like i said to my manager at chuck e. cheese'sther die on my feet than live one more day in this animatronic hellscape. so clean the piss out of the ball pit yourself, doug, i quit! >> john: desi lydic, everybody. [cheers and applause] all right, when we come back, we'll talk about what's really happening at the border. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] sam adams boston lager now brighter? heh. a brighter boston. ♪ take the parking spot! you take the parking spot! i insist! no, i insist! boston lager. now brighter. sam adams, baby! ♪when i was but a child... eating heinz on spaghetti.♪ ♪i hoped and wished that i could be a grown-up already.♪ ♪adulting sucks!♪ [background singers echo] ♪adulting sucks♪ ♪you have to eat healthy... all the time?♪ ♪but fortunately...♪ ♪your ketchup can be, no sugar added heinz.♪ a mystery! jessie loves playing detective. but the real mystery was her irritated skin. so, we switched to tide pods free & gentle. it cleans better, and doesn't leave behind irritating residues. and it's gentle on her s

like i said to my manager at chuck e. cheese'sn my feet than live one more day in this animatronic hellscape. so clean the piss out of the ball pit yourself, doug, i quit! >> john: desi lydic, everybody. [cheers and applause] all right, when we come back, we'll talk about what's really happening at the border. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] should i text him again? i knew i shouldn't have sent "hey" with an exclamation point i should've said "heyy" with two y's. maybe he lost his phone or dropped it in a toilet or got mauled by bears or something? i'm over it. research shows people remember ads with a catchy song. so to help you remember that liberty mutual customizes your home insurance, here's a little number you'll never forget. did you know that liberty mutual custo— ♪ liberty mutual. ♪ ♪ only pay for what you need. ♪ ♪ only pay for what you need. ♪ ♪ custom home insurance created for you all. ♪ ♪ now the song is done ♪ ♪ back to living in your wall. ♪ they're just gonna live in there? ♪ yes. ♪ only pay for what you n

well, get this, a viral tiktok revealed that chuck e. cheeseses floppy disks for its animatronic band [ audience groans yeah well, anyway, to prove that they're still cool and modern, chuck e. cheese updated some of the band's music, and it's a a little surprising. take a look at this. ♪ mummy don't kno daddy's getting hot ♪ ♪ at the body sho doing something unholy ♪ >> jimmy: i just thought that was -- yeah, that was interesting. [ cheers and applause i don't know did you guys see this? more than 300 people just got sick on a princess cruise ship meanwhile, carnival was like, "300 that is so last year." [ laughter ] source of the outbreak hasn't been confirmed, but when the news broke, the sushi buffet grew legs and moonwalked out of the room [ laughter ] ♪ hey, i saw a new survey that said the top reasons guests would leave a hotel room they already paid for are, bed bugs, a bad smell, and finding a a camera [ audience groans motel 6 heard and was like, "hey, 3-for-3. we got hotel bingo, all right. [ laughter and applause and finally, have yo

and the correspondent shaken up by grabbing the wrong mom's hand at chuck e. cheese's.t of nbc is way too and bro tree limb and chief jonathan lamere, thank you for staying up with us to be with us. >> i'm exhausted. >> i get it. explain how the manhattan district attorney can be an overreaching authoritarian on petty crimes and a do-nothing bum who'd refuses to prosecute petty crimes? >> yes, there were a republican talking points are not always coherent on alvin bragg, and he is the subject of their ire, because he is bringing charges against donald trump. this is a first. we have never had a president neither while in office or out of office to be charged with a crime, be the center of so many criminal investigations, and there are of course political ramifications of this as well since donald trump already president once has declared his candidacy again, and at least in the primary come his poll numbers are only going to go up after potential indictment. >> charging trump will just help him politically. instead democrats should give him a pass and watch as he crumbl

looking like a roadie for the band at chuck e. cheese.yesterday, sedition panda was arrested in, no surprise, florida. there ya go. so when ron desantis says "make america florida," this is what he's talking about. that's why he called his book "a panda with a planda." we've got a great show fr you tonight. my guest is kal penn, i also get to give the colbert questionert to a young man named prince harry. but when we come back, i'll tell you which of the latest dating trends make me happiest that i am er single. join us. >> announcer: "the late show with stephen colbert" sponsored by liberty mutual insurance. only pay for what you need. ♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome back. say hello to the band, ever everybody. there you go. ladies and gentlemen, tonight we've got some amazing, lovely guests. got actor kal penn will be out here in just a little while. before kal gets out here, we have a little revisited with our friend, the duke of sussex. is that who it is? prince harry is going to be taking the colbert questionert right there tonight. he will

that either he believes in completely open borders, or that he is not qualified to manage a chuck e. cheese's incompetent. he is not an unintelligent man. it is corrected me, after listening to the secretary for about three or maybe four hours, that he believes in open borders. they are three simple steps, one of which i asked him about that can solve three quarters of our problems tomorrow. he refuses to do any of those three things, i repeat. i have concluded after today he believes the border should be wide open. >> so the three things you think should be done are? >> : unilateral safe their country program. if, we don't need anybody's mission to save the refugees, if you want to seek asylum you have to seek asylum. in the first safe country other than your own. and at most cages that's mexico. and if you go through mexico, and did not seek asylum but comes to the u.s. we will turn you away. number two, if you do start in mexico, and seek asylum in the united states, you fill out the paperwork in mexico, and you stay in mexico. number three, when you go to court, if you lose, and most asyl

secretary may wor alejandro mays believes and completely open borders are not qualified to manage a chuck e. cheese's. he is not an unintelligent man. it is clear to me after listening to the secretary for about three, maybe four hours that he believes in open borders. >> brian: that ultimately is the administration lying. they know exactly what is happening on the southern border, and they have installed alejandro mayorkas there to make sure their vision is carried out and being carried out each and every day. >> ainsley: they need to explain that to moms and dads who have lost their children to fentanyl. fentanyl coming across from china into mexico in the united states. 3,000 people died in 9/11 but tens of thousands are dying every year because of fentanyl. >> steve: more "fox & friends" in a moment. ♪ ♪ all on the subway club. three peat - that's great. three meat - that's epic. the subway series. the greatest menu of all time. (vo) in two seconds, eric will realize (man) [laughs] (vo) they're gonna need more space... gotta sell the house. (vo) oh..open houses or, skip the hassles and sell with

course believes in complete those completely open borders or he is not qualified to manage a chuck e. cheese. >> sharing stories of two miners who died from fictional overdoses when asked about accepting responsibility mayorkas said those deaths occurred another term pres presidency. >> would like to take the opportunity here today to apologize to these parents who lost their children because of professional poisoning because of the policies of their department and the biden administration? >> my heart is with the family of every victim of the drug overdose death. >> is that an apology? >> my heart is with the family and loved ones and friends. >> reporter: so why don't you do something about it? >> reporter: lindsey graham told circuitry micros that he is on notice and that his lack of operational control makes the u.s. vulnerable to terror attacks. >> trace: thank you. ♪ ♪ first up internet profits renews rather, the bidding for dr. fauci's memoir is reportedly now at just under $5 million. from the near post. the deal is with pingwind random house under their crown and print. the same pub

either secretary mayorkas believes in completely open borders or he is not qualified to manage a chuck e. cheesenow, he is not incompetent. is he not an unintelligent man. it is clear to me, after listening to the secretary for about three, maybe four hours, that he believes in open borders. >> brian: what makes it, i think, do you want to follow up? >> ainsley: i heard one commentator say 3,000 were killed in pearl harbor, 3,000 were killed in 9/11. we have almost 100,000. tens of thousands are killed from fentanyl every year in our country and it's coming across the southern border. this is a big issue. these are our children that are taking pills that they think are other things. and then they are dying because of this. so if you were concerned about pepearl harbor or 9/11 you shoud be concerned about fentanyl. >> brian: not doing anything to stem the problem. we viewer vice president of the united states over in africa. no interest in doing her job. central and south america needs to be pressured. chinese sending 16,000 people here, having the number of illegal chinese would be illegal immig

neil: they don't have any chuck e. cheese's out by you, charlie? that is a big place for kids.never -- ner balls. i will ask you how this is going, how brits feel about harry and meghan? i noticed a lot of stars, entertainers by king charles to perform at the coronation are not. adele is among them, elton john, others i could be missing. what do you make of that? why are they opting out, usually an honor to be there to attend and perform, certainly case of harry styles, ed sheeran, a host of others, no? >> i won't lie to you it has been a really rough period of time for the royal family. it has been a massive period of transition for everyone in the royal family and i think that it is still going to take a little bit of time for the royals to overcome this hurdle. i don't think that anything that meghan and harry have done or said in the past two years helped that reputation at all. frankly it is a difficult thing for a celebrity to get involved in. you know, no matter what, your name will be connected not only to the meghan and harry scandal, the prince andrew scandal. being a

she was asked to leave a chuck e. cheese on her fifth birthday because he was bumming out the other customers. that's not true story. >> but does it matter? so it's not a chicken or egg question at all. it's a learned behavior. once your drama getshavior a spotlight, you turn it up tur to eleven. and so at a young age, they'rei. told the worldre tol, there's ny to win. and then you get rewarded for embracing envy and victimhood. that's how you get rachelvict dolezal. that's how you get jesseimho t. mallette. to bu ft ifind you want to find ot what happiness looks like, it's not at ralliesit is no or at prt we're being unhinged, is rewarded. it's at footballs. games, es halloween parties, barbecues, gun ranges, christmas concerts, people watching raunchy comedies or listening to comedians. it'sstening th people having fun. and it's just about everything louns seek leftist to ban. remember, woke ism isn't jusca t an attack on reason, it's an attack on fun. so all you young, depressed lefties watching and there's got got to be