. >>> plus -- >> ding dong. the better hair? >> oh, wow. >>> then -- >> she's a regular girl. who has a dream. >> inside the new series "pitch." how the show is bringing all-girl power to sports. >> really excited that this message is getting out there. >> that's tomorrow on "the insider." >>> before we go, the hollow star john krasinski stopped by stephen colbert last night to test the theory who's better at fake throwing up, him or colbert? >> all the while trying to read a shakespearean sonnet. here's their late-night puke take in case you missed it. >> shall i compare thee to a summer's -- [ laughter ] -- rough winds do shake the darling buds of -- >> and summer's leaf has all too short a date. nor lose possession of that -- fair thou -- oh, god. >> krasinski for the win. >> 100%. his eyes were even watering. >> amazing.

ding dong, oh, can you get that. pop, pop, pop. what happened? didn't know the guy, i didn't know who he was. he was pie guest, who are you, wait, what? pop, pop, pop. well, this is a horrible dinner. now all missouri evites are going to have say from 7 p.m. until tomorrow stone, toam stone. >> as far as your babysitter being allowed to shoot someone, like is that really something you want to allow? i mean i'm a single guy so i don't know if this is just me that it doesn't appeal to. but i know one new mother who is excited about the law. >> we're just going to dinner, we shouldn't be too late. no tv for kate yoa before bed. and help yourself to anything in the fridge. god, what am i forgetting? oh, you ever use one of those. >> not really. >> you'll figure it out. if anyone comes in the house, you take that mother [bleep] down. you don't take any chances. when when he is down on the ground, two in the head, pop pop, right. i'm coming! he is so impatient. like to bust a cap in his ass. any how. late night-- date night! >> trevor: yeah what could

just letting you know -- [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: ding dong, something coming up. we're here! >> we're in the neighborhood. we're going to be swinging by at some point. [ laughter ] then i'm like, i can't throw up in front of my kids. i'm going to look like a -- what kind of a father am i. i can't do this. so i -- i don't want to ruin the experience. it swings two more times. then i don't give a crap about my kids. i mean i don't care about anybody now, i'm such in a a panic. i'm sweating. i don't want to look at -- i can't look at my hec tight. i want to check my watch to see how much time -- literally only eight seconds in. [ laughter ] i know this is going to go on. the only people i care about right now in the whole world is me and the little kid who can stop this whole thing with the red button down there. but he's not looking at me. >> jimmy: no. >> he's on the phone or something, some corny dating site or something. i don't know what he was doing. i didn't throw up, though. but i handled it and got off. it was a scary, scary experience. it was horrible. are

make fun of the fact that i once slipped and fell in the shower and my ding dong got stuck in the drain! [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm not going to make fun of that. you can make fun of the fact that i write the word butt in my underwear to remind me where it goes. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm not going to make a joke about that. sir, why don't you just sit back down so i can continue the show? >> fine, go ahead, get back to your chris christie jokes. you know what i say to that. >> seth: i don't know. i'm guessing, leave him alone. >> leave him alone! [ laughter ] if you need to make fun of somebody and jokes about somebody, why don't you make fun of me? make fun of the fact that i sneezed so hard once that it [ laughter ] >> seth: come on. >> or that i taught my cat how to use the toilet and she taught me how to lick myself clean. [ light laughter ] >> seth: oh, no. >> or that i don't like it when people call it, "making love." it should be called what it is, masturbating. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right. we heard more than enough of you. i'm going to go back to my chris christie jokes. >> l

ding, dong. and we got on very well. hello. my ex and i had similar relations. and that was how i wound up... pregnant. [ laughs nervously ] everything is completely under control. oh, god. who's the father? oh, god. they're both equaly likely. oh, god. bridget, i'd like you to meet jack. oh. why didn't you introduce me to this man before? he's brilliant. oh, my... r lower back the search for relief often leads... here... here... or here. introducing drug-free aleve direct therapy. a tens device with high intensity power that uses technology once only available in doctors' offices. its wireless remote lets you control the intensity. and helps you get back to things like... this... this... or this. and back to being yourself. introducing new aleve direct therapy. find yours in the pain relief aisle. megan and louie have impeccable taste; te like a reservation for two. no wonder it's the only one cats ask for by name. i have asthma... ...one of many pieces in my life. so when my asthma symptoms kept coming back on my long-term control medicine. i talked to my doct

ding, dong. and we got on very well. and then the next week... hello. my ex and i had similar relations. and that was how i wound up... pregnant. [ laughs nervously ] everything is completely under control. oh, god. oh, god. they're both equaly likely. oh, god. bridget, i'd like you to meet jack. oh. why didn't you introduce me to this man before? he's brilliant. oh, my... rated r. september 16th. the first person to survive alzheimer's disease is out there. and the alzheimer's association is going to make it happen by funding scientific breakthroughs, advancing public policy, and providing local support to those living with but we won't get there without you. visit alz.org to join the fight. that was invigorating! you're probably wondering why i've just carved a giant wooden tiger. well, the answer is that a real one would maul me. i've crafted dr. whiskers here as a visual aid because people don't like that. come here to buy a car. dr. whiskers won't pounce. nobody will. ? ? what muscle pain? what headache? what arthritis pain? advil makes pain a dist

sometimes deservedly congress gets ding-donged for not being able to get anything done. the fact of the matter is, kind of below the surface lots of things can and do get done with leadership in collaboration and partnership and mr. hurd epitomizes that and my hat's off to him for his contribution on this whole front of i.t. modernization and bringing the federal government, helping to bring the federal government into the 21st century, when it comes to the use of technology. every day federal agencies endure cyberattacks that have the potential to cause incalculable damage to national security and the privacy of all americans. while the federal government does its best to protect our critical computer networks, our efforts are often stymied by the outdated legacy information technologies in the federal government. agencies spend nearly 75% of their i.t. budgets simply trying to maintain these outdated systems. let me repeat that. for $82 billion program i.t. acquisition, procurement and management, 75% of that budget is not spent in updating the federal government, in c