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. >> david letterman is next. >> our next newscast tomorrow morning at 4:30.a little bit. watching the news. >> you will not. you will be sleeping. ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> from the heart of broadway, broadcasting across the nation and around the world, it's the "late show" with david letterman. tonight... plus paul shaffer and the cbs orchestra. i'm alan kalter. and now, department store con stable, david letterman captioning sponsored by worldwide pants and cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) ( cheers and applause )

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. >> david letterman is next. >> have a great weekend. ♪ ♪ ( plause) ( band playing "late show" theme the heart of broadway, broadcasting across the nation and around the world, it's the "late show" with david letterman. tonight...

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>> after decades of coming up with jokes with david letterman his writers agree.eing funny is serious work. >> if we look at couple of hundred jokes only 16 or 17 are going to get on the air. >> all just generating mounds and mounds of servings. >> get turned in to television like this bit. >> time to check in with bruce and linda see what is coming up saturday, kids, take it away. >> befuddled viewers were calling in to cbs. >> you probably heard right way and wrong way to brush your teeth. >> head writer matt roberts. >> they would have ridiculous, court sort, i don't know if b level is being generous. >> preparing a safety lesson and saturday on the weekend late show. >> then we started to get people contacting cbs affiliates. >> where can i see them? why don't we get the weekend late show. >> what is the common denominator of the ideas that are immediate winners, just know they're winners? >> hitting the right line on the mid point of smart and silly. >> writers, steve young. >> something that's not purely nonsense but something that's not soberly intellectual

and last night david letterman and jon stewart had lots of fun at his expense. finally, let me finish tonight with jimmy carter's success. yes, the subject of the new play camp david opening here at arena stage in washington on march 21st. and this is "hardball" the place for politics. work to clean and tighten pores so they can look half their size. pores...shrink 'em down to size! [ female announcer ] pore refining cleanser. neutrogena®. [ female announcer ] pore refining cleanser. [ female announcer ] some people like to pretend a flood could never happen to them. and that their homeowners insurance protects them. [ thunder crashes ] it doesn't. stop pretending. only flood insurance covers floods. ♪ visit floodsmart.gov/pretend to learn your risk. she tossed and turned and couldn't turn off her mind. it was hard for her to sleep, even one little ounce. then she discovered tide, downy, and bounce. soothing scents for your sheets, your pj's, too. the sweet dreams collection -- it's a breakthrough! the moral of this tale shouldn't be controversial. buy the sweet

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and last night, david letterman, and jon stewart had lots of fun at his expense. finally, let me finish tonight with jimmy carter's success. yes the subject of the new play, camp david opening here at arena state in washington on march 21st. ♪ ♪ make every day, her day with a full menu of appetizers and entrées crafted with care and designed to delight. fancy feast. love served daily. i takbecause you can't beatrning for my frzero heartburn.n. woo hoo! [ male announcer ] prilosec otc is the number one doctor recommended frequent heartburn medicine for 8 straight years. one pill each morning. 24 hours. zero heartburn. so our business can be on at&t's network for $175 a month? yup. all 5 of you for $175. our clients need a lot of attention. there's unlimited talk and text. we're working deals all day. you get 10 gigabytes of data to share. what about expansion potential? add a line, anytime, for $15 a month. low dues, great terms. let's close! new at&t mobile share value plans our best value plans ever for business. >>> welcome back to "hardball." democrats find them

. >>> factor tip of the day, david letterman, shoot it out again, in a moment.igan, just about sold out. also, in honolulu, minneapolis, in the dakota, rapid city, tag, we'll link you right over to the box office. also april 3rd, megyn kelly, brian kilmeade, and i, do a show out on long island. tickets going very fast. and in virginia, o'reilly, congratulations on showing beyonce's video every night. i don't want to see it but i'm sure you do. sarcastic, it is not all about you. about convincing the american public that great harm is being done to the children by people like beyonce, in order to make the case you have to see the product. i understand you don't like the product. my concern is not for you, but for the kids, the fact you would assign me that puts you in a very unflattering light. got it? and o'reilly, you are a hip -- hypocrite, your show is soft porn, and it is spin, mark, the economy can be spun many ways, but the bottom line, america's earning power has dropped substantially under president obama, that is the whole truth. and bill, you and mille

our next newscast is tomorr >>> david letterman is next with 2014 ,,,,,,

and last night david letterman and jon stewart had lots of fun at his expense. finally, let me finish tonight with jimmy carter's success. yes, the subject of the new play camp david opening here at arena stage in washington on march 21st. and that is "hardball," the place for politics. ...return on investment wall isn't a street... isn't the only return i'm looking forward to... for some, every dollar is earned with sweat, sacrifice, courage. which is why usaa is honored to help our members with everything from investing for retirement to saving for college. our commitment to current and former military members and their families is without equal. >>> congressman darrell issa, the chairman of the house oversight and government reform committee has apologized to the committee's ranking democrat, elijah cummings. congressman cummings says issa phoned him last night at home and apologized for his conduct after the chairman cut off cummings' microphone as cummings tried to speak attend of a hearing wednesday on the irs affair. anyway, house democrats yesterday calle

last night, david letterman and jon stewart had fun at his expense. the subject of the new play, "camp david" opener here on march 21st. this is "hardball," the place for politics. by posting them to. oh, i like that one. it's so quick! it's just like my car insurance. i saved 15% in just 15 minutes. i saved more than that in half the time. i unfriend you. that's not how it works. that's not how any of this works. [ male announcer ] 15 minutes for a quote isn't how it works anymore. with esurance, 7 1/2 minutes could save you on car insurance. welcome to the modern world. esurance. backed by allstate. click or call. >>> the government reform committee apologized to elijah cummings. he phoned him at home and apologized for his conduct after the chairman cut off his microphone as he tried to speak at the end of a hearing wednesday on the irs affair. house democrats called on the house to sanction him for his conduct, a measure that failed as republicans failed to back him. we'll be right back. means advanced technology. we learned that technology allows

. >> david letterman is next with michael keaton. >> one of the batmans. >> yes! >> dave: thank y

. >> david letterman is next with george clooney. george clooney. >> the latest on the [♪]

. >> david letterman is next with michael ,,,,,,,, cops, dide called the she accuse you -- >> i calledhe cops. >> you didn't want to get accused of anything. >> exactly. the plaintiff. she said she hired tef

they lose, but ,,,,,,,,,,,, >> david letterman is next. >> the bracket challenge continues.over ,,,,,,

. >> david letterman is ,, >> now, a paid presentation for the amazing new sheer cover studio mineraloking skin in seconds. hosted by brooke burke-charvet, with special appearances by stars of csi: miami," chosen and franklin & bash, "the young and the restless," and "the bachelorette." brought to you by guthy renker. imagine if you could make any flaw on your skin instantly disappear. what if you could have that beautiful, air-brushed glow that the celebrities have? and what if you could do it with just the touch of a brush? sound like magic? then keep watching, because hollywood's hottest makeup secret just got better. >> just feels like i'm not wearing anything, and covers everything up. i just feel-- i feel beautiful. >> it is that easy. i put it on and i'm like, "oh, my god, i'm a new person!" >> now, join brooke on the set of her latest photo shoot as she reveals hollywood beauty secrets you don't wanna miss.

david letterman is next. >> have a great weekend. ,,,,,,,

ending all of my strife ♪ ♪ i finally found the right snack ♪ newscast is tomorrow mornin >> david lettermanrrow morning at 4:30. i'm going to be there working out a little bit. watching the news. watching the news. ,,,,,,,,,,,, >> announcer: the following is a paid presentation for the nutribullet brought to you by nutribullet llc. special tv offer. stay tuned to find out how you can get the nutribullet superfood nutrition extractor free! that's right. gee

heart of broadway, broadcasting across the nation and around the world, it's the "late show" with david lettermaner and the cbs orchestra. i'm alan kalter. and now, department store con stable

. >> i drew that,,,,,,,,,,,, >> david letterman is next. >> i got an a in spelling. >> oh brother.er going to live ,,,,,,,,,,,,

heart of broadway, broadcasting across the nation and around the world, it's the "late show" with david lettermanonight...

david letterman is clearly following the latest news out of washington these days. just look at his take on senator dianne feinstein's charge the cia stole documents from the computers of her senate intelligence committee. >> this is dianne feinstein yesterday talking about the cia sticking their nose in the secret business of the united states senate. did you see this? take a look at this. >> there are thousands of such documents in the committee's secured spaces at the cia facility. now prior removal of documents by cia. in early -- >> see? >> next, california's former governor is back again. in january, arnold schwarzenegger wore a disguise to prank customers at gold's gym. now he is holding a raffle for a chance to ride around l.a. with him in a tank. take a look. >> i finally have achieved my life-long dream, and it is not the terminator or conan the barbarian or anything like that. no, not at all. it's to finally possess my own [ bleep ] tank. look at this. come to l.a. and crush in my tank. let's crush a taxi cab. let's crush a piano. a weight bench with 521

. >> david letterman is next with sylvester stalone. >> march madness is coming up.about your brackets. then it is on for real and you go up against me. all right? >> the challenge is on. [ laughter ] >> we will see his brackets one more time. [ laughter ] >> i don't know. [phones rings] it's amanda. hey sweetie. what? okay, i'll send it. one hundred seventy-two dollars for a chemistry book, what is it, made of gold? just use citi popmoney. boom. ah, she's feeling lucky. hey sweetie...cancun, yeah no, you'll be spending spring break with your new chemistry book. with citi popmoney it's easy to send money to just about anyone, anytime. visit your local branch or citi.com/easierbanking to learn more. >> announcer: the following is a paid advertisement for omega xl. >> my name's larryg.

. >> david letterman is next with michael keaton. >> we have the spelling bee again tomorrow. >> joinon ,,,,,,,,,,,, [ yodeling plays ] worst morning ever. [ angelic music plays ] ♪ toaster strudel! best morning ever! [ hans ] warm, flaky, gooey. toaster strudel! ♪ [ male announcer ] don't wait for awesome... totino's pizza rolls gets you there in just 60 seconds. ♪ >> the following is a paid presentation for the wen healthy hair care system brought to you by guthy-renker. >> people ask me all the time, "does wen really work?" i started using wen four years ago. so, you tell me. does wen really work? >> millions of women have replaced their ordinary shampoo with something revolutionary in hair care: wen cleansing conditioner by chaz dean. this is the breakthrough concept in cleansing and nourishing hair without using shampoo h

. >>> david letterman is next with senator john mccain. >> next newscast tomorrow morning at 4:30.d early. an hour earlier because we had to go forwar,, [phones rings] it's amanda. hey sweetie. what? okay, i'll send it. one hundred seventy-two dollars for a chemistry book, what is it, made of gold? just use citi popmoney. boom. ah, she's feeling lucky. hey sweetie...cancun, yeah no, you'll be spending spring break with your new chemistry book. with citi popmoney it's easy to send money to just about anyone, anytime. visit your local branch or citi.com/easierbanking to learn more. >> announcer: the following is a paid presentation for the amazing perfecter fusion styler, brought to you by tristar products. [♪...] what if there was finally one perfect styling tool... one that takes short, flat hair and adds instant lift and volume... >> oh, yeah, oh, yeah! >> announcer: ...brings dull, damaged hair back to beautiful life with incredible shine and body... >> we're just brushing in the shine, right? >> yeah! >> announcer: ...and even transforms frizzy, coarse hair to straight and smoot

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it's nice to put the 49er thing, >>> david letterman is next. >> our next newscast tomorrow morning atht and early. -- expect you all to be there bright and early. we'll all be there join,,,,,,,,, [phones rings] it's amanda. hey sweetie. what? okay, i'll send it. one hundred seventy-two dollars for a chemistry book, what is it, made of gold? just use citi popmoney. boom. ah, she's feeling lucky. hey sweetie...cancun, yeah no, you'll be spending spring break with your new chemistry book. with citi popmoney it's easy to send money to just about anyone, anytime. visit your local branch or citi.com/easierbanking to learn more. >> now, a paid presentation for the amazing new sheer cover studio mineral makeup, giving you radiant, flawless-looking skin in seconds. hosted by brooke burke-charvet, with special appearances by stars of "csi: miami," "scrubs" and "hall pass," "the young and the restless," and "the bachelorette." brought to you by guthy renker. imagine if you could make any flaw on your skin instantly disappear.

president jimmy carter stopping by david letterman late last night. he said russia taking over crimea was inevitable. letterman asked that the u.s. could pull off some expansion of its own. >> if the u.s. decided they wanted windsor, ontario, which is just across the river from detroit. and we went up there and we sent our tanks in, could we get away with that? >> i doubt that the people in montrÉal would approve. [laughter] ♪ >> this is "lunch money" on bloomberg television. also streaming live on bloomberg.com. i'm adam johnson. what is arguably the most talked about court battle in media right now. the streaming service area, taking on the top broadcasters. streaming broadcast tv to your mobile device. they are expected to submit a brief on wednesday. john ehrlichman recently sat down with the ceo, asking him if he anticipated all the legal hurdles. >> the thing i didn't anticipate were going to happen, like the direct impact of the association with the cloud. if i had taken a moment to step back and say, wow, which you never do. a lot of those thi

god bless her and john mccain making funny stuff on david letterman last night.: knocking it out of the park. thanks for coming by yesterday. martha: "happening now" starts right now. bye-bye. jon: fox news alert as the jon: fox news alert as the jetliner expands. we're learning two men traveling on it and link to iran. interpole release images of a two men, 19-year-old and 29-year-old who initially traveled on their own passports to malaysia and switching to italian and austrian documents. word is the teen was trying to seek asylum. interpole doesn't believe they had any links to terrorism. the plane with 239 people on board disappeared four days ago.

david letterman holding steady at 2.7 million. kimmel dprazing his total audience by 200,000 viewers. way to go, jimmy. which one am i talking about? maybe both. we're coming right back. stay with us. so ally bank has a that wothat's correct.a rate. cause i'm really nervous about getting trapped. why's that? uh, mark? go get help! i have my reasons. look, you don't have to feel trapped with our raise your rate cd. if our rate on this cd goes up, yours can too. oh that sounds nice. don't feel trapped with the ally raise your rate cd. ally bank. your money needs an ally. announcer: every day across america, excess food is gathered by a network of good people at local food banks, giving hope to millions of children who struggle with hunger. they've earned their wings. and you can, too. together we can solve child hunger. support feeding america and your local food bank at feedingamerica.org. >>> a new york federal appellate court considering a challenge from the group of atheist fighting to remove the ground zero cross from the septe

. >> in an unusual move, the state department took a page from david letterman. it's an effort to refute some of the things that vladimir putin said about the situation in ukraine. how is it going over? >> as you said. this is a page from david letterman, not what we see from the state department. it's a carefully worded top-10 list. they try to debunk putin point by point and here is one of the main issues they talk about. >> i said this before, but i want to repeat this. the only legal president is viktor yanukovych. >> so this is number four on the top 10 lift from the state department, pointing out that putin said viktor yanukovych has no future and the ukrainian parliament voted by over 80% to elect the professional government. they are going down step by step. some critics told bloomberg that they think this is odd for the state department to do. in a sense they are playing russia's game by engaging in a propaganda war. the war of words will continue. >> lisa stark for us in washington. thank you. >> coming up in 20 minutes, a look at how tough the situatio