all a bunch of morons! i think you should know i've never jousted before. or ridden a horse. he'll do most of the work. now, if he bucks you make sure to cover your neck and your testicles. ( playing fanfare ) the joust is commencing! the joust is commencing! go, hank! go, dad! bobby! ( clicking at horse ) heah! ( yells ) tell me, peasant... how does it feel to have lost the joust your wench's honor and the propane account in one mighty thrust of my lance? it's a bitter taste, i'm sure, and ye shall savor it for seven score fortnights, anon! ( yells ) hey, king make-believe! you just got beat by a girl. ( cheering ) help me to my feet, you gaggle of magpies. what hand you me? it's a lawsuit, honey. "departm