i was doing specials and carnegie hall and getting nominated for this and that, but i still wasn't me said i'm a drug addict, whoa, man, i just felt like great. >> to be honest with you, really, in the day and age we live in now, if someone comes up to you and says, you might be clinically depressed, the proper response is thank you, thank you very much. that means i'm awake. >> i thought that stand-up comics had some higher purpose, and i was trying to work through things, and i was trying to find some truths and frame them in a way that would be new and exciting for me and then for the audience that would be moving through that stuff together. >> once, when i was at life's lowest ebb and i felt like no one would ever love or accept me, i thought i'd kill myself. and i checked into a motel room in the middle of nowhere, and i was lying there in the dark when all of a sudden there was a warm glow of light and i looked up and christ was standing over me like this. and i looked up at him, and he looked down at me. and finally he spoke and said, gilbert, am i fat? >> i always think of th