>> dicky: fr >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- ewan mcgregor. from "jack back," kobe smolders. and music from the 1975. and now, not only that, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i' >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching, thanks for coming. we're not we're not democrats or republicans, we're not voters, we're not even americans, especially those of you who are here from other countries, you're definitely not americans. what we tonight is a group of people united by a common goal which as strong desire to get away from the scary and foul-smelling individuals dressed up as spider-man outside [ cheers and applause ] welcome to you. are you tir are you tired of the election yet, are you sick of it? [ cheers and applause ] i'm not, i love it. donald trump, you really have to hand it to him, i don't think i've been this interested in a show since the first season of "lost." every week, a completely new twist. we've gone from mexicans to muslims, little hands to lyin' ted, megan ankle lin to

>> dicky: fr >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, tom cruise. from "dr. strange," tilda swinton. music from x ambassadors and tom morello. and now, as a matter of fact, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: we >> jimmy: well, that's very i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching, thank you for coming. oh, how nice. you you picked a fine night to join us. tom cruise is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he's rappelling down the side of our building right now. any minute a window will smash in he'll come swinging in here to save us all. not only is tom cruise here, kenny loggins is here. [ cheers and applause ] kenny, the big question tonight is will you play "danger zone" when tom cruise comes out? [ cheers and applause ] >> i would love to. but i don't know it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's make this decision right now, will it happen? >> oh, it will happen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i might have a brain because it's -- speaking of, the election is three weeks away. three weeks from tonight we will p

>>> dicky: f >>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, matthew perry and music from nas and erykah badu. and now in all probability, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: ve >> jimmy: very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. you know, there's so much going on in the world right now. there's so much going on in the country right now. so much to decide on, our future as a nation is at stake. every once in a while i think it's important to stop and appreciate the little things. the good things. for instance, this was an uplifting story. paris hilton just bought an $8,000 chihuahua. isn't that nice? [ laughter ] [ applause ] $8,000 for a teacup chihuahua. how does paris hilton still have $8,000? [ laughter ] and in case you're wondering, this is what $8,000 worth of chihuahua looks like. >> hi, baby. >> jimmy: th >> jimmy: that's a weird sex tape, you know? [ laughter ] the dog weighs 12 ounces. i've eaten hot dogs that weigh more than 12 ounces. [ laughter ] 12 ounces. eigh

>> dicky: fr >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, chef gordon ramsay, from "inferno" felicity jones, and music from jimmy eat world. and now, from this point on -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and [ cheers and applause ] ? host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thank you for joining us. i don't know i don't know if we have baseball fans in the audience but this is the biggest night for major league baseball in a very long time. not your usual world series. tonight from cleveland, game one between the indians and the cubs. two perennial losers. [ cheers and applause ] neither the cubs nor india two months before jesus was born. former indians all-star kenny lofton threw out the first pitch tonight. some cleveland fans wanted to see charlie sheen do it i guess because he played an indian in the movie "major league." then they remembered it's baseball, not an 8-ball. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] emotions are running high in both cities, especially in chicago. after the cubs won their series tru

you're both going home with a prize. >> dicky: >> dicky: matthew and nas, you each get a sculpture ofutout of yehya to take photos with at home. >> jimmy: what a beautiful prize. thank you for playing. thank you, matthew. thank you, nas. god bless you, god bless you. tonight on the show, music from nas. be right back with matthew perry! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by paqui chips. there's a flavor for you. ♪ ♪ one smart choice leads to the next. ♪ the new 2017 ford fusion is here. it's the beauty of a well-made choice. ♪ but you don't lovereakfast. that you can't get all your favorites. but now you can get more of what you love. so you can find something else to not love. like hearing the sound of your own voice. (softly) like hearing the sound of your own voice. get more choices you love, now with all day breakfast. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, their song is called "this bitter land." it is on the soundtrack for the movie "the land." nas and erykah badu from the crown royal stage. nas is g

>> dicky: th >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you >> dicky: the >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by new crown royal vanilla whisky. vanilla so good. >> jimmy: we >> jimmy: we got the gooey butter cake going here. i'd like to thank andrew garfield, mario batali and apologize to matt damon we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first his album which i don't have is called "ruminations." here with the song "till st. dymphna kicks us out" conor oberst! [ cheers and applause ] ? rise and shine get ready for the day ? ? get a cof ? get a coffee from the deli and walk the riverbank ? ? be careful ? be careful with your headphones on when you cross the fdr dont want to be a casualty ? ? before you make it to the bar ? ? and hide your shakes and worried face just sit down in the back ? ? your friend ? your friends got there ahead of you and night is falling fast ? ? oh you know you shouldn't say it so you're thinking it out loud ? ? some things we lost are never to be found ? ? but if you're gonna ? and we can keep drinking till

>> dicky: the >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by >> dicky: th >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank denzel washington, minnie driver and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but this is his album called "hard to love." here with the song "no limit" with a little help from people all over the world, usher! ? ? ? usher ? ? jimmy kimme ? jimmy kimmel ? ? people around the world dance with me now ? ? make you say uh no limit got that master p no limit baby give you that black card no limit ? somebody like me there's no limit baby ? ? make you say uh no limit i c-murder that no limit baby give you that ghetto d girl no limit ? ? just know when you roll with somebody like me there's no limit baby ? ? you know you fine baby you know that you fine i'm just tryna make you mine ? ? tryna make you mine yeah i'm tryna make you mine put a tingle in your spine ? ? we got to vibe we got a wave you should ride on it all the places i cou t limitless ? ? so if you never been girl i wou

>>> dicky: it' >>> dicky: it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, billy bob thornton, kristin chenoweth and comedian ryan donahue. and now, here' and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: ve >> jimmy: very nice. hi, everyone. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thanks for everything, really. oh, it's very nice. me. minus the sweet. it's a bitter night for me, really. earlier this evening, you may have seen though you probably didn't the vice presidential debate between tim kaine and mike pence, two mild-mannered and well-groomed men selected by hillary clinton and donald trump to make you hate them less. [ laughter ] and what a matchup it was. like watching a glass of whole milk do battle with a jar of low-calorie mayonnaise. [ laughter ] mike pence, he looks like the kind of guy who gets his hair cut twice a week. what if hillary clinton wins and something happens to her? we would be just a heartbeat away from having a president tim. would that even be allowed? anyway. it felt a little weird to have the vice presidential debate aft

and we shall return with outdoor music from flatbush zombies. >> dicky: th >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by new crown royal vanilla whisky. z2y6 z2576z zy6z y2576y yy6y >> dicky: th >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by new crown royal vanilla whisky. vanilla so good. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank benedict cumberbatch, isla fisher and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. nightline is next but first, laced odyssey" here with the song "trade-off" with some help from rhythm roots all-stars flatbush zombies! ? ? ? ? ? it's that work hard play hard make you quit that day job ? ? i smoked so much this year we couldn't even take a day off ? ? i plan to take a trip want the money how it's spent i just re-up ? ? plus i just paid my phone and the rent ? ? hey it's lit call my partners up we going up you slowing up ? you indulge in truth i never touched this stuff ? ? one puff of that fluffy stuff it hit me like a sucker punch side effects include ? ? mass paranoia plus the cotton mouth down another bottle with my people ? ?

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel to you by new crown royal vanilla whiskey. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you whiskey. vanilla so good. >> jimmy: i want to thank ewan mcgregor, cobie smulders, apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first, this is their album, here with the song "somebody else," the 1975! ? ? so i heard you found somebody else and at first i thought it was a lie ? ? i took all my things that make sounds the rest i can do without i don't want your body ? about you with somebody else our love has gone cold ? ? you're intertwining your soul with somebody else i'm looking through you ? ? while you're looking through your phone and then leaving with somebody else ? ? no i don't want your body but i'm picturing your body with somebody else ? ? come on baby ? this ain't the last time and come on baby you said you'd find ? ? someone to take my place oh i just don't believe that you have got it in you cause we are just gonna ? ? keep doin it and every time i start to believe in anything you're saying i'm reminded that i sho

i know. >> dicky: don't just buy it, masterpass it. learn more at masterpass.com. >> guillermo: i know, sir. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be right back with cobie smulders! [ cheers and applause ] you should masterpass that, now. hey dude. xxxl she wants her fruit chews. masterpassed. i masterpassed it. that was fast. because i masterpass. it's endless shrimp at red lobster. with another new flavor you never saw coming... imp. and try as much as you want of flavors like new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. emerge restored. fortified. replenished. emerge everyday with emergen-c packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. why not feel this good everyday? ? ? ? ? liberty mutual stood with me when i was too busy with the liberty did what? yeah, with liberty mutual all i needed to do to get an estimate was snap a photo of the damage and voila! voila! (sigh) i wish my insurance company had that... wait! hold it... hold it boys... there's supposed to be three of you... where's your brother? wh

. >> dicky: >> dicky: matthew and nas, you each get a sculpture of your head and a cardboard cutout of yehya to take photos with at home. >> jimmy: what a beautiful prize. thank you for playing. thank you, matthew. thank you, nas. god bless you, god bless you. tonight on the show, music from nas. be right back with matthew >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by paqui chips. there's a flavor for you. ? ? leads to the next. ? the new 2017 ford fusion is here. of a well-made choice. you love all-day breakfast. but you don't love that you can't get all your favorites. but now you can get more of what you love. so you can find something else to not love. like hearing the sound of your own voice. (softly) like hearing the sound of your own voice. amazing sleep stays with you all day and all night. with sleep number, you choose the exact firmness and comfort you want and so does your partner for the best sleep ever. it's the final days of the columbus day sale, with the queen c4 mattress set now only $1399.98. plus 24-month financing. learn more at sleepnumber.com. >>

>> dicky: from >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- sarah jessica parker. from "black-ish," daveed diggs. and now, and why not -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and a [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: very >> jimmy: very nice. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. i don't want to spoil the mood but here's a warning. for those of you -- do any of you go online? oh, good. it's a tech-savvy group. then you probably know. every year intel comes out with a list of the most dangerous celebrities. these are people who if you search for them online you're most at risk for getting a virus or malware or the mumps. or whatever you get from the computer. this year the most dangerous celebrity to search is amy justin bieber justin bieber is number two. and number three is carson daly. which a lot of -- i know carson, i tell you something, once we were at a restaurant, there was no ketchup on the table, he murdered the waiter. [ laughter ] this was at brunch. he's a dangerous guy. last year i was the 26th most dangerous. before that, in 2014, i was number one

>> dicky: from >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- dolly parton. and from "miss peregrine's home for peculiar children," ella purnell. if now, look out -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and a [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: hi >> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. hey, we hey, we got -- i don't want to we've got to calm down because here in southern california, we're in the middle of what's called a heightened earthquake alert. true. it means the odds of a massive earthquake hitting us in the next day or two are as high as 1 in 11 in 11 in 100. or it could be 1 in 100 million. they've been telling us for years you can't predict an earthquake, now there's an alert all of a sudden. most of us ignore this stuff but some people are taking it seriously. in san bernardino they closed city hall fo t because of this earthquake alert. and because they're lazy. [ laughter ] chose city hall. that annoys me. i don't live there but -- you don't see businesses that have to turn a profit closing

dicky, tell them what they've won. >> dicky: matthew and nas, you each get a sculpture of your head ando take photos with at home. >> jimmy: wow, look at that, what a beautiful prize. thank you for playing. thank you, matthew. thank you, nas. thank you, yehya. god bless you, god bless you. tonight on the show, music from nas. be right back with matthew perry! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ woah! you're not taking these. hey, hey, hey! you're not taking those. woah, woah! you're not taking that. come with me. you're not taking that. you're not taking that. you're not taking that. mom, i'm taking the subaru. don't be late. even when we're not there to keep them safe, our subaru outback will be. (vo) love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. ltry align probiotic.n your digestive system? for a non-stop, sweet treat goodness, hold on to your tiara kind of day. get 24/7 digestive support, with align. the #1 doctor recommended probiotic brand. now in kids chewables. autumn was born on the first day of fall.fan. and from an early age she learned to love the season. leaf piles and pumpkin pies. hot a

. >>> dicky: f >>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, matthew perry and music from nas and erykah badu. and now in all probability, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: ve >> jimmy: very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show.