dwight schrute began speaking, dunder mifflin share prices fell 73%. mr. schrute, shareholders demand accountability from corporate leadership. can we announce your resignation at this time? - my resignation? what are you talking about? no, i'm just following orders! listen, the person responsible for this catastrophe is the ceo and chairman, david wallace. - that's yours? - that's the family boat right there. - oh, my gosh, andy. this is enormous. - right? - i thought it was gonna be tiny. oh, my gosh. it's beautiful. so this is how your family came to america. - move. - sorry? - i'm trying to rig a boat here. i don't know how to do that when you're standing in the way. - sure, i-i'm not-- i didn't know. - i'm not a ghost, so i can't walk through people. okay. - okay. he was salty. - yes, a little bit. how you doing, old buddy? missed you. - what does that one do? - this raises the mainsail. that was my job when we went sailing. - i wish i had seen you do it. - up she goes. - don't do that. don't do that. - oh, it's okay. my girlfriend and i were actually

he bought back dunder mifflin, correct? - hey. your daughter could be a bubble-bath model.t bite her head off. [laughs] - sorry. um, david is in vermont. did you speak with him? he sent dwight instead. - molly! david wallace is in vermont. - oh, my god. um, i talked to his assistant. and i guess it did get a little confusing 'cause you said not to tell anyone your name. and then also, these bluetooths are very hard to hear with. i know you love the way they look, but tom never had us use them-- - molly. i am not tom. i am jan. - i'm so sorry, jan. - anyway... i thought it would be fun to have a little chat with, uh, david wallace after all these years. oh, well. what are you doing? - listening. - stop. stop that. - sorry. okay. - so this was all just a trick. you don't really have any business to give? - no, i-i do. - but not to us. - insightful, pam. - you did good, dwight. it's okay. seriously, jan's not normal. let's just go. she's not gonna sell to us. - yes, she is. now, i may not have any instincts with women, but i have an instinct for sales. you keep her occupied. i

. - [exhales] - attention, employees of dunder mifflin.guys are so cool 'cause they can slackline. ooh! hey, clark, this is what a real salesman looks like. they say that you only live once, and i'm about to prove it. dwight schrute! - dwight! - hey, man, it's halpert. did you go to the other guy yet? great. don't. i'm in. [chuckles] yeah, yep, i'm all in. okay, talk to you soon. bye. yeah! - whoo-hoo! [screams] [all gasp, cry out] - call somebody. - hang on! - hang on! hold on, dwight! - [screams] - in the parking lot today, there was a circus. the copier did tricks on the high wire. a lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. there was a dwight impersonator and a jim impersonator. a strongman crushed a turtle. i laughed and i cried. not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company. introducing cardioviva: the first probiotic to help maintain healthy cholesterol levels without a prescription. cardioviva. ♪ smile on your brother ♪ everybody get together ♪ try to love one another ♪ come on, people, now [ female announcer ] b

(holly) "dunder mifflin wants to make it clear "that dunder mifflin does not discriminate.oss strategies as was clearly stated in the official--" (michael, deep voice) oh, bang boom! shake! clargh! why, hello, everybody! what are you doing? fair question. i say, i say, i say sit down, holly! [normal voice] i'll take it from here. [deep voice] i am beautiful. they are beautiful. he is beautiful. this big fat pig is beautiful. it's my sumo suit. i just didn't inflate it all the way. i'm so glad that i bought instead of rented. body image. we are here because there is something wrong with society. see, you're always saying there's something wrong with society, but maybe there's something wrong with you. if it's me, then society made me that way. now i know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, "why are you dressed in a plus-size suit?" because you're kind of doing michael klump. how do you know michael klump? because it's your "making fun of fat people" character. how dare you! michael klump is a celebration of fat people. i think of him as more like a monster. what about

hello, this is dwight schrute from the dunder mifflin paper company.at 'cause i need paper. excellent, then you are in luck because we are having a limited-time offer only on everything. wow, this is my lucky day. [whispering] ask him his name. what is your name, sir? i am bill buttlicker. really? that's your real name? how dare you? my family built this country, by the way! be respectful, dwight. yes, michael. would you hold on one second? that's my other line. what? no--but i-- hello. [chuckles] yeah. no, i'm just on the phone with this stupid salesman. he's so dumb. i'm probably just gonna keep him on the line forever and not buy anything. yeah, okay. it's up to you to change his mind. sorry. that was a family emergency. oh, no. what's wrong? you know what, that's private. boundaries, dwight. come on! i'm sorry, mr. buttlicker. as i was saying, we're having a limited-- sorry, you're gonna have to speak up a little bit louder. i'm hard of hearing. he's hard of-- he's an old man, let's go. okay, as i was saying, right now we are having-- you're gonna

i'm michael scott, dunder mifflin. how you doing? [sighs] so i guess you know why i'm here.. like a fridge? no. uh-- [whispering] i wanted-- i wanted to buy some weed from someone. what? grass, weed? what makes you think we'd have weed? i heard you were drug-- i heard you dealt. [whispering] hey, just hold on one second. i'm not wearing a wire, so-- why would you even say that? hey, it's gonna be $500. how much? $500. it's a good price. it's a eal. how many pounds is that? it's two pounds. i'm losing money on this, man. just give me the money. okay. all right. walk away, walk away. hey, pam? i just wanted to let you know, i'm totally on your side with the whole microwave situation. tha you. i was just back there to make some cup of soup, the thing is still a huge mess. i know. can you believe it? yeah, it's crazy. but i guess the thing is, at some point, notes or no notes, someone's gonna have to just get in there and clean it up. i guess that's why we have a temp, huh? [laughs] oh, no, trust me. i would just make it worse. how would wiping it with a paper towel make it wors

let's get ethical, ethical ♪ i wanna get ethical ♪ let's get into ethics, yeah ♪ ♪ let me hear dunder mifflin ♪ let me hear your body talk ♪ whoo! all right! why are you helping her? you're not even dating. she's my friend, and ultimately my strategy is to sort of merge this into a relationship without her even knowing. oh. okay, let's give it up for miss holly flax! [applause] (holly) thanks, michael. [sighs deeply] today we're gonna have a business ethics seminar, because recently, without mentioning any names, there has been some misconduct at corporate. and we have a very strict ethics policy, and that employee has been fired. oh, come on. he's right there. he was hired. ooh, check it out-- hired guy. nice. okay, elephant in the room. let's talk about it. do i regret what i did? of course i do, even though it was an amazing ride, and i'll give you an example. anyone see survivor, season six? anyone know joanna on that show? in new york city, i hooked up with a girl who looked exactly like that-- indistinguishable, so... okay. well done. good speech, ryan. you're a good guy. (holly) let's

"what would you improve about dunder mifflin?" well, let me see.no, this--hey, hey, hey. this might not be what i think that i don't even know is in there because there are a lot of presents in my car, and i don't know which is which. "suck on this." (michael) what the hell is that? (pam) michael... that's-- what do you mean "michael"? that's not even my handwriting. [loudly] hey! what the hell is going on here?! who thought it would be hysterical to give toby a rock for his going-away gift?! you did. no! you made me wrap it. [michael humming] i thought it was over the line. i just-- you know what that is? you know what that is? that is... a psyche. psyche. so, that is not my real gift to toby. so what is your gift? my gift is forthcoming, pam. what is it? i am going to give toby... your watch? yes, i am. that was it. how did you know that? i just knew. how did you know? oh, that is so sweet. well... that's my watch. thanks. i'm gonna set it to costa rica time. hey, that's good. (creed) hey, it's the kid. lo, look, look, look. hey...it's the temp.

loud her praises tell ♪ hail to thee, our alma mater ♪ ♪ hail, all hail, cornell [phone rings] dunder mifflin yeah, okay! 12 miles an hour. eat that, carl lewis! angela made several 9-1-1 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building, so the police put up a radar gun. it's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard. [dwight yelling] aah! wow, 13! no, no. no, there was wind. i was just jogging. dwight, there was wind. i want a do-over. no, no, no. it's not your turn. all right, 13 is the new number. oscar, go ahead. i want another try. here we go! 31! 31! there was a car. i was ahead of the car. 31 is my new number. 31 is humanly impossible. go, oscar. 31's my number. that's impossible. beat it! [cheerfulusic] ♪ ♪ ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's wonderful now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's so groovy now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's wonderful now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. everybody knows that. well, did you know that wh

uh, employer: dunder mifflin paper, inc. awards: multiple dundies-- i know all that.-i know all that. i just--i need something kind of embarrassing, you know? kinda fun, inside... she had a hysterectomy. which one is that again? it's where they remove the uterus. oh, god, dwight, no! i'm trying to write something funny here, okay? what am i gonna do with a removed uterus? it could be kind of funny. you know what? i am on a deadline here. and, just--okay. thanks, thanks for your help. i'll work it out. thank you, dwight. okay, here's the deal. all right. pam says that one of the alliances is meeting in the warehouse during meredith's birthday party. oh, my god, we have to be there. i know. but it's gonna be a little tough, because there's no good place to hide down there. no, no, yes there is. behind the shelves-- oh, my god. what, what, what? i know. i know. i know exactly what to do. great. (dwight) i'm a deer hunter. i go all the time with my dad. one thing about deer, they have very good vision. one thing about me, i'm better at hiding than they are...at vision. th

um, this is my associate, uh, from dunder mifflin. uh, oscar martinez. nice to meet you. oscar.ting. [chuckles] this is, uh, concierge marie. yes. who works at our hotel. you look, how you say, radiant tonight. [chuckling] thank you. and it is, how you say, a beautiful night-- michael, why? she's foreign. i am-- for madame et monsieur. oh, thank you. oh. you're very welcome. thank you, andy. thank you? let me get a picture of you guys. (michael) everybody's going to end up dying someday, and i think it's better to die with some people that you like-- like oscar, and andy, and concierge marie-- than to know that there's somebody out there that you love that you're not with. all right. i've scoped out the joint. those two dudes are as good as naked. how do you even know they're gay? come on! it's dandy dale and foppy mcgee over there. [snorts] mademoiselle! beer me dos log island iced teas, s'il vous plait. bad decision in a glass. i don't care if you're gay, straight, engaged--whatever. a g needs intercourse. you will thank me when they spank thee. don't do this. you guys like ap

. - dunder mifflin road trip 2012! okay, now a serious one. - hey, where's dwight?of weird to you lately? - if by "lately," you mean for the last 12 years, yeah. - no, i mean, he's sulking. that's not like hi - he's just mad that we're all having fun. - then why isn't he scheming or preparing to avenge? - he's fine. he's indestructible. - always say that a child is placed for adoption, never surrendered. we're not hostages. - [chuckles] although i have considered kidnapping one. - oh, and never say that. all: [chanting] next stop, pies, next stop, pies! - let's go, driver! laverne packs up the pie wagon at 5:00, so-- - at 5:00? that's only 20 minutes from now. the pie shop is 13 miles away. so at 55 miles an hour, that just gives us 5 minutes to spare. - so, wait, when pies are involved, you can suddenly do math in your head? - hold on, kevin, how much is 19,154 pies divided by 61 pies? - 314 pies. - what if it were salads? - well, it's the-- carry the four and the-- it doesn't work. - i'm sorry to spoil jim's fantastic voyage, everyone, but we're almost out of gas.