cheers and applause ] >> and he headlines some of comedy central's roasts like the epic one of charlie sheenre tonight to honor and hopefully arrest a man who was great in two things 25 years ago, charlie sheen. [ applause ] >> in 2012 he makes another bold move. >> i'm going to name you teddy. >> directing his first feature. ♪ people let me tell you about my best friend ♪ >> "ted," the story of a stuffed animal come to life and his lifelong pal. >> in a perfect world we wanted to do like an r-rated "e.t." >> i want to do a dirty fozzie. >> the concept is so out there mark wahlberg initially balm l >> i don't want to do the teddy bear thing. >> let's hear the thunder song. ♪ when you hear the sound of thunder don't you get too scared ♪ >> he helps animate ted through motion capture technology. >> i am a former celebrity in a minimum wage job. >> the film opens in june of 2012 and becomes an unexpected and gigantic hit. >> let him in. >> let him in, exactly. >> good, okay. >> all of the success with "ted" were you kind of like how did this happen? >> i had no idea what to expect. >> i love yo

charlie sheen has a few choice words for rihanna. was with his fiance who is a big fan of the singer. he sent word asking if they could meet. rihanna said no. that set charlie off on a twitter rant. >> he wrote, sorry were not kool enough to warrant a blessing from the princess, or in this case the village idiot. >> there was word the paparazzi may have made her so shy. he wrote, if you don't want to get bothered, don't leave your house. >> i don't know why he feels the need to attack. two wrongs not making a right. why does she have to come and meet you? >> exactly. i agree. >>> whitney houston is getting a lifetime tv treatment. a new movie about the late singer's relationship with husband bobby brown is in the works. it will follow the couple from the first time they met through their courtship and tempestuous marriage. >> oscar-nominated actress angela bassett has been tabbed to direct the movie. it's her first time behind the camera. the mustard seed that makes french's yellow mustard. 100% natural from me to you. with 40% more

charlie sheen lost his job. paula deen lost millions of dollars. monica lewinski he retreated from the public eye and is now trying to change that. many empathize with lewinski after her relationship with clinton because it was clear lit ultimate imbalance of power. but most realize that at the same time, she was a grown woman. old enough to make her own decisions. and she decided to have a sexual relationship with a sitting president. in my humble opinion, she has also decided in the 15 years sense to hide and largely run away from it and not to own her own story. hear me out. monica lewinski by her own admission has had plenty of opportunities in business and otherwise to right her own story and navigate a new court for her life. she has chosen not to. while the public has largely moved on, it is her who has not, until now. and it is about time. in fact, it is past time. so joining me now is sunny hostin. charles owing eltree a professor in law. michael la been founder he of la been communications. i will start with you professor ogletree. have y

the longest inter-species dating event in hollywood even including the people that went out with charlie sheenelationship is one thing, but marriage is another. ms. piggy claims their vows in the muppet movie are legit. but kermit insists it was only pretend. ever optimistic, ms. piggy denies her boyfriend has cold webbed feet. >> it is mutual, isn't it? >> of course, of course. >> is he really going to marry you? >> there will be a wedding. get the cards --! there will, yes, there will. >> whether we will ever see a valid muppet marriage remains achingly unclear. >> they are the greatest, will they, won't they of all time. >> so what do you think? will they or won't they? >> i don't know, i want to live in this romantic touching lives. >> coming up. the man behind the muppets. >> do you feel like you owe your careers to jim henson. >> i really don't know who this person is. >> they may deny it, but we get to the man who spun this into gold. ♪ abe! get in! punch it! let quicken loans help you save your money. with a mortgage that's engineered to amaze! thanks, g. that's odd. (vo) celebrate thi

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i heard that charlie sheen recently spoke at career day at his daughter's elementary school. [ laughter ] it was really fun. charlie was like, "if you guys work really hard, you can do anything you want." and the teacher said, "mr. sheen, those are goldfish. the children are over here." he said, "oh, yeah. [ laughter ] duh. swimming." [ laughter ] this actually kind of scared me. this week, scientists revealed that a massive solar blast narrowly missed the earth back in 2012. or as the mayans put it, "almost told you so." [ laughter ] forget to carry the one. [ laughter ] i can't believe we came that close to being hit by a solar blast. when i heard that at first -- [ laughter ] as you may have heard this week, president obama imposed sanctions on several top russian and ukrainian officials. that may seem harsh, but it's not all bad. in a show of good faith, the u.s. also gave out awards to each of them. sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks. like most likely to succeed, class clown, stuff like that. with that in mind it's time for "tonight show superlatives." here we go. [ che

cocaine dealers and ladies of the night are playing a big role in the economic recovery without charlie sheene first time drug sales, prostitution and smuggling will be included in italy's gdp calculation. i promise, this is no joke. the italian prime minister is hoping a little bit of illicit number crunching will help boost that nation's dismal financial figures. >>> moving to china where one job opening has their enthusiasts everywhere polishing their rest mace. panda protection and reserve center is on look for full-time caretaker. perks are not that pad. 32,000 doll a year, suv and housing but only problem you have to clean up after the pandas. >>> visitors are flocking to the a zoo to partake in relaxing python massage for price of admission. you too can have 550-pound of man-crushing snake slither on top of you while you float away in sea of tranquility. participants are warned not to scream or breathe too hard on the reptiles. wouldn't want to make the snakes nervous. why would anybody want to pay for that? >>> mcdonald's ceo frying up controversy during the minimum wage debate during

charlie sheen, rob ford, screech, dustin diamond, and finally rob ford again. [ laughter ] he was onre twice. two times. [ cheers and applause ] hey, i saw a trailer for the 3-d full length "peanuts" movie was released this week. it's going to be the first 3d cartoon that parents will have to drag their kids to see. it is about a depressed boy and a dog that doesn't talk. come on. let's go. it's fun. [ laughter ] >> steve: the dog doesn't talk? >> jimmy: no, the dog doesn't talk and the boy is bald. let's go, it's really fun. [ laughter ] there is a lot of jazz. there's jazz music. come on, let's go watch. exactly, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] let's go see it can't wait! 3d oh my god! >> jimmy: get this, i just read about a couple in mexico that is getting married to each other every single day this year. [ light laughter ] i guess the water isn't the only thing in mexico that makes you throw up. [ laughter ] who cares. get a job. get a hobby. volunteer. do something good for the world. we love each other so much we're getting married every day. who cares. do something with yourself