any of you folks seen dickie? dickie's out there standing guard for us. i got chores for him. oh, jonathan, they'll wait. he's down there waiting to give us the high sign when miss carter comes along. s fixin' to come this way! all right, shake a leg, fellas. come on, tex. tighten that up. all right, dickie. just as good as done now. afternoon, miss carter! why, dickie, you're shouting. i sure am, miss carter! well, what a nice surprise. well, it's perfectly beautiful. i had no idea i was traveling with a group of artists. we're gonna be short a lot of barn paint, ma'am, but i reckon we won't be building any barns for quite a spell. well, as for that "just married," that's a little previous, but i forgive you for that. thank you. are you just right pleased, miss carter? i'm just right pleased, dickie. and very touched. i sure never let on, did i? i been near bustin' to tell you-- "bursting." yes'm. but i never let on, did i? mm, you're the best secret keeper i know. i... i do appreciate the thought. thank you. we just wanted to give you a little send-off, ma'am. that's enough

>> dicky: from >> dicky: from hollywood it's ?jimmy kimmel live?! tonight, dwayne johnson from ?billy on the street," billy eichner, cousin sal does funny things, and music from dawes. and now, prepare yourselves -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and a [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: ver >> jimmy: very kind. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. happy monday, i guess. hopefully by now you've come to terms with the fact that no matter how much you drink, the results of the election are not going to change. [ laughter ] i've been having dreams about this election. it's in my head. remember when the song "don't worry, be happy" and it just got in there and you couldn't shake it? it's like that, except without the "don't worry" part. [ laughter ] president obama held a press conference his first since the election. at which every one of the reporters asked him about donald trump. every question was about donald trump. this is -- don't worry, it's only going to happen about 30 more years. a few of them tried to get obama to say something insult

>> dicky: from >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, casey affleck. from "dancing with the stars," laurie hernandez. judge james and music from garth brooks. and now, while we're at it, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and a [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: hi, >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome. thank you. hi, everybody, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. i hate to start with bad news but that's the way it has to be sometimes. i don't know if you heard but "people" magazine today named the sexiest man alive this year, and once again for the 35th year in a row, i was not it. [ laughter ] i'm taking it pretty hard. the sexy man alive for 2016, i'll give you a hint, he is one of the men in this photograph. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guillermo? was it you? >> jimmy: it wasn't. it wasn't him, it was the other guy, dwayne johnson, our guest last night, the sexiest man alive. either that or he's a serial killer. it's hard to tell. i think that would be a bigger story. you think that good luck sexy hug you gave him las

>> dicky: from >> dicky: from hollywood and nashville it's "jimmy kimmel live after the cmas"! tonight, jessica chastain -- willie nelson -- justin moore -- "mean tweets country music edition" -- and music from hunter hayes via hologram. kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ? show. thank you for watching. thanks for everything, really. thank you for coming. wow, glad you're in a good mood. because what you are about to witness, the spectacle you are about to behold, is our most special special effects show of the whole year. tonight we will be broadcasting from three cities at the same time. i will be in two of those cities. i know, it's amazing, thank you. let's begin by going live to the cma theater at the country music hall of fame in nashville, tennessee. [ cheers and applause ] hello, nashvil hello, nashville! are you ready to see magic happen? [ cheers and applause ] okay, let's do it. right now i'm on the screens but we're going to fire up the hologram machine. fire it up and beam me in, captain. here i am! excited. hi, everyone. i'm casper the friendly host. you know, this i

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel z212 z24zxz z12fz y24zxy y12fy >> dicky: the >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series presented by ciroc. let's get it. lin-manuel miranda, ken jeong, albert tsai and apologize to matt damon we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first this is her album, it's called "the altar." here with the song "train wreck," banks! ? ? h ? ? hey i heard it from the state they told me you and if you took me fishing you would never give me bait ? ? i had to get away i had to get away hey hey ? ? you try to compensate for thinking with your one brain i should decapitate ? ? you showed me all your letters that i should've confiscated but both my eyes ? ? were weighted i had to get away talking to ears that have been dead for as long ? ? as i can remember a self-medicated handicap so i speak to myself and i try so hard ? ? to get his stupid deaf ears to hear that i become illiterate i become dumb ? ? yeah ? yeah yeah when i come through you were dark blue ? ? and i saved you from your darker days born to take care of you or i thought so ? ? maybe it was just a

>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight jake gyllenhaal hailee steinfeld the results of our youtube halloween challenge, and music from keith urban. and now, you know him you love him, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. halloween. by the way, we'll be taking children's candy away from them shortly. i had a fun night. my wife and i took our daughter jane trick-or-treating for the first time and she loved it. she's probably going to make us go again tonight she loved it so much. sad that's not to say she was good at it, she was not good at it. after every house she wanted to spread the candy out and eat it. other children climbing over her. once she had seven pieces of candy enough. which is sweet but she's going to get eaten alive in this country, we might have to move to sweden. all they give out there is fish, she should be okay. i also think after watching what's going on last night we need to institute

>> dicky: from >> dicky: from hollywood it's ?jimmy kimmel live?! tonight matthew broderick, from the los angeles rams, william hayes and tip. and in and in you, have mercy -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: hi, >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host short. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. that's very nice. i appreciate it. you know, it was another interesting day in america today. the transfer of power has already begun at the white house this morning. president obama sat down with president-elect trump, but trump did a funny thing. he came in and said, you're fired. you know, and they left. this is the first time they met. they never met before. that must have been so strange. sasha, malia, come down, meet the man who questioned daddy's citizenship for eight years. they were only supposed to meet for 15 minutes but trump had questions for obama, like, how the hell do i get out of this? at the end of the meeting they were besieged by reporters in the oval office at which point the president offered mr. trum

our announcer dicky is mt. rushmore. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: thank you very much. >> dicky: our band leader cleto is uncle sam. captain america. jonathan >> american flag. >> jimmy: you're the american flag, all right. [ cheers and applause ] the white house. what are you? >> apple pie. >> jimmy: oh, apple pie, all right. very american. and jeff our keyboard player is the constitution of the united states. [ cheers and applause ] a lot of work went into this. our word robe department was working on this since last halloween. i'd bring our costume designer he is died this morning. imagine what an amazing place america would be if we put as much time and effort as we do into our halloween costumes, into literally anything else. you know what the most popular halloween candy in america is? according to a survey of over 40,000 americans, kandy korn was the most popular halloween candy when they ended up state by state. reese's peanut butter cups got the most votes overall. reese's got the kandy korn won t

>> dicky: the green giant is back. green giant veggie tots and make swapping veggies into your diet easy. >> jimmy: be right back with ? go paperless, don't stress, girl ? ? i got the discounts that you need ? ? safe driver ? ? accident-free ? ? everybody put your flaps in the air for me ? ? go paperless, don't stress, girl ? ? i got the discounts that you need ? ? safe driver ? ? accident-free ? ? everybody put your flaps in the air for me ? i can't lip-synch in these conditions. ? savings ? i thought my bladder leakage meant my social life was over. wearing depend underwear has allowed me to fully engage in my life and i'm meeting people. unlike the bargain brand, depend fit-flex underwear is more flexible to move with you. reconnect with the life you've been missing. i'll have that goat cheese garden salad. that gentleman got the last one. sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. can i keep the walnuts? sold. but i get to pick your movie. can i pick the genre? yes, but it has to b

>> dicky: the >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series presented by ciroc. let's get it. cooking dinner for the in laws? not on her mom's radar. beating cancer and having their kids live... that's all their parents think of. at st. jude children's research hospital, sh the overall childhood cancer survival rate from 20% to 80%. and we won't stop until no child dies of cancer. we freely share our discoveries with doctors across america. and no family ever receives a bill from st. jude for treatment, travel, housing or food... because all a family should have to worry about is helping their child live. so if you have healthy children, give thanks. give thanks. give thanks for the healthy kids in your life. go to stjude.org or shop where you see the st. jude logo. i'm here with target's black friday 30% off apparel doorbuster! you guys look amazing! good thing i wore my formal frosting tonight! get 30% off apparel starting tonight 6pm at target. so we are going... modern life deserves a modern way to pay. let's get the check nope, i got it! you can use it online... what's wi

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- lin-manuel miranda. from "dr. ken," ken jeong and albert tsai. plus music from banks. and now, stay put -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: very nice. welcome. thank you. very nice, thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thank you really for everything. for those of you who served in our armed forces, happy veterans day. because of your service, because of your sacrifice, the only wars most americans will ever have to fight are on facebook. so thank you very much. speaking of facebook, did anyone in our audience get declared dead today? there was some kind of glitch in the facebook algorithm that changed a lot of people's profiles to indicate they were deceased. even mark zuckerberg, the founder of facebook, was pronounced dead. this was real. "remembering mark zuckerberg, we hope people who love mark will find comfort in the things others shared and remembered to celebrate his life." police arrested the wigglevoss twins immediately. is

guillermo:.lin-manuel miranda, >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight jamie dornan khlo? kardashian part two of our youtube halloween challenge results this week in unnecessary censorship and music from kings of leon in nashville. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i am jimmy. i'm the host of this show. thank you for watching. we have so much to get to, but before we do, how about that baseball game last night. did you watch it? wow. you know, we had a big show last night. last night we had a new mean tweets. we did a live simulcast using a hologram from nashville. we have a major expensive show, and nobody watched it because they were watching the game. it was the most watched baseball game in 25 years. the cubs won the world series if there were any cubs fans still alive from the last time they won, they definitely died in the eighth inning. it was funny hearing all the reporters after the game saying things like the last time the cubs won the world series you couldn't listen to it on the radio because

>> dicky: from >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- garth brooks, tom hiddleston, and from "manchester by the sea" lucas hedges. and now, moving f [ cheers and a [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: than >> jimmy: thank you. hi, everybody. welcome, welcome. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. we have a jam-packed show tonight. but i want to start with something that could affect your holiday shopping plans. thanksgiving as you know is a week from tomorrow and a number of major retail stores are breaking with recent tradition and instead of being open on thanksgiving, will be closed on thanksgiving this year. [ cheers and applause ] and i applaud that. i have to say, i don't like when it stores make their employees work on thanksgiving. it's depressing. although of all the thanksgivings to decide to shut down for, why would you pick contentious election in 100 years? this is the year we need you to stay open so we have an excuse to leave dinner and get away from our relatives. [ l

and now your friends are too >> dicky: if you want to see the show, call 866-jimmy-tix or >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by amazon music unlimited. >> jimmy: thanks to casey affleck, laurie hernandez. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, album is called "gunslinger." here with the song "baby let's lay down a d ? ? ? i get this feeling that i can't explain every time i see ? i just go crazy thinking baby this may be my chance what would you say to me if i said baby ? ? let's lay down and dance ? ? i got to tell you, girl you drive me wild every time i see you dance i see that smile ? ? my world gets hazy and i'm moving like i'm in a trance ? ? whoa i know it's crazy but, baby let's lay down and dance ? ? when it comes to love my heart is black and it's blue ? ? swore i was through with romance but girl you're something and i'm counting on you ? ? you're my brand new second chance ? i'm not your kind they say i better pray your love is blind ? ? you got to save me i'm a victim of your circumstance ? ? whoa