[cheers and applause] i'm darlene. how is everyone out here lex. [cheers an?ian, gay, bisexual and transgender community for 30 years. [cheers and applause] i am glad to be here with my friend, ellen. >> [inaudible] largest strongest national civil and human rights coalition. [inaudible] with the task force -- [inaudible] >> how far this country has come. [inaudible] >> fantastic. we have truly reached the tipping point on marriage equality. [cheers and applause] and let me tell you, looking out at this crowded, the tipping point, looking at you, i see that tipping point and i celebrate with you, this beautiful crowd today. thank you all so much for being out here today. [cheers and applause] >> that's right. let's give it up for all the. thank you so much for being here today. now, we know that only those inside the court behind us know the ultimate outcome of today's decision, of today's cases. but out here and around the country, we know that the american people are with us, and they are with us in droves. republicans, democrats, a super majority of our fel

[ cheers ] blue 32. blue 32. hut, hut. ♪ not all at once. [ cheers ] all right. not all at once.go for it. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: any one, any one of the bowls. there you go. [ cheers ] he went back. he doesn't want to do it. there you go. there you go, bud. there go. you can do it. take it. there you go. oh. [ cheers ] oh my --e the ravens! oh, my goodness! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] there they did it. oh, my goodness. they did it, guys. we have a super bowl winner. the ravens! [ cheers and applause ] that's all the time we have for "audience suggestion box." stick around. we'll be right back with jude law, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] get email that lets you share, organize and stay up-to-date like never before. [ crisp crunches ] whoo-hoo-hoo! guess it was. [ male announcer ] pringles, bursting with more flavor. sales event has begun. ♪ featuring the lexus gs and is performance lines. because control is the ultimate expression of power. ♪ get great values on your favorite lexus models, during the command performance sales event. this is the

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have an amazing show tonight.s timber-week all week along! [ cheers and applause ] justin timberlake all week long. also on the show -- what a hot show we have. he is an nba legend and now you can see him talking basketball on tnt, charles barkley is here! sir charles barkley. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: funny dude. >> jimmy: from the great show "girls," the lovely, the talented allison williams is dropping in! [ cheers and applause ] i love her. plus, he's a grammy award-winning producer and a music industry icon, clive davis is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] and once again, we will have music from the great justin timberlake tonight! [ cheers and applause ] brand new music he's playing. he's unbelievable. >> steve: like a one, two, three, boom. >> jimmy: here's his album right there "20/20 experience." [ cheers and applause ] march 19th it comes out. one of the most talented people i've ever met. >> steve: ever. >> jimmy: and he's unbelievable. and he might do something else too. >> steve: what? are

cheers. >> cheers. [ cheers and applause ] that was "night news now." stick around.eers and applause ] ♪ in basketball, it is better to be a fast player or a slow player? [ all ] fast! so what would your nickname be? mmmhmm. it would be fast-y because you're really fast when you go. what about you? nicky flash? why nicky? because it rhymes with flash. close... yeah. close. [ male announcer ] it's not complicated. faster is better. and at&t is the nation's fastest 4g lte network for your iphone 5. ♪ [ crisp crunches ] whoo-hoo-hoo! guess it was. [ male announcer ] pringles, bursting with more flavor. i you're suffering from constipation, miralax or metamucil may take days to work. for faster relief, try dulcolac laxative tablets. dulcolac provides gentle relief overnight unlike miralax and metamucil that can take up to 3 days. ♪ [ male announcer ] every car we build must make adrenaline pump and pulses quicken. ♪ to help you not just stay alive... but feel alive. the c-class is no exception. it's a mercedes-benz, through and through. see your authorized mercedes-benz

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody!ou so much for watching! we have a great show tonight. we love it when he stops by. from "law & order: svu," ice-t is here! [ cheers and applause ] he's a good actor. talented guy. plus, speaking of talented guys, he's the host of "talking dead" and "the nerdist." gosh, i love when he comes by. >> steve: love this guy. >> jimmy: he's very funny. chris hardwick is dropping in! [ cheers and applause ] he's such a cool guy. >> steve: love him. >> jimmy: funny guy. and now, he's, like, the most powerful dude ever. >> steve: i've known him for, like, 20 years, that kid. >> jimmy: have you known chris -- >> steve: yep. >> jimmy: from what? mtv days? >> steve: yeah, from mtv days. on -- it was called -- i forget what the show was called. no. before "singled out." nope. one you've never heard of called "garbage show." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you made that up. >> steve: no, it was the name -- it was a show -- it was called "trash." >> jimmy: oh, yeah! >> steve: yeah. and it was about -- you woul

[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody.y guest tonight is an actor, director author, poet and model. but you probably know him from this interview we're about to do. please welcome james franco. [cheers and applause] good to see you again. thanks for coming back. [cheers and applause] nice to see you again. >> very good to see you. so happy to be here. >> stephen: you are always a friendly face. as i said you are an actor, director, writer, poet, artist, student, teacher recently grand marshal at the daytona 500. i didn't know you were a gear head. >> love it. >> stephen: you like cars? >> love nascar can't you tell. >> stephen: your hair looks like you are driving 80 miles per hour right now. >> you, too brother. >> stephen: sideways like. this head out the windows. >> stephen: you are playing a guy named oscar diggs, aka oz which say prequel to the other movie. in a way. you only seat wizard tep end. he is giving out the gifts. our movie about is how that guy got to the land of oz and became the wizard. >> stephen: you as

and applause ] monday is going to be sexy. [ cheers ] tuesday, sexy. [ cheers ] wednesday's going toe really sexy. [ cheers ] thursday, we're going to take a break and be sexy. [ laughter ] and then friday, we're bringing sexy back. that is what we're going to do the whole week. [ cheers and applause ] you know, i had to do it. just get it out of the way. >> steve: you had to say it. >> jimmy: before we get started, i want to take a second to address some rumors that have been going on about me and what i might do next. i just want to say that the rumors are true. i will be taking over for joy behar on "the view." [ cheers and applause ] i just feel like -- i just feel like it's -- do you want to go, too? yeah? if hasselbeck goes, you can come with me. yeah, all right, good. check this out, you guys. tomorrow, the college of cardinals will gather at the vatican where they will vote four times a day until they select a new pope. and if that doesn't work, they'll move on to the tiebreaker -- rock, bible, scissors. [ laughter ] i didn't know that. i'm learning. i'm learning. [ applause

[ cheers and applause ] was it kat? [ cheers and applause ] or was it jamie?c. jamie, that means you will be going home with a $300 gift certificate to guitar center. [ cheers and applause ] but, no one goes home empty handed. the other two contestants will each get a $100 gift certificate to guitar center. and -- ♪ [ cheers and applause ] since it's merch madness here at late night, you'll also be getting one of these stylish "late night with jimmy fallon" hoodies. whoa. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] give it up for your three new instant songwriters. you all did great. that was phenomenal. thank you so much. we'll be right back with usher, everybody! come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ who thinks more is better than less? okay why? more is better than less because if stuff is not le-- if there is more less stuff then you might want to have some more and your parents just don't let you because there's only a little bit. right. we want more, we want more. like you really like it, you want more. right. i follow you. [ male announcer ] it's not complicated. more

captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, everybody. thank you so much for joining us. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting "stephen!"] thank you, ladies and gentlemen, please sit down. [cheers and applause] welcome to the show, everybody. thank you for joining us. [cheers and applause] thank you, everyone in here welcome to the program. dominus vobiscum. folks, as the cardinal of cable, i'm giving you nave to narthex coverage of pope benedict's resignation in my new series "popewatch: inde-schism 2013." [cheers and applause] remembers -- remembers folks -- remember, it has been over 700 years since anyone has voluntarily depoped themselves. [laughter] well, buckle your chausable, because there are dramatic new developments. we all know that when a cardinal is elevated to the papacy, he becomes the heir of st. peter there choose a new name. so, naturally, now that benedict xvi is leaving office, he has asked that we call him simply: benedict the xvi. [laughter] okay. okay. that's understandable. he do

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a really great show tonight.hank you for watching. oh, it's gonna be fun. but first, i'm very excited about this. tomorrow night, we are having an easter egg hunt on our show. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: hunt. >> steve: oh, sorry. >> jimmy: we are having -- [ laughter ] higgins? >> steve: what? >> jimmy: you got to wear your headphones, dude. [ laughter ] that's right. we are going to hide this beautiful egg somewhere in the studio, okay? and the first person watching at home who correctly tweets the location to @latenightjimmy with the hashtag #falloneasteregg -- there it is right there on the screen, technology -- will get this beautiful easter basket full of goodies. look at this. yeah, i'm talking about -- we've got t-shirts, we've got a sweatshirt over here. if you want a medium, all we have are larges. [ laughter ] >> steve: well, don't call me. >> jimmy: well then, don't call me. just google me, man, or whatever you have to do at home. >> steve: do a hashtag, man! >> jimmy: don't put it on instagram, it ain'

and applause ] ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ [ light laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ [ light laughter ] [he new $3 six-inch select! this march, we're kicking things off with the low fat oven roasted chicken $3 six-inch select. it's available all month long as one of our march featured values, the newest way to enjoy subway every day! subway. eat fresh. cuz all month long we're serving up the buffalo chicken $6 footlong special! big, bold buffalo footlong flavor for just $6! it's one of our march featured values: the newest way to enjoy subway every day! subway. eat fresh. sales event has begun. ♪ featuring the powerful gs. ♪ just when you thought you had experienced performance a new ride comes along and changes everything. ♪ get great values on your favorite lexus models during the command performance sales event. this is the pursuit of perfection. during the command performance sales event. so if ydead battery,t tire, need a tow or lock your keys in the car, geico's emergency roadside assistance is there 24/7. oh dear, i got a flat tire. hmmm. uh... yeah, can you find a take where it's

♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: j.t.! [ cheers ] >> thanks, guys.that's thanks on behalf of what you've done. >> have you been watching this week? [ cheers and applause ] so it wasn't for nothing? >> jimmy: justin, it was the most fun. i'm seriously going to miss you. we had fun. are you gonna -- [ audience aws ] >> i'll miss you, too. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's so not sincere at all. >> what do you mean? >> jimmy: are you going to miss me? >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: again, you keep looking away. >> come on, man. jimmy -- i love you. [ audience aws ] of course i'm going to miss you. [ laughter ] ♪ i had so much fun this week. >> jimmy: i just -- i haven't drank in a couple of days. >> yeah, no, it's cool. [ laughter ] get him a drink? >> jimmy: but actually, you've been in this building for two weeks because -- >> i have. it's been very surreal. >> jimmy: it's like you've been working in the office. >> i know. >> jimmy: "snl" was the week before. >> jimmy shows up to work every day. i'm like, "hey, jimmy, still here, yup." [ laughter ]

[cheers and applause] you know this has been hard -- [cheers and applause] ladies and gentlemen -- [cheers and applause] thank you. please, sit down. sit down. nation, i've missed you. [cheers and applause] i've been on vacation for the last two weeks in the kay man islands visiting my -- cayman islands visiting my money. [laughter] it says hi by the way. the miss the rough and tumble of news cycle. getting my opinion out there about the stories that matter, the crisis in cyprus, the assault weapons ban, the release of "the croods". this movie has a small government message in that government has not yet been invented. but as one of america's most influential catholics i wanted to cover the conclave to name a new pope. it's like the christian super bowl except with less thanking jesus. [laughter] as a broadcaster, i love this story, folks, because there's no more thrilling tv than live footage of the vatican chimney. [laughter] santa's first stop every year by the way. waiting for that pivotal moment when the smoke changes color. >> we have smoke. it appears -- it appears gray. it's whitis

there it is right there. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] that's weird. one of those hallmark cards. they scream when you open it up. >> steve: don't open that in the library. >> jimmy: he might do another little piece for us too, tonight. [ cheers and applause ] maybe. our first guest, though, this evening is hilarious in everything he does. he has a new movie coming out, the one and only steve carell is here! [ cheers and applause ] i love that guy. plus, she's a great actress. her new movie, "the call," opens this friday. abigail breslin is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] and as i said, we will have music from the great justin timberlake! [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. so fun. have you guys ever wondered what celebrities are whispering to each other when they're on the red carpet or at press conferences? we have too. and that's why we sent our entertainment correspondent from the uk, mr. peggy hess, with his highly sensitive microphones to get to the bottom of it. that's right, it's time for "celebrity whispers." [ cheers and applause ] ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a fun show tonight!s the best. from the new movie "admission," the great, tina fey is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] plus, from "jack the giant slayer" the very talented, bill nighy is going to be here! [ cheers and applause ] and we have music from bob mould. oh, it's going to be good. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: husker du. >> jimmy: you guys, it is time for "late night hashtags." here we go. ♪ hashtags hashtags hashtags, hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: these are lists on twitter where we give you the topic and you send in the tweets. so because "celebrity apprentice" is starting soon here at nbc -- i think it's on this sunday -- i saw it, it's nuts. i mean, they brought back all the nut people. >> steve: oh, okay. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: gary busey in the house. >> steve: no lance armstrong? >> jimmy: no, no, no. [ laughter ] so, i went on twitter and i started a hashtag called #howigotfired, and i asked you guys at home to tweet us a weird, funny or embarrassing story about a time you'

[cheers and applause] ♪ [laughter] [cheers and applause] [laughter] >> how long have i got? on there for him! [cheers and applause] >> ricky! ricky! ricky! ricky! ricky! >> 42 seconds. >> help me get my foot in. ♪ >> less than 30 seconds! 30 seconds! [cheers and applause] >> well -- >> 20 seconds. [laughter] >> eight, seven six five, four three two, one. [cheers and applause] guess what? he did it everyone. so that means everyone in our audience is going home with a 1-800 flowers savings pass. for your chance to win one at home, go to thetalk.com. ricky schroder everyone! "our wild hearts" premieres this saturday night at 8:00 on hallmark movie channel. we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] up next, from "the biggest loser" jillian michaels. lps provide many with day and night relief of heartburn symptoms caused by acid reflux disease. there is risk of bone fracture and low magnesium levels. side effects may include headache abdominal pain, and diarrhea. call your doctor right away if you have persistent diarrhea. other serious stomach conditions may exist. don't take n

and applause ) [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting "stephen"] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome report to, everybody. thank you for joining us. thank you so much. please. [cheers and applause] thank you. please. please -- thank you for join us. thank you for being here and out there and a special good evening to whatever poor staff is down at comedy central and logging all the little clips for my show right now. it's a horrible job. get out of there. happy birthday. nation, it's hard to get through the noise of washington, d.c. but last night name an epic stand on the senate floor by libertarian senator rand paul. >> to washington we go now where a bit of a rarity taking place today, republican senator rand paul kentucky right now filibustering president obama's choice for c.i.a. director john brennan. senator paul said he will talk until he no longer can. you talk and talk to prevent a vote. >> stephen: talking and talking and talking to fill hours of empty time. [laughter] it's the story cable news was born to cover. [ laughter ] folks, senator paul started his filibuster in r

[cheers and applause] look at that! look at that! [cheers and applause] wow. [cheers and applause] wow, i must have missed the moment when racism ended. i wonder when it was? the time ross dated aisha tyler on "friends"? [laughter] or when keebler added a black elf? [laughter] oh, i know, it must have been when they made slavery illegal in mississippi all the way back in four weeks ago. [laughter] [ applause ] in fact, we're living in such a post-racial utopia that we couldn't suppress black votes even if we wanted to! which we definitely don't. [laughter] luckily conservative stalwart and justice-the-hutt antonin scalia knows that the courts have to decide this, because even though racism is over, america's elected representatives lack the bicameral ball sack to vote against this thing. >> i am fairly confident it will be reenacted in perpetuity unless-- unless a court can say it does not comport with the constitution. it's-- it's a concern that this is not the kind of a question you can leave to congress. even the name of it is wonderful: the voting rights a

cheers. >> cheers. [ cheers and applause ] that was "night news now." stick around.eers and applause ] ♪ uh, i'm in a timeout because apparently riding the dog like it's a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment! luckily though, ya know, i conceal this bad boy underneath my blanket just so i can get on e-trade. check my investment portfolio, research stocks... wait, why are you taking... oh, i see...solitary. just a man and his thoughts. and a smartphone... with an e-trade app. ♪ nobody knows... [ male announcer ] e-trade. investing unleashed. why let erectile dysfunction get in your way? talk to your doctor about viagra. ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain; it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing, upset stomach, and abnormal vision. to avoid long-term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away if you experience a sudden decrease or loss in vision or hearing.

[cheers and applause] folks -- [cheers and applause] if you watch this program, and i certainly hope that you do, you know that if nothing else i'm a company man. and i could not be prouder that this show is a profitmaking tsunami for my parent company viacom. [laughter] make no mistake, i am the reason ceo philippe daumann can afford his daily saffron and rosewater scrotum dips. [laughter] fresh as a daisy, sir. fresh as a daisy. [ laughter ] so when corporate calls and says, "steveo we need a sponsor integration for halls mentholyptus on your show tonight," i say, "am i contractually obligated to?" they say, "yes." i say, "then i love it." [laughter] of course, i have to protect my reputation as a newsman. i can't be selling my name to the highest bidder. so instead i'm selling my intern's name. halls, get out here! [cheers and applause] so, how does it feel to be america's number-one cough drop, halls? >> my name is jay. >> stephen: not anymore. [laughter] okay, i've already filed paperwork to legally change it. >> so my legal name is halls mentholyptus? >> stephen: well, technica

[cheers and applause] ♪

[cheers and applause] all right.first of all, watch what you say, i have a feeling that there are cameras and microphones pointed at us. do we know what is going on down at gitmo? what is controlling the switch now? >> we don't. we don't know who is controlling the switch. the judge didn't know. that was the most amazing. >> stephen: seemed to come as a surprise to him. >> yes. >> stephen: it's a military judge and they said they have no idea where the microphones are coming from. >> it's outrageous. it reminds me. the only precedent for it is the soviet constitution or iranian constitution. >> stephen: we're nothing like the old soviet union. we don't have gulags in sigh beera. we have gulags in he is stonea. [ laughter ] is it ultimately such a bad thing. these guys are guilty. [ laughter ] do you not believe ksm is guilty? >> i believe he is likely guilty and that's what trials are all about. >> stephen: the thing with trials is sometimes people are found innocent. that's the one flaw with our justice system, i be

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we also have al roker. [ cheers and applause ] roker was going to behe first guest, but i heard he likes going number two. so we -- [ laughter ] >> steve: that's good. that's good. that is good. >> jimmy: that's right, al roker is here. it's weird though. backstage he asked me where the bathrooms are, and before i could finish he was like, "never mind." [ laughter ] is that weird? we got to get these jokes out of the way. >> steve: weird, weird. yeah, get them out of the way. >> jimmy: he's about to come out. we have to get the jokes out of the way. [ light laughter ] we love al roker. this is interesting. president obama's chief speech writer is leaving the white house to pursue a career as a hollywood screenwriter. yeah. we actually got a clip of his first movie. but, to be honest, it still seems like he's in speech writing mode. take a look at this. ♪ >> it's great to be here, columbus, ohio. [ cheers ] >> i love you. look, over the past two years, i have signed into law $1.4 trillion in spending cuts and closed tax loopholes to make sure that top e

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, you sound great, roots.ou sound fantastic. you guys, we have a great, great show tonight. a giant show. he's a hilarious, gifted writer, director actor and producer. tyler perry is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] that guy can't be stopped. he's a force to be reckoned with. >> steve: he's a force. >> jimmy: also, we love him on "parks and rec." he's also got a new funny movie out. the very, very funny nick offerman is here! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh! and a woodworker. >> jimmy: yep. plus, you know him. you love him. from "queer eye for the straight guy," interior designer thom filicia is stopping by. thom is here! >> steve: what? >> jimmy: love that guy! >> steve: what? >> jimmy: and then one of my favorite dudes. got a new album out. country music superstar -- [ cheers and applause ] super stud. >> steve: super stud. >> jimmy: super studly human being. >> steve: super sized. >> jimmy: 7'9" gentleman. >> steve: yes. >> jimmy: blake shelton is here on the show tonight! [ cheers and applaus

] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here weul with them. >> 4, 5 -- >> jimmy: they're very sensitive. >> 6, 7, 8 -- 9. >> jimmy: watch it. >> 10. 11, 12, 13. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> 14. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> 15. all right. 15. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you feel pretty good right now, don't you? >> a little bit. >> jimmy: yeah. >> a little bit. >> jimmy: here we go. 1, 2, 3, 4. what? 4? 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. congratulations, you're the winner. channing tatum. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] i don't have to get that one, right? our thanks to channing tatum. go see his movie, february 8th. megan hilty joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] come alive with the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea. feel the taste. [ female announcer ] come alive with the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea. til dance do wparte ! the solos are complete... you are the pig to her bnketla. that's not breakdancing, that's break-up dancing. don't give up on us america, we're not done yet! now two must danc

[cheers & applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. [cheers and applause] folks, thank you so much. [cheers and applause] ladies and gentlemen, you know if you watch this show, if you read the news, if you know what is going on in america there's no denying that barack obama has been a failed president. [laughter] as terrible as president obama has been, his cabinet appointments have been worse. i mean, transportation secretary ray lahood? why? because his name's got a car part in it? that's a low standard. [ laughter ] what is next? secretary of the treasury penny mcnickel? now he wants the new defense secretary to be former republican senator chuck hagel. thankfully, today 15 republican senators demanded the withdrawal of hagel's nomination and it's no wonder. senate republicans have found all sorts of shady associations in hagel's past. for instance, he was once a senate republican. [laughter] and now, according to conservat

[cheers and applause] thank you so much. [cheers and applause] sit back down. okay. sir, -- [cheers and applause] -- good to see you again. good to see you. how is israel? >> it's great. terrific. >> stephen: chosen people still chosen? >> chosen people from the bible. those are the jews. we're the chosen ally of the united states, the ultimate ally in the united states in the middle east. there's one state there that is stable, democratic and totally pro-american. >> stephen: sir, you are preaching to the choir if synagogues had choirs do. they? >> some do. >> stephen: good. preach away. obama is coming whether you like it or not. and i know you don't like it. >> we're delighted. >> stephen: no you are not. what is the ultimate trip for him? what does very to go to? >> he goes to the memorial for the holocaust. he's going to be greeted by the president given the medical of distinction you talked about. it's not chocolate filled. he will meet with the prime minister netanyahu. we have a lot of common challenges, stephen. it's the situation? syria unraveling, a lot of

[cheers & applause] >> welcome back, maggots. if you want to see the video that made my audience scream, there will be directions to it on our blog. alright. the oscars were on sunday, and as always, my favorite part was when they showed the people who died this year. but it made me think, i ought to honor the people who died on the internet in 2010. ♪ [applause] ♪ ♪ [applause] there is not a dry eye in the house! actually, i'm not sure if all of those people are dead. we don't do much research around here. my apologies to the survivors and their families, but know that you have a second chance. [laughter] next week, this guy gets a web redemption. >> my name is bill davidson. and i'm taking my party's position for the treasurer. >> he's got my vote. be sure you follow me on twitter so we can live chat during the shows. keep up with our daily blog over at tosh.comedycentral.com. and my new stand-up special "happy thoughts" premieres this sunday, march 6th. so i can finally stop plugging it. [laughter] alright. it was great meetin

[ cheers and applause ] [ horn blowing ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "sports freak-out."ew barrymore, everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i need to be unrecognizable. somebody that i can pull off a fun prank with. ♪ you sort of gravitated towards the camaro. i've never driven anything like this before. ♪ it's got some power. so just get a feel for it. [ engine revs ] okay. all right. ease off just a little bit. slow down. slow down. you can't go through that gate. oh, you're an idiot. i'm gonna kill you. [ screaming ] whoo! ♪ [ screaming ] hershey's drops.whoo! perfectly bite sized drops of rich & creamy chocolate happiness. when the chocolate is hershey's, life is delicious. so if ydead battery,t tire, need a tow or lock your keys in the car, geico's emergency roadside assistance is there 24/7. oh dear, i got a flat tire. hmmm. uh... yeah, can you find a take where it's a bit more dramatic on that last line, yeah? yeah i got it right here. someone help me!!! i have a flat tire!!! well it's good... good for me. what do you think? geico. fifteen minutes coul

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good crowd tonight.d crowd tonight. we've got a fun show. you guys, timberweek continues. that's right, justin timberlake is here every night. [ cheers and applause ] it's been so fun having him here. >> steve: good times in a box. >> jimmy: i'm going to miss that guy. good times in a box. [ laughter ] also, tonight, she's got the number one new daytime talk show. the lovely, the talented katie couric is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] that'll be fun. from the new a&e series, "bates motel," freddie highmore is dropping in. [ cheers and applause ] and once again, we have music from the one, the only, justin timberlake tonight! [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. so good, what a show. hey, guys, it's time for "late night hashtags." ♪ ♪ hashtags hashtags hashtags hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: these are lists on twitter where we give you the topic and you send in the tweets. so, as you know, it's justin timberlake week here. everyone around the office is listening to music. so i went on twitter and start

[cheers and applause] come on! [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] thank you very much. , ladies and gentlemen. thank you for joining us. welcome to the broadcast. [cheers and applause] thank you so much for your love and support. you know i can't do this show without you. this show is for you. this show is to look out for what is coming in your life. [cheers and applause] and, folks, tonight i got your back, folks. as you know, tonight tonight barack-hussein obama gets to give his annual "look at me, i'm the president" speech. lop-a-doopa doo! lop-a-doopa doo! [laughter] all this stuff? it's not even in the constitution. [laughter] obama shouldn't even be up there givinging the speech. 2012 was supposed to be the gop's year: with the economy in shambles, they thought the race was theirs to lose. and they were right. [laughter] and it's not just the presidency. the republicans also lost seats in the senate. lost the popular vote in the house. and briefly lost paul ryan in the mall. [laughter] he

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: were you gonna come back and sit with me? fortune. everybody's tuned in. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. yeah, yeah, yeah. well, you know this building. we talked about this last time we were here. you've been at nbc. you started here. >> i worked here for a year. i loved working here. >> jimmy: yeah. >> this used to be "live at five," and across -- dr. oz used to be letterman. >> jimmy: that was right across -- that's right. and where were you? you -- >> we were on the second floor. >> jimmy: second floor was radio, yeah. that's not even in this building. >> i don't know what goes on here anymore. >> jimmy: you don't. but did you used to come up to this floor and say hi? >> well, i used to come up to this floor and try to poach everybody's guests. so, what would happen is we couldn't get good guests on our show, so i'd come up to the sixth floor, and i'd wait by the elevator. and anybody who was leaving letterman or leaving "live at five," when they got in the elevator, if they were a celebrity, i'd push all the buttons. [ laughter ]

[cheers and applause] mother[bleep] crazy lutherans. [bleep], those bitches are [bleep] crazy and [bleep]. he's probably angry about his hair. hey, make sure you keep up with our daily blog at comedycentral.com/tosh.0. make sure you follow me on twitter and know that every week i may or may not follow the person that sends us the best tweet during our live chat. that doesn't mean the funniest tweet or the meanest tweet. it means whatever [bleep] tweet i like the most. [laughter] make sure you come see me on the tosh tour 2010. tickets are still available. shocking. [laughter] apparently ass[bleep] isn't the draw that i thought it would be. [laughter] before we go, it's time to play a little game of "what did i do to nathan?" i'm gonna show you some footage of my friend nathan's face and you have to figure out what i'm doing. [metallic clicking] >> oh! oh! oh! [groans and laughs] mother[bleep]. >> i shot him in the ball bag seven times with a pellet gun. [crowd groaning] ready? [gun clicking] >> oh! oh! oh!