jimmy kimmel's next. with us, goodnight, america, jimmy kimmel's next. ♪ ba, da, ba, da,da,da,da, "jimmy kimmel live"!om his house! >> jimmy: hello and welcome to my house "quarantanamo bay." if you're seeing this message, please send help. i have been trapped here for i don't know how many days, but it's important to stay positive. and there are some good things about this. for instance, i haven't had to wear a bra in weeks. every day i wake up convinced i have the virus. every morning, i'm 100% convinced. same with my wife. for weeks this has been going on. at 7:00 a.m., we are convinced we're infected, and by noon we've completely forgotten about it every day. it's like diseased groundhog's day is anyone else doing this? they say the symptoms of covis include being exhausted and aching all over, but those are also the symptoms of having children. everyone is going a little nuts right now. one of our writers ponytail jesse found himself lysoling his lysol. if you disinfect a disinfectant does it become an infectant? we are on lockdown here in los angeles. the beaches are closed, the parks are closed

. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, "jimmy kimmel live," this is ridiculous.rom his house. >> jimmy: hello again. it's jimmy, again. in my house, again. this is day 43. i think. i'm not sure. guillermo, what day is this? how long have we been in quarantine now? >> guillermo: i think 41 days. >> jimmy: all i know, this is officially the longest i've stayed inside since the womb. how depressing to be a senior, you don't get to graduate or do all the fun stuff. there's a new thing they're in

. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, "jimmy kimmel live," this is ridiculous.rom his house. >> jimmy: hello again. it's jimmy, again. in my house, again. this is day 43. i think. i'm not sure. guillermo, what day is this? how long have we been in quarantine now? >> guillermo: i think 41 days. >> jimmy: all i know, this is officially the longest i've stayed inside since the womb. how depressing to be a senior, you don't get to graduate or do all the fun stuff. there's a new thing they're doing called "isolation proms" where all the kids get dressed up and dance over video chat. which is ok i guess. i guess it's better than nothing. when i was in high school, i had an "isolation prom" too. everyone else went to the prom. i stayed home and played my clarinet. and while we may be isolated, it would seem we are not alone. as if we didn't have enough to worry about right in the middle of this, at the moment we are totally focused on the virus and quarantine and whether or not we should be mainlining lysol, the pentagon releases official video of ufos. that's right. w

. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da,ba ♪ ba, da, ba, da, ba, da jimmy kimmel live, from his house!m in mine. you're in yours. is time even moving anymore? i feel like maybe it got stuck. one thing i think we can all agree on after a month of this is that there are too many hours in the day. we need to cut a few of them. whose idea was 24 anyway? i propose we change the length of days for at leasts a while anyway, to 14 hours. sleep for seven, awake for seven. that's enough. it would get us through this about 40% faster. that's called thinking outside of the box! this is interesting. walmart, you know that store with the old people in the vests out front? walmart reports that sales of hair clippers and hair color have skyrocketed over the past two weeks. we have now entered the panic-buying grooming products phase. apparently this is a thing. there are phases of emergency-time shopping trends. >> jimmy: week 1: we make a run on the hand sanitizer, soap and disinfectants. week 2: we buy up all the toilet paper. weeks 3 and 4: stores sell out of spiral hams and bakers yeast.

. >> right now on ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da,ba ♪ ba, da, ba, da, ba, da jimmy kimmel live, from his>> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy, and welcome to my house. i'm in mine. you're in yours. is time even moving anymore? i feel like maybe it got stuck. one thing i think we can all agree on after a month of this is that there are too many hours in the day. we need to cut a few of them. whose idea was 24 anyway? i propose we change the length of stays for at least a while anyways, to 14 hours. sleep for seven, awake for seven. that's enough. it would get us through this about 40% faster. that's called thinking outside of the box! this is interesting. walmart, you know that store with the old people in the vests

. >> right now on ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da,ba ♪ ba, da, ba, da, ba, da jimmy kimmel live, from hisse! >> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy, and welcome to my house. i'm in mine. you're in yours. is time even moving anymore? i feel like maybe it got stuck. one thing i think we can all agree on after a month of this is that there are too many hours in the day. we need to cut a few of them. whose idea was 24 anyway? i propose we change the length of stays for at least a while anyways, to 14 hours. sleep for seven, awake for seven. that's enough. it would get us through this about 40% faster. that's called thinking outside of the box! this is interesting. walmart, you know that store with the old people in the vests out front? walmart reports that sales of hair clippers and hair color have skyrocketed over the past two weeks. we have now entered the panic-buying grooming products phase. apparently this is a thing. there are phases of emergency-time shopping trends. >> jimmy: week 1: we make a run on the hand sanitizer, soap and disinfectants. week 2: we buy up all the toilet paper. weeks 3 and 4

that's "nightline" this evening, thanks for the company, america, "jimmy kimmel live" starts right now. goodnight. ♪ ba, da, ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da ♪ "jimmy kimmel live"! this is ridiculous. from his house! house! h >> jimmy: hi, i'm bored. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for taking a few minutes away from your banana bread to watch me talk to myself. in my kitchen. i want to wish a warm first night of passover to those who celebrate. who could have guessed there'd be an 11th plague this year? and hello to those of you who joined me earlier in primetime for the return of "who wants to be a millionaire." it was a big night for television. as we said goodbye to one of the great television shows of all-time, "modern family." tonight, we will celebrate with the cast via the magic of videochat. tonight, we will finally answer the question, what does ed o'neill wear around the house? this might be the new modern family. according to people magazine, and they've never steered us wrong before, bruce willis and demi moore, who as you probably know used to be married, are in quarantine tog

jack black on jimmy kimmel live. ♪ bra, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel is ridiculous. >> from his house. >> jimmy: greetings, it is i, the lone ranger. we are back in our time slot with abbreviated show. i hope you had a happy easter. we had one of those family dinner video, this is what our easter was like. unmute yourself! grandma, you have to, we can't hear, hit "unmute". it was less like an easter dinner and more like i was hosting a non-celebrity

jack black on jimmy kimmel live. ♪ bra, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmelthis is ridiculous. >> from his house. >> jimmy: greetings, it is i, the lone ranger. we are back in our time slot with abbreviated show. i hope you had a happy easter. we had one of those family dinner video, this is what our easter was like. unmute yourself! grandma, you have to, we can't hear, hit "unmute". it was less like an easter dinner and more like i was hosting a non-celebrity reboot of hollywood squares. that's what you do. easter's a tough one during a pandemic. every two minutes we're telling our kids to wash their hands. then all of a sudden we're go being, yes, go ahead and eat those jellybeans you found under a bush. our 5-year-old, jane told my wife, i promise, if i see the easter bunny, i won't hug him. i won't say as a parent, easter makes you realize what a solid back story santa claus has. he lives at the north pole. makes toys. my kids asked where does the easter bunny live? i don't know, the sewer. this is what the easter bunny was up to in new jersey yesterday.

. ♪ ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, da ♪ "jimmy kimmel live"! this is ridiculous. from his house!mmy. i'm your host, and, if you'll let me be, your online pilates instructor too. we'll get to that later. here we are again. thank you for watching. on what is a very special day at my house. it is our son billy's third birthday. we are very grateful to the doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists and everyone who worked to save his life three years ago this week at cedars-sinai and children's hospital here in l.a. billy is donating a thousand n95 masks to children's hospital to thank them. he doesn't know he is, but he is. the only mask billy knows about is a spider-man mask, which he wears constantly. he is non-stop with spider-man. all day and night. he sleeps with him. billy is obsessed with two things, spider-man and the word "diarrhea." and i am going to surprise him with one of those tonight. speaking of spider-man, the comic book world is mourning this week. because of the coronavirus, san diego comic con has been officially cancelled for the first time in its 50-year history.

right now on jimmy kimmel live. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ba, da,ba ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ this is ridiculousouse! >> jimmy: hello and welcome to my home. i'm dr. sanjay gupta. i think. right? i could be him. i'm honestly not sure anymore. i'm in a house doing a show, to no one. i'm starting to understand why mr. rogers started using puppets. a special hello to those of you who watched the disney family sing along tonight. i don't know about you, but for me every day is a disney family sing along. today marks one full month since kids have been home from school here in los angeles. more than anything, i miss that

right now on jimmy kimmel live. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ba, da,ba ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ this is ridiculousis house! >> jimmy: hello and welcome to my home. i'm dr. sanjay gupta. i think. right? i could be him. i'm honestly not sure anymore. i'm in a house doing a show, to no one. i'm starting to understand why mr. rogers started using puppets. a special hello to those of you who watched the disney family sing along tonight. i don't know about you, but for me every day is a disney family sing along. today marks one full month since kids have been home from school here in los angeles. more than anything, i miss that rush of endorphins you feel when the car door slams shut, and you peel out of the preschool parking lot like a hazzard. my cousin sal and his wife decided they're sending their kids back to school on may 1st no matter what. even if it's closed. if it's closed, they can hang out by the hopscotch area until three o'clock. there is word now that students may take the sat and act tests from home this year. wow, if only felicity huffman had waited -- what does a college acceptance let

jimmy kimmel is next. thanks for the company, america. good night. ♪ pa, daa, da, pa, apa, da, pa ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> from his house! >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of this poorly attended house party. welcome to day i don't know of sheltering in place. i stopped keeping track of the date after we cut the calendar into strips of toilet paper. but i hope you had a good weekend. as if these weeks ever really end. it's funny. now we finally know how radio shack felt. things are getting a little bit tense at my house. last night i told my wife i want to see other people. she got upset and i said, "no, i just want to see some other people." so she's on tinder now. the one thing i know is that once this is over, i'm never hanging out with myself again. restaurants are getting hit very hard right now, but many are doing what they can to stay in business and feed people in their neighborhoods. a restaurant owner in east hollywood not far from where we are came one a creative way to serve customers. her place is called calabama and they

jimmy kimmel is next, good night. have a safe weekend. ♪ ba, ba, ba, ba, ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da,ba ♪ jimmy kimmel live this is ridiculousa turtles. i'm jimmy, welcome to what is either a show or i am having a paranoid hallucination. who even knows anymore? here's something i learned in quarantine, did you know that you can save a lot of time and bread if you eat the peanut butter straight out of the jar? hello? is anybody listening to me? i never really knew what loneliness was until i started telling jokes to an empty room. tomorrow, i, and hopefully you will be dressing up for a special occasion known as "formal friday." my wife molly came up with this idea a couple weeks ago. to give yourself some sense of normalcy, even if you are alone. put something nice on, once a week. on friday. get all gussied up to eat hot pockets from the back of the freezer. we've been getting a great response to this. many of you have shared your formal friday photos online. >> jimmy: jennifer, alex, betty, and pinky got in the spirit. pinky even accessorized with face masks. >> jimmy: animals are joining in too, whether they know it or no

jimmy kimmel. we appreciate yo ♪ ba, da, ba, da bar, ba, da,da, ba,ba ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ this is ridiculous.s house! >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy kimmel. i'm the host of this house. the reason i look like a my little pony is that today, in case you aren't aware, was supposed to be take your kid to work day, which is kind of every day for a lot of us now. they were originally planning to rename it "take your kids to the breakfast nook for a zoom meeting with no pants on day" for this year only, but decided to leave it alone. so, my daughter jane did my makeup tonight. are you going to do it? >> eye shadow. >> jimmy: eye shadow,

"jimmy kimmel live" is next, have a safe weekend, good night, america. ♪ pa, da, pa, pa, da, pa, pa, jimmy kimmel live >> from his house. >>> hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. today is monday, march 130th. what year i don't know. we are back on television with the first of what is hopefully a limited series we call "jimmy kimmel live from his house." and this is my house. it's the only room in my house that's not completely crusted in play-doh right now. i'm also not making these videos on my ipad anymore. i got a whole system now. i've got three cameras. i've got basically the same setup they use to shoot pornos here. the only thing i don't have is people. everything is being operated remotely tonight. from space. mike pence is controlling this show from the mars rover right now. i hope you had an okay weekend. i had a chilling thought last night. i hesitate to even mention this because i feel like if -- i don't know. i feel like if i do it won't happen. so i'm going to mention it. as bad as this all is, and i'm not talking about the serious stuff, people dying, i'm talking about the inconvenie

jimmy kimmel. we appreciate yo ♪ ba, da, ba, da bar, ba, da,da, ba,ba ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ this is ridiculous.s house! >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy kimmel. i'm the host of this house. the reason i look like a my little pony is that today, in case you aren't aware, was supposed to be take your kid to work day, which is kind of every day for a lot of us now. they were originally planning to rename it "take your kids to the breakfast nook for a zoom meeting with no pants on day" for this year only, but decided to leave it alone. so, my daughter jane did my makeup tonight. are you going to do it? >> eye shadow. >> jimmy: eye shadow, ah-oh. >> yeah. oh, my gosh. ha, ha. you should look at yourself when you're done, okay? >> jimmy: mm-hm. i will. do i look beautiful? >> you look like a girl! >> jimmy: what do you think, guillermo, do i look like a girl? >> guillermo: a little bit, yeah. you look beautiful. >> jimmy: thank you, very much. and thank you, jane. who knew my color palette was jolly rancher. tonight was also round one of the nfl draft. it was supposed to be a big live event in vegas. but be

. >> right now ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da,ba ♪ jimmy kimmel live this is ridiculous jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of this. thank you for watching. special thanks for all the online criticisms of my home. keep 'em coming. they're really helpful. this is kind of funny. i guess this is the bright side of the "stay at home" order. i got an email from costco today, saying they had a package, and the delivery window was from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. a seven-hour delivery window. and for the first time maybe in my life, i was like "no problem. in fact, if you need to stretch it to six, 6:30-midnight, fine, you don't even have to let me know. i ll

. ♪ ba, da, ba da, ba, da,ba ♪ ba, da, ba da, ba, da,ba ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" this is ridiculous.mmy, i'm the host of the show. hello again to those who joined me earlier tonight on "who wants to be a millionaire." thank you for watching that. we are beaming to you from my house, which is where i spend every minute of my life now. my closest friends are pillows now. if nothing else, this experience of being cooped up has taught me that i would never survive in space. three days into the mission, i'd be in the escape pod trying to find a costco on the moon. this is a big day for the planet. today is earth day. the 50th and final earth day. here in l.a., not long after the clock struck midnight last night, we got hit with an earthquake. i was in bed. the earth got up early and woke everyone up like a five year old does on her birthday. i will say though, it was scary because the epicenter was close by, but it was kind of refreshing to worry about being killed by something else for a change. donald trump celebrated mother nature today with a shovel. the president, fstadan the south l

. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, ba, ♪ "jimmy kimmel live," this is ridiculous.immy: hello again. it's jimmy, again. from my house again. this is day 43. i think. i'm not sure. guillermo, what day is this? how long have we been in quarantine now? >> guillermo: i think 41 days. >> jimmy: all i know, this is officially the longest i've stayed inside since the womb. you know, i keep thinking about what a bummer it is to be a high school senior right now. you're about to graduate. you doesn't gn't get to do any fun things. there's a new thing they're doing called "isolation proms" where all the kids get dressed up and dance over video chat. which is ok i guess. i guess it's better than nothing. when i was in high school, i had an "isolation prom" too. everyone else went to the prom. i stayed home and played my clarinet. and while we may be isolated, it would seem we are not alone. as if we didn't have enough to worry about right in the middle of this, at the moment we are totally focused on the virus and quarantine and whether or not we should be mainlining lysol, th

. ♪ >>> thank you so much for joining ♪ ba, da,ba pa, ba, da, pa ♪ "jimmy kimmel live"!ulous. from his house! >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm your host, and, if you'll let me be, your online pilates instructor too. we'll get to that later. here we are again. thank you for watching. on what is a very special day at my house. it is our son billy's third birthday. we are very grateful to the doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists and everyone who worked to save his life three years ago this week at cedars-sinai and children's hospital here in l.a. billy is donating a thousand n95 masks to children's hospital to thank them. he doesn't know he is, but he is.

. >> right now on jimmy kimmel live how about snoop dog. ♪ ♪ pa-da-pa, pa-da-pa, pa ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmelrom his house! >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. i'm jimmy kimmel. i try to say my name twice out loud every day now so i don't forget it. which is especially important on what might be the most forgetful day of the year. it's 4/20. not only is it 4/20, it's 4/20/20. this day is so stoned, it's repeating itself. between 4/20 and all the bread people are making, this country has never been more baked than we are today. unfortunately, health experts say smoking pot during the virus crisis is not a good idea. it can irritate the lungs and make you more susceptible to illness. and also, you might eat all the

. >> right now ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da,ba ♪ jimmy kimmel live this is ridiculousis house. >> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of this. thank you for watching. special thanks for all the online criticisms of my home. keep 'em coming. they're really helpful. this is kind of funny. i guess this is the bright side of the "stay at home" order. i got an email from costco today, saying they had a package, and the delivery window was from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. a seven-hour delivery window. and for the first time maybe in my life, i was like "no problem. in fact, if you need to stretch it to six, 6:30-midnight, fine, you don't even have to let me know. i will be sitting right here. by the door. waiting for you." people have been staying at home and ordering stuff. this is good. this actually happened to me once, with a 26 foot moving truck someone captured this on their ring camera. an amazon delivery guy forgot to put his truck in park, and then he brought the item to the door. and was pretty relaxed, until he's pretty relaxed. rings the bell. even walking back to t

. ♪ ba, da,ba ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" this is ridiculous. from his house! >> jimmy: hello. jimmy, i'm the host of the show. hello again to those who joined me earlier tonight on "who wants to be a millionaire." thank you for watching that. we are beaming to you from my house, which is where i spend every minute of my life now. my closest friends are pillows now. if nothing else, this experience of being cooped up has taught me that i would never survive in space. three days into the mission, i'd be in the escape pod trying to find a costco on the moon. this is a big day for the planet. today is earth day. the 50th and final earth day. here in l.a., not long after the clock struck midnight last night, we got hit with an earthquake. i was in bed. the earth got up early and woke everyone up like a five year old does on her birthday. i will say though, it was scary because the epicenter was close by, but it was kind of refreshing to worry about being killed by something else for a change. donald trump celebrated mother nature today with a shovel. the president, first lady and m

>>> thank you so much for joining ♪ ba, da,ba pa, ba, da, pa ♪ "jimmy kimmel live"!s is ridiculous. from his house! >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm your host, and, if you'll let me be, your online pilates instructor too. we'll get to that later. here we are again. thank you for watching. on what is a very special day at my house. it is our son billy's third birthday. we are very grateful to the doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists and everyone who worked to save his life three years ago this week at cedars-sinai and children's hospital here in l.a. billy is donating a thousand n95 masks to children's hospital to thank them. he doesn't know he is, but he is. the only mask billy knows about is a spider-man mask, which he wears constantly. he is non-stop with spider-man. all day and night. he sleeps with him. billy is obsessed with two things, spider-man and the word "diarrhea." and i am going to surprise him with one of those tonight. speaking of spider-man, the comic book world is mourning this week. because of the coronavirus, san diego comic con has been official

jimmy kimmel live" starts right now. stay safe, goodnight, america. my kimmel live" starts right now. stay safe, goodnight, america aa ♪ ba, da is ridiculous. from his house. >> jimmy: not a green screen. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. may i ask what you're doing in my house? i hope everybody's doing all right. here in los angeles, i have to say, there have been a lot of positives about staying at home. the air pollution is gone. no traffic, and crime is down to almost nothing. there's never been a worse time to be an amazon package thief. i've had to stop stealing them myself. it is kind of funny crime is down at the same time everyone's dressed like they're about to rob a stage coach. and there's never been a time to have a high-speed car chase. if o.j. was on the run right now, he and a.c. would have made it to guatemala. tomorrow is formal friday, where you dress up for no good reason, and tonight is special, too. let's go to guillermo now. tell us what tonight is. >> guillermo: tonight is thirsty thur

jimmy kim el is live is back to its original time. jack black is on tonight ♪ pa, da, pa, pa, da, pa, pa, da, pa ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> from his houses. it is i, the alone ranger. we are back in our regular spot with an abbreviated version of our show. we'll be on for half an hour, followed by "nightline" and this will be the plan until the shackles come off. i hope you had a happy easter. we had one of those family dinner video conference -- this is what our easter was like. "unmute yourself. grandma, you have to -- we can't hear -- hit unmute!" it was less like an easter dinner and more like i was hosting a knohost ing a non-celebrity reboot of

. ♪ ba, da,ba ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" this is ridiculous. from his house! >> jimmy: hello.host of the show. hello again to those who joined me earlier tonight on "who wants to be a millionaire." thank you for watching that. we are beaming to you from my house, which is where i spend every minute of my life now. my closest friends are pillows now. if nothing else, this experience of being cooped up has taught me that i would never survive in space. three days into the mission, i'd be in the escape pod trying to find a costco on the moon. this is a big day for the planet. today is earth day. the 50th and final earth day. here in l.a., not long after the

. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ba, da,ba ♪ ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ba, da,ba ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ thisouse! >> jimmy: hello and welcome to my home. i'm dr. sanjay gupta. i think. right? i could be him. i'm honestly not sure anymore. i'm in a house doing a show, to no one. i'm starting to understand why mr. rogers started using puppets. a special hello to those of you who watched the disney family sing along tonight. i don't know about you, but for me every day is a disney family sing along. today marks one full month since kids have been home from school here in los angeles. more than anything, i miss that rush of endorphins you feel when the car door slams shut, and you peel out of the preschool parking lot like a duke of hazzard. my cousin sal and his wife decided they're sending their kids back to school on may 1st no matter what. even if it's closed. if it's closed, they can hang out by the hopscotch area until three o'clock. there is word now that students may take the sat and act tests from home this year. wow, if only felicity huffman had waited --

. ♪ pa, da, pa, pa, da, pa, pa, da, pa ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> from his house!

. >>> thank you soft for j ♪ pa-da-pa, pa-da-pa, pa, , , , pa-da-pa ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> from his! >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. welcome to my home. hard to believe it's already halloween, isn't it? i hope you had a good weekend. let me guess, you baked bread and watched the michael jordan documentary? i'm actually feeling great today. this morning i woke up, i rolled up my sleeves, i injected a big syringe of formula 409 into my arm and i am now coronavirus-free. the tide pods appear to be turning against president wackadoodle. dr. donald jingleheimer trump spent the weekend trying to pretend he wasn't really suggesting that maybe we should inct

jimmy kim el is live is back to its original time. jack black is on tonight ♪ pa, da, pa, pa, da, pa, pa, da, pa ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> from his houseimmy: greetings. it is i, the alone ranger. we are back in our regular spot with an abbreviated version of our show. we'll be on for half an hour, followed by "nightline" and this will be the plan until the shackles come off. i hope you had a happy easter. we had one of those family dinner video conference -- this is what our easter was like. "unmute yourself. grandma, you have to -- we can't hear -- hit unmute!" it was less like an easter dinner and more like i was hosting a knohost ing a non-celebrity reboot of "hollywood squares." easter's a tough one during a pandemic. every two minutes we're telling our kids to wash their hands. then all of a sudden we're like yes, go ahead and eat those jellybeans you found under a bush. our 5-year-old, jane, told my wife for real, i promise if i see the easter bunny i won't hug him. so some lifelong psychological traumas are definitely being formed here. i will say that as a parent easter makes you realize what a solid backstory santa claus has.

. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, ba, ♪ ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" this is ridiculous!om his house! >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the -- sorry. i had to make a catsup run. we are now a month and a half into quarantine. and i've noticed, maybe you've noticed, there are a few phrases i've been hearing a lot. maybe too much. the first one is "how you holding up?" i don't know -- like this? the better question would be "are you gradually falling apart?" another one is "stay healthy." it's nice, it's a nice thought, but what happens if i don't? then do you say "i told you to stay healthy!" and this is the worst one, "the new normal." stop saying that. this is not the new normal. the president wants us to gargle lysol and we have to wear a scuba mask at trader joe's. it might be new, but there is nothing normal about it. here is something i never thought anyone would ever have to worry about. it's hard to believe, but this thing with trump and the swallow your sanitizers comment is still causing trouble. so much so, that trump's own fda is asking big corporat

. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ba, da,ba ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ this is ridiculous. from his house!and welcome to my home. and you'll let me be your online pilates instructor, too. this is our son billy's third birthday, and we are very grateful to the doctors and the nurses, respiratory therapists, everyone who worked to save his life three years ago this week from cedar sinai hospital and children's hospital here in l.a. billy is donating 1,000 n95 masks. the only mask he knows about is a spiderman mask. he is non-stop with spiderman, all day and night. billy's obsessed with two things, spiderman and the word diarrhea, and i'm going to surprise him with one of those tonight. speaking of spiderman, the comic book world is in mourning because comic-con has been canceled. the good news is if you still want to pack into a building with a bunch of people wearing masks, you can go to any trader joe's. canceling comic-con was the right call. the only thing worse than getting the coronavirus would be getting it because a guy dressed like loki sneezed on your nachos. a city worker in tampa

. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, ba, ♪ ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" this is ridiculous!his house! >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the -- sorry. i had to make a catsup run. we are now a month and a half into quarantine. and i've noticed, maybe you've noticed, there are a few phrases i've been hearing a lot. maybe too much. the first one is "how you holding up?" i don't know -- like this? i'm not. the better question would be "are you gradually falling apart?" another one is "stay healthy." everyone says stay healthy. it's nice, it's a nice thought, but what happens if i don't? then do you say "i told you to stay healthy!" and this is the worst one, "the new normal." stop saying that. this is not the new normal. the president wants us to gargle lysol and we have to wear a scuba mask at trader joe's. it might be new, but there is nothing normal about it. here is something i never thought anyone would ever have to worry about. it's hard to believe, but this thing with trump and the swallow your sanitizers comment is still causing trouble. so much so, that trum

. ♪ pa-da-pa, pa-da-pa, pa-da-pa, pa-da-pa ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> from his house!m jimmy. welcome to my home. hard to believe it's already halloween, isn't it? i hope you had a good weekend. let me guess, you baked bread and watched the michael jordan documentary? i'm actually feeling great today. this morning i woke up, i rolled up my sleeves, i injected a big syringe of formula 409 into my arm and i am now coronavirus-free. the tide pods appear to be turning against president wackadoodle. dr. donald jingleheimer trump spent the weekend trying to pretend he wasn't really suggesting that maybe we should inject disinfectants into our bodies. he claimed he was being sarcastic with reporters, which was a lie, but i shouldn't say that. i'll let you be the judge of whether it was a lie or not. does this seem, in any way, like he was being sarcastic to you? >> and i think you said you're going to test that, too? sounds interesting. and then i see the disinfectant which knocks it out in a minute. one minute. and is there a way we can do something like that? by injection i

>>> thank you soft for j ♪ pa-da-pa, pa-da-pa, pa, , , , pa-da-pa ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> from his houseimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. welcome to my home. hard to believe it's already halloween, isn't it? i hope you had a good weekend. let me guess, you baked bread and watched the michael jordan documentary? i'm actually feeling great today. this morning i woke up, i rolled up my sleeves, i injected a big syringe of formula 409 into my arm and i am now coronavirus-free. the tide pods appear to be turning against president wackadoodle. dr. donald jingleheimer trump spent the weekend trying to pretend he wasn't really suggesting that maybe we should inject disinfectants into our bodies. he claimed he was being sarcastic with reporters, which was a lie, but i shouldn't say that. i'll let you be the judge of whether it was a lie or not. does this seem, in any way, like he was being sarcastic to you? >> and i think you said you're going to test that, too? sounds interesting. and then i see the disinfectant which knocks it out in a minute. one minute. and is there a way we can do something like that? by

. ♪ pa, da, pa, pa, da, pa, pa, da, pa ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> from his house!ck in our regular time slot with an abbreviated version of our show. we'll be on for half an hour, followed by "nightline" and this will be the plan until the shackles come off. i hope you had a happy easter. we had one of those family dinner video conference -- this is what our easter was like. "unmute yourself. grandma, you have to -- we can't hear -- hit unmute!" it was less like an easter dinner and more like i was hosting a non-celebrity reboot of "hollywood squares." but that's what you do. easter's a tough one during a pandemic. every two minutes we're telling our kids to wash their hands. then all of a sudden we're like yes, go ahead and eat those jellybeans you found under a bush. our 5-year-old, jane, told my wife for real, "i promise if i see the easter bunny i won't hug him." so some lifelong psychological traumas are definitely being formed here. i will say that as a parent easter makes you realize what a solid backstory santa claus has. santa lives at the north pole. he h

. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, ba, ♪ ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" this is ridiculous!se! >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the -- sorry. i had to make a catsup run. we are now a month and a half into quarantine. and i've noticed, maybe you've noticed, there are a few phrases i've been hearing a lot. maybe too much. the first one is "how you holding up?" i don't know -- like this? the better question would be "are you gradually falling apart?" another one is "stay healthy." it's nice, it's a nice thought, but what happens if i don't? then do you say "i told you to stay healthy

♪ ♪ pa-da-pa, pa-da-pa, pa ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> from his house! >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel.my kimmel. i try to say my name twice out loud every day now so i don't forget it. which is especially important on what might be the most forgetful day of the year. it's 4/20. not only is it 4/20, it's 4/20/20. this day is so stoned, it's repeating itself. between 4/20 and all the bread people are making, this country has never been more baked than we are today. unfortunately, health experts say smoking pot during the virus crisis is not a good idea. it can irritate the lungs and make you more susceptible to illness. and also, you might eat all the food you hoarded. do we even need marijuana anymore? everyone is sitting on the couch watching netflix and wondering what day it is already. later on, we will be joined by the santa claus of 4/20, mr. snoop dogg. assuming he can get his computer open. you know, on saturday night i was part of a special that aired all over the world. it was called "one world: together at home." i co-hosted with jimmy fallon and stephen colbert. it raised $12

. ♪ ba, da, ba, da ba, ba, da, ba,ba ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ this is ridiculous. from his house!host of this house. the reason i look like a my little pony is that today, in case you aren't aware, was supposed to be take your kid to work day, which is kind of every day for a lot of us now. we igg toids to the breakfast nook for a zoom meeting with no pants leave ian makeup tonight. are you going to do it? >> eye shadow. >> jimmy: eye shadow, ah-oh. >> yeah. oh, my gosh. ha, ha. you should look at yourself when you're done, okay? >> jimmy: mm-hm. i will. do i look beautiful? >> you look like a girl! >> jimmy: what do you think, guillermo, do i look like a girl? >> guillermo: a little bit, yeah. you look beautiful. >> jimmy: thank you, very much. and thank you, jane. who knew my color palette was jolly rancher. tonight was also round one of the nfl draft. it was sup