he's a dunder mifflin man. he's my tribe. - i'm sorry, dwight, but for once in my stupid, stupid life, i'm gonna follow through on something, all right? i have masculinity issues-- - stop! no! - i got it. - disarm! - you don't-- [all grunting] - don't move. - and disarm now! - okay. okay, okay... - no, oscar, no. no, he's a friend. he's a friend. - okay, the client is heymont brake and tire. they're family-owned, but don't let that take away your edge! - come on, pam, i know you can fail. i see failure in you. - remember, you're a scumbag, so you think scummy thoughts. like this. - hello, this is pam halpert. i'm calling from dunder mifflin. yes, your paper provider. and i just called to say... your mama is so fat, when she wears red, people yell, "hey, kool-aid." yeah, your mama's fat. this is pam halpert. - did she buy it? - did they say anything? - i don't know. i couldn't tell. i don't-- - were they angry? - i--i felt like they were confused, at least. - okay. [phone rings] - dunder mifflin. this is erin. -

that... >> dunder mifflin-- this is pam. oh, hi, david. no, i'm sorry.lly. i'll have him call you the minute he gets back from the lincoln memorial. when michael's skirting a phone call, he gave me a list of places to say he is-- "stopping a fight in the parking lot. an obama fashion show." whatever that is. or "trapped in an oil painting." i'm gonna save that one. >> nobody panic. the good news is they can't fire all of us, right? >> they can. >> no, they can't. >> yes, they can. >> oscar, you don't know what the hell you're talking about. >> michael, what do you think shutting down a branch is? >> all right, then we're screwed! i am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so... >> okay, well, i lost a ton of money today, and i have a mortgage, so i'm a little pissed, too. >> thank you. jim is with me. >> absolutely not. i'm mad at you. >> well, you know what, jim? it is not my fault that you bought a house to impress pam. that is why carnations exist. >> that's not why.

then the boss is my old boss from dunder mifflin. give that to me? >> sure. >> yeah? >> yeah. >> okay. >> what the hell is a rundown? [knock on door] >> when did you need that rundown by? >> as soon as possible. >> okay. >> just get it right. >> yeah. gotcha. of course. i'm gonnaive into the rundown. i'll be exhausted, 'cause it's like a triathlon. did you want to close this? close--keep it... >> oh. >> you know, there's a ghost in this office. >> really? >> a woman was murdered on this very floor in 1816. haddie mcgonagle. [whispering] she was a prtute. >> why was she in this building? >> no, this whole place used to be a brothel. there was a tavern on the ground floor. >> that's crazy. >> yeah, isn't it? she was bludgeoned to death by the business end of a riding crop. >> oh, my god. >> it was gruesome. they s she wal these hallways. if you ever feel a tapping on your shoulder, that could be haddie, begging for her life. and it could mean that you're next. >> oh! [both cckling] >> just kidding. you finding everything okay? >> yeah.

. >> i need you to get me the prices that you're charging ed's tires, so i can undercut dunder mifflins come up. >> oh, n--is it mose? did you put the cover on that well? >> no, mose is fi. i--i roped it off. it's not about mose. listen, things are changing here, michael. they're changing fast. >> i'm not following you. >> imagine... someone has a personal hero they really wanna help but then there's this new guy, very cool, very will smith-esque, who would not like it if he helped his hero. >> personal hero, cool new guy. okay, i think i'm getting your drift. >> good, so you see what i'm saying? >> crystal clear. [pam writing] so is this for a movie that you're writing? >> no. >> can i use it? >> no. >> dwight, are you talking about u >> it is possible that i could be talking about us. >> so, i would say that the old boss has always been good to dwight, and he was there first, so he has dibs. you respect dibs, don't you? >> i'm not a barbarian. >> good. will you meet me in 20 minutes at the spot? >> i will. >> dwight. >> yes? >> is the cool new guy charles? >> i've said too much. >> i

and, uh, kathy ireland signed on as the official spokesbabe of dunder mifflin. - no kidding. - yeah,european billboards, she's gonna be topless. - [chuckles] wow. go, kathy. she's like 50. - th're tasteful. - good, good. what else? "and what do you do?" "oh, i sell insurance like no one else." "oh, that's nice." "thank you." now, that's progressive. call or click today. it's back ive rde's buy one, take one, just $12.99. choose one of five amazing entrees to enjoy today, like smoked mozzarella chicken. and take home a second entrÉe for later. buy one, take one ju $129. go olive garden. [ growls ] yeah. [ smooches ] hello? jimmy john's? [ man growls ] and hurry. [ growls ] [ zip! ] jimmy john's. phew. that's fast. [ male announcer ] jimmy john's. freaky fast delivery! ♪ mom swaps one of my snacks for a yoplait. i don't mind, i mean it's orange crème. and when mom said bobby was too edgy... 'sup girl. i just swapped him out for tyler. 'sup girl. mom never questioned bobby again. two can play at this game. [ female annncer ] swap one snack a week for a yoplait. and everybody wins. yopla

[phone rings] dunder mifflin, this is pam. oh. hey, mom. no. what did dad say?ked, he called my mom and said he was gonna look for an apartment. oh, my god. pam, i don't know. i--nothing. truly, nothing. i mean, i--i just was honest with him and i-- i'm so sorry, i--i don't know. i'll call him again. [stammers] 50% of marriages end in divorce. so... it was her parents or my parents. what could jim have said to make my dad want to leave my mom? and at what point in our marriage is he gonna say it to me? ♪ ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's wonderful now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's so groovy now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's wonderful now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ it's back. olive garden's buy one, take one, just $12.99. choose one of five amazing entrees to enjoy today, like smoked mozzarella chicken. and take home a second entrÉe for later. buy one, take one just $12.99. go olive garden. honey, don't use your sleeve. for cold and flu season, there's clor

listen, this order form-- instead of saying "dunder mifflin" at the top, is there any way i could getke "michael scott paper company"? >> you--oh. somebody's been talking in bed. pillow talk. >> [chuckles] yeah. >> [laughs] >> listen, michael. have you really thought this through? 'cause it's a pretty big risk. >> this is a dream that i have had since lunch, and i am not giving up on it now. >> yeah. you could give it up though, right? and almost no one would know. >> before you got here, i'm the one who landed all of these clients. half of 'em, at least. i can do it again. i know the market. i know the price points. i'm on it. don't worry. so how do i do that? >> well, um, you can scan it. >> mm-hmm. >> and then you can upload the image, and then you can copy a neimag- >> could i take a piece of paper and just tape it with transparent tape? >> yeah. good. >> oh, thank you very much. >> mm-hmm. >> so that is why i have to leave at 5:00 on tuesdays. it's to pick up my little sisters from school. we're really tight. we're like the kardashians. >> you know, you can run this stuff by toby

you designed a uniform for dunder mifflin. - summer. winter. jungle. well, i, for one, was amazed at how qualified everyone was. you? - yes. thank you. - amazed. and i gotta say, this was a tough decision. and we had to go with none of you. - i'm sorry? - what? this is such bullcrap! - well, you know, wallace put me in charge, so you have no say. - wow. so much crap. it's just a load of b.c. how could you do this to them? - too much now. - okay. - do we get our resumes back or do you keep them? because i only have the one, and i have a chili recipe on the back that i really wanna keep. - okay, this is an outrage. ugh! you know what? this is jim halpert's home address, in case you guys wanna toilet paper his house or whatever. - that seems inconsiderate. - no. we get it. thanks so much for the opportunity, dwight. don't open any sspicious packages you may receive. no, wait. do open them. totally safe. - guys, it wasn't up to me. rolf, come on. guys, it wn't my choice! i would've hired all of you! gabor, gabor. - wel my day'sshot. - yeah, it's that weird