tonight, denis leary, world cup soccer champion alex morgan, and music from big talk. with cleto and the cletones. and now, first things first, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hi, there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. thanks for waiting out in the sweltering heat to be here. if you told me years ago and said jimmy, one day people will line up in the heat for hours to see your show, i would have said you're giving tickets away for free, right? and the answer would be yes. it's been so hot lately. the first half of 2015 has been the hottest year ever recorded. heat advisories are in effect all over the country. in parts of texas, people are direction as cows, just so they can hang out in meat lockers. in new york city, bill de blasio is asking people to keep their thermostats set to 78 degrees so they don't overload the electric grid. do air conditioners go up to 78 degrees? starbucks serve coffee at 78 degrees. local officials in many communities are advising people to stay indoors and avo

>> jon: welcome back to the program, denis leary!o get 'em! sit down! cheape(cheers and applause) unbelievable. >> thank you so much. >> jon: what's happening! i have a horrible cold. that's why i didn't really hug you close, even though i know this is a sad moment. >> jon: terribly sad. anytime we have you on, it's that way. (laughter) >> i'm hopped up on all kinds of cold medicine, so anything can happen. >> jon: anything! i'm not sad. i will say this -- >> jon: yes? -- i think i speak for everybody who's here, and the people who work for you, obviously, and doug herzog, the head of the network, whom we've known for years who started both our careers. >> jon: without him, we aren't on television. >> i know, he's here tonight, i know he feels the same way. >> jon: yeah. when i found out you were offered this big contract to spend time with your family -- they said it was 50 million -- >> jon: i think you're thinking chappelle. >> but it's a lot of money. we were all thinking this is a guy who's very brave, courageous, a good dad, wa

denis leary. still a mystery about thursday. that's the last night. >> but it's also the night of the first republican presidential debate. >> how about that? >> interesting. >> lots of material there. think about it. how many people come along in life and actually change the culture. this guy moved things in his direction. >> oh, yeah. >> very powerful. >> he's an authentic guy. he's doing it by being himself. >> i always enjoyed him after there was -- i shouldn't say enjoy. that's probably not the best word. after there was a national tragedy. he had a way of putting things in perspective and making you think about things in a different way. >> walking back towards something like that. >> thank you, harry. by the way, we want to check in on the results of our today.com survey as well. people seem to be pretty split. we asked should we place issues of cosmo magazine behind blinders to shield minors from the content? yes 51%. 49% say we want to see the dirt. i'm kidding. >> that is pretty split. >> all right. there you go. >> yo

we've got amy schumer, denis leary, we're going to have a ball and i can't wait to show my appreciationsiasm you've given the show all these years. thank you so much. next week, tune in, going to be a ball. here's your moment of zen. >> i'm curious as to what you think about potentially not having a place in the debates. we had a pretty interesting conversation -- >> i think it sucks. captioning sponsored by comedy central >> larry: tonightly, we are previewing the first debate of the 2016 election. it's debate eve! and i can't wait to see what kind of crazy (bleep) santa trump leaves in my stocking. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: also, a uva study reveals that cool kids peak too soon. now the authors of the study are now working on their next project, it's titled what does a booby feel like. >> and lenny kravitz exposes his junk to an audience of thousands. and also his penis fell out. this is the nightly show! let's do this!

tonight, denis leary, world cup soccer champion alex morgan, and music from big talk.st things first, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

we've got amy schumer, denis leary, we're going to have a ball and i can't wait to show my appreciationou've given the show all these years. thank you so much. next week, tune in, going to be a ball. here's your moment of zen. >> i'm curious as to what you think about potentially not having a place in the debates. we had a pretty interesting conversation -- >> i think it sucks. >> i think it sucks. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪

tonight, denis leary, world cup soccer champion alex morgan, and music from big talk.cleto and the cletones. and now, first things first, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

we're going to have a guest tonight, his name is denis leary! (cheers and applause)

we're going to have a guest tonight, his name is denis leary! to the 2016 election continues to wind its slow torturous way. last night, 14 candidates appeared to see who would be chosen as their party's presidential nominee. that was different from a collection of indistinguishable individual undergoing a much more skill-based shrek. do we have anything from the forum? >> the two-hour forum played out like political speed date, 14 republican candidates sharing a single stage in new hampshire. >> jon: a single stage! the worst dinner production of "cats" ever! looked like this. senator ted cruz attended via satellite. what was so important he couldn't attend in person? >> in texas, we cook bacon a little differently than most folks. (gunfire) (laughter) >> jon: are we sure that's grease? perhaps some ejaculate from how much you love guns? by the way, you really need to add bacon to get americans to like guns? for god's sake, it's not salad or medicine. americans use guns for a lot of things -- coring apples, unclogging toilets, ear piercing pier

denis leary on tuesday. and louis c.k. on wednesday. all friends of jon stewart.ing to comedian route. not bringing politicians as he did with president obama a couple weeks back. he wants to keep this funny. he wants to keep this light. and he wants to be real. which is what he is very good at as are those comedians. >> what about his last show august 6th. any surprises, you think? >> well they're keeping very mum on it. it is a longer show at 52 minutes, so we do expect that there will be lots of packages. maybe a lot of surprise guests but they are keeping very quiet. i'm excited to see what they do on thursday. >> he's certainly going to be missed on "the daily show." what is the word on what he's going to do next? any word at all? >> you know again, being very mum about that. a lot of people are saying internally that he probably will take time away from the camera. he's a director as well. he districted the critically acclaimed rosewater. he's also the executive producer of "the larry wilmore show." so people think he'll take more of a role in the tv industr

great guests like paul rudd denis leary, and the winner, ricky gervais. >> pandas are one of the mostwe're all rushing 'round going, let's save the panda, let's save the panda, but they're not meeting us halfway. (laughter) they're not having sex, so that's what's, that's fundamental to surviving, you have to... when did they stop having sex? (laughter) what are they so... middle class bohemians going, "we're not going to have children." (laughter) why, just... they tried to show them porn to get them... >> jon: pandas? >> yeah. >> jon: panda, panda porn or porn porn? >> oh, i assume it's pandas as opposed to two humans. (laughter) >> jon: it really is, at least for me, if it's not pandas (bleep), it's nothing to me. (laughter) it's gotta, it's got to be panda, it's got to be panda porn. >> yeah, exactly. you go in there and you go "have you got something else? you might wanna have a look at that. (laughter) raccoons. everything. (laughter) >> jon: let me just ask you this: what is this? (laughter) because i don't, i don't... what is because i... and this isn't, again... i'm not gonna

his good friend denis leary poked fun at his decision to retire. >> two months from now, six months fromx weeks from now, you'll be on that farm in new jersey with your family, hanging out, and your kids will turn to you one day and say, dad, we love you, get a [ bleep ] job. [ laughter and applause ] >> through the years, jon stewart has been one of the most powerful voices on tv. his unique brand of satire left no one out. with scathing jokes about the bush administration and the media. and yet some of his most memorable moments weren't about comedy. after 9/11, he spoke from the heart, expressing what many at home were feeling. >> i wanted to tell you why i grieve. but why i don't despair. i'm sorry. >> he was there for historic change, especially political change. >> at 11:00 at night eastern standard time, the president of the united states is barack obama. [ cheers and applause ] >> stewart launched the careers of daily show correspondents like john oliver, stephen colbert, and steve carell. and through it all, one thing remained the same. the jokes always came first. >> i was not

she is the it girl, denis leary and louie c.k.rse. >> and stephen colbert. >> that's correct. and you think about really he has been on for 16 years and been through so many elections and emotional things. he was one of the first comedians who came on after 9/11 being in new york and it was so emotional for him. and of course his final show is thursday. we don't know what is going to happen on the final show similar to david letterman. but it's expected to be great. great celebrities and special guests. >> and anchors and correspondents who have popped up on his show will miss that special treatment we get from him as well. >>> angelina jolie talked to myanmar's president. what is the tree there? >> angelina jolie is a force of change in the world. everyone looks to her. she is a special envoy for the u.n. and touring in myanmar looking at conditions of female workers and focusing on female issues meeting with first-time female voters. she is someone that people look to and respect and for many things and she is continuing to tour

denis leary will be on later in the week. final show on thursday. we know he's been reaching out to some of his famous foes. maybe bill o'reilly. maybe donald trump. maybe some of his enemies or frenemies over the years will be stopping by on the final show. >> i just wonder, actor is such a unique platform and 16 years, what does he do next? >> it seems like he just needs a little bit of time off first. this job seems to have been exhausting. you see over his time on the show he's gotten more frustrated, more fed up with politics and media. maybe he just wants some time off. i think everybody i've talked to, everybody in the industry thinks he will have some media job in the future. maybe not a daily show, but maybe a weekly show. maybe some sort of monologue kind of show. or some sort of weekly forum. something like that on television or online where he can still share his point of view. he may also try to direct more movies. he made his first movie "rose water" that came out last year. his friends say he's interested in ma