thanks, you will keep charlie sheen away. >> melissa mccarthy at the gym. >> when did he get so buff?! >> he is going to kill all the jews himself! his veins are just like popping out of his arm. >> maybe that's a sign that he is living like healthy. >> or not healthy. >> i have had so many people come up to my gym saying they saw this show and they saw you guys say that people -- >> you're totally right. not everyone does it. >> yeah. they were like really offended. >> because you go to a gym where everyone is on drugs. >> no. >> coming up -- >> we got blair hamilton. >> we need to go to new york for a second. >> stop right there. >> oh, my god. [laughter] hey, it's me, progressive insurance. you know, from our 4,000 television commercials. yep, there i am with flo. hoo-hoo! watch it! [chuckles] anyhoo, 3 million people switched to me last year, saving an average of $475. [sigh] it feels good to help people save... with great discounts like safe driver, multicar, and multipolicy. so call me today. you'll be glad you did. cannonbox! [splash!] >> closed captioning and other considerati

. >> it could have been charlie sheen. >> there was a female tsa agent at laguardia apd was i a bad mood. she looked at me and said you look grumpy, can i have a hug. >> i would be suspicious. >> you know, maybe they're doing one of those pat-downs. >> i hope. >> just be leery of the airport by the w way. >> exactly. >> if you're me, it's going to be a long day. you might enjoy it, but it's going to be a long day. >>> well, it would be like me giving you diet and workout tips. not that you would trust them. now the >> well, forget about mom nagging. how about the government. the white house making teams to suggest behavior modification like you saving more energy. >> we'll have big posters of president obama starring and eyes following us and say mr. obama is watching you. this country gets more orwellian of all time. the trayn martin cse was most orwellian. >> and only thing that makes you give pause. it would be like me telling you to oat a salad. you are thin and beautiful and i am not. and i will not go there. but the government is hardly good at giving advice financial and it seems

. >> don't date charlie sheen. >> they say it smells like toasted rice, last i checked poop smells like poop, i'm pretty confident about that. >> this is nightingale poop. >> i love that robert knows so much about it. you were -- >> i know people that get this treatment. >> i know some people. >> some of the top supermodels use that treatment. >> really? >> absolutely. >> it keeps their skin, young and fresh and filled in. amazing. but not like nightingale poop. >> i could have bottled my children's poop. >> it's not the same stuff. >> mother, father. terrible. >> now they are starting to eat the nightingale poop. >> really? robert? that is too much information. bill told me that earlier. i got that from him. >> did you share your food in the green room. >> i'm never eating again when i come here. >> isn't that the way society is, everyone is trying to find the new hot thing to put on their face. >> i'm way ahead of everyone on this. you would put bird poop on your face when you were sleeping on the street. >> it's fascinating to me, because it's interesting that this bird is the one th

. >> it could have been charlie sheen. >> the was a female tsa agent at laguardia apd was in a d moodshe looked at me and said you look grumpy, can i have a hug. >> i would be suspicious. >> you know, maybe they're doing one of those pat-downs. >> i hope. >> just be leery of the airport by the way. >> exactly. >> if you're me, it's going to be a long day. you might enjoy it, but it's going to be a long day. >>> well, it would be like me giving you diet and workout tips. not that you would trust them. now the [ tires screech ] [ beeping ] ♪ [ male announcer ] we don't just certify our pre-owned vehicles. we inspect, analyze and recondition each one, until it's nothing short of a genuine certified pre-owned... mercedes-benz for the next new owner. ♪ hurry in to your authorized mercedes-benz dealer for 1.99% fincing during our certified pre-owned sales event through september 3rd. >> well, forget about mom naggg. how about the government. the white house making teams to suggest behavior modification like you saving more energy. >> we'll have big posters of president obama starring and ey

amber is reportedly set to play charlie sheen's long lost lesbian daughter. >> i think this year will be the funniest year of "two and a half men" e thing. >> that's huge. >> i risks. i'm going to take make that statement. >> it's already a big year for kutcher. >> how does somebody know what they want if they have never even seen? >> getting solid reviews as apple co-founder steve jobs in the highly anticipated "jobs >> i heard you were channeling steve already in the first time that you met the director. >> no, no. >> that's what he told me. >> i was trying to channel sta job interview, right? >> a job interview he nailed, thanks i to his physical resemblance to the young jobs. the funny thing is ashton doesn't see it. >> there were me crazy. we didn't have the same nose. i'm a little bit taller than he is. i tried to approximate as much as i could. >> mission accomplished, "jobs" in theaters friday the 16th. >> up next, patrick dempsey gets terri all revved up. >> where does this passion for racing come? >> from racing cars to "grey's anatomy" season 10, let's keep . >> tonight's "

. >> it could have been charlie sheen. >> there was a female tsa agent at laguardia apd was in a bad mood. she looked at me and said you look grumpy, can i have a hug. >> i would be suspicious. >> you know, maybe they're doing one of those pat-downs. >> i hope. >> just be leery of the airport by the way. >> exactly. >> if you're me, it's going to be a long day. you might enjoy it, but it's going to be a long day. >>> well, it would be like me giving you diet and workout tips. not that you would trust them. now the government is going to teach you how to behave and save. a quarter million tweeters musicare tweeting.eamed. and 900 million dollars are changing hands online. that's why the internet needs a new kind of server. one that's 80% smaller. uses 89% less energy. and costs 77% less. it's called hp moonshot. and it's giving the internet the room it needs to grow. this ...is going to be big. it's time to build a better enterprise. together. "do i really need to add downy every time?" and i say, "yes. you really do." [ sniffs ] just toss downy unstopables in before the wash. then po

like justin bieber, or perhaps cho charlie sheen is a better choice. >> the first robot i made was ap comedian. i thought it would be all about watching the audience. i thought the audience would really define what humor was and everyone in the audience would have unique characters. >> hello, men and women. it's an honor to be here. you guys are looking good out there. ready for some jokes? >> in the first system i designed, the robot was watching and tracking their laughter, their applause, and i had given the audience these feedback parts that could be red or green depending on how they liked something. it was a robot that really cared about other people, you know? i don't know how many comedy shows you all have been to lately, but there are a lot of different ways to do comedy. >> so a doctor says to his patient, i have bad news and worse news. the bad news is that you only have 24 hours to live. that's terrible, said the patient. how can the news possibly be worse? i thi i've been trying to contact you since yesterday. >> i want to see a world where we actually have useful robots

police escorted charlie sheen from dulles airport 30 miles to downtown washington for a personal appearance posted about running red lights with a jab at brooke mueller. and there was uproar in 2008 over this 100-yard police escort for britney spears, when she checked into an l.a. psych ward. it included a dozen motorcycles, two cruisers, and two helicopters. and look at this. >> you're the man! >> last year new jersey state troopers escorted a convoy of millionaires driving their high performance sports cars to atlantic city, at speeds in excess of 100 miles an hour. now lebron gets to enjoy life in the fast lane, with a police escort. >> police escort on the wrong side of the street. >>> now an entirely new spin on the idea of family bonding. this family believes nothing brings a family together like armageddon. so they are actually building a castle where they can hunker down if doomsday ever arrives. >> protect yourself and provide! protect yourself and survive! >> brent is building a castle, yep, a castle, so his family will have a safe place to ride out what he believes are dangerous

reports of a high school affair with her married teacher and surprise connection to charlie sheen's ex-brookestin beiber's night in the hamptons ends in a bloody

. >> don't date charlie sheen. >> they say it smells like toasted rice, last i checked poop smells like i'm pretty confident about that. >> this is nightingale poop. >> i love that robert knows so much about it. you were -- >> i know people that get this treatment. >> i know some people. >> some of the top supermodels use that treatment. >> really? >> absolutely. >> it keeps their skin, young and fresh and filled in. amazing. but not like nightingale poop. >> i could have bottled my children's poop. >> it's not the same stuff. >> mother, father. terrible. >> now they are starting to eat the nightingale poop. >> really? robert? that is too much information. bill told me that earlier. i got that from him. >> did you share your food in the green room. >> i'm never eating again when i come here. >> isn't that the way society is, everyone is trying to find the new hot thing to put on their face. >> i'm way ahead of everyone on this. you would put bird poop on your face when you were sleeping on the street. >> it's fascinating to me, because it's interesting that this bird is the one that the

thanks, you will keep charlie sheen away. >> melissa mccarthy at the gym. >> when did he get so buff? >> he is going to kill all the jews himself! his veins are just like popping out of his arm. >> maybe that's a sign that he is living like healthy. >> or not healthy. >> i have had so many people come up to my gym saying they saw this show and they saw you guys say that people -- >> you're totally right. not everyone does it. >> yeah. they were like really offended. >> because you go to a gym where everyone is on drugs. >> no. >> coming up -- >> we got blair hamilton. >> we need to go to new york for a second. >> stop right there. >> oh, my god. [laughter] >> closed captioning and other considerations for "tmz" provided by -- >> we got blair hamilton, the b.y. surfer. >> kelly slater is one of the most dominant figures in sports history. is he more dominant demand muhammad alley possibly? >> i'm dying to know what he says. >> boxing and surfing is hard to compare. kelly is as good as anybody that has ever been good as they do. >> kelly slater one more in the sport. the >> we need to g

amber is reportedly y set to pla charlie sheen's long lost lesbian daughter. >> i think this year will be the funniest year of "two and a half men" ever. that's a big thing. >> that's huge. >> i like taking big risks. i'm going to take the risko make that statement. >> it's already a big year for kutcher. >> how does somebody know what they want if they have never even seen? >> getting solid reviews as apple co-founder steve jobs in the highly anticipated "jobs." >> i heard you w were channeling steve already in the first time that you met the director. >> no, n >> that's what he told me. >> i was trying to channel steve. it's like a job interview, right? >> a job interview he nailed, thanks in part to his physical resemblance to the young jobs. the funny thing is ashton doesn't see it. >> there were things that drove me crazy. we didn't have the same nose. i'm a little bit taller than h e is i tried to appximate as much as i could. >> mission accomplished, "jobs" in theaters friday the 16th. >> up next, patrick dempsey gets terri all revved up. >> where does this passion for racing co

most species mate for a season or two and then move on, charlie sheen.future species mate for life. sarah palin should know, the wonderfuls she likes to kill kill--the wolves she likes to kill, they're monogopomous,. i think it can be the most beautiful thing beyond romance, and who knows mating for life we're bringing our own evolution, in a thousand generations its positive, beautiful just not necessarily natural. two cities came out on monogomy came out and why humans started to practice it. one university in london looked at primates, and monogomous parents evolved for fathers to protect their young. but another study concluded harrhairy beasts became monogoms and so males had to fend off competition. it's not about love, a guy settling down so he can get some on a regular basis. so monogamy came before romance instead now it comes after romance. humans are not monogomous by nature. terminally monogamous there would be no point of having a huge party when had a couple makes a commitment. and these studies prove that mating for life by choice began du

if it doesn't, it's like being anthony weiner's online etiquette course or charlie sheen's anger managementual harassment course. you know what i mean? it will not be a good advertisement if this does not end well. >> it's a guarantee, though. lindsey lohan has been in and out of rehab six times. we just saw that advertisement. she's cured. this possibly can't happen again. >> i want to say one thing. there's a huge number of american who is are substance abusers, alcohol and drug dependent. it's staggering. the thing that really causes a knot in your stomach is the idea that there are a lot of desperate folks out there, folks who are big fans of oprah, they may have a -- >> she's been in and out of rehab six times. >> exactly. >> like a lot of people. >> exactly. and you're tugging at the heart strings like this and you're at a beautiful place and it makes me very nervous about what oprah is doing to those folks that love her. >> they defended their decision. they said before we can help people, we need to reach them. cable tv is an excellent way to do that. that was part of their statemen

that definitely works like a shake weight. [ laughter ] i want to say congratulations to my man, charlie sheena granddaughter this week. yep. the nurse was like i hope you are ready to do some baby-sitting. [ laughter ] and the baby was like don't worry, i am. [ laughter and applause ] charlie, don't put that in your mouth. charlie, put that down. [ applause ] do you guys watch "america's got talent" here on nbc? [ cheers ] a great show. last night they brought out this cute little girl to sing for the judges and it started off very, very sweet and then it took a turn. just check this out. ♪ ♪ [ screaming ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what? >> jimmy: right after that she bit the head off of barbie. it was -- [ laughter ] did you hear what miley cyrus said the other day? she was in an interview and she said that her new short haircut has changed her life. now whenever she signs an autograph, people are like thanks, sting. [ laughter ] and finally i'm very excited about this. my man tom hanks has signed on to star in "inferno" the third "da vinci code" movie. yeah. [ cheers and applause ]

to a broken nose on charlie sheen's breakdown and the lion.dult is 18% use twitter which is up from 16% last week last year. twitter is most popular among some black and latinos. which i found interesting saltwater is a great source of information. >> reporter: we are watching cable prices on the rise >> kate will contact companies are san that were not going to have contact or provide content. cable television plus cable internet is up 20 percent since 2010 that is scary inflation and a lot of americans are pushing back because they simply can't afford it anymore. they do not want me to leave because i will never go back. >> reporter: saw action closure on the nobel on watch when the bill on wall street. >> reporter: rocky reduce right now on the upper jobs movie. >> also review's right now on the e steve jobs movie. we kind of know how it's going to end. >> pam: george duke is being mourned by the music industry and the gesture on the rhine was a day slavered he was a key jazz keyboardist accurate smokey robinson, miles davis and gladys knig

is he doing better than charlie sheen was?a ratings juggernaut during charlie sheen days. not -- >> he made more than $750,000 an episode. >> nail in the coffin this morning. thanks. >>> we're going to take a break here on "new day." when we come back, can mark zuckerberg make history, dot, dot, dot, again. first social media and then the facebook phenomenon and then we'll tell you what it is in this exclusive interview. >>> the family of kidnap and murder suspect james dimaggio is asking the anderson family for dna samples. the reason? it will shock you. ♪ norfolk southern what's your function? ♪ ♪ hooking up the country helping business run ♪ ♪ build! we're investing big to keep our country in the lead. ♪ load! we keep moving to deliver what you need. and that means growth, lots of cargo going all around the globe. cars and parts, fuel and steel, peas and rice, hey that's nice! ♪ norfolk southern what's your function? ♪ ♪ helping this big country move ahead as one ♪ ♪ norfolk southern how's that function? ♪ >>> breaking over

people are wondering is it going to be like michael douglas and charlie sheen? >> it could be.ie together. >> you've got be interested in that even though it involves bankers. >> it's great trailer. it looks cool through and through. >> what to we have? up next we've got ""the hunger games"" sequel which is highly anticipated. >> yeah. the first one was such a blockbuster. this one they got a much bigger budget for. we'll see better costumes and amped up action as well as the arrival of finnic who fans of ""the hunger games"" will know as the big hunk who makes this less of a triangle and more of a love square. >> that sounds promising. how many sequels are they going to have? >> there's going to be two more after this, so it will be four movies in all out of the three books. >> and we'll have the sequel to "the hobbit." it did good box office but it wasn't -- >> it wasn't a favorite. this was supposed to be -- peter jackson was supposed to make two hobbit movies and they did and warner brothers decided after the fact let's spread it into three movies. >> people are going to tu

. >> they broke again about charlie sheen's meltdown.g. 18% of americans used twitter which is up. i was surprised that winter is just as popular against what people described. we are getting our information and socially speaking facebook leaks had n google +. they are a great source of affirmation. >> we are watching cable prices. are we going to hold on to our cable companies? >> we are going to push back. a cable ceo stated that it will be times when that will not provide content. they will probably move to more apps. $273 a month. there of from 2010. that is scary inflation and a lot of americans are pushing back because they just cannot afford it. i called my cable company and i told them the same thing that i could not pay that much anymore. they did not want me to leave so they cut my price. >> a loser, new "jobs " trailer calls steve jobs and american legend. ashton k utcher rang opening bell. i do not think that it will be a big hit. >> you can catch rob black segments on our news as well as on our 24/7 news channel segments on

. >> charlie sheen? >> brian: he went to college? e fan, i know that. >> brian: that's 'cause he we know there. >> is that right? >> brian: i think so. >> steve: and he's sticking around. >> brian: he fired his agent now. who booked me on this show . . here, try this. mm, ok! ching! i like the fact that there's lots of different tastes going on. mmmm! breakfast i'm very impressed. this is a great cereal! honey bunches of oats. i hear you crunching. for our so slimming jeans. meet our instantly slimming, secretly shaping dresses, skirts and pants. slim, smooth, flatter. the so slimming collection. only at chico's and chicos.com. you know, from our 4,000 television commercials. yep, there i am with flo. hoo-hoo! watch it! [chuckles] anyhoo, 3 million people switched to me last year, saving an average of $475. [sigh] it feels good to help people save... with great discounts like safe driver, multicar, and multipolicy. so call me today. you'll be glad you did. cannonbox! [splash!] and you know what i walked out with? [ slurps ] [ dad ] a

amber is reportedly set to play charlie sheen's long lost lesbian daughter. >> i think this year will be the funniest year of "two andver. that's a big thing. >> that's huge. >> i like taking big risks. i'm going to take the risk to make that statement. >> it's already a big year for kutcher. >> how does somebody know what want if they have never even seen? >> getting solid reviews as apple co-founder steve jobs in the highly anticipated "jobs." >> i heard you were channeling steve already in the first time that you met the director. >> no, no. >> that's what he told me. >> i was trying to channel it's like a job interview, right? >> a job interview he nailed, thanks in part to his physical resemblance to the young jobs. the funny thing is ashton doesn't see it. >> there were things that drove me crazy. we didn't have the same nose. i'm a little bit taller than he is. i tried to approximate as much as i could. >> mission accomplished, "jobs" in theaters friday the 16th. >> up next, patrick dempsey gets terri all re racing come? >> from racing cars anatomy" secrets. >> season 10, let's

. >> charlie sheen trashed your office. >> wow. >> that explains why you're so creative.sident like we have never seen him before. we're used to seeing our commanders in chief enjoying a little golf now and then. time on the green seems like a way to escape. but president clinton took a different approach recently. he tweeted this photo to rory mcilroy telling the golf champ, i'm working on my short game. only a few strokes behind my niece fiona and nephew simon. apparently president clinton enjoys mini golf just like all of us do. >> how does he do it in a window? >> trending right here on "today," we can all rest easy very soon. that's because the rest of us are all going to get our first look at kim kardashian's baby with kanye west. kanye himself will unveil the photo on the kris jenner show, hosted of course by kim's mom. on the program he addressed head-on criticism of his relationship with kim. >> i don't care. i love this woman. someone can say, you know, when the paparazzi surround you, people, everyone knows you don't like paparazzi. why would you -- you know, w