this is my mother. - nice to meet you, carol. - mrs. wendelson. miss-- - no, call me carol.hy would you treat me with any more respect than you'd treat a dog? - mm-hmm. okay. - okay. - m'kay, look, i get that you're mad. - how did i not know? oh, this job. i'm so distracted. god, what else have i missed? - ♪ happy birthday, dear dave ♪ happy birthday to me - fine. you want to know the reason why i didn't tell you about trip? because i didn't want you to ruin it. - ruin it? - yeah, mom. all i've ever wanted is for you to like one of my boyfriends, i broke up with jeff, ethan, carl. - jeff was a mouth breather, and ethan, he wouldn't even engage on the whole judaism thing, and "carl" is too close to "carol." that'd be weird! - see? it doesn't matter if i like a guy, you find a problem, and then that's all i can see. - well, then fine, i won't tell you that trip-- - butt out. i don't want you in my head. - [gasps] [folk music] ♪ - i think we're almost ready for real glass. ♪ - i don't know who first said, "war is hell," but according to a very surly trade

- carol wendelson. have you been extreme couponing again?es, but before you say anything, i got all of this for just 62¢. - mom, why isn't this stuff in your hoarding shed? - because my hoarding shed is full, and your dad said if i get a second one, i'll have to go see dr. jill again. - okay, well, you can't use the roof as your personal storage unit. - why? stosh the janitor gave me a key in exchange for my netflix password, except now all they recommend i'm such a wladyslavka. - okay, well, just can you get this crap off the roof before greg finds out? you're never going to use any of it anyway. ooh, are those venus razors? could i have one? - actually, they're "wenus" razors, but i got them for negative $40.00. [upbeat news broadcast music] ♪ [knocking] - hey, chuck, you wanted to see me? - oh, yes, carol. i have a very important job for you. - [gasps] finally, what do you need me to do? crack a witness? go undercover as a slut? - i need you to go to my home and let the cable guy in. - oh, i'd be happy to. i've never been t

"i am carol wendelson this is my blog welcome to my blog hello." - how could you have never mentionedhis? - it's not that weird, katie. - that is so weird. - it's the weirdest thing i've ever heard, and i'm a season-ticket holder at ripley's believe it or not. pays for itself after 50 visits. - wait a minute. so your grandmother is our boss's boss's boss's boss? - 's boss... 's boss's boss's boss. - my grandma owns a network. - like hell. - aw, come on. that greg's grandmother owns mmn? - hold up. your gram is mildred marlock? she's a serious business bitch. she's on the british version of "shark tank." you know. "pond scum." - 'ello, scums. what would you say to a revolutionary invention that keeps your beer warm? - investing in an idea like that is gonna make me rich and famous. i'm in. - indubitably! - you could go with one of these balmy wankers, or you could go with the scum who put a chimney roomba in every home, castle, and flat. [dramatic music] ♪ - i'll go with her. - well, you'll all get to meet gram today. uh, i really wanna show her that i've been doing a go

carol? - then i'm doing this dance on the air! this madness ends now! - great! the wendelsonsh-oh ♪ - obviously, we can't run that. richard, how much time have we got to fill? - about 4 minutes and 35 seconds. - oh, god. - hey, that's the exact length of the-- - yes, i know what it's the exact length of! go over there! - and there were no survivors but also no deaths since no one was there. chuck? - thank you, portia. we go now to... - chuck, we're playing your song! i was wrong! it's amazing! - the world premiere of our amazing new theme song! get ready to rock, america! ♪ it's the afternoon, dinner's coming soon ♪ ♪ but first you need to get some information ♪ - you know, my biological father and i don't really have a relationship anymore, but the time i spent with you, chuck-- - he can't hear you! get out of this room! [upbeat rock music] well, that was terrible, but at least it's over. - ♪ we've got the flash of a dirty magic show ♪ ♪ is this your card, sir? it is! ♪ ♪ well, i thought so hey-oh ♪ - katie, i'm sorry. i