. >> dave: mi dave letterman. >> got a package for you. >> dave: that may be my new computer screen,e been expecting that. >> where do you want me to put it. >> dave: just over there by the desk. that will be fine, thank you very much. (laughter) (applause) >> merry christmas. >> dave: merry christmas. (applause) oh, listen to this. president barack obama, good friend this is a nice thing, had time to go shopping. and i think that's a good sign, we see he's just one of the guys. he goes out, he does some shopping. now he took the entire white house press corps with him, but still he's out there boosting the economy. you know, the chinese economy but still, he's doing what he can, ladies and gentlemen. (applause) and at the end of-- you know, like they had you sign the credit card thing and it was a big deal. he used 15 different pens. and then a monkey was coming through on a dog and he's riding-- oh, and then he took his dog bo to petco and bought him a new flee collar and coincidently newt gingrich brought his dog to tiffanies and bought him a diamond muzzle. (applause) but the lon

>> dave letterman loves you and -- that's notable because i think he loves few people.always make it look so easy. you make it so pleasurable for us folks who were at home watching you. >> i was worried about the gift he gave you. we'll roll that picture while we talk. during your big ta-da farewell, he takes you out on 53rd street and gives you this fancy shymanskiy italian scooter and promptly we trash the scooter, almost trashed reg, but look at you. you're like speed racer. you're fantastic. >> that thing took off faster than i thought it was going to, and i got a little nervous because i'd never been on one and then i slammed the brakes on and that's when i tipped over. >> but you probably took a couple of aleve. >> you know that he took the vespa away from me? >> why? >> because he didn't want me to hurt myself, he said, and he gave me a nice little watch to wear. lovely watch. a very expensive watch. >> regis. >> that's it? this is the big brush? >> well, as someone who did segment interview. >> take my hand. you're a good man. >> you're a better man. you really

. >>> dave letterman is next. >> we'll take the weekend

say -- and i knew all of those guys from steve allen through johnny, through joey that i think dave letterman butç look at this for david letterman. sometimes -- it's kind of like the old commercial, sometimes you know people aren't trying. and in this case, he's taken it forward about abraham lincoln. >> that's right. is it too silly that regis philbin replaces abraham lincoln in that piece? see how dave feels about me. >> you've talked about letterman, who else? through the years, can you think of one person that you met where you went, man, that guy has it. i ask this, by the way, of jerry, and he surprised me of elvis and sinatra and all the people he'd been around. ronald reagan filled up a room like nobody. who have you met? >> well, i tell you, you mentioned a lot of people there. reagan when i was starting my show in 1961 in san diego, it was a late night saturday night show. it was live and it was my beginning. and all of a sudden we had reagan as a guest. he just happened to be in san diego that weekend. and i was the producer of the show in addition to doing it. so i called his of

>> fedex guy -- you dave letterman?> i am. >> i got a package for you. >> i think that may be my new computer screen. >> where do you want me to put it? >> over there by the desk. that'll be fine, thank you very much. >> merry christmas. >> thank you. >> all right. time now to take a look at the morning papers. and we'll start with the parade of papers. the los angeles times says the current presidential candidates are choosing late night tv over sunday talk shows. republican front-runner mitt romney has yet to appear on one of the three major broadcast network sunday political talk shows this fall, yet twice has found time for david letterman. >> he was on fox news sunday, may i suggest in this race, is the most important show to be on right now. >>> "the new orleans times," drew brees needs 265 passing yards to break dan marino's record. >> i think he'll get it done. >>> and steven spielberg talks about family, going to the movies, and the problems with theater popcorn. >> i've got to say, you know, overall there's on

i think dave letterman -- i'm sorry, i think he is the best we have ever had in that position. >> weenced the art of comedy over the past 25 years the way nobody has. the movies we go to. funny guy. >> you guys have done the show. >> letterman? >> no. >> we would love to. it would be a great honor. look at this for david letterman. sometimes it's like the old avis commercials. you know people are just not trying. he took it about abraham lincoln. >> that's right. is it too silly that regis replaces abraham lincoln. >> you are the abraham lincoln of tv. you talked about letterman. me who else. through the years, can you think of one person that you met where you went that guy has it. i asked this by the way of jerry weintraub and he surprised me with elvis and sinatra. he said ronald reagan filled up a room like nobody. >> let me -- we mentioned a lot of people. reagan started my show in 1961 in san diego. it was a late night saturday night show that was live. it was my beginning. all of a sudden we had reagan as a guest. he happened to be in san diego that weekend. i was the producer

dave. mitt romney's campaign trail passed through the david letterman show last night.nd he delivered the night's top-ten list. things mitt romney would like to say to the american people. >> and the number one thing mitt romney would like to say to the american people -- >> it's a hairpiece. >> there you go. >> very cool. >> that's a good one. >> he has that good hair. that great presidential hair. >>> it's time for the end of the year lists. here's a fun one from google. the most popular searches from 2011. number five is battlefield 3. and number four, casey anthony. >> coming in third, ryan dunn, the jackass star that died in a car crash. number two, google plus. and the most popular search was rebecca black who shot from obscurity to fame, with this loved it/hated it video, "friday." i was surprised at that. >>> well, can you get into trouble for giving something away that belongs to you? apparently so. >> yes, indeed. a california man is vowing to fight the fda after he was ordered to shut down his one-man sperm bank. trent arsenault offers sperm donations free of

letterman! ( band playing "late show" theme ) ( cheers and applause ) >> dave: thank you! thank you.nk you very much, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the "late show." i'm your host, jerry hobson. ( laughter ) you know what, sometimes christmas-- you other than it's like a mixed blessing. are you feeling good about christmas now or not? ( cheers and applause ) i'm-- i'm not feel so-- i'll tell you what happens. every year-- like last year, for example-- and i'm already worried about it. i don't want it to happen again this year-- we ran out of mistletoe last year. i said to the wife, "what happens when people want to make out?" ( laughter ) >> paul: yeah. >> dave: here's what we did-- we ended up using parsley. un, ladies and gentlemen ! by the way, by the way, i'm sorry. i can't guarantee that you'll get these jokes by christmas. >> paul: okay. ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> dave: did you hear what happened? santa's sleigh shot down over iran? did you hear about that? ( laughter ) and they won't give it back. they won't give it back! ( applause ) that's right. also, i don't want to b

letterman! captioning sponsored by worldwide pants and cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) ( cheers and applause ) >> dave: thank you very much.thd gentlemen. that is very nice, thank you. thank you very much and merry christmas and a special happy holiday greetings to the govenor of delaware. i have no idea who that is. we don't care who that is. >>> welcome to the show ladiesa, now listen. you know something the holidays are fantastic because you have christmas and everybody gets excited about christmas and then you also have the hanukkah. >> paul: hanukkah. >> dave: everybody in new yorkc. today they dropped a motza ball. [applause] >>> anit's winter.it's the firsf winter i saw a rabbi wearing a north face yarmulke. [applause] this is our end of the year joke clear out sale. >>> i have to tell yousomething. >> i was talking around and iwa. new yorkers, i don't know what you hear from new yorkers they are not impressed by santa claus. you know what i mean? to new yorkers santa claus is another prowler on the roof. with a bag of junk and stealing stuff. not that big of a deal. [applause] >>> i will tell

dave. i'm out of the office. [ male announcer ] online bill pay. easier banking. standard at citibank. to >>> david letterman is next with jay thomas. >> all right, look forward to

letterman! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by worldwide pants and cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) ( cheers and applause ) >> daveank you very much. (cheers and applause) nice to vie you. how are you doing? thank you very much for being here, welcome to the show. my name is jerry hobbson. (laughter) i'm from hoboken. (laughter) and tomorrow is my birthday. thank you very much. (laughter and applause) we're not just a t.v. show, we're looking out for you folks. if you go out and do your christmas shopping, be very careful. this is the time of the year they can smell a sucker coming. they can see one coming up broadway. for example, a guy went to buy my christmas tree the other day, $200. a tree like this. $200 damn dollars. and i'm not stupid. and the guy says to me "and would you like the three-year extended warranty?" (laughter) really? (applause) today is the first day of chanukah, by the way. (applause) yeah. it was interesting earlier tonight. mom made her famous potato laktes and she lit the menorah and i said "mom, we're not jewish." but new york city has a 32-foot menorah in central park. did you realize t

letterman." >> that's right. and the number one thought that went through robert griffin iii's mind when he won the heisman trophy. >> how long before kim kardashian calls? >> dave'sot to be a big colts fan. that's his home state, indiana. >>> have you ever wondered about the state of youth hockey in kazakhstan? we were just wondering about it today. 9-year-olds on the ice sharing a nice postgame handshake. things take a very wrong turn. look at this. the teams erupt in a center ice brawl. the person who posted the video says the players on one team were dragging about their 5-3 win. that triggered the fight. after a few seconds, the coaches and referees regain control. not sure what kind of punishments may be handed down. you know, maybe no school lunch tomorrow. 9 years old. they qualify for the national hockey league at that rate. >>> coming up at the top of the hour on "morning joe," conservative krit you cans take aim at republican front-runners mitt romney and newt gingrich as a new iowa poll shows newt may be slipping. we're going to discuss that with our panel. >>> and when we come back here, we're going to huddle around the water cooler to see steven colb

letterman! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by worldwide pants and cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) ( cheers and applause ) >> dave: thank you very much. thank you. thank you very much. thank you so much. thank you. happy holidays, merry christmas, welcome to the show. (laughter) does it feel a little later to you folks? >> feels late. (laughter) (applause) >> dave: finally here in new york city it's cold, it's winter in new york city for a long time it is a with getting warmer and warmer and we tout well, there goes winter but no, it's actually cold. i was at the airport earlier today t is so cold out there that the tsa agents, you know what i am talking about, to keep warm they were actually putting their hands in their own pants. (applause) >> dave: that's a true story. and now-- to give you any indication how times have changed, when i was a kid it was just mistle toe, remember that? it was just mistle toe. and now you can get mistle toe or a special same sex mistle toe. it's crazy. but-- (applause) but you get a shiny brand-new penny in the pack. >> yes (applause) >> dave: you having family coming to your hou

letterman as james was just saying. the presidential candidate reading dave's famous top 10 list on the late show, spoking fun on everythingm his own appearance to newt gingrich. >> number four. >> i just used all my campaign money to buy a zoo with matt damon. [laughter] [applause] >> what is wrong with that? number 3? >> i can do a lot but even i can't fix the indianapolis colts. >> hey, hey. we won. we won yesterday. [applause] what about your patriots? what about those guys? like to see them win something. [laughter] number two. >> newt gingrich, really? >> yeah, that's right. [laughter] jon: that was part of the top 10 list. jenna: david letterman kind of helping the candidates along a little bit. no offense. you want a comedian in the white house? jon: good punchlines in there, that's for sure. jenna: maybe, i don't know. there are a lot of points you see the economy mixed with politics and we found a story we had to bring to your attention. this is loaded question but do you like to play the stock market? probably not over the last couple years but in general do you like to gamble? how about betting who will be the