so, the day i was supposed to be sworn in, as mike cassel knows, i didn't show up, i stayed at the hospitalenator got an assignment. once a week i'd show up and the majority of the leaders' office to report on the assignment i was given. it took me about three months to figure out all he was doing, god love him, as my mother would say, he was taking my pulse to see how i was doing. one day in the end of may following the tradition i had, which was to walk through those doors, double doors down in the well of the senate to check when the last vote would be so i knew which amtrak train i could take to get home to see my sons. and jesse hielms, one of my mentors, teddy kennedy for the precursor for the americans with disabilities act. he was talking about it's not government's obligation to care, deal with the handicap, et cetera. so i walked in and sat down before my meeting, and i guess i looked angry. and he said, what's the matter, joe? he spoke in clipped terms -- tone. and i said, that jesse helms and i went on to basically say he had no social redeeming value. i didn't understand how he