[laughter] so i hereby call on the colbert nation to go down to the "today show"'s window in rockefellerza tomorrow morning and demand equal time for the booty. [cheering and applause] i want to see signs like, "no keesters, no peace" and "nbc equals no butt coverage." the point is, because here's the point, folks, this boob week is just a cheap ratings grope, like shark week. oh, oh, you know what somebody should do? shark boob week. or boob shark week. that i would watch. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. [cheering and applause] vo: if you like facebook, come to best buy. where an expert will find the perfect phone for you. like the at&t htc status. it let's you post instantly to facebook with a push of a button. and it's just $49.99. with no mail in rebates. of course, just because you can share on a whim, doesn't mean you should. the at&t htc status. only $49.99 at best buy. everybody. my guest tonight is a neuroscientist here to talk about the neurological underpinnings of the subconscious, if there is such a thing as the subconscious. please mommy breast david eagleman. [ch

[laughter] so i hereby call on the colbert nation to go down to the "today show"'s window in rockefellerorrow morning and demand equal time for the booty. [cheering and applause] i want to see signs like, "no keesters, no peace" and "nbc equals no butt coverage." the point is, because here's the point, folks, this boob week is just a cheap ratings grope, like shark week. oh, oh, you know what somebody should do? shark boob week. or boob shark week. that i would watch. we'll be right back. [cheering and applause] [ male announcer ] at nissan, we test the altima's durability on a track that simulates the world's toughest roads. ♪ [ tires screeching ] ♪ if it can survive this drive... ♪ it can survive yours. the nissan altima. innovation that lasts. innovation for all. ♪ everybody. my guest tonight is a neuroscientist here to talk about the neurological underpinnings of the subconscious, if there is such a thing as the subconscious. please mommy breast david eagleman. [cheering and applause] , hi, david eagleman. all right, sir, you are a neuroscientist. what is a neuroscientist for a good

(laughter) folks, this year colbert nation is going to be a player in the election.ow, i'm on record as saying i think newt gingrich is the guy. (laughter) but i think i may have to eat a little crow. or whatever it is that newt's been eating. (laughter) i'm going to say oreo cakesters. (laughter) the former speaker of the house announced his candidacy back in may and he hasn't been seen much since apart from a guest spot on c-span's "i love the '90s." (laughter) now newt's been struggling in the polls, he lost most of his staff, then he lost the rest of his staff. (laughter) and to top it off he lost the startup disk for his wife. (laughter and applause) it keeps beach balling. now, folks, there's been more bad news. according to records filed with the f.e.c., newt's campaign is one million dollars in debt. folks, this is perfectly understandable. newt has major expenses. for instance, he spent $800,000 on his campaign web site. (laughter) now, sure, newt could have had his nine-year-old nephew design a web site and all he'd have to have paid him was one of his oreo

meet you all in front of the building to announce the results and chart a new course for the colbert nationbe there. and this is not just about the cash. i will also accept credit cards. [laughter] here to prep me for my historic testimony is former chair of the fec and my personal lawyer, trevor potter. trevor, thank you so much for coming on. good toll see you, my friend. [cheers and applause] should i bring this with me tomorrow? >> very bad idea. >> stephen: very bad idea. okay. first of all, i could not be more excited to go down and testify before the fec. they love it in washington when i testify. [laughter] it's a very welcoming town that way. >> i've heard that. >> stephen: what can i expect tomorrow? how is it going to go down? >> it's a hearing room with a horseshoe shaped table. that's where they are. >> stephen: okay, yeah. >> you are down below where you should be. >> stephen: i understand. >> the staff will introduce the draft advisory opinions and they will discuss them amongst themselves and they may have questions for you. they may not in which case you just sit there. the

(laughter) folks, this year colbert nation is going to be a player in the election. now, i'm on record as saying i think newt gingrich is the guy. (laughter) but i think i may have to eat a little crow. or whatever it is that newt's been eating. (laughter) i'm going to say oreo cakesters. (laughter) the former speaker of the house announced his candidacy back in may and he hasn't been seen much since apart from a guest spot on c-span's "i love the '90s." (laughter) now newt's been struggling in the polls, he lost most of his staff, then he lost the rest of his staff. (laughter) and to top it off he lost the startup disk for his wife. (laughter and applause) it keeps beach balling. now, folks, there's been more bad news. according to records filed with the f.e.c., newt's campaign is one million dollars in debt. folks, this is perfectly understandable. newt has major expenses. for instance, he spent $800,000 on his campaign web site. (laughter) now, sure, newt could have had his nine-year-old nephew design a web site and all he'd have to have paid him was one of his or

[laughter] so i hereby call on the colbert nation to go down to the "today show"'s window in rockefellerza tomorrow morning and demand equal time for the booty. [cheering and applause] i want to see signs like, "no keesters, no peace" and "nbc equals no butt coverage." the point is, because here's the point, folks, this boob week is just a cheap ratings grope, like shark week. oh, oh, you know what somebody should do? shark boob week. or boob shark week. that i would watch. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. [cheering and applau impressive resume. i see you're flatulent in three languages. graduated top of your gas. [ male announcer ] got gas on your mind? your son rip is on line toot. [ male announcer ] try gas-x. powerful relief from pressure and bloating in a fast-acting chewable. gas-x. pressure's off. everybody. my guest tonight is a neuroscientist here to talk about the neurological underpinnings of the subconscious, if there is such a thing as the subconscious. please mommy breast david eagleman. [cheering and applause] , hi, david eagleman. all right, sir, you are a neuros

may the best stephen colbert win. nation, i don't usually pay attention to what's going on in england. i assume if something really important happens over, there i'll find out about it in the next harry potter movie, which strangely there has been no mention in the latest trailer of my favorite angelo-australian-american media billionaire muggle, news corp chairperson and five-time dark lord of the month rupert murdoch. he's facing a spot of legal trouble in merry old england town because a tabloid he owned, the "news of the world," well, they went and did a silly thing. they illegally hacked into people's cell phone messages. 4,000 times. and now poor uncle rupi is getting his crumpet stopped and for what? >> rupert murdoch said "news of the world" tried to hack into the voice mails of victims of the 9/11 attacks. >> as well as the voice mails of families of british segars killed in action. >> the paper hacked into the voice mail of 13-year-old millie dowler while she was still missing and the hacker even deleted some voice

newly and superpacked t was time to head outside and address the colbert supernation. hello, nation. >> hello! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: i am here to represent your voice. so please quiet down so we can all hear what you have to say with my mouth. (laughter) >> stephen: fill owe americans, ladies and yes, supporters, friends, and federal employees with extremely generous lunch break policies, 60 days ago today, on this very spot a young man petitioned the fec for permission to form a superpac to raise unlimited monies and use the moneys to determine the winners of the 2012 elections. can anyone tell me -- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: can anyone tell me who that young man was. it was me. now some people have cynically asked is this some kind much joke? well, i for one don't think that participating in dem obling -- democracy is a joke. i don't think that wanting to know what the rules are is a joke. but i do have one federal election law joke if you would like to hear it. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: knock, knock. >> who's there? >> stephen: unlimited unions

nation, 29 days ago colbert superpac began its mission of making a better tomorrow tomorrow. and that mission is as important now now as it was then then. we have received donations from over 10,000 nameless heroes whose names are right down here. but i want to salute two new members of the colbert youth corps who sent me this letter. they scribble dear stephen cole better the first time we saw you you were the assistance sports psychologist for the u.s. speed skating team giving advice to a skater's butt. our parents record your show and let us watch the best parts. the letter concludes, thank you for reading this. have a great summer sincerely charlie, 10, and grace 8. ps, we collected money for your superpac. (cheers and applause) and here it is. $13. (cheers and applause) you know, folks, sometimes you forget why you do what you do. (laughter) here it is. it's for the children that i want to receive unlimited monies that can then be used to tamper with the 2012 elections. so nation, it is time time to make an addition to the crawl of heroes, let's freeze the crawl. jimmy,

nation's biggest home mortgage lender. >>> canada got special love from steven colbert? made a bucket list ahead of the debt ceiling deadline next week, you know, just in case. >> before our society collapses into khan ballistic gangs, i've always wanted to try bubble tea. it looks fun. the surprises, tasty little balls there. also, we should invade iran. we know it won't be a quagmire because we've got to be out by next tuesday. and we should finally just do it with canada. the tension has been building for years. i'm talking crazy last night on earth, grabbing borders, slapping rockies half in french, no eye contact. eating pew teen out of each other's great lakes. >> pew teen is one of my favorite foods, it's french fries with cheese kurds which sort of burnt gravy on top of it. but that's for another time. christine romance back talking about business with us. let's talk about markets. it's not just the debt ceiling. there are companies reporting their earnings, how they're performing and hopefully somebody is paying attention to that. i know you are. >> i definitely

colbert superpac.com. become a member and donate because there are countless conservative issues and candidates deserve the kind of support that only we can provide. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: nation, i don't have to tell you we have an energy crisis on our hands. even our most volatile source of fuel lasts only five hours. that's why i am such a huge supporter of hydro fracking. the drilling process that blasts pressurized water, sand and chemicals below the earth's surface to break up rock and release natural gas. it's like giving the earth an alka sellinger if the alka sellinger shattered your internal organs so oil company kos harvest your juices. (laughter) >> stephen: now folks there is good news on the fracking front. because 1 week ago new york governor andrew como announced that he wants to lift the ban on fracking in this state. and i say fair's fair. after all he just signed a bill saying gay couples could legally frack each other. why can't energy companies -- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you. yeah, you see. these people are angry too. why can't energy companies drill in our backyard. new york -- (laughter) >> stephen: oh yeah, i went there. i live there. no

nation, before we continue, i want to invite you tuul see me live at the gelyard municipal auditorium in charleston, south carolina, to benefit the james w. colbertndowed chair at the university of south carolina, it's this friday, july 1 at 8:00 where i'll finally have a public forum to talk about myself on a friday. (laughter) i will be interviewed by m nbc's jonathan alter, me and alter, a fight to the death. don't tell him that part. (laughter) now, folks, i'm a big fan of tea party darling and '70s rock and roll participant ted nugent who last week wrote a powerful editorial in the "washington times" headlined "millennials sleep as their future crumbles. today's youth snooze while government steals their fortune and lives." yeah! nugent know it is thing that's going to jolt our youth awake is the newspaper industry! (laughter) you see, ted remembers the social change of the late '60s, the '68 b.m.c. convention riots, protests over the vietnam war and civil rights and he finds today's youth by comparison "terminally stoned on apathy." (laughter) yes, apathy! which is a gateway drug! starts with apathy, it eventually leads to crystal meh. (lau