i love teaching in cramerica.he one thing that professional investors have that home gamers lack is a truly rigorous structured education about the market. now, of course, there are obviously plenty of individual investors who have learned and an immense amount about managing their own money. and they do trade like pros. the problem is that most individual investors really don't have the time to become great self-taught investors. kind of makes sense, right? and you know what? if you're one of these people, you shouldn't have to spend an eternity getting an education about stocks. especially not when you've probably got a full-time job, being an autodidact, s.a.t. word of the millennium. being a self-taught pro is too much effort. and it's not necessary. it's why you come to "mad money." we've been through two valuable lessons already. you must always have some cash. and you must concentrate on the downside. >> no, no! >> when you look at stocks, so you can find investments that don't have a lot of it. you know, w

we sell into strength in cramerica. but we also never sell all at once. take some off.nd if the rally holds up, sell a little more later. sell when it's scaling up. and, remember, your gains are all on paper. you don't have a real gain until you ring the register. my rally playbook is about what stocks to sell and why. that's how you take advantage of a rally. the name of this game is preparation. it is not -- >> that was easy. >> -- just the opposite. there's no real way to prepare for a rally other than by owning stocks. i'm talking about preparing yourself for the bad days and the really bad days. >> the house of pain! >> it will definitely come after the big rally! >> the house of pain! >> the best time to adjust your portfolios so that you're ready for the next sell off is during -- >> the house of pleasure. >> -- the house of pleasure moment. and that's why you have to approach the rally with caution, not with unbridled enthusiasm. when the dow is up 200 to 300 points in a day, i don't think, wow, this market is great, what a time to buy. >> buy, buy, buy! >> no,

hey, i'm cramer, welcome to "mad money," welcome to cramerica, other people want to make friends, i just want to make money. my job is not to entertain you but to educate you so call me at 1-800-743-cnbc. tonight i'm letting you in on something special. the method to my madness. i know this show is the craziest, most random, and frankly most bizarre thing on television. >> no, no, ahhhh! but i also know that you won't find stock advice this good anywhere else. ♪ hallelujah >> house of pleasure. >> you know that too or you would not be watching unless you're the one to tune in to watch to see if tonight's the night i have that heart attack or brain aneurysms on air. sorry, guys, there's a tape delay. but keep wishing. for those of you more interested in trying to make money than watching me walk around like a crazy man, this show is all about the method, or methods to break from strictly quoting the bar to my madness. how do i pick stocks? that's the question everybody would love to know the answer to. tonight you get a piece of that answer. the truth is i've gotten far too many methods,

welcome to cramerica. a lot of people want to make friends. i'm not interested. my job isn't just to educate but to entertain you so call me. at 1-800-743-cnbc. this is not a market that makes sense. from what's known as the top down. it makes no sense if you listen to the guys who have the big picture, who pore over the gross domestic product numbers, the employment numbers, the national retail sales numbers. they think our economy and therefore our stock market are simply pumped up, steroidal affairs or maybe just supplements like manny ramirez, david ortiz. nobel prize winner and new york times columnist paul krugman who this morning, shocking, took the great depression two off the table. we did that 2500 dow points ago for the record. but said that, well, all that's happening is we're just getting worse. more slowly. krugman, like so many others i hearsay that it's all government spending that's providing any of the rally, any of the economy's pumped up and it's providing, well, without it, let's just say we'd be post steroidal weaklings. that's right. they t

welcome to cramerica. call me, 1-800-743-cnbc. why is it so hard? why is the market so topsy-turvy? why does it confound so many people right here? sample thought. why did the dow go down 97 points yesterday, and up 120 points today? even though we got a yawner of a fifth -- i'm going to make everybody yawn -- a yawner of a fed meeting and nothing happened of any import? i am sorry to be a truth-telling blunt person, but can i just tell you, that meeting had all the excitement of a new york mets/arizona diamondbacks game. that's saying something. i could pontificate endlessly about the confusion but i like to tell the story of a stock. that's what i do best. the best way to relate narrative today is the tale of two brand-new ipos. first, star wawood. he's going to issue and invest in commercial real estate. ipo price at $20. gigantic yield, biggest of the year. it was a total flop from the get-go. if you came in from new haven, they closed the curtain at the end of the day. this is worse than the play that was involved with the "producers." i won't mention a name. it gave an immedia

cramerica. >>> you say the stock, i tell you whether to bye, buy, buy, buy. we play to hear this southbound. to play this sound. that's the play the cardinals 9-0 sound. and then the lightning round is over. are you ready? why don't we start with florida? amanda? >> caller: boo-ya, baby. >> boo-ya, sunshine. >> caller: my uncle retired and he has se. we want to know what my uncle should do with it. >> i don't know about global warming but i have to think it is a nice run company with a nice yield. she stick with it. it doesn't mean he should buy. and it does matter. is he diversified? if he has too much, that's bad. but it is a good utility. not as good as dominion, letter d. how about donna in illinois? >> caller: hey, hey, professor cramer. a sun years boo-ya to you. >> a white sox. >> cubs. why not this year? that means they're picking my team. what's up? >> caller: my question for you. is it, the mark has a leg and is making a climb back, would this be a good time to buy the city group? symbol c? >> every day i come in and want to recommend that stock. ev

welcome to cramerica. other people want to make friends -- oh, boy, i'm just trying to make some money, and of course entertain and educate, so call me at 1-800-743-cnbc. tonight we're making a cake. call me julia child. hey, call me a child. that's more like it. we have so much to celebrate that i am donning the chef's hat and making myself an oreo chocolate case to help usher in the festivities. got to go to the cramer cookbook for this one. recipe for a rally. what exactly are we celebrating? how about the good fortune of our country that ben bernanke will stay as head of the federal reserve. how fabulous is that? listen, we know he got off to a slow start -- they know nothing! at one point i wanted to throw a pie in his face, but he's the man who kept the atms running on time, prevented us from former bread lines, wearing sandwich boards "will work for food" creating apple stands, and most important from my time on wall street, no window jumping. i credit his decision to take radical action to bring in

welcome to cramerica. other people want to make friends. don't care at all. my job is not just to entertain you, but to educate you, so call me. today is a great example of why i preach endless flexibility and no dogma in cramerica. if you believe we are in for a gigantic, big, scary sell-off, no matter what, then you missed a great opportunity -- >> all aboard. >> -- to buy. anyone who bought on this morning's pullback, which took the dow down a very frightening 91 points, made out like a bandit. the market recovered and the dow closed up 37. now, a lot of people think the market has gotten overextended. remember i had that -- i was a barista for a few minutes. i had a little froth on the set, remember? i baked a cake, too. that didn't go well. well, in this market to invest intelligently, you're going to get some froth. i don't care. i'm sticking with my strategy of selling into strength to raise money so that you can buy shallow dips like today. and as we saw today, my strategy is working. your flexibility allows you to buy stocks down and you couldn't eve

that's part of the cramerica manifesto. i think first solar will be back.t's the only one that doesn't need government subsidy and oil is going higher. i'm not worried. yes i admit i'm the televangelist for money. they did acknowledge my existence which i thought was saying something. all right. let's go to matt in texas. >> caller: first-time caller. boo-ya. >> first time long time. we haven't had a first time in a long time? what's up? >> caller: in real money you mentioned selling a stock when a ceo or cfo leaves suddenly. i'm a pilot with continental airlines. the ceo recently caught a lot of people off guard by announcing he will be leaving the company at the end of the year. what do you think this means for the stock, the airline, and do you think the resignation has anything to do with a future merger? >> well, i have to tell you he is a great man, and i tell you that because he's about the only airline that's really solvent other than southwest. now let me also say this. i'd never recommend an airline on this show. i never will. i think it's written

one of the easiest ways to identify potential cramer names, names we like in cramerica, stocks that could but not necessarily always end up on the show is by watching a group of stocks, a sainted group of stocks called the new high list. stocks on that illustrious list, the highest of the high, obviously have to have something going for them. either they're part of a major bull market, or the individual stocks themselves have serious momentum. >> buy, buy, buy! >> no matter how they get there, most stocks on the new high list keep going higher. that's the thing about the market, it's not that hard to play once you understand that there's more continuity than change. more continuity, the stocks go up, than change. things keep going the way they were, object in motion. unless something radical changes, they're going to keep going that way. it's you that have to alter your course. but i don't just pluck names off of the new high list because i think, hey, these stocks have been anointed, they're going up, they'll keep going up. why don't i recommend them on the show? because that would be la

welcome to cramerica. i want more days like today. my job is not just to interstate, but to educate, so call me. with today's fantastic rally, taking the dow of 114 points and the s&p up 13, should we be afraid that the markets reached nose-bleed section heights? can we justify the moves we've seen this week? are they simply dangerous, setting us up for a jimmy clip "the harder they fall" moment? >> should we be frightened? should we be scared by citigroup's 68 cent run this week? is it up? cisco's up from a quarter where terrific ceo john chambers signalled a meaningful turn in orders. should we fret that kodak goes higher or cvs has come back and joined the double-digit party? what about the hold builders that are losing money? are they making us complacent? 44% of the mortgages are under water? way more than the 14 million homes bought when we thought it had been can cordened off? isn't it perilous for hartford to be up so mu

>> boo-yah from south texas. >> as jim takes your calls from across cramerica. >> boo-yah to you fromouis. >> big 110-degree boo-yah from phoenix, arizona. >> boo-yah from seattle. >> in an awful new quick fire "lightning round." >>> and later, why is jim all fired up about the s.e.c.'s latest action against bank of america? stay tuned for cramer's "outrage of the day." all coming up on "mad money." tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 i want everything right where i can find it. tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 anything that makes trading easier. tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 i want to be right in the middle of the action-- tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 you know-- i have to see what's going on. tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 and when i pull the trigger... tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 ...i've got to get the best price out there. tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 (announcer) try the new schwab.com tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 for yourself. tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 call 1-888-4schwab tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 or visit schwab.com/trader today. tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 'course a trade doesn't always work out my way. tdd#: 1-800-345-2550 but when it does... tdd#: 1

>> boo-yah from south texas. >> as jim takes your calls from across cramerica. >> boo-yah to you from louis. >> big 110-degree boo-yah from phoenix, arizona. >> boo-yah from seattle. >> in an all new quick fire "lightning round." >>> and later, why is jim all fired up about the s.e.c.'s latest action against bank of america? stay tuned for cramer's "outrage of the day." all coming up on "mad money." >>> holy cow, it is time! it is time for the "lightning round." rpd fire calls one after the other. you say the name of the stock, i tell you whether to buy buy buy or sell sell sell. just to be clear, i don't know the stock questions or the callers ahead of time. on the fly, we play until you hear this sound, and then the lightning round is over. are you ready, skee-daddy? it is time for the "lightning round" on cramer's "mad money." let's start with bowden in new jersey. >> caller: hi, jim. huge boo-yah. oh, i'm screwing up. >> it's okay. >> caller: research in motion, rimm, what do you think? >> from thestreet.com, where i am chairman, i said that i felt after that blown quarter that th

welcome to cramerica. other people want to make friends. i just like days like today. my job is not just to educate but to entertain. so call me. all day today with the market trending pretty flat, dow up 36, nasdaq rallying ten, all i heard about is the endless bad-mouthing of pretty much every company that says anything positive at all. people are demanding perfection in earnings. that makes no sense to me at all. they're disturbed about walmart's sales. even as the earnings are terrific. and the company said it was having a fantastic back-to-school season. hey, back-to-school, i'll take it, but i thought the earnings were supposed to be awful. there would be no back-to-school season. i'm stumped here. who do i believe? the reporters who may be the management of the world's largest retailer with 100 million customers. it didn't matter. the media was unappeased. they were even more negative when macy's -- because the big department store tempered expectations. gave negative guidance. but what matters is that macy macy's -- get out of my way -- had earnings. that's wha

which is why i like b.i.n., the last member of the cramerica of foreign legioneers. pert your portfolio in the dumpster, just don't swill that juice. tony in california. tony? >> caller: boo-yah. >> familial boo-yah. how are you? great to have you. >> caller: i called before about republic services. and they were having a bit of trouble. now that their earnings are bit better, what do you think? >> i like republic services. i think it's fine, but of the three, i like b.i.n. and waste management much more. republic services is good. i would love to see them merge with b.i.n. but we have a new antitrust department, no longer in the commerce department. so, it's entirely possible that deal wouldn't get done. i like all three, but republic is my least favorite. let's go to rob in california. >> caller: hey, "mad money" boo-boo-boo-yah, where i'm looking at the pacific ocean right now? >> are you really? just make me feel awful. i'm looking at a toxic waste pit. what's up? >> caller: jim, i'm afraid the federal government has taken a bad lesson from california. with all t

welcome to cramerica. i want more days like today. my job is not just to interstate, but to educate, so call me. with today's fantastic rally, taking the dow of 114 points and the s&p up 13, should we be afraid that the markets reached node-bleed section heights? can we justify the moves we've seen this week? are they simply dangerous, setting us up for a jimmy clip "the harder they fall" moment? >> should we be frightened? should we be scared by citigroup's 68 cent run this week? is it up? should we fret that kodak goes higher or cvs has come back and joined the double-digit party? what about the hold builders that are losing money? are they making us complacent? 44% of the mortgages are under water? way more than the 14 million homes bought when we thought it had been can cordened off? isn't it perilous for hartford to be up so much?

. >> jim takes the calls from all across cramerica. >> boo-yah from st. louis. >> 110-degrees boo-yah from phoenix, arizona. >> boo-yah, from seattle. >> in an all-new "lightning round". >>> whether the dow soars or hits the floor, jim helps to stay on steady ground with "am i diversified"? all coming up on "mad money." >>> this friday, you don't have to wait until midnight for the madness to start. catch cramer at 11:00 every night of the week. take your double dose of "mad money," weeknights at 6:00 and 11:00 eastern on cnbc. introducing the all new chevy equinox. with an epa estimated 32 miles per gallon. and up to 600 miles between fill ups. it's the most fuel efficient crossover on the highway. better than honda cr-v, toyota rav4 and even the ford escape hybrid. the all new chevy equinox. i just gave you some at the restaurant. yea i know. i threw them out. they were old so... old! they are rollover minutes. they are as good as new. ya know not everyone gets to keep their unused minutes. and these days we can't afford to be wasteful. saving minutes..

the only spelling bee winner you'll ever need to know in the land of cramerica. daniel in new york? daniel? >> caller: first time long time thing. >> love. that. go ahead. >> caller: with the government beginning to send, what is your take on the marine construction sector? more specifically, great lakes. >> i don't want to count on a stimulus at all. it's a hodgepodge. i think it is a mosaic of ways to pay state and local workers and have a little stimulus on the side. so i would not buy them on the case of stimulus. and the dredging, no, no. that's, too, what i call, attenuated. don't have a catalyst for that. let's to go steve in pennsylvania. >> caller: boo ya! huntington valley. >> what's up? >> caller: i got a great question for you. what is the magic number for the unemployment rate in relation to the markets? if we were to hit 10% and obama extends unemployment benefits which will increase the rate because people will get on the rolls again, will the market sell off? or shrug it off and go hi, hi, higher? >> i have to tell you, i have to admit, for one particular moment ther

. >> jim takes the calls from all across cramerica. >> boo-yah from st.nix, arizona. >> boo-yah, from seattle. >> in an all-new "lightning round". >>> whether the dow soars or hits the floor, jim helps to stay on steady ground with "am i diversified"? all coming up on "mad money." >>> this friday, you don't have to wait until midnight for the madness to start. catch cramer at 11:00 every night of the week. take your double dose of "mad money," weeknights at 6:00 and 11:00 eastern on cnbc. >>> it's time! it's time for "the lightning round." what's that about the rapid fire cost when it does? sell, sell, sell. the stock question and my staff graphics. we play until you hear this sound. and then the lightning round is over. are you ready ski-daddy. it's time for the lightning round on cramer. jordan in pennsylvania, jordan? >> caller: hey, jim, and a big mountain hawks boo-yah to you from lehigh university in bethlehem. >> lehigh university? i was there two weeks ago with coach reid and the great team from the philadelphia eagles. what a beautiful school you

welcome to cramerica. other people want to make friends. no, i admit it.my job is not just to educate but to entertain. call me at 1-800-743-cnbc. this morning, it looked like we were in for a nasty selloff. >> house of pain. >> the consensus was that we were going to get pollack and at first, that's exactly what happened. with the dow taking a 700-point plunge shortly after the opening. so, how come we rallied so hard? the dow closed up 61 and the s&p levitated seven points higher. why did this nutty market once again confound everyone's expectations? why does this darn thing have so much trouble staying down? first of all, the main reason so many people thought we were in for a beating today was you guessed it, weakness in china. but as important as china is, and you know i am always willing to acknowledge that the people's republic has become more important than the united states --

welcome to cramerica. other people want to make friends. not the least bit interested. i'm just trying to make you some money. my job is not just to entertain, also to educate. so call me at 1-800-743-cnbc. froth! froth! it's the enemy of good investing! it's all about jumping on what's the most speculative, what's the most low-dollar stuff, what's hottest, what gives you the most jolt! it's triple cappuccino, and that's what kind of market we're in right now and it's a tad worrisome. i think froth, too much froth caused today's reversal, with the dow jones at one time rallying 81 points, only to give it all up and close up three. why? at this point, it's obvious they just like playing with it, right? i mean, there's no, no substantive pointing in this whatsoever. mind, i'm not askoaled about this particular issue. i am not above speculation. in fact, unlike everyone else in the world, i actually encourage it. you need to do a little speculating with your mad money! keep your attention on your portfolio. make the game come alive. i have sanctioned at times devoting as m

we had a big bull run, and that always means in cramerica that you take some profits, you take something off the table. as my late mother always said when i pressed it at the blackjack tables, take some off. go buy a nice sweater. things have gotten better but the markets also moved higher and we just don't have enough positives to go much further. when we get this close to the ceiling, the risk reward is not in your favor. so wait for the garden variety at 3% to 5%. and then you know what you do? you start to buy, buy, buy all over again! let's go to ivan in texas. don't tell ivan we're going to oklahoma, no matter what. ivan? >> caller: hi, jim, here's a great, big texas hoola boo-yah to you. >> an hola boo-yah. i'll take that. just don't mention, ivan, that we're going to the university of oklahoma at the ends of october. >> caller: all right, jim. i was listening to the j.p. penny second quarter earnings conference call and they mentioned about $300 million in pension expense in 2009, based on their losses in 2008. this works out to about $1 a share less per earnings. >> i know. >> c

it's time that we go some places and take out the united states cramerica passport, join the foreign legion. if you believe the dollar will continue to weaken as i do, then you want to own some foreign adrs that should go higher as the green back declines. all week i'll have these names. every day i'll roll out a few new ones. they're all foreign stock legions but don't forget about cpl and cig. the two fabulous brazilian utilities with monumental yield. and yes after the break i'll try to make you even more money. stay with cramer. businesses more efficiently, so we've brought in a team of experts to help. one suggestion is to make your shipping more efficient with priority mail flat rate boxes from the postal service. call or go online for a free supply and up to $160 in offers from authorized postage vendors. shipping's a hassle! weighing every box... actually, with flat rate boxes you don't need to weigh anything under 70 pounds. if it fits, it ships for a low flat rate. ok, but i ship all over the country. you can ship anywhere in the country for a low flat rate. ship internatio

welcome to cramerica. other people want to make friends. i'm just trying to make you some money. my job is not just to entertain you, but to educate you. write this number down. 1-800-743-cnbc. this show is all about what i can bring to the table for you. okay? different kind of thing. see, i talk about trying to help you make money, but the truth is, making money isn't that hard. it's not losing money that's difficult. so, tonight i'm putting all my advice about how to play defense. how to keep your money safe. how to avoid big losses, into one show. 25 rules that i use myself when running my charitable trust. when i say that i have something, it's because it's in a trust. i can't make any money, just charity does. you want to follow along, it's called actionalertsplus.com and you should be using these, too, because it's individual money. not institutional money. it could be your money. you need these different rules if you want to try to save yourself from losses. so you can celebrate your gains. 25 bite-sized tips that if you listen to all them should help protect you from the

welcome to cramerica. other people want to make friends. i'm just trying to make you some money. how about a few more days like today? my job is not just to educate but also to entertain. so call me at 1-800-743-cnbc. this is a total rodney dangerfield rally. no matter how great it gets, hey. another 115-point gain for the dow today, s&p 500 up 15. pretty great. the market still can't get respect. the nasdaq is now up 27% this year. but nobody believes it. instead, instead what we have are a group of negative nellies and negative nancys. of course meaning no, maybe a tad disrespect to my sister nancy. you can't stop criticizing this. they cannot stop it. no matter how powerful it is all we hear about are negatives, things going wrong. there is no recognition that things are in any way getting better. not one bit. why not? many people who keep producing, manufacturing new negatives, new reasons to sell, sell, sell, are literally, i believe, trying to talk this market down. these people need this. >> the house of pain. >> these money managers need stocks to go lower so they can buy

welcome to cramerica. other people whatnot to make friends. not the least bit interesting. my job is to educate you, so call me at 1-800-743-cnbc. are you sitting down? are you ready? tonight, i have a dual mission. i'm coming to the rescue of your pocketbook and of uncle sam. the united states treasury. and i'm doing it at the same time. that's right. tonight, i am going to offer the quickest way to both lower the u.s. deficit and help you make some mad money. yes, tonight, i am recommending the stock of -- citigroup. yeah. you don't have to adjust your hearing aid. i mean it. i'm recommending the stock of citigroup. right here, right now. citigroup. the one that we own, we the taxpayers own 34% of. the one that fdic picks on endlessly. as some sort of populous statement against the big-city bankers who play wall street's gangster's paradise before the opening bell. yes.

hey, i'm cramer, welcome to "mad money," welcome to cramerica, other people want to make friends, not making a lot of friends today. my job is not only to entertain but to educate. call me 800-743-cnbc. people know that the highest mountain on earth decline is mt. evere everest, but the hardest, that's easy, it's number two, everest's smaller partner known as k-2. why? for one, it's par bollic, that's the most frightening shape on earth. the one that often leads to climbers falling off a cliff. that's a telling picture. funny thing, though, about parabolas. they aren't just found in nature, some are manmade every bit as frightening. take a look at this manmade parabola. look familiar? just like k-2, isn't it? that's a chart of the nasdaq from july 1999 until february of 2000. thrilling, right? just like k-2. but when we look at the other si

welcome to "mad money," welcome to cramerica. my plan is not just to entertain, but to educate.all me. this morning it looked like we were going to get hammered! it seemed inevitable that the market would be crushed! the first bull slaughter in weeks. instead, the buyers swooped in. >> buy, buy, buy! >> after a horrific opening. and saved us from disaster. ♪ hallelujah how is it that the dow blasted up 34 points and the s&p came back to finish slightly higher on a day when it seems early on that we should have been clobbered? why did the minor decline we saw at the opening not cause an even bigger sell-off like it most certainly would have in the past? i mean, every single time, every single time we have one of those openings, it triggered selling, not buying. where was the avalanche of sellers that everybody's waiting for? has something fundamentally changed about the physics of the market? in a way, yes. we're now in a world where you cannot beat the averages sitting on the sidelines. no, it will not work anymore. now with the s&p 500 up gloriously into the double digits for t

welcome to cramerica. other people want to make friends.ne more days like today, my job, entertain and educate, make you a little money. call me, 1-800-743-cnbc. this market answers objections better than jack mckoy from "law & order." it puts the bears in their place quicker than simon cowell in the first rounds of "american idol." it treats the nay sayers the way old number seven streets man's best friend. maybe i shouldn't have gone there. that's right. by the time newly born cubs as well as kodaks take this market down 3% for a whole host of good reasons, the reasons get rebutted one by one and the bears are left questioning everything, including exactly what they are known to do in the woods. consider why we sold off. let's take them down! reason number one, the obliterated consumer, who has stopped spending, as we know from those nasty july retail sales. therefore, no

welcome to cramerica. other people want to make friends. i just want fewer days like today. my job is not just to educate but also to entertain. so call me at 1-800-743-cnbc. you know what i think when i see the dow off 97 points? when i see the nasdaq lose 23? i think it's over. head to the fallout shelter. the big bull run is over! we're headed to the house of pain! >> the house of pain. >> no. not at all. i think, hey, everybody, use this dip -- >> buy buy buy! >> -- to purchase stock in one of the most transcendent technologies of our time. that's right, close observers of the show might have even heard of the term. i'm talking about the mobile internet tsunami. >> house of pleasure. >> why buy these tech stocks now? isn't everyone running for the exits? isn't everyone swinging? aren't they all scared? isn't it just the most dangerous time? oh, please. you buy them now because they're going down. and they're going down on worries about what the fed will do. you remember this fed? >> they know nothing! >> they're gone. they're worried about the u.s. economy slowing. they'

welcome to cramerica. other people want to make friends. i just want to make some money. you. so call me at 1-800-743-cnbc. tonight i'm devoting the whole show to my playbook for taking advantage of a rally! now, i know what a lot of you are thinking. what kind of a bozo, incompetent doofus needs a cape to take advantage of the rally. when the dow is up 200, 300, 400 points a day. during a multiday rally. a real buy-fest. do you really need my advice to help you deal with that? with gigantic profits? everybody makes money in a big rally. it's like your portfolio is running itself! >> that was easy. >> but i'm not here tonight to talk about how to make the most money possible when the market is up. frankly, i could care less. in a rally you have to work hard to prepare yourself for the future. and not let some great sell opportunities -- >> sell, sell, sell! >> sell, sell, sell!