i see a dude-- i thought dude was cool 'cause i'd been walking for a while. damn, man.n't looking good to me, man. look, man, i was walking down the street i seen dude, i thought dude was cool, man so i came up to the dude, man and he got the ( bleep ) phone and i said, "that's cool." so i went in the store, man, i bought me a beer-- one of them 20... in between a quart and whatever it was. so i come back out. i lean against his car and he's on the phone and he said, "get off my car." i said, "that's cool. i'll get off the car." then he starts smart-mouthin'. i smart mouth, he smart mouth. then i said, "i don't want ( bleep )." i walk all the way... i was in the middle of the damn thing. i said, "i don't want no ( bleep ) from you." wham, man. ( bleep ) you, you know? okay. be careful. so i slung the bottle at him, man. wham, man. i tried to fight. he hit me with that stick. ( bleep ) you! you get away from me man! talk to me talk to me. i'm gonna ( bleep ) you, man. hey. calm down, man. i didn't do nothing to him. hey, dale. what kind of statements we getting on this f

that way, you'll know if the dude is her dude or just some dude. dude! yeah.. i gotta go home and take a nap. it's 10:30 in the morning. what can i tell you? i'm wiped. so has the summer of george begun, or are you still decomposing? decompressing. ohh, well, good morning, gentlemen, and tony says hello to you. you didn't give that thing back? jerry, it was a whirlwind. they whisked us backstage, the media is swarming, champagne is flowing. whoo! i can't describe how great it is to win. that's because you didn't win. scarsdale surprise. that's the musical about the scarsdale diet doctor murder. featuring the mind-blowing performance of ms. raquel welch. you haven't even seen it. ah, jerry, i'm not gonna let you bring me down off this high. i've been partying all night. i saw the sunrise at liza's. minnelli's? no. sam, listen, i'm so sorry about the other day. no, don't apologize, elaine. i was thinking that maybe, um... i should swing my arms a little bit more. see? yeah, i mean, that's all i was saying. how's this? and this? and this? well, you seem... or thi

>> i don't think i can do that. >> dude, i'll give you $10 on top of it. >> this is my life, dude. >> $10 real quick, you're going to my place, anyway. not too far. $10 extra? >> all right. get in. >> but this is not just about the ride home. >> can you make me another stop. >> dude? >> i'll give you another $10 dude. >> where we going? >> downtown. i'll give you gas money on top of it. >> that's not in the original deal. >> but he's offering more cash and watch what he does. >> you want a ride home? i got pizza and a faster ride home. i got room for two. >> that's fine. >> got pizza? >>ia, not a bad deal. >> he's like serving up the pizza to these guys waiting for the bus in the pouring rain. and this guy in the back seat -- he's like you know what, man, this is awesome. >> you're crazy, man. >> there's something ended up really lovely about this. the guy wasn't driving drunk, he didn't put anybody in danger. in the process he totally made another guy's day, us plus the pizza delivery guy got a kick out of it and extra cash. >> when i go to church sunday i'll tell them about this. >>

thomas, dude. >> i know. i see him. yeah, look.st 12th. you're going to melbourne. you're going to regal theatre in perth on april 16th. that's a lot of dates -- >> yeah. i put -- i got a campaign going. i put a article in the paper there. once i get over there, for $26, i'll get you pregnant. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's part of the tour, you guys. go check it out. it's all of may and july. info is @realtracymorgan. stick around. you can talk to andy cohen? >> mm hm. >> jimmy: all right, perfect. go see the stand up tour "excuse my french," starting may 2nd, in kansas city. andy cohen joins us after the break. come on right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ penélope ] i found the best cafe in the world. nespresso. where i never have to compromise on anything. ♪ where just one touch creates the perfect coffee. where every cappuccino and latte is only made with fresh milk. and where the staff is exceptionally friendly. ♪ nespresso. what else? you may be muddling through allergies. try zyrtec-d®. powerful relief of nasal congestion an

that's it, dude.ted other's are feeling persecuted. all the sea bass went out great and i communicated everything. i don't know why you sent me but whatever, it's fine. royce, he's sneaky. who should go home? "patrick." that was a punk-ass move. [bleep] him. (patrick) now i'm pissed. i thought that the lobsters were a [bleep] on you. i didn't [bleep] you-- no, no, i know, but-- you want to be a squirmy little [bleep] somebody's gonna [bleep] you up. (announcer) after a night of poor performances on the blue team, the men go to bed feeling deflated. but in the morning kimmie has a plan... i don't know, i was just bored yesterday so i got down and wrote a rap. (announcer) to lift everyone's spirits. deep down, i love to cook, and it's my passion. but i also have this side thing with rapping. so you know, i was ready to show 'em that i could rap too. you ready? yeah, for sure. ♪ so we in hell's kitchen to prove we're bitchen ♪ ♪ started out with 18 down to 11 ♪ ♪ next thing you know we'll be at seven ♪ ♪

he's the kind of dude that you want as your brother. [ applause ] but since i'm an old dude, i'm not going to do that because that would seem unseemly. what i do say is when this is all said and done, willie would seem to be an individual who em bodies the classic american story success of invention and reinvention. born of talent, skill, determination, brilliance, lots of plain old hard work. and the ability to take one's god given talent, fashion it, shape it, mold it into something quite remarkable and remarkably effective and enduring. willie brown is a game changer. thank you, willie, for all your work, talents, brilliance, heart, your and forgiving a damn. thank you. [ applause ] on that note, i believe i should bring mayor brown to the stage. is that correct? ladies and gentlemen, mayor willie brown. [ applause ] >> that was remarkable. but then again you are a vocalist. mr. mayor, kristin, vernal, vernal was rather reserved tonight. last week when we were at macy's during black history month, the first thing she said, "see it?" she has one of those world champions diamond rin

i think everybody noticed this guy. >>> this dude in spain wants kisses. because he's spanish. >> this is like kiss me i'm american, in america. >> see how just how little it >>> this video is an oldie but goodie. i think you'll see why. this is called high speed hammock and i think the three of us could put our heads together and come up with a better name. as you see, the guy a couple of buddies, he's laying on a hammock, he's holding on for dear life because his buddies start rocking him back and forth. >> he's going over the top. [ laughter ] >> he just keeps going. >> this is like a weird carnival ride that you pay extra for. the redneck gravitron. you know the thing that spins you around and you get stuck to the wall. >> mach speeds and hammock? >> ham-mach. >> he really was moving there. >> look at the size of the guys powering that. >>> this is one of those videos that starts out kind of normal and takes a turn for the really weird. at first, we see a shot of a girl in a red dress, by a motorcycle, talking to a dude. normal. here's where it starts

thomas, dude. >> i know. i see him. yeah, look. yo. >> you got -- you're gonna be in brisbane, sydney, australia, august 12th. you're going to melbourne. you're going to regal theatre in perth on april 16th. that's a lot of dates -- >> yeah. i put -- i got a campaign going. i put a article in the paper there. once i get over there, for $26, i'll get you pregnant. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's part of the tour, you guys. go check it out. it's all of may and july. info is @realtracymorgan. stick around. you can talk to andy cohen? >> mm hm. >> jimmy: all right, perfect. go see the stand up tour "excuse my french," starting may 2nd, in kansas city. andy cohen joins us after the break. come on right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ mom mom mom mommy mommy momma momma ma ma mom mom mom people have been daring them to clean up tough messes. my fans think a paper towel can't handle this. ♪ that is tough when wet. [ peggy ] grab viva and break the rules on all your tough messes. [ agent smith ] i've found software that intrigues me. it appear

. >> how a dude went all spider-man to save the day. >>> and a guy loses his wallet, cash, and credit cards, but dude was hungry. >> we went to the internet for help. >> see how read it really delivered. >> this is the pizza. >> are you kidding? >> an incredibly scary moment caught on surveillance video in russia. you see this suv pulling up into this view of the camera and then a man walks up very casually holding a paper bag and he is very sharply makes a 90 degree turn towards the suv and shoots. >> what? this is like he is a hired assassin or something. >> exactly what authorities believe. if you see the guy tries to shoot again and apparently the gun misfired. that is when he takes off running. >> in the car with the 56-year-old owner of a business in russia. he is able to get out of the car, run into the business, but you see the assassin chase after him to try to shoot again and he is unable to. he takes off running. we later see a man running behind the assassin. we don't know what his involvement in this case is. >> this is like a scene you see in a jason borne film or someth

these two dudes are set to prank their roommate ben.have a quote in here from ben that says i prefer you to punch me in the face and do something annoying in my room. >> maybe something you shouldn't admit. >> something annoying is about to happen to his room while he's on a trip. they cover his room with plastic. once it's covered in plastic, watch what they start bringing in. this is popcorn. popcorn that they popped themselves. we are talking 440 pounds of popcorn. they went through seven poppers in 30 hours to fill up his room. >> this is awesome and i love popcorn. you come back to your room and can start eating it and swimming in it. >> they make sure the room is coated. >> i can't believe they put this much time and money into this. >> here is when ben comes home. >> he doesn't go in. >> he can't. >> he walks away. >> the popcorn is falling out the door. >> he gets the door open and says well, this is my room after all and dives into it. lays there for awhile and then eats a little bit. here, diving head first -- >> did you just

dudes will do anything. >> that's our show. thanks for joining us.l see you for the next edition of "right this minute." ♪ ♪ if loving you is wrong ♪ i don't wanna be right [ record scratch ] what?! it's not bad for you. it just tastes that way. [ female announcer ] honey nut cheerios cereal -- heart-healthy, whole grain oats. you can't go wrong loving it. bee happy. bee healthy. with clusters of flakes and o's. oh, ho ho... it's the honey sweetness. i...i mean, you...love. >>> coming up on "dish nation" -- >> look who was at the white house correspondents dinner. katy perry, sofia verga na and bono. >> ashton kuchen gives a beat down at a hoe down. >>> michael jordan had 2,000 guests at his wedding. honestly, michael, how many toasters do you really need? >> this is "dish nation," the when my mom accidentally deleted all the sep sods all my dv r i asked her to move out entertainment news show. the rickey smiley show, atlanta and beyond. kidd kraddick broadcasting from

dudes will do anything. >> that's our show. thanks for joining us.l see you for the next edition of "right this minute." çó >> announcer: it's time for "the wendy williams show." today, ready for a super-sized, juicy dish. an entire hour of the latest hot topics, including a sneak peek at this week's hollywood's biggest block dust buster. >>> and is jen in and mariah out? we'll give you the "idol" inside scoop. now, here's wendy! [ applause ] >> wendy: a!

. >> are you okay, dude? >> yeah, dude. >> come here, look. >> holy, [ bleep ] dude. >> this moment is over but you know the torrent is not done. >> it traveled seven miles in five minutes. >> it got swept up and out. >>> take a look at this video out of galveston, texas and tell me what seems to be wrong with the picture. somebody is stuck in a gutter. >> not stuck. that's just someone's legs dangling out of a hole in a cotton warehouse. police were called to the scene because a man climbed up that 20 foot ladder there, on to the roof of the cotton warehouse and decided to chill, dangle his feet out the hole there, have a merry old time. >> doesn't look like he has pants on. >> he was wearing shorts, but only shorts as we'll soon find out. police eventually made their way up to the roof to get this man down and figure out what his deal is. in a video, you can see once they get him, he said guys, i'm cool. whips his legs through the hole. police were able to detain him, took him down to the ground. sheriff's

zach, was up, dude? tell us about this. this is the e-mail guitar so you can shred and still be productive at work at the same time. basically, the gist of what he's doing is he's hooked up these processors and connecters so that essentially he can play guitar. it picks up what nobody is playing and that's transmitted to the computer as a ski stroke. >> he assigned a note to each position. >> so you have to be a skilled guitarist to write an e-mail? >> not really.hinks that it's connected to a regular keyboard. it will work just luke any other keyboard. >> it would be cool if you played your favorite song and discovers what kind of sound it produced. >> what's this all about? >> this is another way to make your office more efficient. we have to basically disconnection the stapler each half, insert strong magnets into each side. you're now getting into the business of life hacking. there you go. >> wow. >> we went from really high tech to really low tech in just a second there. but this looks like it could actually be useful

the ladies mad behind you, annoying the dude next to you, acting like a jerk.s you can see, security is moving their way over to this guy. >> i mean, how on earth can you be like this, dude. >> get him out of here. >> also point out some other people in the crowd yelling out -- >> like from "dumb and dumber". >> i would never do anything to offend a man of your size. >> kick his -- >> [ bleep ]. >> bunch of people not being like this and there you are. king of the [ bleep ]. right there. >> of all to blink, if you are the king of them, you're really bad. >> you don't want to be the king of that for sure. looks like they remove the guy and as security is taking this guy out isaac has one more thing to say. >> god i hope they [ bleep ] -- >> last comment taking it maybe too far. >> tracks spotted in the snow. go to the surveillance video. >> look who the midnight prowler was. >> what was it doing? >> see what the elk was up to next. and we're leaking -- >> 18 surprising facts about your own pee. >> why [ birds chirping ] [ inhales, exhales ] [ announcer ] cigaret

=(=pcpcpcpcpcpcpcpcpc2h & >>> dudes will be dude no matter how would old we get. sitting around. one is like you know, bro, i brought fire works to the party. >> it's probably the same guy that's been bringing fire works for the last five works. okay, thanks, i'm out of here. >> i have seen this before. >> he is the smart one, because watch -- >> one guy here on the left in one of those lawn chairs just falls right back, but he is not hurt at all. they love it, they're cracking up. >> this is the same group of guys, you know they have been together since they were kids, and they're still having a blast, literally. >>> steven, did you ship your pants? >> ship my pants? >> i can ship my pants for free. >> i just shipped my pants and it's very convenient. >> very convenient. >> pretty convenient. you can do more than just ship a pant. >> i can ship my draws. >> i can ship my nighty. >> i can ship my bed. >> that's what k-mart's new ad is trying to tell you. >> you can order it and ship it for free. >> this is brilliant. such a brilliant ad campaign, everybody will re

dude nailed it, sixth shot. i like this dude at the end. a fan of the team.s in the camera's view. shows off the jersey. >> skill or luck? >> i'm calling luck. >> i'm calling luck too. i will tell you the most incompetent press s impressive thing is the knee highs and bright yellow shoes. i can't take my eyes off him. >> pantyhose? >> he's embarrassed that his team did that. >> definitely a little bit of skill with your hand and release it. >> i couldn't have done it. >> an epic battle for you guys. saxophonist versus saxophonist. >> on a new york city subway, the guy you're seeing put his saxophone together on the subway. that's sapphire, he's actually in a band called great time. he's the saxophone player. buy hold, here's another saxophone player. >> there's only room for one of us. >> a staredown ensued. >> he had a saxophone with him, puts it together and listen to the beautiful music. >> they just start playing michael jackson's billie jean. ♪ ♪ >> dueling saxophonists. it's awesome. >> it's more like a duet. they joined forces almost. >> yeah. >> like

the dudes that get beat up and the dudes that get stabbed are dudes that rape little kids. >> coming up -- >> i told you it was going to happen and it happened. >> timothy schreiber claims he's been attacked. >> but staff are skeptical. >> looks pretty self-inflicted to me. >> it's self-inflicted. what are you, from the planet mars? >>> during his first week at the limon correctional facility, inmate timothy schreiber has made no secret of his status. >> i am a sex offender. >> and his fellow inmates in ad administrative segregation have made no secret of their disdain for sex offenders. >> how bad is it? now staff has been informed that schreiber has also been making racial slurs and has apparently paid a price for it. >> what did he say? >> he claims another inmate has sprayed his cell with feces and urine. >> the staff in seg didn't identify anybody as doing it. >> he's going to do everything he can do to stay checked into segregation and not hit gp. >> is that all the stuff right there? >> this is all it. here and on the bed. >> what this guy is doing is going around and antagoni

>> i don't know. >> come on, dude. guess. give me your best educated guess. >> they didn't want me to see the game? >> that wasn't a good guess. that wasn't a good guess. >> no? >> no. >> you're here for threats on another inmate, or actual assault on another inmate. how much did you have to do with that? or did you have anything to do with him? >> i had a little bit to do with him. i just told him, hey, put that in your house and everything's going to be good. >> so you told him to hold the hooch? >> yeah. >> you didn't threaten him, beat him up? >> no, he was all for it. he was like, i'm going to get to drink? i was like, yeah, and he was good to go. i didn't have to threaten him at all. that old dude, i'm not going to hit him. >> why did he get so scared? >> i'm not sure. >> well, you know what, we've had pretty good salmon out here with these s.o.s and haven't had a lot of trouble out of you guys. i don't want it to start. >> i didn't know he was an s.o. until he brought it up. because everybody was kicking it with him. e

and a dude making a pit stop in a diesel truck -- >> the hose is attached. >> why it really blows. >> you do a prank like this, you know something is coming your way. >>> a minor fender bender in a best buy parking lot in illinois led to this. >> hey, she's pregnant! >> get on the ground now! get on the ground or you're getting tased. you're getting tased. get your hands behind your back now. >> that's a 29-year-old who is eight months pregnant, and her boyfriend being apprehended by police, using a taser on both of these individuals. apparently before the video started, another couple backed into their car, police were called, they started having a conversation, police say thomas started to get angry and combative with the police, they're trying to arrest him. he is resisting and he is struggling with the police. the 29-year-old comes over to intervene. they instructed white to step back. according to police reports she refused, and they say he did use a one second dry stun to her left thigh and then they cuffed her face down in the parking lot. >> they spoke to a witness. >> i thoug

and they're great for weight lifting, partying, or just dudes being dudes. would you be interested in a pair? >> i don't think so. >> my uncle used to wear these back in the day. he had a purple pair and they were really embarrassing. >> how come every time i talk about zubas, everybody wants to talk uncle? >> in the states they call them zubas. for young, hip teenagers like yourselves, you could smuggle a lot of beer in here. >> definitely. >> and they look good with fannie packs. you know what you do with the fannie packs. put your weed in it. >> what? >> your neck is actually getting thicker as you put those on, do you realize that? your bulge has a bulge right now. can i get a little leg kick that we can do in slow motion? i'm thinking it's sort of a fashion mullet because it's business up top, but we got a party in the back right here. you're just going to agree with everything they say, right? >> i am. >> how do you plan on taking on the date now that you're a new man. >> like a zebra. i'm going to start running like a herd of zebras. i got nothing els

. >> dude, we're going to see some -- [ bleep ] bro! whoa, holy [ bleep ]. >> this video is being captured by two canadians who take their dash cam camera to go to the city to film what's going down with police and firefighters. this time because of the train they were able to turn their car around and chase. see the black car? it's being chased by all the cops. >> whoa [ bleep ] sclap. >> the language, i thought this was "harold and kumar head to white castle." >> it's the commentary that makes this. >> this is unreal. >> they are brave to be chasing the action. >> whoa! [ bleep ] they got to stop, they got to stop bro. >> dude, you got to turn. >> the cops are pulling over to this red brick building, the guys pull over next to him and park and get the cameras out. >> they got out of their car in. >> they got up all in the action. >> you can see the suspect. >> unreal, bro. does that make your day? >>> i've got an officer that's got a family trapped, he can't get to them. i don't know where he's at. >> a catastrophic fire has displaced

dudes will do anything. >> that's our show. thanks for joining us.see you for the next edition of "right this minute." >> maxie: what are you looking at now? >> elizabeth: you really should be recuperating in the hospital. >> nikolas: oh, i'll be fine right here. >> elizabeth: [ sighs ] under a doctor's supervision. >> nikolas: why would i need a doctor when i have you? >> elizabeth: i'm not staying, you know. i do have a life. >> nikolas: do you really? >> elizabeth: mm, one more crack like that, and i might have to hurt you. >> nikolas: please do. see if i care. >> elizabeth: if you cared about your well-being, you wouldn't be staying here. >> nikolas: [ sighs ] wyndemere's my family home. >> elizabeth: ugh. it's creepy. and it's dusty and remote. >> nikolas: i'll have you know that there's a staff coming in tomorrow to take care of the dust. >> elizabeth: nikolas, seriously, just stay on the mainland where you can get medical attention. you can stay with me and the boys. i have room. >> nikolas: move in with you? now, what would a.j. think?

these two girls are in two swings and they've managed to interlock their legs and then dude comes up and starts swinging them. they're having a great time, laughing away. >> split apart, go. >> then you hear someone say, hey, let go, split apart. then this. once they let go, it looks like this girl on the left hits that sidebar. as she's swinging forward, she ends up just slipping right out of the swing. she's lucky she flipped out, because her friend came right at her. probably would have punched her out, anyway. >> am i the only one that's disappointed that it wasn't a bigger fail? >> i thought they were going to conk their heads. >> so what you're saying is the swing fail failed? >> the trick chart artists from dude perfect have been around for so long right now that they are inspiring others who make trick shot video. they say they're not anywhere ras good, and these guys do sporting goods to do these trick shots. you see them on the basketball field. from the tennis court to the basketball court. of course you get super ecited ter you sink one of these crazy trick shots. here wo

the other little dude grabbed on to me again. i kind of shrugged him off. >> a new arrival raises serious concerns. >> he is a predatory inmate. he has the a history of that outside of prison and inside of prison. >> we can all get through this. we have not lost anybody yet. >> young cadets experience the burn as each one takes a pepper spray shot in the eye. >> is it that bad? >> hell yes. >> you can do it. you can do it! >>> just east of pensacola, in the florida panhandle, is 84 acres of some of the most dangerous land in the state. this is the santa rosa correctional institution, a maximum security prison with more than 2,800 inmates. >> roll out. i have over 200 inmates that are serving life sentences, and i have over 200 inmates that are serving 25-year mandatory senses. our population here at santa rosa consists of inmates that are violation of probation to drug charges to burglary to rape or murder. just coming to work, the correctional officers in an institution put themselves in danger every day. >> back out, kneel down

and -- >> they say that dude threatened my young brother, and i got upset.ne thing led to another, and the dude's dead in the woods, stabbed 21 times. >> a convicted murderer breaks down a prison extortion scheme. >>> only the strong survive. survival of the fittest. that's why i work out physically and mentally. says survivor, the act of remaining alive. that's the definition from webster. survival, to me, is much more than simply trying to sustain this life through breathing and thinking. one must fight every day not to be forced by social pressures to live under false pretenses. survival is the act of keeping one's identity alive, not being conformed to what your environment wants you to be. >> i want that ball, i want that ball! >> back, back. >> florida's santa rosa correctional institution is a maximum security prison housing many of state's most violent inmates. >> come here and cuff up! >> inmates considered a threat to security are housed in a special confinement unit called close management. >> basically, the worst of the worst offenders we have he

. >> dude, let's just -- >> i don't know. we're pulled over next to this, the air bag deployed. >> the car is a pregnant woman. fortunately, she was okay. and didn't suffer any major injuries. >> what's the deal with this guy? was he intoxicated? was he running from something? >> well this nut is 50-year-old glen mcnutt. they did catch up to him and they arrested him, took him to jail with felony d.u.i., aggravated battery and leaving the scene of a crash. >> i'm surprised he didn't get the assault with a deadly weapon because he was purposely pushing people off the road. somebody could have been killed. >>> this video that you're watching was put together by a london-based video game designer. you are wondering why did he make a video of himself sleeping a whole bunch? that's because this isn't him. >> the video game designer says that his mac book pro along with his credit cards was stolen back in october of 2011 and who we're watching in the video is the guy who he believes stole the laptop. >> why can we see this? because

>> according to reports this dude is her husband, and he is on the lookout for her. if you notice when the door opens he is kind of blocking the view of the last wipe before she gets off the elevator and the elevator doesn't go anywhere. they're not getting onto go up or down. seems they strictly got in the elevator to poo. i know. not ha >> is this a tiny province without running water or what are we talking about here? >> a subway station. it can't be tiny province. >> i am trying to work this out in my mind. >> if you want to see this video in all its glory, just head over to our website "right this minute".com and click on best of rtm. >>> the crowd goes wild when justin bieber shows up. >> is this real the biebs or a decoy? >>> had to take a break at this basketball game but not because somebody needed a time-out. boom. that's because seneca valley's easton bizoli went up, dunked, broke the backboard shaq style. this is at geneva college, aun all-star game featuring a bunch of player from the pittsburgh area, my hometown and that makes me excited. goes up two ha

. >> i love the girl being the dude. she is great. >> i make pl and i make it seem like it was his idea. >> the key is to get the guy to believe he can -- >> since you don't have a ticket but i do, but i don't have a ride but you have a car. >> you have to give them that much? keep going, girls? >> dumb as a door nail, this lady dude. >> that was a good way. is there a bad way? >> there is a bad way. >> i will go up to him while he is flirting with another girl he obviously really likes. >> don't do that. >> you could get punched. >> by the girl. >> then i will get awkwardly close and stare up at him. since no one is saying anything i will stop thinking and say something really mean. >> your rereading harrell is getting worse. my ex had a really great head of hair. >> that's cardinal rule. do not bring up the ex ever. >> if you see them and really like them go up to them and say -- >> ahhh. works every time. what's up? cool. talking to me? sounds great. let's do this. >>> all the road ragers of the world just need to tak

"dude spoon," 15 points! ♪ that's 15 points. that's a guaranteed win.y, tonight's lucky contestant gets to spend some quality time in bed with sebastian. he's a scorpio, a three-time convicted felon and master of the ancient art of spooning. it's the "dude spoon" and it's worth 15 points. jimmy! >> jimmy: it's not bad. it's just a "dude spoon." all you have to do is you do this. you're gonna be tonight's big winner. all you have to do is you have to let sebastian spoon you for 20 seconds. [ laughter ] sebastian -- sebastian, are you ready? >> oh, i'm ready now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's do it. what's in that easter basket there? >> a couple cream-filled eggs. >> jimmy: all right. [ laughter ] >> and one pink peep. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, i'm so sorry. all right, ready? sorry i had too this to you, buddy. >> hey. >> jimmy: i apologize. go for it, man. all right, jump into bed with sebastian. >> no, no, no, turn around. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let him have his way and get it over with. let's go! 20 seconds left. ♪ >> don't struggle. don't stru

look out, dudes. there's not anybody close to him. nobody's checked on the scene with him yet so far. it sounded like he was fighting with somebody for a second. 32, what kind of call is he on? ( garbled radio transmission ) okay, we're getting an update now. the medcom and the firecom dispatchers are advising all police to signal ten that they're really having a problem out here. clear it back, people. bob, what do you got, bud? what's the deal? it's no big problem. there's another guy... hold on, man, hold on. what's the deal, man? we got a call. got down here and there were several people out in the street and i got them separated and the guy i got in the back of my car turned around and smacked him. he all right? yeah, i took him down. then i had everybody else coming in and... i had nobody else here. another guy has been hit too, right? what started it was a guy named jack. he was arguing... this guy behind the seat was arguing with jack. jack just got out of the pen. he told him, "i don't want no trouble. i just got out." when h

from td ameritrade. >>> dude, dudes and lycra still excite you?t week wwe superstars collided in an orgy of sweat, spandex and sun tans. within the city councspectacle wrestle wrestlemania. and while they saw don sena defeat the rock, red eye elected to hit the izod center on saturday. mostly because we read the press release wrong. let's all get stoked that bill gets choked. >> hey there, wrestling fans! it's bill, the condor schultz, and i'm here at wrestlemania for extreme, extreme and i forgot the other one, so i ask you this. can you smell what the condor is packing? >> boo! boo condor! boo! >> condor sucks! condor sucks! condor sucks! >> you suck! >> yay, he's gone! usa, usa, usa! >> usa, usa. >> narnia, narnia, what about middle earth? you're known for your 2 by 4. did you use any other props. >> nothing fancy with b hacksaw jim dugan. just a 2 by 4, flag and the united states of america. no fancy gowns, just a board and the flag. >> i'm kind of a feather boa guy myself. who did you beat to get that belt? >> stephanie mcmahon, of course. >>

dude, that's what our show's all about, man.egg on that. >> jimmy: you need to cut it. >> steve: take it from the middle. >> i don't like hot sandwiches any way -- it loses like, the structure of it. you know? >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> steve: you're just gonna get bread. that's nothing but bread. [ scattered cheers ] >> jimmy: ilan, you can tell from that bite right there which i didn't think you got enough bacon in that one, who is the winner? [ drum roll ] >> greta, i need the knife. >> jimmy: you're gonna give us two knives? these are $3 knives you can buy anywhere. [ light laughter ] who won and who lost? >> steve: who the, what the? >> jimmy: drum roll. [ drum roll ] the winner is? >> the winner is, of this fight, jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: yeah! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] yeah! you guys, ilan hall! "knife fight" premieres this summer on the esquire network! my thanks to january jones, savannah guthrie, brande roderick, ilan hall right there! and the greatest band, platinum record, the roots, you guys, right there! [ cheers ]

. >> a dude came in for a robby. >> but they picked the wrong girl. >> can you say >>> it's monday, ipad give away time. >> you just have to download your app, click on the entry form, and whem you have to be 18 years old or older. >> enter every day until april 25th. good luck, everybody. >>> i have two videos caught on surveillance camera. this first one is probably one of my favs. this is at a smoke shop in north carolina. you see a man jump over the counter to presumably rob the place, but he is messing with the wrong girls. another girl comes in to punch at him. the second girl pushes him off the counter. he leaves with a tail between his legs. >> and she kind of pulled his hood down over his face. >> they raise tough girls in charlotte, north carolina. >> this one was not at a casino, and you see a man wearing a pretty nasty mask. >> is it a monster? >> a clown demon head? >> don't you want to be conspicuous. he had an object he kind of poked her with. he wanted hundred, she handed other some cash, and police are still working with him. >> what does it mean? >>> a huge ice storm hi

he is a 44-year-old guy, a columbian guy living in south beach, miami, and this is how the dude works out. a couple times a week he runs backwards. >> i don't get what he is doing. i really don't. >> good for the quads. >> i guess so. the guy has kind of become a local semi celebrity because of this. >> are you putting that on youtube. >> hell, yeah, man. >> under what? >> yellow guy runs backwards. >> yellow guy runs backwards. >> green. >> green guy runs backwards. >> make sure it is green guy, not yellow guy. someone wasn't so stoked about the green guy. recently someone called the police. the police say they don't have any problem with him running backwards, but that he was in fact dodging dangerous things in traffic and causing problems on the south beach roadway. take it on the sidewalk. >> take care. have a good one, man. >> i bet you guys never thought you would see a raccoon doing this. >> no way. >> that's going to zap him. be careful. >> it is not zapping him at all.

and they're great for weight lifting, partying, or just dudes being dudes. would you be interested in a pair? >> i don't think so. >> my uncle used to wear these back in the day. he had a purple pair and they were really embarrassing. >> how come every time i talk about zubas, everybody wants to talk uncle? >> in the states they call them zubas. for young, hip teenagers like yourselves, you could smuggle a lot of beer in here. >> definitely. >> and they look good with fannie packs. you know what you do with the fannie packs. put your weed in it. >> what? >> your neck is actually getting thicker as you put those on, do you realize that? your bulge has a bulge right now. can i get a little leg kick that we can do in slow motion? i'm thinking it's sort of a fashion mullet because it's business up top, but we got a party in the back right here. you're just going to agree with everything they say, right? >> i am. >> how do you plan on taking on the date now that you're a new man. >> like a zebra. i'm going to start running like a herd of zebras. i got nothing els

i wish i was a dude. i do wish you were a dude.best man. no, and here's why. ted, the best man's job is not to crush the floral arrangements. it's to get the groom down the aisle because, no matter who he is, he will freak out. and i just don't think you have what it takes to get that get that soldier to pick up his rifle and charge up the hill. uh, are you forgetting i've done this before? i was marshall's best man. and how did that go again? (both yelling) oh for one. oh, come on. that wasn't my fault. and need i remind you, i gave a beautiful toast. ted. (both yelling) uh, yeah. it's hard to take criticism from someone who just recorded seven episodes of million dollar heads or tails. narrator: kids million dollar heads or tails was an extremely popular show with an extremely simple premise. all right, your practice flip came up tails... but our vegas oddsmaker tells us that the next toss is still just 50-50. and so, jordan for one million dollars... ...heads... or tails? (audience shouting suggestions) what was the year of the

later, dudes." class from outside and i was waving at everybody. [ laughter ] >> oh, my god! >> jimmy: it was pretty cool. >> where did you grow up? >> jimmy: uh, well, it was in my head. i made it -- no, i'm just kidding. no, no. no -- saugerties, new york. saugerties high school. >> oh, saugerties. oh, upstate. >> jimmy: upstate, new york. that's -- that's where i was raised. >> very nice. >> jimmy: born in brooklyn. born in brooklyn. [ cheers and applause ] >> born in brooklyn! >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. there's nothing like that, right? >> no, just to be able to say that. >> jimmy: i know. i moved out when i was two, so i can't really say -- >> i moved out when i was four but i tell anybody who wants to know about it. >> jimmy: all right, awesome. yeah, me too. -- the birth certificate. yeah. let's -- wait -- so, "nurse --" >> why are we here? what happened? >> jimmy: yes. exactly. "nurse jackie." >> you're right, okay. >> jimmy: let's talk about this now. season five. i was there