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Apr 30, 2021
04/21
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ah, my eye. >> it's 'a' late show with stephen colbert. tonight, mother jay's first dry and stephen welcomes mila kunis and musical guest sara kays featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it is stephen colbert. >> stephen: oh hey. nice to see you again. welcome to 'a' late show. i'm stephen colbert. we did a live show last night. does that mean i'm a little punchy? let's find out. hmmmm? it's been 24 hours since joe biden's address to a joint session of congress, and the nation is still basking in the warm afterglow of basic competence. we are all high off of that low bar. while biden doesn't bring the rhetorical fireworks, pops joe laid out an ambitious and malarkey-free agenda full of goodies for the middle class, like vastly expanding family leave, child care, health care, preschool and college education for millions, at a cost of $1.8 trillion. that's a big chunk of change for a guy who still thinks a nickel will buy you a meatloaf sandwich and a ticket to the jack dempsey fight
ah, my eye. >> it's 'a' late show with stephen colbert. tonight, mother jay's first dry and stephen welcomes mila kunis and musical guest sara kays featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it is stephen colbert. >> stephen: oh hey. nice to see you again. welcome to 'a' late show. i'm stephen colbert. we did a live show last night. does that mean i'm a little punchy? let's find out. hmmmm? it's been 24 hours since joe biden's...
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Apr 6, 2021
04/21
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said stephen colbert! and reporters for "the new york times" have seen receipts to these women from cash app, and apple pay. how dumb is matt gaetz? (as gaetz) "dude, dude, don't leave a paper trail. use the cash app, that way it all goes up in the cloud! that way, when it rains evidence disappears! pretty sure that's how it works." gaetz didn't keep his pervy behavior secret. allegedly, he showed his republican colleagues photos and videos of nude women he said he had slept with while on the house floor. remember: this is where he works. you know those mandatory sexual harassment trainings your office holds where the examples they give are all so outrageous, you're like "who is this possibly for?" it's for matt gaetz. gaetz also reportedly boasted of his "access to women." who says "access" to women? they're humans, not the united airlines premiere club. gaetz's reputation for creep goes all the way back to his days in the florida legislature, where he allegedly created a "game where members of the florid
said stephen colbert! and reporters for "the new york times" have seen receipts to these women from cash app, and apple pay. how dumb is matt gaetz? (as gaetz) "dude, dude, don't leave a paper trail. use the cash app, that way it all goes up in the cloud! that way, when it rains evidence disappears! pretty sure that's how it works." gaetz didn't keep his pervy behavior secret. allegedly, he showed his republican colleagues photos and videos of nude women he said he had slept...
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Apr 3, 2021
04/21
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>>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching! the news continues streaming on cbsn bay area. have a wonderful easter! we'll see you. captioning sponsored by cbs >> shrimp tails? that's what an l.a. man says he found inside his box of cinnamon toast crunch. according to reports, the man opened the box and noticed the first shrimp tail, so he looked inside the opened bag and saw another, then pretty much freaked out and closed the box. general mills has refuted the claim saying, "we assure you that there's no possibility of cross contamination with shrimp." ♪ ♪ ♪ >> hey! >> what's going on? >> we're making cinnamon toast crunch! >> we'll help. >> great! i do the baking. >> i shake on cinnamon and sugar! oops! >> and i add the shrimp tails. >> he has-- issues. >> i'm talking the poop end of a sea bug. don't look me in eyes. brenda said i was a lousy chef when she left me, but now she'll see. you'll all see! >> i think it's clear why brenda left him. >> what does she know? you haven't lived till you've eaten the exoskeleton of an art
>>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching! the news continues streaming on cbsn bay area. have a wonderful easter! we'll see you. captioning sponsored by cbs >> shrimp tails? that's what an l.a. man says he found inside his box of cinnamon toast crunch. according to reports, the man opened the box and noticed the first shrimp tail, so he looked inside the opened bag and saw another, then pretty much freaked out and closed the box. general mills...
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Apr 13, 2021
04/21
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i'm your host stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen, it's day 11 of derek chauvin's trial for the murder of george floyd, and we're back where we started, because yesterday, just a few miles from the minneapolis court house, another black man was killed by police. in this case, it's 20-year-old daunte wright, who was shot in the minneapolis suburb of brooklyn center during a routine traffic stop. after pulling wright over, the cops determined that he had a warrant out for his arrest, and then, as the police tried to detain him, he stepped back into his car, at which point an officer shot him. angry citizens protested all last night in front of the police station, and those protests are not likely to get any smaller after they learned that the police's official explanation for this shooting was the officer accidentally drew her handgun instead of her taser. it's dangerous when a policeman can't tell if you're holding a gun. it's insane when they can't tell if they're holding a gun. now you might think, "hey, just do
i'm your host stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen, it's day 11 of derek chauvin's trial for the murder of george floyd, and we're back where we started, because yesterday, just a few miles from the minneapolis court house, another black man was killed by police. in this case, it's 20-year-old daunte wright, who was shot in the minneapolis suburb of brooklyn center during a routine traffic stop. after pulling wright over, the cops determined that he had a warrant out for his arrest, and then,...
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Apr 22, 2021
04/21
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i am your host, stephen colbert.re still emotionally processing yesterday's verdict by a minnesota jury that found derek chauvin guilty on three counts in the murder of george floyd. it brings up a lot of complex feelings, because no jury verdict can bring george floyd back, but the news of this accountability was celebrated across the nation, in minnesota... new york and... >> lets get together and feel all right. >> stephen: ...across the street from the white house, in black lives matter plaza, where people were dancing and crying with relief. what a difference 11 months make. last time they were crying from tear gas and rubber bullets. now, the problem of police violence against people of color is still far from solved. while this is a welcome verdict, it's like wiping up a spill on the "titanic": good job. now let's focus on the water around our ankles. president biden addressed it last night: >> let's also be clear, such a verdict is also much too rare. for so many people, it seems like it took a unique and ext
i am your host, stephen colbert.re still emotionally processing yesterday's verdict by a minnesota jury that found derek chauvin guilty on three counts in the murder of george floyd. it brings up a lot of complex feelings, because no jury verdict can bring george floyd back, but the news of this accountability was celebrated across the nation, in minnesota... new york and... >> lets get together and feel all right. >> stephen: ...across the street from the white house, in black...
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Apr 29, 2021
04/21
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i'm your host, stephen colbert.y said it would never happen again, but ladies and gentlemen, we are live right there after joe biden's first address to a joint session of congress. because of the pandemic, the night was a bit odd. first, biden didn't mention low-flow toilets once. second, everything else. biden was the first president to deliver the speech in front of a mask-wearing audience. if you don't count bill clinton's last state of the union, whose theme was "eyes wide shut." because of social distancing, the audience was way smaller than usual. the number of attendees, usually 1,600, was paired down to only 200. still 200 people is more than watched the oscars. because of the limited number in the audience, most tickets were distributed by lottery. democrats pulled names out of a hat, while republicans used white power ball. because most of the cabinet did not attend, there was no designated survivor" tis year. thoog are that's too bad that's usually the only way to find out that the secretary of labor is m
i'm your host, stephen colbert.y said it would never happen again, but ladies and gentlemen, we are live right there after joe biden's first address to a joint session of congress. because of the pandemic, the night was a bit odd. first, biden didn't mention low-flow toilets once. second, everything else. biden was the first president to deliver the speech in front of a mask-wearing audience. if you don't count bill clinton's last state of the union, whose theme was "eyes wide shut."...
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Apr 9, 2021
04/21
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i'm your host, stephen colbert. tonight, a very special late-starting episode, coming right off the highlights from the incredible ball-smackin' action today at augusta national. all the stars of golf were there: the club, the hole, the tiny flag. everything you love. but since we're extra late, we get to be extra spicy. and sex sells, so let's start with the too-hot-for-tv story that's making everyone's temperature rise: former texas congressman and company founder on the bag of gourmet pancake mix, ron paul. paul is a hardcore libertarian who has been called the father of the tea party. which is much kinder than pointig out that he's the father of rand paul. yesterday, congressman paul appeared on a zoom podcast to discuss the future of personal liberty. and at the end, he revealed that he had taken some liberties of his own. >> thanks, ron, it was a real honor to have you on the show. very-- >> nice being with both of you. truly. >> all right, thank you. >> thank you. >> thanks, ron. >> stephen: woo! yeah! he's n
i'm your host, stephen colbert. tonight, a very special late-starting episode, coming right off the highlights from the incredible ball-smackin' action today at augusta national. all the stars of golf were there: the club, the hole, the tiny flag. everything you love. but since we're extra late, we get to be extra spicy. and sex sells, so let's start with the too-hot-for-tv story that's making everyone's temperature rise: former texas congressman and company founder on the bag of gourmet...
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Apr 17, 2021
04/21
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i'm your host, stephen colbert. happy friday. one might say. it's been a hell of a week.'s strange things in washington, lately, in that, strangely, things are happening in washington. on wednesday, the president announced he was ending the afghan war. that's on top of his $2.3 trillion infrastructure plan, which is on top of his $1.9 trillion covid relief package, which is on top of taking executive action on gun control, but doing nothing to control these executive guns. boom! i'll catch you up on the president's latest doin's in my not long, but certainly running segment: "look at that old man go!" >> let's go, man. beep beep! >> stephen: now, i've always said, "if you want to get something done, don't become president of the united states." but recently, that's changed. i think this is an unforeseen side effect of biden's predecessor, girth vader. you see, that last guy killed the idea of compromise deader than rudy giuliani's brain cells. the traffic cone of treason did whatever the hell he wanted for four years. no matter the consequences. like when congress refused
i'm your host, stephen colbert. happy friday. one might say. it's been a hell of a week.'s strange things in washington, lately, in that, strangely, things are happening in washington. on wednesday, the president announced he was ending the afghan war. that's on top of his $2.3 trillion infrastructure plan, which is on top of his $1.9 trillion covid relief package, which is on top of taking executive action on gun control, but doing nothing to control these executive guns. boom! i'll catch you...
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Apr 14, 2021
04/21
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. >> announcer: it's "a late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, get your facts straight. plus stephen welcomes daniel kaluuya and musical guest lucy daycus, with a special appearance by taylor swift, featuring jon batiste and stay human. now live on tape from ed sullivan theater office building in new york city, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome to "a late show." i'm your host stephen colbert. i don't know if you noticed, but i consider myself a comedian. technically, this is a comedy variety talk show, and tonight we're going to begin with talking about the variety portion. specifically, the varieties of sadness dominating the news right now. we're bracing for the fourth wave of a global pandemic, the japanese are releasing radioactive water from fukushima into the ocean, russia's massing troops on the border of ukraine, there's unrest again in northern ireland, and the new "top gun" movie has been delayed due to coronavirus. turns out the production was on the "highway to the danger zone." and if the movie gets delayed much longer, instead of vol
. >> announcer: it's "a late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, get your facts straight. plus stephen welcomes daniel kaluuya and musical guest lucy daycus, with a special appearance by taylor swift, featuring jon batiste and stay human. now live on tape from ed sullivan theater office building in new york city, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome to "a late show." i'm your host stephen colbert. i don't know if you noticed, but i consider...
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Apr 2, 2021
04/21
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stephen colbert consistently sees the ratings of "tonight show"'s jimmy fallon who focuses on humor.he is famous for a hair-tousling interview with donald trump before the 2016 election which critics called as a promotion for trump. but i think it's fair to say that for all of these positive accolades about johnny carson's program, it's important to remember that it also had its flaws. there are certain things that a modern viewer would not find all that funny today. he had a character of aunt blabby who was about an elderly woman who, shall we say, did not age gracefully. he had another character that he played, art fern, a leering parody of a sleazy television host that objectified women from the start to the end of the act. no modern comedian would resooif -- revive such a character today. in his youth he was a heavy drinker, and he could often become a mean drunk. his extramarital affairs were legendary and frequent, even by the standards of the celebrity circles in which carson moved. he had three sons from his first marriage and did not have good relations with any of them, par
stephen colbert consistently sees the ratings of "tonight show"'s jimmy fallon who focuses on humor.he is famous for a hair-tousling interview with donald trump before the 2016 election which critics called as a promotion for trump. but i think it's fair to say that for all of these positive accolades about johnny carson's program, it's important to remember that it also had its flaws. there are certain things that a modern viewer would not find all that funny today. he had a...
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Apr 16, 2021
04/21
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>>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching. the news continues streaming on cbsn bay captioning sponsored by cbs >> eight republican state legislators have asked to pull coca-cola products from their offices at the georgia state capitol. in a letter obtained by the "atlanta journal-constitution," the removal request is tied to recent comments from the company about the state's elections bill. >> a group of georgia house republicans is canceling coca-cola. they're saying pepsi is okay. >> hi, i'm bill shasta, owner of shasta sofdr yoy fromheomurle's cler. et h wad the troubling even to remind everyone, we here at shasta have absolutely no conscience. but we do have a cola. shasta is down with whatever. restrict voting? none of our business. child miners? you know, put some hair on their chest. cockfighting? they're all chicken nuggets eventually. that actor who sent texts making it sound like he's into cannibal sex? nothing better for washing down a human thumb than the refreshing taste of shasta. those squares at pepsi aren't g
>>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching. the news continues streaming on cbsn bay captioning sponsored by cbs >> eight republican state legislators have asked to pull coca-cola products from their offices at the georgia state capitol. in a letter obtained by the "atlanta journal-constitution," the removal request is tied to recent comments from the company about the state's elections bill. >> a group of georgia house...
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Apr 8, 2021
04/21
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i am your host, stephen colbert., you can really feel that we're getting pretty close to the end of the covid crisis. it's not over yet. but soon, the coronavirus will be in the rearview mirror, and we'll be in the front seat, flooring it, while tonguing down with some stranger we met in a parking garage. that's what we used to do, right? that was it. i have to check my old e-viets. a third of americans are inoculated, and folks are ready to be professionally groomed for the first time in over a year. customers are excitedly returning for cuts, manicures, waxes, and facials. ideally, all at once, by a pit crew that gases your forehead and rotates your pubes. this is a challenge for grooming professionals, of course. all these gnarled, overgrown hedge-people leave barbers struggling to indentify loyal clients. it makes sense. a few months into quarantine, i barely recognize myself. jimmy, can you throw up a picture of me from last may? there you go. there you go. so nice of john lithgow to take me in. stylists are sho
i am your host, stephen colbert., you can really feel that we're getting pretty close to the end of the covid crisis. it's not over yet. but soon, the coronavirus will be in the rearview mirror, and we'll be in the front seat, flooring it, while tonguing down with some stranger we met in a parking garage. that's what we used to do, right? that was it. i have to check my old e-viets. a third of americans are inoculated, and folks are ready to be professionally groomed for the first time in over...
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Apr 2, 2021
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that trend is continued to the current day stephen colbert on cbs consistently exceeds the ratings ofnight show host jimmy fallon. who focuses less on humor and jimmy fallon of course is particularly famous for a famous hair tasseling interview with candidate trump during the night before the 2016 election where the critics said was a little more than a promotion for trump. trump by the way had starred on nbc in the apprentice before he became a presidential candidates, but i think it's fair to say that for all of these positive accolades about johnny carson's program. it's important to remember that it also had its flaws. there are certain things that a modern viewer would not find all that funny today. he had a character aunt blaby who was about an elderly women an elderly woman who shall we say did not age gracefully it would be attract as extraordinarily ages today. he had another character that he played art fern a a leering parody of a sleazy television host that objectified woman from start to finish of the act. no modern comic whatever revive such characters today. it's also i
that trend is continued to the current day stephen colbert on cbs consistently exceeds the ratings ofnight show host jimmy fallon. who focuses less on humor and jimmy fallon of course is particularly famous for a famous hair tasseling interview with candidate trump during the night before the 2016 election where the critics said was a little more than a promotion for trump. trump by the way had starred on nbc in the apprentice before he became a presidential candidates, but i think it's fair to...
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Apr 20, 2021
04/21
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carson did not want to go as far as stephen colbert and trevor noah routinely do so today. what wilkerson did with president trump? we have some sense. trump was prominent as a new york business leader during carson's time at the tonight show and johnny carson did make a few jokes at trump's expense. in 1989 he rift about trump's short-lived, entirely filled game show called trump car. quote he's on everything. he's got his name on buildings, he's got his name on boats, and the show apparently as a lot like wheel of fortune, but instead of than a white leona comes out and flips a homeless person into the street. and one of the features of this show is called eviction of the week. trump stands at a window with a bull horn and yells come on dion. trump also included trump, carson also intruded trump another bid in 1981 which taught him to the flower scandal. don't worry about jennifer flowers, carson said. she's got a new job today as donald trump's backup mistress. >> of course and we're performing today i think he would be very critical of trump, that he would have moved to
carson did not want to go as far as stephen colbert and trevor noah routinely do so today. what wilkerson did with president trump? we have some sense. trump was prominent as a new york business leader during carson's time at the tonight show and johnny carson did make a few jokes at trump's expense. in 1989 he rift about trump's short-lived, entirely filled game show called trump car. quote he's on everything. he's got his name on buildings, he's got his name on boats, and the show apparently...
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Apr 20, 2021
04/21
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stephen colbert consistently exceeds the rating of tonight show host jimmy fallon who focuses less on humor. and jimmy fallon is famous for a hair tousling interview of donald trump. but i think it's fair to say that for all of these positive accolades about johnny carson's program, it's important to remember that it also had its flaws. there's certain thing that a modern viewer would not find all that funny today. he had a character who was an elderly woman who did not age gracefully. he had another character that he played art fern, a leering parody of a sleazy television host that objectified women. it's also important to note that his personal life was far more turbulent than his professional life. in his youth, he was a heavy drinker and as he admitted he could become a mean drunk. his extra marital affairs were legendary and frequent, even by the standards of the celebrity circles in which carson moved. he had three sons from his first marriage and had -- did not have good relations with any of them, particularly after he divorced his first wife, his college sweetheart. perhaps
stephen colbert consistently exceeds the rating of tonight show host jimmy fallon who focuses less on humor. and jimmy fallon is famous for a hair tousling interview of donald trump. but i think it's fair to say that for all of these positive accolades about johnny carson's program, it's important to remember that it also had its flaws. there's certain thing that a modern viewer would not find all that funny today. he had a character who was an elderly woman who did not age gracefully. he had...
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Apr 2, 2021
04/21
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stephen colbert exceeds the ratings of tonight show host jimmy fallon who focuses less on humor. and jimmy fallon is particularly famous for a hair tasselling interview with trump the night before the election which was little more than a promotion for trump. trump, by the way, had starred on nbc in "the apprentice" before he became a presidential candidate. but i think it's fair to say that for all of these positive accolades about johnny carson's program, it's important to remember that it also had its flaws. there are certain things that a modern viewer would not find all that funny today. he had a character ann blabby, about an elderly woman who, shall we say, did not age gracefully. it would be attacked as extraordinarily ageist today. he had another character that he played, art fern, a learing sleazy television host that objectified women from start to finish of the act. no modern comic would ever revive such characters today. it's also, i suppose, important to note that his personal life was far more turbulent than his professional life. in his youth he was a heavy drunke
stephen colbert exceeds the ratings of tonight show host jimmy fallon who focuses less on humor. and jimmy fallon is particularly famous for a hair tasselling interview with trump the night before the election which was little more than a promotion for trump. trump, by the way, had starred on nbc in "the apprentice" before he became a presidential candidate. but i think it's fair to say that for all of these positive accolades about johnny carson's program, it's important to remember...
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Apr 2, 2021
04/21
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i am your host, stephen colbert.art off tonight by saying, i forgive kate middleton for making me cry. i don't blame her. she's apologized, and i forgive her. she is a wonderful woman who i hope to meet some day. like everyone else, i watched oprah's bombshell interview with harry and meghan, and if you didn't catch it, let me tell you, m'lords and ladies, things got real, real quick. >> there has not been an agreement, you don't know what i'm going to ask... >> no. >> ...and there is no subject that's off-limits. >> no. >> and you are not getting paid for this interview. >> all of that's correct. >> stephen: i am here for it! ( crunching ) now-- ( crunching ) could use some butter. as you will recall, the couple left the royal family after months of racist attacks from british tabloids without any support from the palace. it was so bad, the duchess said she was at the breaking point. >> i went to one of the most senior people, just to-- to get help. and that, you know, i share this because... there are so many peopl
i am your host, stephen colbert.art off tonight by saying, i forgive kate middleton for making me cry. i don't blame her. she's apologized, and i forgive her. she is a wonderful woman who i hope to meet some day. like everyone else, i watched oprah's bombshell interview with harry and meghan, and if you didn't catch it, let me tell you, m'lords and ladies, things got real, real quick. >> there has not been an agreement, you don't know what i'm going to ask... >> no. >> ...and...
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Apr 27, 2021
04/21
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i'm your shows stephen colbert. we have got a great show for you tonight.hony mackie's here, we're doing a meanwhile, but most impressively, i will be joined by our very own jon batiste who won an oscar last night and looked good doin' it. along with his collaborators atticus ross and trent reznor, jon took home an academy award for best original score for pixar's "soul." >> thank you to my parents, suleika for your support and love, coming here with me. we flew on the plane, first time in a year. my parents took me around clubs in new orleans when i was 10 years old. put me in piano lessons. ms. shirley william. (laughs) just so much-- so much has happened, this moment is a culmination of a series of miracles. that's what every conversation with jon batiste isreich. by the way, it is is, ah-ha! and itd not b mor beautiful and beautifully said last night, jon. what an amazing achievement. especially considering for some of us, the greatest accomplishment of the last year was washing our sweatpants once a month. six months. i will eventually wash them. the m
i'm your shows stephen colbert. we have got a great show for you tonight.hony mackie's here, we're doing a meanwhile, but most impressively, i will be joined by our very own jon batiste who won an oscar last night and looked good doin' it. along with his collaborators atticus ross and trent reznor, jon took home an academy award for best original score for pixar's "soul." >> thank you to my parents, suleika for your support and love, coming here with me. we flew on the plane,...
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Apr 20, 2021
04/21
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i'm your host, stephen colbert folks, i am incredibly excited for tonight's show. i get to talk to anthony hopkins in a little bit. and i'm going to talk a lot about chris evans' penis-- not with anthony hopkins. but the thing that's got me most excited is what is happening 179.98 million miles away, on mars. it's time for "space news: martian chronicle!" mark your calendar, because this morning, at 3:34 eastern time nasa's ingenuity mars helicopter succeeded in its historic first flight, making it the first aircraft in history to make a powered, controlled flight on another planet. 117 years after kitty hawk, we flew a helicopter on mars! and as a tribute to the wright brothers, "ingenuity" has a bit of fabric from their aircraft. and for fun, they stuck on orville's mustache. now that we've got a helicopter up there, it's only a matter of time until we get the martian traffic report. ike ored plan areper to bumper from olympus mons all the way to the polar ice caps. traffic on the 1's is brought to you by iron oxide. iron oxide: it's what makes mars red! >> steph
i'm your host, stephen colbert folks, i am incredibly excited for tonight's show. i get to talk to anthony hopkins in a little bit. and i'm going to talk a lot about chris evans' penis-- not with anthony hopkins. but the thing that's got me most excited is what is happening 179.98 million miles away, on mars. it's time for "space news: martian chronicle!" mark your calendar, because this morning, at 3:34 eastern time nasa's ingenuity mars helicopter succeeded in its historic first...
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Apr 21, 2021
04/21
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i'm your host, stephen colbert. today was a very tense day, and this is a very tense time for america for a host of reasons. if you're looking to take the edge off, may i remind you, it's 4/20. for those not in the know, 4/20 is the one day a year weed smokers celebrate smoking weed every other day of the year. and this april 20 is the big one, because today, 4/20 turned 50. 50! that means it's old enough to sneak off into the garage while the kids are at soccer practice and smoke half a joint, but then it has a panic attack, so it spends the afternoon on the couch drinking water and watching q.v.c. far out, man. this is the 50th anniversary because, back in 1971, a group of california high school students used to gather to smoke pot every day at 4:20 p.m. admirable punctuality for a group of kids who were always high. these kids were nicknamed "the waldos." ah, now "where's waldo?" makes a lot more sense. it's about a guy in a knit cap who never changes his clothes and has no idea where he is. although, looking at
i'm your host, stephen colbert. today was a very tense day, and this is a very tense time for america for a host of reasons. if you're looking to take the edge off, may i remind you, it's 4/20. for those not in the know, 4/20 is the one day a year weed smokers celebrate smoking weed every other day of the year. and this april 20 is the big one, because today, 4/20 turned 50. 50! that means it's old enough to sneak off into the garage while the kids are at soccer practice and smoke half a joint,...
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Apr 28, 2021
04/21
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i am your host, stephen colbert. folks, if, like me, you are an american who has a face, we have got some great news, because this afternoon, the c.d.c. issued new guidelines awyeah that fully vaccinated take it ofaby! show daddy them nostrils! mmm! flare 'em! ( laughter ) this is great news for people who love fresh air, but a little late for those who already have the tan lines. c.d.c. director rochelle walensky explained what they meant by "crowded settings." >> generally, for vaccinated people, outdoor activities without a mask are safe. however, we continue to recommend masking in crowded outdoor settings and venues, such as packed stadiums and concerts, where there is decreased ability to maintain physical distance and where many unvaccinated people may also be present. >> stephen: okay, got it. so, sex on the beach? no mask. orgy on the beach? mask. and probably a snorkel. to assess the risk level of various activities, the c.d.c. put out this chart that shows when it is safe for vaccinated and unvaccinated pe
i am your host, stephen colbert. folks, if, like me, you are an american who has a face, we have got some great news, because this afternoon, the c.d.c. issued new guidelines awyeah that fully vaccinated take it ofaby! show daddy them nostrils! mmm! flare 'em! ( laughter ) this is great news for people who love fresh air, but a little late for those who already have the tan lines. c.d.c. director rochelle walensky explained what they meant by "crowded settings." >> generally,...
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Apr 1, 2021
04/21
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the late show with stephen colbert is captioning sponsored by cbs >> this battle brewing over voting in georgia, after trump lost the state. for weeks now, cnn has reported on how the g.o.p. bills there would disproportionately affect black voters. >> i do absolutely agree that it's racist. it is a redux of jim crow, in a suit and tie. >> welcome back to the "vote is lava," where black voters from georgia have to cross a room filled with molten hot rock in order to cast their vote. >> it's all part of georgia's drive to make voting more secure. let's go down to the polling place. >> as you can see, everything here is set up to diminish voter fraud, because nothing reduces election irregularities quite like the threaeat of beingng inincinerated d in molten n mag. >>>> and our f first minororitys are off, making their way to the voting booth. >> oh, no! boililed alive!! i'm m guessing h his signatuture didndn't match.. once again, this is all just to secure the vote. oh, but what's this? it looks like one black voter has made it past the lava, thus winning the right to cast a ballot. l
the late show with stephen colbert is captioning sponsored by cbs >> this battle brewing over voting in georgia, after trump lost the state. for weeks now, cnn has reported on how the g.o.p. bills there would disproportionately affect black voters. >> i do absolutely agree that it's racist. it is a redux of jim crow, in a suit and tie. >> welcome back to the "vote is lava," where black voters from georgia have to cross a room filled with molten hot rock in order to...
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Apr 15, 2021
04/21
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i'm your host, stephen colbert. i gotta tell you, the feelings are strong. the feelings are strong tonight. i don't know how you are feeling. but i guess the word is historic. this is an historic day. because this afternoon, president biden announced he will withdraw all u.s. forces from afghanistan by september 11, 2021, ending america's longest war-- even longer than the never-ending cupcake wars. a quagmire of ganache. the war in afghanistan has been going on for almost 20 years. to put that another way, this war is too old to date matt gaetz. 20 years is a long time. those are 17th-century european numbers. thaniscontessad of war you fight rteyour propoto uni the kingdoms and eloped with the duke of saxony. to further put the war into perspective, the war started in october 2001. this is what billie eilish looked like then. it's been going on so long that the first "iron man" movie opens with tony stark in afghanistan. this conflict is older than the marvel cinematic universe. it is an "infinity war," with no endgame. "ant-man and the wasp." i was a corr
i'm your host, stephen colbert. i gotta tell you, the feelings are strong. the feelings are strong tonight. i don't know how you are feeling. but i guess the word is historic. this is an historic day. because this afternoon, president biden announced he will withdraw all u.s. forces from afghanistan by september 11, 2021, ending america's longest war-- even longer than the never-ending cupcake wars. a quagmire of ganache. the war in afghanistan has been going on for almost 20 years. to put that...
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but it's a great one and he has a very clear eye on as it's very clear thank you so much dr dr the colbert from the the international university of applied sciences. germany's ice court has ruled the government's climate change law is inadequate judges of ministers must set goals for reducing greenhouse gas emissions beyond 2030 by the mental activists argue that the current law doesn't go far enough judges have given the government until the end of the of next year to really find their emissions targets. so let's talk to our fellow access card to the lawyer who brought one of the young cases the court ruled on today a welcome to do you w. a professor you described today's verdict as groundbreaking for germany why. well it is actually groundbreaking and this is a 1st ruling where the german federal constitutional court ruled in favor and against the government protection its paris climate try to get the bond to. pre-industrial levels finding not only legally binding international law but also binding. perspectives of fundamental rights constitution all along it is unconstitutional accordin
but it's a great one and he has a very clear eye on as it's very clear thank you so much dr dr the colbert from the the international university of applied sciences. germany's ice court has ruled the government's climate change law is inadequate judges of ministers must set goals for reducing greenhouse gas emissions beyond 2030 by the mental activists argue that the current law doesn't go far enough judges have given the government until the end of the of next year to really find their...
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could mark a watershed moment in the country's fight against colbert 19 the move could force long downs and curfew we saw in areas with high infection rates as strongly battles a 3rd wave of call one of our most cases. but there is continues right here our next hour covert special you're watching the w. news live from berlin now my operands i'll get all of us here to thank you for your company and i look forward to seeing you tomorrow i'll get. a little guys this is the sub in the 7 percent stuff but for what i say is truth to speak his shoes his share i guess. you know just i know we're not quite. young people didn't have the solutions good future nights. 77 percent now in food and on d. w. no literature invites us to see people in particular that i like to see as the kids. growing up. might object. to the books are new to. the book. the super league turns into a super debacle the pushed of the commercialized european football now appears to be off after a massive revolt by fans. money played in the fiasco also coming up. in kenya and lenders aren't lending an all around cash shortage
could mark a watershed moment in the country's fight against colbert 19 the move could force long downs and curfew we saw in areas with high infection rates as strongly battles a 3rd wave of call one of our most cases. but there is continues right here our next hour covert special you're watching the w. news live from berlin now my operands i'll get all of us here to thank you for your company and i look forward to seeing you tomorrow i'll get. a little guys this is the sub in the 7 percent...
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Apr 2, 2021
04/21
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long before stephen colbert and john stewart, mark russell there to choke and saying about the often upsurge political process. though he actually knew little about politics when he first began forming, russell's ability to find humor in anything made him an immediate hit. his career spanned from capitol hill to 30 years worth of his mark russell comedy specials on public television. and regular to theaters and college campuses. until his retirement very recently, mark performed annually at fourth theater and we are delighted to have him join us. thank you mark. former congressman joe crowley is a political consultant who provide strategic advice to clients, on a wide range of public policy matters. he represented the 14th district of new york, including his home town in queens and the u.s. congress for nearly 20 years. the former chairman of the democratic caucus is also known for his love of music, and even the odd dwight with stephen colbert at a famed democratic retrieved. today's moderator his gordon peterson. gordon is an award winning news anchor, reporter, writer and producer
long before stephen colbert and john stewart, mark russell there to choke and saying about the often upsurge political process. though he actually knew little about politics when he first began forming, russell's ability to find humor in anything made him an immediate hit. his career spanned from capitol hill to 30 years worth of his mark russell comedy specials on public television. and regular to theaters and college campuses. until his retirement very recently, mark performed annually at...
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Apr 1, 2021
04/21
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the late show with stephen colbert is (inspiring music) - [narrator] the bay area is a golden destination for people who love delicious food, outdoor fun, and healthy living, but are you missing out on life's simple joys, hindered by chronic dental issues?
the late show with stephen colbert is (inspiring music) - [narrator] the bay area is a golden destination for people who love delicious food, outdoor fun, and healthy living, but are you missing out on life's simple joys, hindered by chronic dental issues?
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Apr 23, 2021
04/21
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and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater office building in new york city, it's stephen colbert stephen: ladies and gentlemen, it is wonderful to have you here, welcome to "a late show," i'm stephen colbert. i want you to know we work on the show till the very last second here. we're like a distillery, we want it to be brandy by the time it touches your tongue -- it's a metaphor. i'm not going to touch your tongue. no letters, please. check your calendars, april 22, which means happy earth day -- not to be confused with earth, wind, and fire day, which, of course, is the (lip synch) ♪ 21st night of september. ♪ in honor of earth day, throughout tonight's monologue, we'll be presenting: "earth facts!" >> it's my special day! >> stephen: earth fact: over 70% of earth's oceans are made of water. >> i'm all wet! >> stephen: of course, earth day is like prom, in that every year has a theme. this year's is restore our earth. yes, we must restore our earth, or before you know it, the theme's going to be "enchantment under the sea." climate change is getting harder to ignore. last year,
and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater office building in new york city, it's stephen colbert stephen: ladies and gentlemen, it is wonderful to have you here, welcome to "a late show," i'm stephen colbert. i want you to know we work on the show till the very last second here. we're like a distillery, we want it to be brandy by the time it touches your tongue -- it's a metaphor. i'm not going to touch your tongue. no letters, please. check your calendars, april 22, which...
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Apr 15, 2021
04/21
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. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching, the news continues streaminge a great night , - [announcer] this program is a paid presentation for omega xl and is brought to you by great healthworks. (upbeat music) - welcome, my name is connie craig carol and i'm so glad that you're joining me. chances are you or someone you know
. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching, the news continues streaminge a great night , - [announcer] this program is a paid presentation for omega xl and is brought to you by great healthworks. (upbeat music) - welcome, my name is connie craig carol and i'm so glad that you're joining me. chances are you or someone you know
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Apr 20, 2021
04/21
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before stephen colbert and john stewart, there was our buck walled. many of you watching here tonight will remember him. but i bet many of the younger members in our audience tonight will not. but that is ok. whether you remember him or not i hope we can have some laughs together here tonight. i'm pretty certain that good old our tea book walled is looking down from above tonight and saying boy, the way things have been going down there, you people sure need some laughs so let us see what we can do tonight to meet the old boy proud. during his long curry career as a political humourist and satirist, art buchwald was called a modern-day mark twain. for over 50 years, his pulitzer prize-winning column, a political satire and biting wit made him most of the widely read american humorous of his age. at the height of his career has column, published three times a week was syndicated in 550 newspapers in 100 different countries around the world. the power of his wit it was legendary. some describing him as will rogers with hud spa. do you not just, and that
before stephen colbert and john stewart, there was our buck walled. many of you watching here tonight will remember him. but i bet many of the younger members in our audience tonight will not. but that is ok. whether you remember him or not i hope we can have some laughs together here tonight. i'm pretty certain that good old our tea book walled is looking down from above tonight and saying boy, the way things have been going down there, you people sure need some laughs so let us see what we...
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Apr 8, 2021
04/21
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. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching, the news contin s - [narrator] the following is a paid advertisement for credit secrets sponsored by info up, llc. the product endorsers who appear have been compensated for their travel and lodging costs. all of the endorse are actual enthusiastic and successful users of the credit secrets program.
. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching, the news contin s - [narrator] the following is a paid advertisement for credit secrets sponsored by info up, llc. the product endorsers who appear have been compensated for their travel and lodging costs. all of the endorse are actual enthusiastic and successful users of the credit secrets program.
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Apr 15, 2021
04/21
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. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching, the news continues streaming have a great night , captioning sponsored by cbs >> artist and entrepreneur will.i.am unveiling his own high-tech face mask. it has three fans, along with a high-efficiency filter, plus bluetooth so you can connect it to your phone. the mask also has noise-cancelling audio, a mic, and l.e.d. lights. xupermask-- that's what i'm going to call it-- launches for $300. >> oh, hello. i'm bjorn umlaut mendelshone. when i heard that the man who wrote "my humps" wanted to enter the medical equipment industry, i said boom-bomb-pow. mr. i.m's pitch was simple-- how do we make something that is very expensive but that would also be almost immediately obsolete? introducxu
. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching, the news continues streaming have a great night , captioning sponsored by cbs >> artist and entrepreneur will.i.am unveiling his own high-tech face mask. it has three fans, along with a high-efficiency filter, plus bluetooth so you can connect it to your phone. the mask also has noise-cancelling audio, a mic, and l.e.d. lights. xupermask-- that's what i'm going to call it-- launches for $300. >>...
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Apr 24, 2021
04/21
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. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> is it friday night?oh yes. >> thanks captioning sponsored by cbs >> the new report overnight alleges gaetz sent close associate and accused sex trafficker joel greenberg $900 in two late-night venmo transactions. greenberg used the same app to send three young women, including one who had recently turned 18, varying sums of money that amounted to $900. greenberg made the payments with the descriptions "tuition," "school," and "school." >> are you tired of people assuming your money transfer app yments for sex?then ime scificar paying for sex! introducing sex no. is it for sex? no! it's right there in the name! >> i was worried that my wife was having an affair, but i saw on sex no that all her payments were going to our pool boy.
. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> is it friday night?oh yes. >> thanks captioning sponsored by cbs >> the new report overnight alleges gaetz sent close associate and accused sex trafficker joel greenberg $900 in two late-night venmo transactions. greenberg used the same app to send three young women, including one who had recently turned 18, varying sums of money that amounted to $900. greenberg made the payments with the descriptions...
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Apr 1, 2021
04/21
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the late show with stephen colbert is captioning sponsored by cbs >> this battle brewing over votinga, after trump lost the state. for weeks now, cnn has reported on how the g.o.p. bills there would disproportionately affect black voters. >> i do absolutely agree that it's racist. it is a redux of jim crow, in a suit and tie. >> welcome back to the "vote is lava," where black voters from georgia have to cross a room filled with molten hot rock in order to cast their vote. >> it's all part of georgia's drive to make voting more secure. let's go down to the polling place. >> as you can see, everything here is set up to diminish voter fraud, because nothing reduces election irregularities quite like the threaeat of beingng inincinerated d in molten n mag.
the late show with stephen colbert is captioning sponsored by cbs >> this battle brewing over votinga, after trump lost the state. for weeks now, cnn has reported on how the g.o.p. bills there would disproportionately affect black voters. >> i do absolutely agree that it's racist. it is a redux of jim crow, in a suit and tie. >> welcome back to the "vote is lava," where black voters from georgia have to cross a room filled with molten hot rock in order to cast their...
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Apr 6, 2021
04/21
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tonight after your late news, don't miss "the late show with stephen colbert."kworth. a pretty good double-double. jared butler, 22 points. macio teague, 19 points on 8 of 15 from the floor to lead an 86-70 win by the baylor bulldogs. let's take a look at how they did it. >> from the opening tip, it was domination. scott drew and mark few greeting one another. they came out growling and making plays. both ends of the floor. knocking down shots, getting into the paint, defending with vigor. everybody was part of the party. there is jared butler knocking down one of his triples. macmacio teague was superb off the dribble come off the catch. they shot it well but they got what they wanted, chuck and it was really about the speed, the tenacity. gonzaga made a bit of a run at the end of the first have to close a 19-point deficit down t. but it started almost the same way in the second half as it did at the start of the game. zags in the zone. butler with the the three. zags continued to fight. give the bulldogs credit but that defense, mark vital was superb on the gl
tonight after your late news, don't miss "the late show with stephen colbert."kworth. a pretty good double-double. jared butler, 22 points. macio teague, 19 points on 8 of 15 from the floor to lead an 86-70 win by the baylor bulldogs. let's take a look at how they did it. >> from the opening tip, it was domination. scott drew and mark few greeting one another. they came out growling and making plays. both ends of the floor. knocking down shots, getting into the paint, defending...
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Apr 16, 2021
04/21
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and just last month a motorcyclist was also caught >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >>. the news continues streaming on cbsn bay captioning sponsored by cbs >> eight republican state legislators have asked to pull coca-cola products from their offices at the georgia state capitol. in a letter obtained by the "atlanta journal-constitution," the removal request is tied to recent comments from the company about the state's elections bill. >> a group of georgia house republicans is canceling coca-cola. they're saying pepsi is okay. >> hi, i'm bill shasta, owner of shasta soft drinks. you may remember us from the bottom of your uncle's cooler. as we here at shasta have watched the troubling events unfold in georgia, we just want to remind everyone, we here at shasta have absolutely no conscience. but we do have a cola. shasta a is down wiwith whateve. rrestrict voting? none of our business.
and just last month a motorcyclist was also caught >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >>. the news continues streaming on cbsn bay captioning sponsored by cbs >> eight republican state legislators have asked to pull coca-cola products from their offices at the georgia state capitol. in a letter obtained by the "atlanta journal-constitution," the removal request is tied to recent comments from the company about the state's elections bill. >> a...
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Apr 7, 2021
04/21
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. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching.eam g on - [announcer 1] the following is a paid advertisement for plexaderm skincare. - [announcer 2] watch this. it's all 100% real. witness what happens to this woman's bags under her eyes in an actual time-lapse, in just minutes. nothing has been doctored or tampered with. the very real problem will disappear
. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching.eam g on - [announcer 1] the following is a paid advertisement for plexaderm skincare. - [announcer 2] watch this. it's all 100% real. witness what happens to this woman's bags under her eyes in an actual time-lapse, in just minutes. nothing has been doctored or tampered with. the very real problem will disappear
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Apr 30, 2021
04/21
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already seeing a boost, with more people looking up hotel rooms and >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching. e news cont [male announcer] the following program is sponsored by food for the poor. (cinematic guitar music) - [girl speaker] when we don't find food to eat, i feel like fainting. - [woman speaker] today i have nothing. i have no idea what i'm going to feed them. hetu - [woman speaker] today i have nothing. i don't feel good at all. - [woman speaker] many people here
already seeing a boost, with more people looking up hotel rooms and >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thanks for watching. e news cont [male announcer] the following program is sponsored by food for the poor. (cinematic guitar music) - [girl speaker] when we don't find food to eat, i feel like fainting. - [woman speaker] today i have nothing. i have no idea what i'm going to feed them. hetu - [woman speaker] today i have nothing. i don't feel good at all. -...
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Apr 8, 2021
04/21
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going on now until april 13th at your neighborhood grocery outlet >>> the late show with stephen colbertr watching, the news contin s captioning sponsored by cbs >> prominent trump ally congressman matt gaetz continues to play defense in a scandal involving reports of prostitution, sex trafficking, and possible sexual acts with minors. >> we're also learning that gaetz is scheduled to speak at an event put on by women for america first at a trump resort in florida on friday. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> from all of us here at trump national doral resorts, thank yoyou for stayaying with u us. as a guest, you'll have v.i.p. access to any of our upcoming events, including april 9, "women for america first," with headliner matt gaetz.
going on now until april 13th at your neighborhood grocery outlet >>> the late show with stephen colbertr watching, the news contin s captioning sponsored by cbs >> prominent trump ally congressman matt gaetz continues to play defense in a scandal involving reports of prostitution, sex trafficking, and possible sexual acts with minors. >> we're also learning that gaetz is scheduled to speak at an event put on by women for america first at a trump resort in florida on...
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Apr 12, 2021
04/21
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ALJAZ
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going to testify thank you so much for talking to us very good to get your insight on this bond for colbert as a professor of law at mitchell ham in school one of the on joining us fan from st paul minnesota we appreciate your time thank you. thank you. there's lots more ahead on this news hour including. i. right went across to england where shops james and pubs reopen optimizing something long down. and a boxing great is getting back in the ring general have the details in sports. now the world news israel's prime minister says iran is the greatest threat in the middle east and he want to allow it to obtain nuclear capability his comments come as iran branes israel for sabotaging its key nuclear facility harry fossett before some lesser. iran says its main uranium enrichment facility was the victim on sunday of nuclear terrorism the perpetrator it says was israel the spokesperson for iran's nuclear agency was injured when he inspected the damage there will the incident happened in a place that is used for power distribution as it was a small explosion it caused part of the ceiling to coll
going to testify thank you so much for talking to us very good to get your insight on this bond for colbert as a professor of law at mitchell ham in school one of the on joining us fan from st paul minnesota we appreciate your time thank you. thank you. there's lots more ahead on this news hour including. i. right went across to england where shops james and pubs reopen optimizing something long down. and a boxing great is getting back in the ring general have the details in sports. now the...
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Apr 24, 2021
04/21
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tonight nekima levy armstrong a, civil rights attorney and former president of the naacp and harry colbert, jr., editor-in-chief of north news in minneapolis. good evening to both of you thank you for being with us, nekima levy armstrong, the conversation i had with the black minnesotans yesterday was remarkably moving and important, there was this interesting threat of the idea that they wanted this outcome of this verdict and they did feel like that was accountability but to call it justice -- some of them felt was a stretch, because as they say, justice would mean that dante wright was not killed that george floyd was not killed, that would look like justice. not penalty, -- >> absolutely. and i think that is an important point to articulate for those who are saying george floyd got justice, he got a measure of justice, but true justice would've been george floyd still being alive, still living his best life, still being able to enjoy his time with his family and in his community. the fact that there was accountability is something that we should be able to celebrate, take a deep breath
tonight nekima levy armstrong a, civil rights attorney and former president of the naacp and harry colbert, jr., editor-in-chief of north news in minneapolis. good evening to both of you thank you for being with us, nekima levy armstrong, the conversation i had with the black minnesotans yesterday was remarkably moving and important, there was this interesting threat of the idea that they wanted this outcome of this verdict and they did feel like that was accountability but to call it justice...
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Apr 16, 2021
04/21
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great sleep comes naturally with sleep 3 only from nature's bounty >>> the late show with stephen colbert continues streaming on cbsn bay [male announcer] the following program is sponsored by food for the poor. (cinematic guitar music) - [girl speaker] when we don't find food to eat, i feel like fainting. - [woman speaker] today i have nothing. i have no idea what i'm going to feed them. - [boy speaker] i feel like my head is turning. i don't feel good at all.
great sleep comes naturally with sleep 3 only from nature's bounty >>> the late show with stephen colbert continues streaming on cbsn bay [male announcer] the following program is sponsored by food for the poor. (cinematic guitar music) - [girl speaker] when we don't find food to eat, i feel like fainting. - [woman speaker] today i have nothing. i have no idea what i'm going to feed them. - [boy speaker] i feel like my head is turning. i don't feel good at all.