colbert, dfa. [cheers and applause] ♪ [cheers and applause] quick disclaimer: i am not a medical doctor. i'm an honorary doctor of fine arts, so most of my patients do a pretty good impression of "the scream." as always, cheating death is brought to you by prescott pharmaceuticals. prescott: see what everyone's suing about! [ laughter ] first up, aging. >> old! >> stephen: thanks. folks, we're all searching for the secret to longevity. me, i'm not worried. because according my medical history, i've been alive every day of my life. [ laughter ] so project that forward, and i will never die. that's math. [ laughter ] and folks, there is new evidence that the stephen colbert lifestyle will ensure years from now you will be sitting pretty, enjoying free food at all your friends' funerals. [ laughter ] jim? >> can losing your cool actually be good for you? a new german study found people who express their anger live two years longer on average than those who bottle up their rage. >> stephen: yes, a germ