well, ed an lapuki would you like to thank the colbert nation. >> thank you colbert nation for buying pie book and reading it and i'm so, so incredibly grateful to be on the show and have my book talked about. i just really appreciate it. so thank you. >> stephen: you did it, the colbert nation. did you it. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: edan lapuki, california, thank you so much. good luck. we'll be right back. ♪ say hello to stackerz. the treat that's got two tasty flavors. stackerz ain't just a treat. it's got real meat. new stackerz. sooooooooo meaty. >> welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight making her the highest ranking female politician in america history, sorry queen latifah, please welcome congresswoman nancy pelosi! (cheers and applause) congresswoman, thank you so much for joining us thanks for being back. it's always good to have a formidable adversary to be talking to acrossed table. all right? we meet again, my old nemesis,. >> hello my friend. >> stephen: hello. we're not so different, you and i. we both have our agendas. let's talk about the last one you tried t

well, ed an lapuki would you like to thank the colbert nation. >> thank you colbert nation for buyingie book and reading it and i'm so, so incredibly grateful to be on the show and have my book talked about. i just really appreciate it. so thank you. >> stephen: you did it, the colbert nation. did you it. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: edan lapuki, california, thank you so much. good luck. we'll be right back. i understand the fact that being made out of delicious chocolate makes me "high risk" for insurance companies. but i still believe i deserve coverage. um...insuring a delicious piece of chocolate... i think i'd lose my job for that. ♪ it's the real town bud light is building i think i'd lose my job for that. right now for people that are up for absolutely anything. people often ask, "is whatever, usa a one trick pony?" no. it's a two trick pony. ♪ three if you count the town's boat load of bud light. four if you count... queen of clubs. is that your card? of course it was. bud light is creating a town this summer and you can go. find out more at upforwhatever.com. >> welcome

well, ed an lapuki would you like to thank the colbert nation. >> thank you colbert nation for buying pie book and reading it and i'm so, so incredibly grateful to be on the show and have my book talked about. i just really appreciate it. so thank you. >> stephen: you did it, the colbert nation. did you it. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: edan lapuki, california, thank you so much. good luck. we'll be right back. we're trying our best to be role models.dels. we don't jump at the sound of the opening bell, because we're trying to make the school bell. corner booth beats corner office any day. we make the most of our time... and our money. the 2014 malibu. highest ranked midsize car in initial quality the car for the richest guys on earth. studblue shirt: well you cant be a swith these 2-in-1s.o it all. they have a powerful intel processor inside which allows them to be both a laptop and a tablet. student: and lightning. fencing coach: see right here, you've got to make the attack. vo: save $100 on select toshiba 2-in-1s. best buy. america's back to school techfitter. ♪ now t-mobile i

well, ed an lapuki would you like to thank the colbert nation. >> thank you colbert nation for buying pie book and reading it and i'm so, so incredibly grateful to be on the show and have my book talked about. i just really appreciate it. so thank you. >> stephen: you did it, the colbert nation. did you it. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: edan lapuki, california, thank you so much. good luck. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ now t-mobile is setting music free. stream all the music you want. data charges do not apply, on the data strong network. mwould not slow down. when they told him he had reached the limit. he just had one thought: faster. what was he chasing? what are you chasing? as a teacher i'm always or planning for the month. so, like the 5th of each month, ya know, i know like clockwork which day i get paid. every dollar we have right now, we need. with american express serve you have a full service prepaid account that helps you handle your money simply and affordably. all for just $1 a month. backed by the 24/7 service of american express. this is what membership is. this is wha

well, ed an lapuki would you like to thank the colbert nation. >> thank you colbert nation for buying pie book and reading it and i'm so, so incredibly grateful to be on the show and have my book talked about. i just really appreciate it. so thank you. >> stephen: you did it, the colbert nation. did you it. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: edan lapuki, california, thank you so much. good luck. we'll be right back. (son) oh no... can you fix it, dad? yeah, i can fix that. (dad) i wanted a car that could handle anything. i fixed it! (dad) that's why i got a subaru legacy. (vo) symmetrical all-wheel drive plus 36 mpg. i gotta break more toys. (vo) introducing the all-new subaru legacy. it's not just a sedan. it's a subaru. that's about as american as it gets. woman: what do you mean? blueberry pancakes, strawberries and cream cheese icing, starting at just $4.99. apple pie, watch out. [bell rings] waitress: welcome to denny's! rich, chewy caramel rolled up in smooth milk chocolate. all aboard. rolo. get your smooth on. over 1.2 billion eyeballs are on us during the two weeks at wimbledo

colbert interview. from neil gallagher that fought against the fbi when he was the chair of the subcommittee on the invasion of privacy that resulted in the freedom of information act. he had a question for you. he said he has been following the reporting with great interest in the parallel. and as a member of congress from 59 to 73 he saw firsthand how the fbi used the methods like the nsa to data difficult compromise on the members of congress to force a vote on the key issues. he opposed the stand and he says my question to you is what can you tell us about the potential for the executive branch to use the nsa as an internal policing unit able to control the congress and the judiciary for the personal scandals and outcome from all of this as the hoover fbi did in his day? >> i get in trouble with my editors and journalists i work with the story and when i do give those previews when i had a momentary loss of control -- [laughter] -- [laughter] there's all these headlines after my colbert report sayin

yes, the "the colbert report" is coming to an end.audience reacts) >> stephen:, no, no, don't be sad. i'll be great. you just won't get to see it anymore. i won television just in time for it to turn into netflix. i've done all i set out to accomplish, spoke truth to power, won the iraq war and met the most influential scandinavian hip-hop-swing fusion group of 2009. and i have but one regret -- barack obama will outlast me in office, with two years of no colbert to rein this man in! by the time he leaves in 2016, everyone in america will be pot-smoking gay immigrants in a polygamous relationship with a biracial box turtle! (laughter) thankfully, there is one last hope for stopping him. >> calls for president obama's impeachment is increasing. >> prominent outside conservative voices have called for president obama to be impeached. >> impeachment is a message that has to be sent with our president that we're not going to put up with this lawlessness. >> stephen: you can trust sarah palin on impeachment because she is an expert of leav

(laughter) well, that concludes "stephen colbert's i need a drink," which didn't work.ither the booze is broken, or the news is too sobering. okay. shake it off, colbert. you're a pro. move on. move on. that's enough death and destruction. let's turn to something that evidently will never die and cannot be destroyed. sarah palin. (laughter) (cheers and applause) i've always been a huge fan of sarah palin. she's a strong leader with a proven history of selflessness. in the midst of her 2008 campaign, she took time to help out a struggling senior with severely impaired judgment. (laughter) and this week, in her continuing quest to remind america of her existence, palin announced a new project. >> hello and welcome to a new project. this is a news channel that really is a lot more than news. are you tired of the media filters? well, i am. i always have been, so we're gonna do something about it. we're gonna make this easy too. you can watch our channel right here on your computer, tablet or even on your smartphone. we'll talk about the issues that the mainstream media won'

i'm proud to introduce my app steven-- stephen colbert, i'd tap that. the game begins (cheers and applause) the game begins when your avatar meets world famous celebrity stephen colbert and i greet with you my famous catch-phrase, give me $5. and unlike kim's game you have options am you can give me $5 or you can give me $10. that's if you write to c list friend level where you have the chance to give me $20. so folks, download now and start tapping your money my way. i need it. i'm just a few dollars short of the silver shutter shades. i need to get to be invited to kim's miami beach house. please notice me. please! we'll be right back. please notice me! please notice me! (cheers and applause) yo, untamed larger than life, please notice me! (cheers and applause) move fast fruit flavor, watermelon, blue razz green apple. your taste buds dancing. it's the jolly rancher, we make it happen. untamed fruit flavor. jolly rancher. [ jackhammer pounding, horns honking ] [ siren wailing ] visit tripadvisor miami. [ bird chirping ] with millions of reviews, tripa

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this is the colbert report. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report. folks, thanks, good to have you with us, folks. you know, if you watch this show you know, and i take this seriously, my most solemn duty is holding our elected officials accountable. and tonight i have reeled in the biggest fish in the big apple, our mayor. (cheers and applause) no, not michael bloomberg, bill de blasio. i've waited a long time to hold de blasio seat to defire because we all know what this man is. mayor de blasio is a socialist, all right. he's just flat out a socialist. >> america's leading leftist, mr. tax the rip, the mayor of new york bill de blasio. >> bill de blasio, this your mean socialist. >> i think bill de blasio is a socialette, i call him comrade mayor. >> comrade mayor bill de blasio is going to sock it to the rich, sock it to w

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colbert super pac supported him in the iowa straw poll with a series of powerful ads urging iowans to vote for rick perry with an a, an a for iowa. but rick perry blew it. first when it was revealed that his family's hunting camp had a name which my career will not allow me to say on tv. so hermann cain. >> -- hater. >> stephen: and that damning revelation led his opponents to say -- >> ah, schuk a ducky. classic. of course, folks, what really sank rick perry was a debate gaffe that no one can forget except him. >> it's three agencies of government when i get there that are gone. commerce, education and the-- the was's the third one there -- >> you can't name the third

steven colbert take over for letterman.nnounced the late show will stay here in new york city. that decision earned colbert's program 11 million in tax grids and another 5 million in grants. do we need to incentivize a show with grants that never considered leaving. >> snookered. their motivation. do you think he wanted to leave new york city? i don't think so. is it that big of an incentive to keep a show like that here in terms of dollars and cents? >> they weren't going anywhere. they were going to refurbish the sullivan theater. and the other thing is that jay leno's show was coming here anyway. >> kimmel got 20 million in incentives. tax incentives. >> the democrats lately have been talking about economic patriotism, but i see it as let every city try to fight for it and may the best city win. if new york city has the best deal they win. >> the difference being the tax. all the tax incentives you want to give. >> that's the problem right there. >> i love seeing rich white guys subsidize. i'm glad it went to colbert who

. >>> house minority leader, nancy pelosi joined stephen colbert last night. what are you pushing tonight? what nefarious northern california-san francisco value are you pushing on the nation tonight? >> tonight, i'm pushing our agenda of middle class jump start, the heart of it is when women succeed, america succeeds. >>> well, you can also check out nancy pelosi in just a little bit on morning joe right here on msnbc. she's making the rounds, and that's your morning scrambled politics. >>> also on the move. >> i love that question by colbert, what nefarious position are you pushing. >> i want to ask you about the 9/11 commission issued a new report. they have some big concerns about new terrorist statements and cyber threats. we also pointed to one lesson we learn from the 2001 attacks, they mentioned americans didn't appreciate the terrorism posed until it was too late. do you think we're going to act in time to the prevent history preventing itself? >> there are two things we know to be true, there is dangers in the world and there will be people who will

he said, quote, i grew up watching the greats of tv news, murrow, cronkite, colbert, is that real ord it. >> who said it? >> vernon pharaoh. >> i watched the greats of tv news, murrow, cronkite, colbert. >> i don't think that's so ridiculous, he's making a joke, too. >> with the dreamy lips. >> i think colbert is a great sometime. he cracks me up. >>> the host of a talk show on another network broke out this nugget arguing in favor of strict gun control. quote, every year we keep guns in the hands of civilians, 50 million americans lose their lives. is that real or fake? [ laughter ]. >> that is, in fact, fake! i'm sorry, did not get that one right. let's go on with quote number six, hurricane sandy killed people, i'm so glad we had the storm, it brought impossibilities for good politics. real or fake. >> meaning worried about climate change. >> john stossel, that is why you are the master, that's real. a comment from msnbc chris matthews. >> i'm so glad we had the storm last week, i think the storm was one of those things, politically. not in terms of hurting people. the storm broug

and then heather said stephen colbert could play the professor on live action version of the powdered puff girls. not necessarily related but accurate. >> maybe i can play stephen colbert with glasses. >>> and mika is here with "morning joe" moments away. you know it's going to be a good monday now! they're irresistabowl... completely unbelievabowl... totally delectabowl. real silky smooth or creamy broths. everything she's been waiting for. carefully crafted with real seafood, real veggies, and never any by-products or fillers. wow! being a cat just got more enjoyabowl. fancy feast broths. wow served daily. but do you know what's ine your skincare?- neutrogena naturals. a line of nutrient-rich skincare with pure, naturally derived ingredients, carefully chosen and clinically proven to cleanse, purify and moisturize... and you'll never find any harsh chemical sulfates, parabens or unnecessary additives. healthy skin-starts from within. neutrogena naturals. learn more at neutrogenanaturals.com. ♪ for over 19 million people. [ mom ] with life insurance, we're not just insuring our lives

myself with the fiduciary responsibility to my shareholder, tonight i regretfully announce that the colbert report incorporated has purchased an alphorn repair shop in switzerland, for tax purposes this show will now be known as the colbert riiiicolaaaa. and no one but no one can tell me that that is unamerican. here to tell me that that is unamerican, is senior editor at large at "fortune" magazine, author of the recent article positively unamerican tax dodges, allan sloan, allan, thank you so much for being here. good to see you. (applause) there it is, positively unamerican tax dodges, "fortune" magazine. okay, al, what is the big deal? this is just a corporation exercising its fiduciary responsibility to return the greatest profit for its investors. when did fortune become a socialist magazine. >> well, actually we're a capitalist magazine. >> stephen: got a funny way of showing it, al. >> well, more so than they are. because we actually worry about things like the long-term future of the united states, the long-term future of business, and the long-term future of corporate america. and

. >> stephen: stephen colbert, the "colbert report." i have a 12-part question.are you going to answer any of my questions today? >> i'll say a lot. >> stephen: you'll say a lot? all right. are you still working for the white house officially right now? >> i have another 24 hours as white house press secretary, so -- >> stephen: okay, good. ( cheers and applause ). so i can still maintain a healthy contempt for you. because as soon as you're not working for that guy, you know i'm going to like you. >> well i hope so. >> stephen: what are you going to do? first of all, why are you quitting, you quitter? could you not take it? >> i got an e-mail from somebody calling me a quitter. >> stephen: you are a quitter, quitter. man up. there's a war about to start in iraq again. come on. don't you want to answer those questions? >> you know, i got an e-mail earlier this year from someone who said,un," you're the longest serving white house press secretary since the mid-90s." and i chebd, and it's true. i didn't quite realize that it was such a high-burnout job. because i--

peaceful world, park foundation, dedicated to heightening public awareness of critical issues, the colbert foundation and by our sole corporate sponsor, mutual of america, that's why we're your retirement company. >> welcome. if you had trouble sorting through the decisions released by the supreme court led by chief justice john roberts, you have come to the right plce. two of the most knowledgeable in journalism are here to help decode the implications of those 5-4 rulings on public prayer, organized labor and the hobby lobby case. that's the decision that certain companies on religious grounds do not have to provide health insurance for some forms of birth control. linda greenhouse covered the supreme court for "the new york times" for 30 years and still writes a biweekly column for that paper. she's a lecturer at the yale law school. dalia litwick is a senior editor where she writes supreme court dispatches columns. currently she's working on a book about the four women who have srved a supreme court justices. welcome to you th. >> thank you. >> you have covered the court since 1978. in

. >> steven colbert will not only be following in david letter map's footsteps but he will do it on thexact same stage. cbs, parent company of this station says colbert will keep his show in the big apple at the the ed sullivan theater. his debut date is still up in the air at this point but it depend on when dave decides he is ready to sign off. >>> fifty shades of gray fans this is for you, you can get your first glimpse of the upcoming steamy movie. movie trailer is being released on line. you have to wait until volume tines day though to see the actual film. >>> ryan gosling is having quite the year, madam to so's unveils a new wax statue in london yesterday. statue will eventually be moved to the museum, opening in orlando next year. >> boy that is good. >>> ♪ >> here he goes weird al hits number one on billboard's charts his brand new comedy album mandatory fun, sold more than 100,000 copies. he is a pop song parity artist gained popularity in the mid 80's. this is his 14th studio album. crank it up, we will be r right back. >>> good morning, in a cash a good morning, everybody. o

. >>> stephen colbert and the "late show" will stay in new york when colbert takes over for lettermanthe show will continue to be taped in the ed sullivan theater. the date of the show is uncertain, depending on when letterman retires. >> three burglars broke into a beachside restaurant on sunday but soon they were naked as they stole three cases of hamburger meat, bell peppers, and pan of bacon. police are asking the public to help solve this bizarre crime. nudist barbecue maybe? >>> coming up on the "cbs this morning," ivanna trump with a new luxury hotel on pennsylvania avenue. i'm anne-marie green. this is the "cbs morning news." to anything - everything. with hershey's spreads, the possibilities are delicious. i dbefore i dosearch any projects on my home. i love my contractor, and i am so thankful to angie's list for bringing us together. find out why more than two million members count on angie's list. angie's list -- reviews you can trust. osteo bi-flex® with joint shield™ nurtures and helps defend your joints° so you can keep doing what you love. what'd you guys do today? the

this is the colbert nation, all right?t there who may not know you are the 109th mayor of new york city. before that you were the city's public advocate and before that you were a city councilman. what is your vision, sir, of this great city, you want to bring us back to the 80s. the bad days of the squeegee men and rampant crime and leg warmers, that's what you want? >> the leg warmers weren't so bad. but it's a progressive vision, an inclusive vision, creating a city of opportunity. >> progressive means socialist, you're a socialist. >> progressive means creating opportunity. >> you are a socialist or you are not a socialist, you raised money for the sandinistas in the 80s. you are a socialist, you are a communist. >> stephen, in this country with vast income inequality, and growing income inequality, we actually have to change our course. >> why do we have to change course. those of us who have the income do not wish you to change our course. >> well, that doesn't surprise me. >> okay. >> but look at new york city, the

he deserved it. 30 years of this. >> let's talk about colbert.is show right here in new york city. britney fears has fulfilled her fantasy. now fulfilling hers. she made one of the top ten celebrity perfumes. she's now getting intimate. intimate britney spears is her new lingerie line, and it will launch in august. >>> now the last song ever -- >> nothing to say about that. ♪ always look on the bright side of life ♪ >> for almost 50 years monty pyth python. 200 thousand people tuning in to watch them sing their last song. i'm richard lui. we hope this is just your first stop of the day here on nbc. ♪ ♪ ♪ great rates for great rides. geico motorcycle, see how much you could save. dust irritating your eye? (singing) ♪ visine® gives your eyes relief in seconds. visine®. get back to normal. >>> 151 people are quarantined. 30,000 residents are not being allowed to leave the city. police set roadblocks and are telling motorists to find alternative routes. >>> nasa says first humans to set foot on mars are walking the earth today. nasa is using the _#ne

steven colbert will not only follow in david letterman's footsteps but he will be doing it on the same stage. cbs, the parent company of this station, announced colbert will keep his show in new york at the ed sullivan theater. his debut date is still up in the air. it all depend on when dave decides he is ready to sign off. >>> lets get you up to speed with the quick look at this morning's headlines, late last night federal aviation administration lifted its ban on u.s. airlines flying in and out of israel's main airport. ban was in response to bombings near the airport in tel aviv. meanwhile secretary of state john kerry is in israel talking with israeli and palestinian leaders working towards a cease-fire. >>> mcdonald's employee alan trammel is under arrest accused of dealing crack in the restaurant parking lot in wayne, delaware county. authorities want to make sure no food was contaminated after trammel handled the drugs. >>> mother and daughter critically injured in the feltonville food truck explosion earlier this month had died from their injuries. eleven other people were inj

and stephen colbert buys up sarah palin. we'll explain. "scrambled politics" is next.s surface cells to even skin tone. in just two weeks, see pearlescent, luminous skin. regenerist luminous. olay. your best beautiful. i will always be brilliant, never dull. new olay regenerist luminous facial oil. with 9 lightweight oils that seal in moisture for luminous skin day or night. the perfect accessory to your luminous collection. olay. your best beautiful. >>> members of congress are getting ready to leave washington, d.c., on friday for a five-week recess. five weeks? who gets five weeks off? >> come on! >> five-week recess, yeah. well, good thing there's no important, urgent business for them to take care of. >> the clock ticking on immigration reform -- >> immigration border deal. >> global warming. >> climate change. >> raging wildfires. >> mysterious holes. >> tensions with russia. >> tempers are flaring. >> the world is a mess. >> there you go. have a great vacation. just really enjoy themselves. they deserve it. >> jimmy fallon poking fun at congress's five-week vaca

cbs the parent company of this television station announced today colbert will keep his show in new yorkadcast it from the ed sullivan theater. that debut date remains up in the air. it all dough pend when dave decides he's ready to sign off but likely sometime next year. >> you can see dave night and every week night until he retires at 11:35 right here on cbs-cbs-3 after this broadcast. his guest tonight is the actor eric stone street. >> big honor for the new jersey rock consider john bon jovi he is this year's recipient of philadelphia's marion anderson i was war. >> mayor michael nutter and the board of the anderson awards revealed photo of the singer in center city today. the award chair says bon jovi is not just nationally recognized. he's made difference in philadelphia by helping build hundreds of homes for low ♪ ♪wandering out into this great unknown.♪ ♪and when it's done, believe that i will yell it from that♪ ♪mountain high. find summer. the chevy summer drive. get 0% financing for 72 months plus a total value of $4,000 on this 2014 silverado all-star edition and no monthly p