>> desi: look at us.y! >> desi: you do! you really do! you emit so much warmth and joy. what is your secret? is it not reading the news? >> [laughs] >> desi: is it pills, edibles, how do i get in on this? >> may be a little edibles in california wow. it is legal in california. i'm determined to let what happens in the world not destroy me. i don't want to be the problem. i'm trying to make things a little bit better. it's tough out there. y'all know. >> desi: [cheers and applause] oh, we know. they know. that is kind of what your show is about. "frog and toad" is all about celebrating each other's differences, which feels like something that is very needed right now. >> yeah, we are in a tough time as a nation. listen, if you guys follow me on twitter, i'm no longer verified, but it's me. >> desi: and if you don't, you should, because she's fantastic. >> i like to throw elbows. it is important when you have a platform to use it for good. it's important to remind people that it's okay to be different, just

>> desi: chris pine?n open that day and had loads of stitches so just look under the chins of all of your next few guests. >> desi: there you go. my god buried him it is -- it is such a funny -- so you hear all these horrible bad date stories. if you could give a piece of advice to people who are out there dating right now, having heard all the stories, what would you say? >> anything is a dildo if you are brave enough. >> desi: i love that! cheers! cheers! [cheers and applause] thank you! thank you for the work that you do. it is so appreciated. "bad dates." we are going to read this together. "bad dates" is available on amazon music and wonder reflux jameela jamil, everybody! [cheers and applause] usable musical ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: that's our show for tonight but before we go, please consider supporting super majority buried they are an organization dedicated to making women the most influential voting bloc in the country. if you'd like to help them build a community of organizers, please

>> desi: hi. my name is desi., just like the boys. and sometimes, it means playing dirty. and sometimes, it's going to be an uphill battle. all right? look to the person to your right. now look at the person to your left. okay? we are still learning rights and laughs. by the end of today, only one of you will remain. yes. >> we don't want to be boys but we should be like the boys? we don't want to be like the boys but we are going to be like, empowered women! we're going to be accomplished, then we are going to get money and we are going to put it in our bank account and get more money. >> desi: yeah, because you work for it! and i think, what is the key take away? is that we want... >> to beat the boys. >> desi: yeah, but we want to fill our pockets with... >> money! money! >> desi: okay. who here knows what a ceo is? >> a! >> nobody knows they are costly when you are up. you want to be a ceo? >> um, [laughter] >> desi: do you know what a ceo is? >> no. >> desi: chief executive officer. >> i have no idea what tha

[laughter and applause] >> hey, desi. >> desi: what side are you want?o come together and share the skies. that's why we need to convince the birds to fly in the plains with us. [laughter] it's a win-win buried look at me right now. i'm on white to miami i'm on a flight to miami sharing a seat with this little guy. his name is daryl and we've become great friends on the slight, isn't that right? >> desi: oh, roy, it is so cute, very inspiring. dulce roy says that we can share the skies. >> listen, you know what birds are like. if you give them an inch, they will shit on it! [laughter] i don't trust animals that poop white. is this how you make white out? does anybody know what white out is? >> desi: don't know. >> i didn't think so. >> desi: don't know about that. jordan, what do you think you might geico know, that's not how they make white out. frankly the only upside to humans in the skies that we might die. that's when we are reminded that we are alive. i'm going to tell you a story. a while ago before i was versed in the oppressive structures of aer

♪ ♪ >> desi: welcome to "the daily show," i'm desi lydic and i am back for night 3 of hosting, baby!eers and applause] to all the female viewers, i want to say thank you. to all the male viewers, i want to say haha, you are watching a girl, so that makes you gay! we've got a great show for you tonight, jameela jamil is here! [cheers and applause] we've got a lot to talk about, so let's get into the headlines. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ let's kick things off with tucker carlson, the world's most unemployed boat shoe. [boos] no one has heard from tucker since his surprise firing on monday, except the pillow he's been screaming into. and it turns out there may be a good reason for that. fox news executives reportedly have a dossier of dirt on him. yeah... to keep him from attacking the network. that's right, they apparently have him saying the most vile things you can imagine and the way they compiled it -- and this is genius -- it's by turning on his television show and pressing record. [laughter and applause] very sneaky! let's move onto some breaking news. if you've been following flo

for more on this story, we turn to desi lydic. desi! [cheers and applause] how are you doing, desi? you. now desi come away from talking about the story around the building all week and i know you will agree me, the whole thing on this issue comes down to one word, and that word is... >> racism. >> roy: sexism. i'm sorry, you think it's racism? >> roy, i know racism when i see it, and this is textbook racism. a mostly white team getting an invite to the white house for losing is white privilege at its most insidious. [applause] if i may quote malcom x... >> roy: no, no, no. you may not quote malcolm x. >> got it, got it. >> roy: i hear what you are saying, desi, but this clearly sexism. this offer, this would've never happened in men's exports. but women are expected to get along and share the prize simply because they're women. if i could quote the great glorious dynamo... gloria steinem... >> nope, nope. look, roy, it is racist to honor white losers the same as black winners. trust me. i have a unique perspective on race, as a person talking to a black man right now. >> roy: desi,

let's go to southwest headquarters to get the corporate reaction from our own desi lydic. desi. applause] desi, is southwest's policy on baby attendance going to change? >> there's an even bigger question here, jordan, which is, how do planes even fly? like, they have wings, but the wings don't flap. i never seen a bird take off i never seen a plane take off like this. >> jordan: goddammit, desi, are you high? >> no! i mean, yes, but on weed. not high like in a plane. is that what you meant? >> jordan: no! that's not what i meant. honestly, desi! folks, i'm so sorry, this is a total lack of professionalism. you deserve better. it's unbelievable. let's try this one more time. michael kosta, are you here with us? [cheers and applause] >> yeah, yeah, yeah. don't you worry because i'm not high on weed, i am high on cocaine! >> jordan: very illegal. >> don't worry, it's medicinal. i bought it behind a walgreens. so we are good. >> jordan: did you at least interview anyone? >> oh, buddy, i interviewed everyone. i interviewed the guy. i interviewed the baby. i interviewed every piece o

popular stuff, i'm sure. >> moving on, desi, you have demonstrated through your popular series "desiand the popular mind. which rings us the new game "liberal conspiracy or just what happen." you tell me if it's a liberal conspiracy or just what happened. are you ready? >> i'm ready. >> away we go. manhattan d.a. alvin bragg charges donald trump with crimes. liberal conspiracy, or that's just what happened? >> that it's just what happens. >> wrong, liberal conspiracy. the deep state knew the best way to kneecap trump was to charge him with a victimless crime based on an incomprehensible legal theory. >> i don't think that's right, but we can move on. >> thank you very much. next up i lost my life savings betting on "the masked singer." liberal conspiracy or that's just what happen? >> this one is impossible for me to know for sure, but based on our brief interaction, i'm going to say that actually happen. >> liberal conspiracy, because it makes so much sense that i would find a singing song so titillating that it blew up my pleasure centers and i would have to place massive life dest

desi lydic, everyone. applause] all right, when we come back, we'll take a look at the hot new way your kids can kill you. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] (ooh, new nuggets!) (so tender.) (does he not dip his nuggets in sauce?) (mmm, these don't even need sauce.) (that's crazy.) try new kentucky fried chicken nuggets. you've never had nuggets like these. that's finger lickin' good. [sfx: stomach gurgling] it's nothing... sounds like something. ♪ when you have nausea, heartburn, indigestion, ♪ ♪ upset stomach, diarrhea. ♪ pepto bismol coats and soothes for fast relief... when you need it most. baby, it's over. i mean, we both saw this coming... ♪ ♪ what a difference a day makes ♪ hold on... you're a night manager and mom. and the bill payer, baker, and nightlight maker? that's a lot. so, adding “and student” might feel daunting. but what if a school could be there for all of you? career, family, finances and mental health. -happy birthday. -happy birthday buddy. well, it can. national university. su

desi lydic, everyone.e] all right, when we come back, we'll take a look at the hot new way your kids can kill you. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪ your mom has made it her job to find you any job. i need indeed. indeed you do. when your resume is on indeed you get matched with jobs that fit your requirements. ♪ as an actor, it's my job to make people believe what they're seeing is real. wow! it's fantastic. or was i just acting? only way to find out is to try it herself. how does little caesars know when to bring back pretzel crust? i'm sure they've got it down to a science. he's dancing! pretzel crust is back! the crust the world craves is back at little caesars. pizza. pizza. [group laughing] admit it. you use my old spice body wash. i'm not letting hotel soap. near my skin. it's the lavender and mint for me. let me get that, savannah, if you don't get your moisturized hands off my body wash. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." with all the guns in america, you mi

. >> i am desi, chair of economic development for soma filipinos.that -- [ inaudible ] know that soma filipino exists, and it's also our economic platform, so we can start to build filipino businesses so we can start to build the cultural district. >> i studied the bok chase choy heritage, and i discovered this awesome bok choy. working at i-market is amazing. you've got all these amazing people coming out here to share one culture. >> when i heard that there was a market with, like, a lot of filipino food, it was like oh, wow, that's the closest thing i've got to home, so, like, i'm going to try everything. >> fried rice, and wings, and three different cliefz sliders. i haven't tried the adobe yet, but just smelling it yet brings back home and a ton of memories. >> the binca is made out of different ingredients, including cheese. but here, we put a twist on it. why not have nutella, rocky road, we have blue berry. we're not just limiting it to just the classic with salted egg and cheese. >> we try to cook food that you don't normally find from fili

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. >> pivot to one of the topics that was talked about on a more technical basis, security by desi. you pretty consistently said stuff should be secured by design, someday. what does that look like? does the national cyber strategy -- from what we've heard on the experts on the last panel, are we moving in that direction in a good-faith way? how can we move the dial? >> we are moving very slowly in that direction. part of the solution is to always be thinkingbout, how can someone break the code that you just wrote? writing in memory save languages, like rest. there's a lot of internet infrastructure written in der languages likec or c++, which in some respects are very fragile. i learned how fragile c is, teaching it to myself in a walk-in closet in the ibm detroit building. i learned it the hard way. you just have to keep thinking about it all the time. you do not want to move fast and break things. you want to move fast and deliberately at the same time, which is hard. when they had a minor role in building home banking for bank of america, that was the attitude. my biggest indivi

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need garza gray list of our boss love on your pharmacy was covered or she which that you read me sir. desi bella, me, specials, going on. so could each of them. if i do know that somebody's not only just recently bought a own, i knew the construction of recently in your buttons to bring him here, not to that level, the way my apologies to him. hold on for that or will you not suit you by like in you formed thought you knew, mumbled sagal shots of the communion. got doris would shoot up a fuel door studiously it would be. why do you believe we are? they're usually not super like of the old coil alcohol at donia to of going and see them. however, poland lower house declined the opposition's initiative to have the valiant tragedy officially declared to genocide and to make july the 11th memorial day in poland. to honor the victims of massacres in eastern polish territories, the decision provoked a wave of discontent and poland. vishal keania. he said you with a voice you cookie would be g. what the affordable keep on each is gauge, like gosh, i mean school you months, if me, me, me couple wes

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[cheers and applause] >> desi: that's our show for tonight but before we go, please consider supporting super majority buried they are an organization dedicated to making women the most influential voting bloc in the country. if you'd like to help them build a community of organizers, please donate to the link below. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> [speaking non-english language] >> [speaking non-english language] [laughter] >> [speaking non-english language] ♪ ♪ >> nature valley granola bars: carpet yourself in flavor crums. >> james: tonight on "tooning out the news," it's the long awaited season premiere of the take no prisoners late night show "sparks!" and he's asking republican presidential candidate vivek ramaswamy whether he's telling everyone not to invest in woke companies because, as we expose, he's secretly buying all the shares for himself. then the elites at inside the hill ask legendary journalist carl bernstein if journalism has lost its sheen now that you just need to wait for a mar-a-lago member to post a selfie with trump using a cia spy list as a lobster bib.

she'll. anya call, you know, would night desi obligated to would it? yeah. or some of that. i'm there. sit. she's bush snacking, our slider, your division, appro once la, just read our douglas leacock, all propaganda. porcelain. oh see it there the city. what banassi he my morsel sandwiches. coastal mammal is sort of peanut quail fly to swap, but either boston or cielo, i know would have said scored under some sex farms. lost again, other casual attack or or break aust dursley co, just or he does seal on the bush now. okay. done. us said, we're seattle prologic called in for marcia. shaquanna put was snatched. she's only stuck with me boys eating the more modest domino but sept. you, you would, you don't miss on the to perceptual go. that was vital cash. it could be a clashed instrument, zyprexa czar, the shoreline, you see to i to b. e r. carson. the monotonous answer cross. gosh, katrina jelly doubt that it's like a little kit queen mullah. he saw you all know grandma what? baker suddenly barely narrative on the sunset eternal billy discourse. queer postway? oh oh, it was

she'll anya call, you know, would night desi obligated to would it? yeah. or some stuff that i'm there, sit. she's bush knocking out slattery ordination apple. once in a jest, he da douglas leacock, all propaganda porcelain. i will see it there. the city. what, dennis? he my morsel sandwiches. coaster mammal is sort of pin aquila fly to swap, but iowa falls no cielo i know would have said sky order from sex phantoms last ariana casual, tackle or break aust. dursley or just a heater seal on the bush now. okay. done. us, sir, were seattle prologic called in for marcia. shaquana put was snatched. shes only stuck with me boys eating the more modest domino but sept. you, you would, you dont, based on the top except your daughter was fido asked. it could be a question is domains up either tsar is sharlena c 2 i to b e r kasha, the minarda zane. so chris, gosh, katrina, a shelly doubt that his little a little kick queen. mella is soya gray mella. what baker sydney bailey narrative on the sunset? eternal bailey discourse school year? possibly or? oh, usa blended ca

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theontrol o santclaasedank last nthnduanteeal desi at ank, iur or thcoap spaed a pan which d the sigre bank tw days later. the fbi see is getting ready to -- the fdic is ready to place first republic bank under receivership. that's according to reuters. the wall street journal reports the bank anomaly be seized but also sold over the weekend. first republic bank shares plummeted by 43% on friday with many investors expecting the ftse takeover. the bank announced its deposits slowed by $100 billion in the first quarter. happening today, may breed and other leaders will join congress woman barbara lee for the launch of united for barbara lee, a push for voters to support her candidacy for the senate. organizers say it's an effort to activate black, latino, api and progressive white voters across the state. is meant to show off her strong grassroots and multiracial support. it starts at 11:30 this morning at the african-american art and cultural complex. lisa, driving and was really foggy. lisa: we have some dense fog at the coast. wipers may be needed. there's a look outside we can seelo

>> it's a rematch that mos desi to see. won, should trump run, 70% say biden shouldn't run, 60% say trump should not run. if you look at the 70% who say he shouldn't run and ask why, you can see that age is the factor. 48% say joe biden's age is the major reason they do not believe he should run. that is a fant swath of the electorate. as you know, joe biden has a line he's employed for many years now when asked about this. he says watch me. well, the american people have been watching him and will continue to watch him for the next year and a half. this is not an issue with one speech or something joe biden and his advisers believe they'll put it to bed. this is an issue since he's going to age every day of this campaign, that will stay with him throughout the campaign as the american people watch his performance. >> gloria, it's interesting. how much should biden or trump, each, be concerned by the repeated signs that the public doesn't necessarily want a 2020 rematch? >> you don't always get what you want. the public i b

desi arnaz. garfield. duke ellington. fats waller. george gershwin. dozens of hollywood screenwriters, producers and directors she can see them as both customers, real friends. she many of the great athletes of the era, this golden age of sports i learned much more about boxing than i thought i would. she becomes a favorite hostess of the yankee state team and madison square garden crowds, including entertaining luminaries like jack dempsey, joe dimaggio, who apparently asked for cotton sheets, did not care for the silk sheets because his knees kept slipping. i footnoted it. i don't know if it's actually true, but i do have a footnote behind that pseudo her brother becomes the after hours for the adventurous writers, actors and playwrights who at the algonquin hotel for lunch that is you know cultural influencers some of whom we remember like dorothy parker and george kaufman and robert benchley, their stamp of approval because they are clearly what we would now call cultural influencers brings along the big moneymen from madison avenue, park avenue,

— lost, which i don't think is the desi ining. — lost, which i don't think is the best thing.h within a year of their licence. 1500 of getting their licence. 1500 young people are killed- gri... g . . t t 1500 young people are killed or seriowsiv— young people are killed or seriously injured in the uk, deodie— seriously injured in the uk, deodie die— seriously injured in the uk, people die every day from a ronge— people die every day from a ronge oi— people die every day from a range of things— people die every day from a range of things and whilst the deodie— range of things and whilst the mode inor— range of things and whilst the people that have— range of things and whilst the people that have lost loved ones decose— people that have lost loved ones decose oi— people that have lost loved ones because of these— people that have lost loved ones because of these road fatalities inor— because of these road fatalities inoi wee— because of these road fatalities inoi downg— because of these road fatalities that were young drivers , i that were young drivers, i emdoinise— that were

. >> i am desi, chair of economic development for soma filipinos. so that -- [ inaudible ] know that soma filipino exists, and it's also our economic platform, so we can start to build filipino businesses so we can start to build the cultural district. >> i studied the bok chase choy heritage, and i discovered this awesome bok choy. working at i-market is amazing. you've got all these amazing people coming out here to share one culture. >> when i heard that there was a market with, like, a lot of filipino food, it was like oh, wow, that's the closest thing i've got to home, so, like, i'm going to try everything. >> fried rice, and wings, and three different cliefz sliders. i haven't tried the adobe yet, but just smelling it yet brings back home and a ton of memories. >> the binca is made out of different ingredients, including cheese. but here, we put a twist on it. why not have nutella, rocky road, we have blue berry. we're not just limiting it to just the classic with salted egg and cheese. >> we try to cook food that you don't normally find from

. >> i am desi, chair of economic development for soma filipinos. so that -- [ inaudible ] know that soma filipino exists, and it's also our economic platform, so we can start to build filipino businesses so we can start to build the cultural district. >> i studied the bok chase choy heritage, and i discovered this awesome bok choy. working at i-market is amazing. you've got all these amazing people coming out here to share one culture. >> when i heard that there was a market with, like, a lot of filipino food, it was like oh, wow, that's the closest thing i've got to home, so, like, i'm going to try everything. >> fried rice, and wings, and three different cliefz sliders. i haven't tried the adobe yet, but just smelling it yet brings back home and a ton of memories. >> the binca is made out of different ingredients, including cheese. but here, we put a twist on it. why not have nutella, rocky road, we have blue berry. we're not just limiting it to just the classic with salted egg and cheese. >> we try to cook food that you don't normally find from

. >> i am desi, chair of economic development for soma filipinos.that -- [ inaudible ] know that soma filipino exists, and it's also our economic platform, so we can start to build filipino businesses so we can start to build the cultural district. >> i studied the bok chase choy heritage, and i discovered this awesome bok choy. working at i-market is amazing. you've got all these amazing people coming out here to share one culture. >> when i heard that there was a market with, like, a lot of filipino food, it was like oh, wow, that's the closest thing i've got to home, so, like, i'm going to try everything. >> fried rice, and wings, and three different cliefz sliders. i haven't tried the adobe yet, but just smelling it yet brings back home and a ton of memories. >> the binca is made out of different ingredients, including cheese. but here, we put a twist on it. why not have nutella, rocky road, we have blue berry. we're not just limiting it to just the classic with salted egg and cheese. >> we try to cook food that you don't normally find from fili

i'm a parent of desi carmichael filipino education center for 7 years. the fourth and 5th compromise is learning. this is an even equity issue. one of two the whole country. this is communication transparency making decision for the community goes against affective. please keep the fourth and 5th separate, thank you for allowing me to speak tonight. now i pass it to my son. >> good evening, commissioners delegates and superintendent wayne. my name is emery david ortega and i'm a 6th grader at betsy i'm a filipino for six years, starting in kindergarten without having any classed combined. my experience is great because i had classed where my fourth grade and fifth grade, they were focused on teaching us what we need today learn. i wanted this experience for other students and the decision that the capacity team made to combine the fourth and 5th grader is unfair because this affect running and puts a lot of work on the teacher who to cover all the lessons with classes, there are only two filipino programs in the school district. and we must do everything