you sound like chet hanks. >> play along.eople from all over are going to start claiming california. i have to get mine first. this is the black gold rush. trying to get paid. >> maron: i will say, i'm surprised that of all the states, it's california that's proposing reparations. >> definitely, it is a big surprise. you got to give props to california, my home state, for doing this. they did it before alabama, georgia, south carolina, and california was a free state. most of the slaves were just people playing slaves in movies. >> you mean djimon honsou? >> his name ain't amistad! it's always black history month. speed when you think 360 grand can take you far. it may take you far and alabama but not l.a. that is going to dry up real quick after rent, gas, and cocaine. >> true, you write. how about this? instead of splitting up the reparation money, you know, amongst all the black folks, enter every black person into a reparations lottery, and one person gets all the money. like, it is like powerball but for slavery. >> marl

and applause] if you ask me, it is a scariest thing i've seen on social media since any post by chet hanksinct jamaican accent] >> marlon: [laughs] i am sorry, tom, i only have one more day, i promise, that's all. real talk, though, these builders have got it all wrong. the truth is, everyone is beautiful. beautiful people, we know that shit ain't true. don't tell the uggos though, they will have a revolt. we are all gorgeous. [laughs] in fact, forget a beauty filter. i want an ugly filter. i want a filter that makes me look worse. gives me acne, [bleep] up my face. then, when people meet me in real life, they're impressed. "damn, marlon, you really cleaned up! all your cold sores are gone!" look, we need to ask ourselves two questions. how can we make women less self-conscious about the way they look? and how can we make men more self-conscious about the way they look? [cheers and applause] because men will confidently send the ugliest pictures of their dicks. to anybody. it's poorly lit. bad angle. crooked and shit. skinny in the middle. looking like a rancid slim jim. can someone please

it is also dangerous for adult children, like chet hanks. >> [indistinct jamaican accent] >> marlon:tom, i'm just saying the shit you want to say. so parents, please be responsible for the health and the well-being of your family. send me your drugs for safekeeping. [applause] i might give some back to you. for real, though, here is what i want to know. why is weed the only drug they put in food? how come there's no crack in edibles? think about it. they already got that hershey krackel. you're already halfway there, just put the crack in it! for more on this story, let's go to dulce sloan. dulce! >> what up, friend? [cheers and applause] >> marlon: how can parents stop kids from getting into their edibles? >> i'll tell you how! how about these grown-ass adults stop taking edibles in the first place! you shouldn't be like a little kid who needs an imaginary plane to eat its vegetables! you are 35 years old. smoke a [bleep] blonde like you pay taxes. grow up. >> marlon: that's a little harsh. >> smoke the drug's. >> marlon: that's a little harsh. some people like a little flavor in th