i come to in a rest stop dumpster just over the new hampshire border, where i collect discarded cinnabon hitch a ride to my friend druggy doug's mobile meth lab where i cook up the speed freak sorghum of news that is my segment... >> "meanwhile"! [cheering] >> stephen: that's my antibiotic. that's my paxlovid right there. meanwhile, like any red-blooded american, i spent sunday with my bros and my brews, watching my favorite sport, taylor swift in the skybox! oh, my god! oh, my god! week after week, tay-tay has been bringing the pain with her signature play partying while making a billion dollars per second. taylor has been dating tight end travis kelce, who plays for the red team. and yesterday, after he caught a big touchdown ball from qb patrick mahomes, taylor and mahomes' wife celebrated like this. front-slap, front-slap, backslap, backslap, hip bump, spin around, high-ten chest bump! and i'm being told that video just won a grammy, and tickets to watch it in imax go for $1,000 on stubhub. oh, my god! oh, my god! oh, my god! i want to get in there. let me have fun with you! taylor's