colbert superpac is 155,000 strong, baby. hear us roar.(cheers and applause) besides-- besides, you say my ad was confusing. but you know what i find confusing, you wouldn't take our money to run our ad during a 5:00 news commercial break but on the 10:00 news you reported on it for free. >> stephen colbert has purchased ad space in iowa to promote a write-in campaign for perry. but spelled with an "a" instead of an "e" >> a storm is gathering over iowa. >> colbert won approval from the federal election committee to set up a superpac in his name. which means can raise unlimited amounts of money and funnel it into campaign ads. >> stephen: thanks, amanda, great report. now over to brad with the weather-- no, wait! stay mad! clearly someone needs to get to the bottom of this corruption. someone on the inside. like the intrepid woi reporter katie eastman who has the courage to tackle the tough issues. >> jess ca, it is the longest annual garage sale in iowa. (laughter) >> jon: . >> stephen: katie blew the lid off garage sale gait. clearly, cl

[laughter] this is "the colbert report." [ captioning sponsored by comedy central "the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] thank you very much. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. good to have you with us. thank you so much. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] thank you very much. thank you very much. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. i'eç gj t to say hi to everybodyphere, d all my cousins by the dozens. [laughter] nation, texas governor rick perry has been in the race only three days and he's already blowing away the competition like it's a trespassing coyote. [laughter] in the very first poll perry has an 11-point lead. eleven! jim, let's turn the governor's collar up to 11. [laughter] this early lead is no surprise considerin' the straight shootin' perry's been doin' on the campaign trail. >> we're calling today on the president of the united states to put a moratorium on regulations across this country, because his regulations, his epa regulations are killing jobs all across america. >> s

my name is stephen colbert. thank you for purchasing a tv. folks, it is a huge night!hey going to be performances, interviews with the band, and to make it feel like a real concert, we are going to be putting some tall, sweaty strangers out front to block your view of the show. no. not yet, not yet. thank you, later, later. and, nation, we are doing a full hour. that's an action packed 60 minutes, with absolutely no padding! no padding at all! not a touch -- of padding. which, as i've previously stated, we are not going to do-that. >> now, although some of the reruns of tonight's show will only be half an hour. it is kind of a shake shame, because the first half hour is great, but the second half hour is insane! so if you watching the half hour version and want to know what you missed, just google thom yorke, lion attack. good stuff. and this is especially exciting tonight, folks, because radiohead is not only one of the greatest musical acts of this or any generation, but also but, also they are the ultimate anti-corporate band. as part of their war against selling ou

which is why colbert super pac has been beating back all these wannabe super pacs to become perry's official unofficial non-connected independent expenditure all you can eat money trough. [laughter] now, while my superpac is legally forbidden from coordinating with his campaign, i think he likes me back. [laughter] exhibit a: the governor of texas announced his candidacy in charleston, south carolina, right around the corner from my childhood home! obviously trying to get my attention! he might as well have stood in my driveway with a boom box over his head. ♪in your eyes... the light the heat ♪ ♪in your eyes, i am complete ♪in your eyes, i see the doorways to a thousand churches your eyes♪ [cheers and applause] i'm sorry. he just won't get off the lawn of my heart. [laughter] exhibit b: just yesterday "the atlantic" broke the story that the new treasurer of governor perry's campaign is one salvatore purpura, who also happens to be the treasurer of colbert super pac! [laughter] i was not prepared to be that shocked that quickly. let's try thatu /Ñi again.[laughter]my [cheers and applause] i

team colbert has you covered.your drink on thanks to my patented new shoesçó stephen colbert's... (cheers and applause) stephen colbert's birk stalk. go ahead, pat me down from the ankles up. once i'm inside it's party time. (cheers and applause) oh, and and off my beer. dad, a big giant bee! get it! hang on, pumpkin. aw! bad call, dad! hey, sweetie. guess what, the bees came back and i broke the phone... no, no that was unrelated. you know what, why don't you call it to see if it works? pretty sure it's broken. probably right. looks like we're in new phone territory. when it's on your mind, it's on ebay. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: my guest tonight is here to talk about how imimprove our public schools. tonight she'll be sitting at the cool kids' table. please welcome melinda gates! (cheers and applause) so nice to meet you, thank you very much for coming on. >> glad to. >> stephen: now then, melinda. >> yes, stephen. >> stephen: as you know, you and i are the sole members of the stephen and melinda gates f

team colbert has you covered.t your drink on thanks to my patented new shoesçó stephen colbert's... (cheers and applause) stephen colbert's birk stalk. go ahead, pat me down from the ankles up. once i'm inside it's party time. (cheers and applause) oh, and and off my beer. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: my guest tonight is here to talk about how imimprove our public schools. tonight she'll be sitting at the cool kids' table. please welcome melinda gates! (cheers and applause) so nice to meet you, thank you very much for coming on. >> glad to. >> stephen: now then, melinda. >> yes, stephen. >> stephen: as you know, you and i are the sole members of the stephen and melinda gates foundation. >> so i hear. >> stephen: and i'm not seen you as many of the board meetings. >> haven't you been e-mailing me? that's how we do these things. >> stephen: i have and i have been getting cease and desist orders from your staff. we'll get to the matter of your dues later. (laughter) but first your husband and you are the leaders

this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] [audience chanting "stephen"] >> stephen: thank you. thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. i just... i cannot thank you enough. we have been on vacation, and for the last two weeks i've had the chant that to myself. welcome to "the report." good to have you with us, everybody. nation, it's hard to believe, but this sunday is the tenth anniversary of september 11th attacks. which means we can't be more than five years away from finding saddam's wmds. [laughter] since that tragic day, the american government has done whatever is necessary to safeguard the home hasn't from enhanced interrogation to inventing the phrase "the homeland." [laughter] we even tried to find common ground with muslim extremists but electing one of them president. [laughter] over and over... over an over this man has proven that he is not serious about keeping us safe. which brings us to my new segment "this week in national s

team colbert has you covered.k on thanks to my patented new shoesçó stephen colbert's... (cheers and applause) stephen colbert's birk stalk. go ahead, pat me down from the ankles up. once i'm inside it's party time. (cheers and applause) oh, and and off my beer. like so many great pioneers before me, guided only by a dream. i'm embarking on a journey of epic proportion. i will travel, from sea to shining sea, through amber waves of grain, and i won't stop until i've helped every driver in america save hundreds on car insurance. well i'm out of the parking lot. that's a good start. geico, fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent, or more on car insurance. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: my guest tonight is here to talk about how imimprove our public schools. tonight she'll be sitting at the cool kids' table. please welcome melinda gates! (cheers and applause) so nice to meet you, thank you very much for coming on. >> glad to. >> stephen: now then, melinda. >> yes, stephen. >> stephen: as you know, you and i

this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheering and applause] >> stephen: welcome to "the report," everybody. thank you so much. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. good to have you with us. [audience chanting "stephen"] nicely done. nicely done. welcome to "the report." and a special welcome to the first-time viewers of "the colbert report" who are watching only because radiohead is here. my name is stephen colbert. thank you for purchasing a tv. [laughter] folks, it is a huge night. there are going to be performance, interviews with the band, and to make it feel like a real concerts, we're going to be putting some tall, sweaty strangers out front to block your view of the show. [laughter] no, no. not yet. not yet. thank you. later. later. and nation, nation, we are doing a full hour. that's an action-packed 60 minutes with absolutely no padding. no padding at all. [laughter] not a touch. of padding. which, as i have previously stated, we are not going to do. now, although some of the

last night they tracked down this stephen colbert person and obtained the following statement: >> we'resed. sal is the best in the business. that's why we went with him. we're happy for sal and we are even happier that governor perry has sent the clear signal of which super pac he trusts to receive all that unlimited money waiting to pour in on his behalf. loud and clear, sir. unofficially, loud and clear. [laughter] >> stephen: i couldn't have said it better myself. [laughter] point is, rick perry is taking sloppy seconds on my treasurer, who knows everything about my operation -- how much money i've raised, how much these people down here have given me, my password to adult friend finder. [laughter] hey, in politics you gotta press the flesh. [laughter] but i would again like to emphasize that there is no coordination between colbert super pac and the perry campaign. that would be wrong and illegal. they're as separate as church and state under a perry administration. [laughter] [cheers and applause] nation, a wise man once said, "everybody shut up. stephen's talking." this is tip of

him si a sworn affidavit that he will not make that face ( laughter ) speaking of ( bleep ) grins, colbert'serpac, thanks to the supreme court's citizenses united ruling, superpacs can take unlimbed donations as long as hay don't coordinate with campaigns, and they reveal their donors, as i have with my crawl of heroes down here. ( laughter ) and i have been moved by the diversity of the donors, folks. scottish americans, like iron balls mcginty. indian americans like m'balz es hari. and greek members of the colber nation like loveporn cockonopolis. and of course, a hearty thank you to donor poop giggle, who clearly hails from the nation of kindergartenstan. so how much have you given? let's just say we're into numbers i wouldn't want to serve in a federal prison. so here is a heartfelt toast to being the king of pacs. i just feel bad for the previous king, translucent american, karl rove, whose pac american crossroads must look pretty pathetic right about now. jimmy, show me how karl is doin% while i unsuspectingly fill my foot and mouth with champagne. >> last year, american crossroads wa

are you ready to help me generate some ideas for colbert super pac?> with your language, you and i together can create an ad that works with democrats and republicans. that scores with the south and the north. that scores with a 25-year-old and a 65-year-old. >> stephen: okay. but the ad, the ad has to be about these ideas. >> i will commit to taking those words and finding a way to transform politics as we know it. but you've got to cooperate with me. that's also one of the words. >> stephen: i imagine that in realtime... >> will you cooperate. >> stephen: the simple truth is... >> yes or no. >> stephen: i am sorry. (laughter and applause) >> what are you doing? >> stephen: i'm trying to apologize. >> right but there's a time and a place for everything. are you with me? >> stephen: absolutely with you, frank luntz. >> let's put money on it. >> stephen: okay. >> do a thousand dollars. >> stephen: i'm 1000% down with that. >> good. >> stephen: frank, i don't know what you said but i know what i heard. (applause) frank luntz! his book is called "win" an

[laughter] this is "the colbert report." [ captioning sponsored by comedy central "the colbert reporttheme music playing] [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] thank you very much. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. good to have you with us. thank you so much. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] thank you very much. thank you very much. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. i'eç gj t to say hi to everybodyphere, d all my cousins by the dozens. [laughter] nation, texas governor rick perry has been in the race only three days and he's already blowing away the competition like it's a trespassing coyote. [laughter] in the very first poll perry has an 11-point lead. eleven! jim, let's turn the governor's collar up to 11. [laughter] this early lead is no surprise considerin' the straight shootin' perry's been doin' on the campaign trail. >> we're calling today on the president of the united states to put a moratorium on regulations across this country, because his regulations, his epa regulations are killing jobs all across america. >> ste

(laughter) this is "the colbert report."aptioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: yes! yes! (cheers and applause) thank you. (crowd chanting "stephen") ) (cheers and applause) >> thank you! i want to thank you. i want to thank you for unintelligible argle bargle. thank you for joining us at the "report." we have a lot of show to get to, folks. tonight i have not one, not three but two nobel prize winners as my guest. paul krugman and vice president al gore. just watching tonight's broadcast qualifies you for a bachelor's degree. (cheers and applause) which, in turn, qualifies you for nothing. (laughter) speaking of qualified for nothing, wolf blitzer. (laughter) last night, wolf hosted a cnn tea party presidential debate where he tried to ambush ron paul by asking whether society should pay for someone in a coma who doesn't have insurance. >> that's what freedom is all about, taking your own risks. this whole idea that you have to prepare and take care of everybody... (c

not well and i object that you know what you know what that's brandon has meant to he and stephen colbert very smart because they sit there and go look you shouldn't be listening to us you shouldn't be listening to us you should be listening to us and people and that there's a hipness quality there that attracts more people not just mind games i mean they are no no no it's not one point nor do yourself they do but it is it is calculated to some extent but but again it's easy they're making it easy for them because the major of the three major networks and the cable stations are doing on sense like this and you know it would be different if anderson cooper said we're going to we're going to have a show on here you're going to have a show on libya or on foreclosed people or bring them in but nobody wants to see that during the day now the other thing is i mean he did start off as a model i mean he is gloria vanderbilt son you know so he does have that you know he doesn't have the real hard data that he can relate he can relate but the thing is is that you know he shouldn't have to be doing

colasanti >> kevin nathaniel colbert >> michel p. colbert >> keith e.scott thomas coleman >> tarel coleman >> liam joseph colhoun fax and my husband's common-law -- >> and my husband. we miss you and love you, and he will be in our prayers. >> and my father. we all love you. >> robert d. colin >> robert j. coll >> roberts coll. >> jean collin >> john michael collins >> michael l. collins >> >> thomas j. collins >> joseph collison colemen.frey >> patricia malia colodner linda m. colon sol e. colon ronald edward comer >> sandra jolane conaty brace >> jaime concepcion >> albert conde >> denease conley >> susan p. conlon >> margaret mary conner likes and my twin brother, my hero, firefighter shaporo, served as a new york city police detective and serve our community as a boy scout leader. john chip, we miss you and will always love you. >> and my father, a firefighter robert james crawford, save the battalion one, who served our country in the united states fire fighter. he was a great husband, father, brother, and friend. we love you, daddy. to infinity an

i was going to ask you, can the colbert superpac help my campaign? >> stephen: not... well, i could haven't helped you while you were a candidate. (laughter) because legally we can't... >> what about now? >> stephen: now we're just two guys talking. >> yeah. you know a guy. >> stephen: you need some money? >> yeah. >> stephen: all right. if you were to jump back in the race, we couldn't ever have this conversation again. but i'm just telling you right now, i like this tim pawlenty guy. (laughter) >> well, you did use our logo, our original pac in your superpac. >> stephen: your pac was the inspiration for my pac. >> where is i know but you've got to show me some love for that. you stole the logo. (laughter). >> stephen: i... you know what? i'll tell you what, i will see you in hell. (laughter). (applause) minnesota knight versus new york knight. let's make news. is there someone you would like to endorse in the 2012 race? >> you. >> stephen: i'm not running. (cheers and applause) i'm not running. i'm more like sarah palin. i'm a television personality. (laughter and ap

for "the colbert report", i'm stephen colbert. [crowd cheers] [bell rings] - and he's down.that's it! that's it! cleon slammin' salmon, he's still the heavyweight champion of the world. what a deadly punch. it's all over. [music]

this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheering and applause] >> stephen: thank you very much. you're very kind. [audience chanting "stephen"] thank you very much, you especially. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you. welcome to "the report." good to have you with us. thank you so much. thank you so much. thank you. please, please. folks, folks, you know what, if i were here, i'm sure i would do the same thing. and, folks, everybody out there in not-on-tv land, it must seem to you as though all us celebrities know each other. i bet you think somewhere jerry seinfeld is hanging out having cocktails with taylor lautner and magic johnson. kate winslet is whale hunting with tom hanks. i'm here to tell you, folks, it's all true. as famous person, i know all other famous people, except for one, george clooney. folks, i have often fantasized about getting invited to clooney's palazzo in italy, getting drunk and going skinny dipping in lake lake como. well, last night on conan, i found

for "the colbert report", i'm stephen colbert. [exciting instrumental music] ♪ excuse me.ere's a line, buddy. there's two lines. no, no, there's one line. we're in it. i'm just getting a hot dog. we're all gettinhot dogs. what, you think there's two lines and we're all in this line-- you're the only genius that got in the other line? can you believe this guy? don't line up behind him. he cheated you. hey, shut up. what do you want on yours, baby? i want all the hot dogs, please. yeah, i'm--i'm buying all the hot dogs. oh, come on, lady. [customers shouting angrily] and i'm giving them to the good people. [upbeat '60s-style pop music] ♪ who's that ♪ kicking it down the street

for those of you just emerging from a coma in your time machine last week colbert superpac produced a multi100 dollar ad campaign urging iowanans' ames straw poll to write in rick parry with an a that is a for paaaarry. and on saturday at the straw poll when all the fried put her been eaten and all the votes had been counted rick parry came in number one, two, three four, five sixth place-- (laughter) >> with 718 votes. the only write-in candidate to rank in the top ten. we may have did it. (cheers and applause) now folks we can't be sure yet. we can't be sure yet how many of those votes were spelled with an "a" because the iowa gop refuses to release the results for public scrutiny. >> boo! >> stephen: i agree. (laughter) and we have visual proof that at least some people voted for parry with an a because an actual iowa straw poll voter tweeted a cell phone photo of his ballot where he wrote in rick parry with an "a" yes. now i assume the other 717 parry voters did not tweet their ballot photos because their phones were deep fried and eaten. so to find out the truth that the iowa gop

secondly, the colbert nation and i recently formed colbert super pac, allowing us to raise and spend unlimited amounts of money. technically my lawyer says we're limited to the amount of money that currently exists in the world, but he's working on that. now, we used our money for the first time to run ads in advance of the iowa straw poll supporting writing in texas governor rick perry, and to distinguish ourselveses from the other super pac supporting perry, we asked supporters to write in his name with an a, and if they're feeling really ambitious, dot the "i" in rick with another "a." rick parry came in sixth over all and was the number-one write in candidate with 718 votesment but folks, every silver lining has a dark cloud. the iowa g.o.p. has refused to release the write-in resulted, so we don't know how many of those 718 votes were with an a. was it 717? as low as 716? anything is possible. so i turned to the cobail report's affiliate in iowa, woi abc 5 where des moines turns for des news. i'm talking about the entire news team. co-an cores amanda kranz and chief meteorologis

"the colbert report"'s stephen colbert report. >> with social networks crowding in, some mainstays of journalism like "the new york times" are abandoning old school reporting for new media. >> i don't know why anybody who is a reporter isn't on twitter. i constantly berate my colleagues who aren't on it. >> but one reporter didn't get that tweet. wayne ford has been working the beat for over 29 years at the athens banner herald, athen's georgia's most prestigious and only newspaper. editor roger nielsen. >> wayne represents the old-fashioned kind of journalist, you know, the shirt and tie kind of guy to go out there and meet people. >> as a journalist i guess growing up walter cronkite was my hero. >> stephen: like his hero wayne ford knows to get the real story a reporter has to hit the pavement. >> on july 12th, i was at the county sheriff's office probably before 8:00 that morning. and i go through the reports and i came across one report on rogers road. >> stephen: rogers road. >> it's a place where if are you going to run some law that is probably the place you're going to end up