we're the duggars. >> jill duggar. dillard, nicknamed sweet jill muffin by her family, lived a seemingly idyllic life as the fourth child of jim, bob and michelle duggar, stars of the hit tlc reality series 19 kids and counting. >> okay, everybody. it is time for breakfast at the conservative christian and ever expanding family, a source of fascination for their strict rules on modest dressing, homeschooling and courting. >> but now jill and her husband, derek dillard, say that wholesome veneer masked a damaging culture of control. >> even if you're an adult, even if you're you've been an adult for a long time. you're married with kids. if your parents don't give their blessing, then you're not honoring them. and the family becoming embroiled in scandal. >> what's it like to know that your your parents were protecting your abuser? the couple now discussing what they say cameras didn't capture in their book counting the cost. but what were the costs in the way that you took? account of them? >> the biggest one is relati