ellen: i respectfully disagree. charlie: i have to... i bear the brunt of a lot. mary ellen: i respectfully disagree. charlie: you -- mary ellen: no. y. charlie: okay. you can respectfully disagree. mary ellen: the boss is the person whose name is on the door. -charlie: that, luckily, it's my name, as well. lemonis: coming up... what do you think's gonna go wrong? mary lou: i don't want them to screw up so much. and i'm afraid. i'm afraid. -lemonis: listen, listen. listen. -mary lou: and i'm afraid. they don't understand. i'm afraid. i found a companyeans to -who believes in me.rt. they look out for me. and they help me grow my career. at comcast it's my job to constantly monitor our network, prevent problems, and to help provide the most reliable service possible. my name is tanya, i work at the network operations center for comcast. we're working to make things simple, easy and awesome. charlie: you can respectfully disagree. mary ellen: the boss is the person whose name is on the door. charlie: that, luckily, is my name as well. mary lou: [ laughs ] -chuck: i disagree. -lemonis: who's the boss? -chuck: me. -lemonis: okay. i want

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ellen was somehow involved. a co-worker of ellen's came forward saying he had loaned ellen his gun but when she returned it a fewere were no bullets. >> he looked at it and looked at her and said, where's the bullets? >> reporter: ellen said she went to a gun range with a friend who showed her how to use it. and detective wilson had discovered something else, ellen had actually tried to purchase another gun at a local pawnshop one month earlier. she was turned down after a routine background check. >> and you couldn't? what happened? >> it was a fraud charge. >> reporter: what did you guy that got you in trouble? >> i was working for a company that i wrote a check on. >> reporter: it turns out that in the late '80s, ellen had pled guilty to embezzlement. the charges were dropped after her probation. suddenly ellen snyder's skeletons were starting to see the light of day. and while detective wilson was doing his investigative work, mike's sister terry, a co schoolteacher, was doing hers. she told the detective about a second home mortgage ellen took out, she claims, without mike's knowledge. >> we actually have a

ellen would come by the dealership and bring elizabeth by. mike would get her a balloon, candy, soda and give his time to her. everything else stopped. >> behind closed doors, mike and ellen's marriage was starting to unravel. ellen said mike ooem seemed jealous of her success at work. >> understand i was promoted to service manager, it basically became hurtful and he was standoffish. >> ellen says from the time elizabeth was conceived, mime mike had moved out of the bedroom permanently. >> never slept together again. >> and so mike and ellen began to live two separate lives in that dream home with their children, but still they stayed together. >> i still wanted this marriage to work. i didn't want to give up. >> that is until she learned about this secret, the big secret that would ultimately tear this family apart. >> i thought after christmas when everything was done that i would tell him what i knew. >> the secret is revealed. -these people, they speak a language we cannot understand. ♪ [ telephone ringing ] -whoa. [ indistinct talking ] -deductible? -definitely speaking insurance. -additional interest on umbrella policy? -can you translate? -damage minimization of civil commotion. -when insurance needs tran

ellen would come by the dealership and bring elizabeth by. mike would get her a balloon, candy, soda and give his time to her. everything else stopped. >> behind closed doors, mike and ellen's marriage was starting to unravel. ellenaid mike ooem seemed jealous of her success at work. >> understand i was promoted to service manager, it basically became hurtful and he was standoffish. >> ellen says from the time elizabeth was conceived, mime mike had moved out of the bedroom permanently. >> never slept together again. >> and so mike and ellen began to live two separate lives in that dream home with their children, but still they stayed together. >> i still wanted this marriage to work. i didn't want to give up. >> that is until she learned about this secret, the big secret that would ultimately tear this family apart. >> i thought after christmas when everything was done that i would tell him what i knew. >> on the outside, you would like at our marriage as a great marriage, great family, made lots of money. when you go in that door, that's not how it was. >> ellen snyder said it had been eight years. >> he made the rules. >> he made the rules. >> you followed them. >> eight years in a marriage that was neither equ

ellen degeneres is not as nice as you think," "the new york times" says the comedian is feeling boxed in by her talk show role. second, ellen's wife portia de rossi has been urging her to move on to other projects. there's the work load. ellend "e.t." she was already feeling the talk show grind after the first season. >> it's tiring. i mean, it doesn't stop. it's every day and it's writing new monologue every day. >> what is your secret to keeping it so fresh? >> baking soda. we just leave an open box in the corner. >> the other big question, what would ellen do next? there's stand up for sure. the comedian who reported made $87 million returns to her comedy roots in her new netflix special "relatable" next tuesday. ellen's also famous for her voice work. >> oh my goodness. nemo, are you okay? >> ellen tells "the times" she'd love to do another movie and play, quote, someone unappealing. portia is suggesting she do radio or a podcast adding i don't see the end of her show as her career ending. >> ellen can do whatever ellen wants to do. >> exactly. >> she's got enough money for the rest of her life. if she wants to crawl in a hole, she'll be fine. >> she's in the perfect position. >> meanwhile we were the first to talk to k

ellen. ellen, there's two pieces of the fed's communications, one is telling folks what's going to happen, but the other aspect and maybe the one where powell is falling short, is convincing them that that is what should happen, and i think that powell may not have made the case at least to the market when it comes to the need to reduce the balance sheet in a way that is not attuned to what's going on in the economy, and second, is the need to continue to raise rates. i don't think he has the market with him on either one of those scores. >> yeah, so i agree. you know, you had 30 minutes to adjust the q and a however you saw fit in order to drive some of these points home i'm glad you brought up balance sheet because that really was the biggest source of surprise for me >> right. >> by the way, michael purvis, the beginning of the show today said the exact same thing that it wasn't the rate hike, it was the balance sheet commentary that really moved stocks. >> right if you look at the time stamps from powell's transcript, and you look at the time the market really took that leg downward when he was speaking it's when he said the balance sheet runoff is going smoothly. now, before that, he had said in november it was going very well, which was concerning then. and so we thought, well, for sure he'll revise that, show some more flexibility, that they'll follow financial indicators closely for signs of stress to guide them on the ultimate side. we didn't get that it's like a no questions asked, the balance sheet continues to run off. >> i had no expectation that the fed or powell were going to amend the balance sheet plan because they have been steadfast on that. i have asked both chair yellen and chairman powell, hey, are you telling me that if we start heading down that you're not going to change the balance sheet, and they have said twice now at least, i don't know, it's one of those things where powell somehow is not controlling expectations i get what you're saying and that's a different discussion as to whether or not they ought to be amending it, but the idea there was an expectation out there that they maybe suggests to me the fed is not doing a good job of controlling expectations. >> i doubt anyone expected them to actually say now we know when the end and the end is near. just simply give a nod to the fact that you are following financial conditions closely for signs of stress that the balance sheet may cause to guide you on its ultimate size. that's not changing the plan >> are these rookie mistakes i know jay powell is a super experienced and intelligent guy but i think he's learning the hard way that you need to telegraph all of this stuff down to the word about what you are going to do. >> jay powell has tried to be somewhat of a different chairman in a couple interesting ways he's tried to communicate much more plainly to the american public than either bernanke and yellen maybe because they couldn't, they were academic economists and powell is not. the first mistake he made, which is worth pointing out, brian, is this idea we're a long way from neutral. that was given when he was giving an interview to the wider public it was not a matter of speaking to markets at that point he was talking to the public and that was not a big deal to the public to say that but it was a huge deal to the markets, and i think when you talk about rookie m mistakes, i think he needs to start to figure out or really prioritize that he has to talk to markets first and then he can talk to the public if he doesn't have the markets with him, it's not going to work, and i'm concerned, brian, i know we have to run, i'm concerned when i follow my twitter feed and look at things being said about the fed that the president's opposition to these rate hike and the fed's rate hikes has politicized the federal reserve in a way that has gotten away from the either president or fed right now, and some of the stuff i am reading is really quite extraordinary. >> we have to go, you're right, but there's a segment coming up, we all wanted a plain spoken fed, we moaned and groaned forever, and now we got one, and we're moaning and groaning. >> pining for an economist. >> steve liesman, we appreciate you joining us so early. >> sure. thanks. >> ellener, we'll see you in the new year. be careful what you wish for is the title of that segment. >>> still ahead, crafting an ipo, pinterest, see what we did there, reportedly looking to go public and google getting into the holiday spirit they have a new commercial out that features that guy, it's home ane u got to see it. stick around >>> welcome back, hope you're having a great start to your day. stock futures are not having a great start. it's not a terrible start. dow futures down 77 right now. remember, we lost 730 points i tweeted out yesterday when the fed decision came out, the fed decision came down because that's what we do in our holiday lunch. frank, you vanished. >> what? >> hold on. >> do the news. >> i just created a problem. >> the market fell 225 points in 20 seconds ended up losing 730 points so i guess down 81. not the end of the world by the way, you have been watching bitcoin, i know we're down 80% from our highs this time last year bitcoin has been walloped. this we

ellen today. it was cool. ellen's now given him a complex about his son dimitri. >> so now i take him out when he's in view of your house and now i'm like go, go, go. >> run, dimitri, run. ellenike she sees it. expect to see a lot of that in her netflix stand up special "relatable." it marks ellen's return to the stand up stage in 15 years. "e.t." of course has been with her from the very beginning as we flashback to when we first met ellen. >> give me the rundown on how to say your name. >> the rundown? it's degeneres. >> why didn't you go french with degeneres? >> 'cause i'm common folk. no need to put on airs. >> people are gonna see through that. >> big up the phone and talk to god and he's got a little cold. bless you. oh, bless yourself. >> it's an incredible profession to get paid to make people laugh. >> a perfect stranger opens the door and what is a perfect stranger? they have perfect hair? they're dressed perfectly? i don't know. >> that was 1994. ellen was just 26 and was named the funniest person in america. even then it was clear, ellen was a smooth talker. >> fast forward a decade and she's landed her own tv show. >> i don't think you achieve anything by bullyi

ellen degeneres is only about $400 million, poor thing. we learned a lot more about ellen thanks to her first stand up special starting with her biggest talk show regrets. >> the dancing was a mistake. i just danced as a joke. then i danced the second day and then the third day. then i was locked in. >> people whenever they see me anywhere they're like dance, ellengetting a mammogram. i can't move. >> one thing ellen will never regret coming out in the 1997 "time" cover story in moments that brought levity to the netflix special, ellen said a dream triggered her. >> before i had the dream i didn't realize i was in a cage. i had a sitcom, fame, money, everything i thought that was important. the next morning i woke up said i'm coming out. >> i'm gay. >> i lost my sitcom, went through a depression. it took three years for me to get back on television. >> "e.t." was by ellen's side as she made her talk show debut in 2003. >> i came out and now i'm back. i had to tone it down a little bit. my hair was different. i had to wear necklaces. ellen wearing a necklace? she may not be gay anymore. >> now there's somebody that will access rise, gwen stefani. could a white christmas be in her future? >> blake, what are you getting your special lady for christmas? >> you know, i like you, but not enough to tell you that. but i would like to point out that kell

she had a kidney ailment, just like ellen and ellen died of it during the time of wilson's presidency and what she did was she got very ill and the whole country was told about it and unlike john f. kennedy and others. it was out there and people prayed for her. she got better, but not long enough. she died a year or so later, but there was this sense of love and connection, and so i think that idea of illness that's a piece of inclusivity. we need to talk about that, as well. >> i am curious about pat nixon during that entire period, not just watergate, but having just watched the cnn documentary 1968 from the campaign, pat nixon had gone back when he was vice president over all of those years to the turbulent years of the late '60s and then through the white house and finally watergate and we find out later about her own struggles with depression and alcohol and that. as you hear conversation about first ladies, tell us what you're thinking and what kind of questions and did that come into play when you were at the library? how were you presenting pat during that period? i was liste

ellen brown class. >> ellen brown class. >> yes. >> she was the one who started the public banking concept and has been pushing it worldwide for some time now. >> thank you. >> she started by writing the book. now she has another book out. anyway, she has -- i think she has a radio program twice a week or it may be it is even on t.v. i don't know. i'm surprised you don't know about ellen brown. >> i don't get out much. >> one of the ideas they had that i not heard today was to buy an existing bank, to start a public bank by buying an existing bank, so that's just an idea you might consider once you look into it, or may be you have to buy the entire bank. may be you just invest heavily so you have control of the policies that the bank has. that is another idea you might look into. thank you. >> thank you. hello. >> i'm introducing myself to you in my grandmother's language because that is where it all starts for as. is at least for this coalition in san francisco, the public bank coalition started with seeing the effect of our money being invested by wall street banks. the fact was my relatives who drink their water from the missouri river, they are now facing a potential emergency situation with the pipeline. this is just one of the many decisions that we know wall street has made to, and certainly and not does not in line with the balance of san franciscans. as far a

little anecdote i want to leave you with about florence is she had a kidney ailment just like ellen wilson's. ellen died, of course, during the time of wilson's presidency. what she did was she got very ill but the whole country was told about it, unlike what happened with john quincy alwda, she got better. people prayed for her and she got better. died later, of course. but there was this sense of love and connection, so i think that idea as a piece of inclusivity, we understood need to talk abou well. >> i'm curious about that entire period, not just watergate, but having just watched the cnn documentary "1968," so from the campaign, nixon had been with him going back, obviously, to when he was vice president. over all those years, through the turbulent years of the late '60s, then through the white house, and finally watergate and we find out later about her own struggles with depression and alcohol and all that, you know, as you hear this conversation about other first ladies, tell us what you're thinking and what kind of questions -- and did that come into play when you were at the library? ho

they had a group called the lieu ellen ensemble. lieu ellen was the street name. they met spa played instruments. that became the symphonic orchestra. the parties made it to the style section. she had a nice childhood. they were comfortable people. but they were also -- her father quit working for carnegie because of his treatment of workers. they were socially conscious. from the early days of u.s. involvement in world war i, emma wanted to do something. like a lot of women of that time, she took first aid classes through the red cross, she volunteered rolling what she called eternally long bandages for the red cross. she did what women were supposed to do at that time. but it was not enough. she said every home in montclair had a blue star in the window at that time. she said -- this is anime izing quote here. like the famous poster here, she said that, i too wish i had been a man to have a small part in this great conflict. so she played to the ymca a couple of times. they rejected her the first time because they said she was too young. she applied again after

ellen ready to end ellen? >> i was tired in the first season. how did i keep going? >> why her retirement could be sooner than you think. >>> plus, only we are with j.lo and a-rod for a big surprise. jenny from the block goes back to the bronx. >>> then a "modern family" star's health crisis that nearly killed her. >> i was contemplating suicide. >> sarah hyland's emotional interview. >>> plus, two over the top premiers. "mary poppins returns" brings the magic, but "aquaman" brings the dance moves. and ashton kutcher reeyed with dax shepherd, remembering the prank that brought justin timberlake to tears. >> he chose to cry. >> this is "entertainment tonight." >>> two big tv shake-ups? first, kathie lee's "today" show shocker. now is ellen leaving her show? we have news on both. let's begin with ka think lee after they announced he's out. >> this is one is hard to believe. no more wine for breakfast. so many questions, like what's going to happen for hoda? does this open a door for kelly clarkson? >> i have something to share with everybody. it's bittersweet. when it's our 11th anniversary i'm going to be leaving the "today" show. >> there was not a dry eye on set when kathie lee made the announcement. >> the minute you stepped into my life with both feet, everything changed. >> thank you. >> thank you. >> the "today" show is now going to be in rebuilding mode, but for two very different reasons. obviously megyn kelly was cancel in the october. kathie lee on the other hand is a beloved member of the "today" show family. i don't think anybody wants to see her go. now they have to figure out 9:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m. >> gifford's last day will be april 7th. original plan was to leave a year earlier. >> i said i'm going to

ellen allien were pioneers of a new sound and a new generation, east and west, a unifying force. >> ellen: sausage is my favorite food. as a german, you need sausage. >> anthony: yeah, it's good. >> ellenand -- [inaudible] i think. >> anthony: lunch at michelberger. a joint on friedrichscain. sausage of chicken, pig's feet and sage with smoked mashed potatoes and apple. beef shoulder, braised and served with root vegetables, potatoes, horseradish and god help me, kale. when did the wall come down? that was, what year? >> ellen: '89. >> anthony: '89. so, everything started in '89? >> ellen: everything started in '89. first, the club scene was based on the west side where the first wall came down, and then everything moved to the east because there was space. a lot of industrial places and music was a meeting point of the east and west, and a meeting point of young people trying to move together. it just happened in the club. when the wall came down, it was our music to come together, so it's very deeply in our blood. that's why it's so strong for me. still, being a dj because this time was a very strong impact for my soul. >> anthony: over time, so many artists, musicians, writers from

be sure to check out ellen at be sure to check out ellen at 3:00 here on (alex treb) $8,000.r $8,000. why is this number so important? because $8,508 is the average cost of a funeral. ife already planned how to help cover your final expenses, like this one, great but if you haven't, i'm here to tell you about the number one most popular whole fe insurance plan through the colonial penn program. if you're between age 50 and 85, the good news is it's not too late, because you art here, right now. so call now. you be alone. over half a million people called last year for free information. options start at $9.95 a month, len 35 cents a day. a good price, if you're on a tight budget or a fixed income. there are no health questions and no medical exam. your acceptance is granteed. options start at $9.95 a month, en if you have health problems, and you cannot be charged a higher rate for any health reason. best of all, unlike many plans, once you're covered, your rate is locked in for life and can never go u for any reason. you get a lifetime rate lock guarantee, plus a 30-day money

ellen, go, do it. >> reporter: one thing ellen says she never wants to do is make fun of people. >> i could never be seems to be working well for the entertainer and comedienne. she is showing no signs plane g? i've never been back there. i try to promote kindness and promote compassion and hope it's an escape for people. >> i'm excited to see this stand-up special. it's on netflix. it's called relatable. it's about whether or not she is relatable anymore. you can look for the season premier of ellen's mo comfo own skin. >> dylan dreyer is here. have you something we should know, our friend carson daly gearing up fortonight's >> first, boy george and his legendary band clu are brand-ne. it features a rare look of the signature stripped of his signature make-up and hat. take a look. ♪ when i'm under the water ♪ under the water ♪ when i'm under the water ♪ i look to you ♪ you know i do ♪ i look to you ♪ and the water is gone ♪ you give me hope ♪ when i wake up >> i like it. it's catchy. boy george says the video is about finding hope and is tribute to his fans. to watch the full video, head to today.com. >>> up next, a new digital series, quoted by with i meant. anyway, everyone from kelly clarkson toar sriver sits t inspirational quote as ha do does every day. there is one out with our friend meghan trainor, here's a clip. >> what is a favorite quote that speaks to you? >> it speaks to me, my dad always told me, life will get better if you let it. >> if you let it. >> that just, it j

ellen. >> see you tomorrow. "jimmy kimmel live" presented by tonight -- ellen degeneres. comedian pete holmes.m cole swindell. and now, jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: thank you all for

ellen. >> good afternoon, commissioners. i am ellen, co-chair of maritime commerce advisory committee. i am excited to be here to talk about maritime and historic. i am focusing on expressly maritime right now. i think you know that the maritime commerce advisory committee is made of port tenants and community members with a keen and compelling interest in a thriving maritime port and waterfronts. we want to remind the commission that is future health of the maritime activity at the port is linked to you freight rail service. a sustainable healthy rail service. therefore, m.c.a. c, and we wrote a letter to express our strong support for the green locomotive you purchased that is absolutely fantastic. i remember working on that with the support of the bay area air quality management district as well as we are certainly supportive of the 15 year lease extension and related agreements. one you have the things that brendon mentioned which i am particularly favorable towards is that the railroad and david has demonstrated a stellar commitment to the environment, environmental sustainability

ellen pompeo feel about it? we'll find out. >>> are you and patrick dempsey still friends? >> we haven't spoken since he left the show. >> okay. >> ellen is leaving it all on the red table. today on an all new episode of the facebook watch series, ellenbeen three years since her last conversation with her long time co-star. >> i have no hard feelings toward him. he's wonderful actor and we made the best tv we could make together. atman right there. i will alway my heart for patrick. >> lis what pompeo told "e.t." back in may. >> you only get killed off when your behavior is bad. sandra oh is like the most professional most amazing actor ever to date, left in the most amazing way. she gave everybody so much notice. she knew ten seasons was all she wanted to do and they don't get much classier than sandra oh, but, yeah, so these endings aren't tragic. >> oh! >>> take a look at this, mariah carey was joined on stage by her twins, roc and roe in nottingham england. mimi's on her "all i want for christmas" tour. >> it's been estimated that she makes nearly $4 million a year in royalties off that song. >> that buys a lot of presents. speaking of which, kristen bell's man, dax shepard just played santa giving back to some very deserving kid

ellen. >> see you tomorrow. "jimmy kimmel live" presented by tonight -- ellen degeneres. comedian pete holmes. and music from cole swindell. and now, jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: thank you all for coming. you know, the, the holidays are upon us. chas compa christmas is two weeks we have a 4-year-old daughter and a son who's a year and a half old, and trying to get them to sit still and smile and look vaguely in our direction at the same time is like trying to put a wet suit onto a monkey and a baby pig. it's impossible. i took no less than 400 photographs. i made faces, i jumped around. i issued threats. i said you're going to pay for your own college if you don't look here and smile. you can't even jingle your keys anymore, because you can't jingle a fob. and we went the whole morning saturday, two hours, didn't get one usable shot. i think i got it. i went back to the computer. i did not get it, not one. instead, we got this, that's closest, a wrestling shot. and we got this. and we got this, too. and eventually, we gave up. we'll take pictures of someone else's kids. instead of sending people pictures of our kids this year, we're going to send them pictures of oour kids. they have an app that vomits, but you can't get an app that makes them smile. maybe we should go back to the way our great grandparents took photos. it's no smiling. everyone staring straight ahead, hoping santa brings them the polio vaccine. look at that doll, by the way, you will not find that on amazon. president trump had a hell of a photo op this weekend. he had the honor of tossing the coin at the army/navy football game. and what a toss of the coin it was. >> mr. president, would you do us the honor it is tails. >> jimmy: yes. it didn't even flip, unlike michael cohen and paul manafort, the coin did not flip at all. let's look at that again in slow motion if we can. you see here, he just kind of, it's like a jump ball, he threw it up. his motion was almost that of a magician releasing doves into the stadium. and yes. [cheers and applause] the white house right now so going through yet another big shakeup. the president this weekend nominated william p. his next attorney general. i figured he nominated roseanne. john kelly is outs after the end of the year. he's leaving to not spend more time with trump's family. the president's having a hard time finding someone to replace him. it's a high-profile job. it's like hosting the oscars. maybe kevin hart should be chief of staff. because it's a tough situation. how do you convince a rat to jump onto a sinking ship. it's against their nature. first choice to replace kelly turned it down. he's not even looking for a third chief of staff. it's time to play hypocritical trump tweet from the past. back to 2012 when he wrote, three chiefs of staff, wrong, probably why president obama can't manage to pass his agenda. there really is a tweet for every situation. and if you're wondering what trump is like as a boss, rex tillerson gave this candid assessment of his time as secretary of state. >> i had never met donald trump until the day he asked me to be secretary of state. it was challenging for me, coming from the disciplined, highly-process oriented exxonmobil corporation to go to work for a man who's pretty up -- undisciplined. doesn't like to read briefing reports but rather says look, this is what i believe, and you can try to convince me otherwise, but most of the time you're not going to do that. >> that doesn't sound like trump at all, does it? then of course the president lashed out at tillerson on twitter. in response he wrote mike pompeo, tillerson's replacement, is doing a great job. i am very proud of him. his predecessor, rex tillerson didn't have the mental capacity needed. he was dumb as a rock. couldn't get rid of him fast enough. here's what he said about rex tillerson when he was trying to hire him. whether i choose him or not he is a world class player and deal maker. i've chosen one of the truly great business leaders of the world, rex tillerson, to be secretary of state. but now he's dumb and lazy as hell. speaking of lazy as hell, this was trump's official schedule today. here it is 12:30, the president has lunch with the vice president. closed press. why is that is correct of all the white house events, there's nothing i'd like more than to see mike pence hand-feeding french fries to president trump. but he was up tweeting about the russia investigation. robert mueller released a sentencing memo for michael cohen and then alleges the president directed cohen to make two illegal hush money payments to keep karen stormy daniels quiet. no smocking gun. there was no collusion. so now the dems go to a simple project transaction, wrongly call it a campaign contribution, dot, dot, dot. and we wait 14 minutes, which i guess he went out and took a smock braeak during this time. but it wasn't, even if it was, it was done correctly by a lawyer. and if he made a mistake, cohen just trying to get his sentence reduced, witch hunt. this is typos aside. donald trump is defending himself by reminding us about the hush money he paid to a porn star and a centerfold, which he calls a private transaction. a private transaction is when i order mama mia ii in a hotel on demand. i would not want to be a bucket of kfc in washington tonight. and what about the smocking gun? this isn't the first time he's tweeted the word smocking. he did it in august and then retweeted with it spelled correctly. he has a lot of trouble with ck. remember this tweet? that was a twofer. wow, big push back on andrew cuomo for his really dumb statement. andrew chocked badly. this is embarrassing. as a service to the country, i think we could help the president. mr. president here's a photograph of youen joying a snack. this is you hissing like a snake. you used to be a jock! o-c-k. but now you are a, right, j-o-k-e. how many of you saw the trailer for the new avengers movie? it was the most-watched trailer. 289 million views in one day. 12 were from me. i'm 51 years old, and it's embarrassing to me to be excited about a super hero movie. so i saw it was trending on twitter. i looked around to make sure my wife wasn't in the room, as if i was watching porn or something. and i put my ear buds in and i watched to see correctly, and the whole time i nodded like i was reading something important. this brexit situation is a real mess. oh, "ant man." we have a lot to keep us distracted. the avengers trailer, a new season of fortnite. but it is the reason kids, especially boys, no longer need feet. they don't leave their homes anymore because it is apparently so much fun. we decided we would have fun with a fortnite challenge. your mission, should you choose to accept it is to surprise your kid or friend or roommate by turning off the television while they're playing fortnite. what i'd like you to do, sneak up on them, right when they seem to be at the most dramatic moment. at that moment, turn the television off. record the whole thing and post it to youtube with the title, hey, jimmy kimmel, i turned off the tv during fortnite. and once you post it, look for a message from us. and we'll put the best ones on the show. and we'll give these kids a fortnite-mare they will never forget. imagine this last week. sales of canned tuna fish have plummeted. down 40% over the past three decades. and tuna companies believe millennials don't want to go through the trouble of opening a can. the vice president for star-kist said a lot of millennials don't even own can openers. i find that reasoning a little hard to believe, so we decided to put the theory to the test. we asked young people walking by to try to open a can of tuna. this is how that went. ♪ >> can i ask you a question? >> yes. >> can you open that can of tuna fish? >> okay,ly it's been a while. >> can you open a can of tuna fish? >> i mean, i'm supposed to know. >> i haven't had one of these in a minute. [bleep]. >> i'm trying. i always have a problem with those. i don't know how to open those. >> i can't open it. >> so what happened here? >> it won't come open. >> you opened the can opener. here you go, try this. try not to break that one. it's our last can opener. >> i can't do it. >> did you break the other can opener? >> yeah. >> let me try this. i'll use this. >> no, not that way. >> are you doing this to prove like that millennials can't open them because their company said the reason they don't sell tuna anymore is because they can't do it? yeah. >> yeah, pretty much. >> that's premise of the entire thing. you're definitely proving them wrong. wonderful, nailed it. >> nailed it, yeah. >> do you feel you represent millennials? >> we're pretty capable. >> look at that can of tuna fish. >> yeah, >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from cole swindell. pete holmes is here. and we'll be right back with ellenegeneres. >>> abc's jimmy kimmel live brought to you by mercedes benz. ♪ you are ever happy there daddy, it's christmas! ♪ childhoods, joyland never let go of your dreams. the mercedes-benz winter event is back. lease the glc 300 for $459 a month at your local mercedes-benz dealer. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. ♪ this week at target, the the more you save!toys save $10 on swift toys. save $10 on surprise toys. save $10 on action toys. save on toys only at target. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back tonight. a gentleman who is the creator and star of the "crashing." his new hbo standup comedy special is called "pete holmes: dirty clean." pete holmes is here. then, this is his latest album, titled "all of it." cole swindell from the mercedes-benz stage. tomorrow night, nicole kidman and ron livingston will join us, we'll have music from the smashing pumpkins, and later this week, will ferrell, john c. reilly, amy adams, matty matheson, jeff ross and dave attell, plus music from rita wilson an

ellen's return to the stand up stage in 15 years. "e.t." of course has been with her from the very beginning as we flashback to when we first met ellen. >> give me the rundown on how to say your name. >> the rundown? it's degeneres. >> why didn't you go french with degeneres? >> 'cause i'm common folk. no need to put on airs. >> people are gonna see through that. >> big bless you. oh, bless yourself. >> it's an incredible profession to get paid to make people laugh. >> a perfect stranger opens the door and what is a perfect stranger? they have perfect hair? they're dressed perfectly? i don't know. >> that was 1994. named the funniest person in america. was a smooth talker. >> fast forward a decade and she's landed her own tv show. >> i don't think you achieve anything by bullying people. i'm going to a school to try to learn how to be like that. how about this, hey, you'll do what i say or else. ♪ i am woman hear me roar? >> next up came her own talk show and she's estimated worth touring some day you'll all come to me and they do. it had been 15 years and i decided i miss it. >> you could call this a full circle moment and the -year-old is doing what she told us she wanted to do when we first met ellento do films. i ha i want to do tv and still the stand up. >> do the ellen. come on. >> she goes from side to side. >> i love it. >> could we talk about a movie that's sure to dominate your holiday? we're talking about bumblebee. >> some are calling it the best transformers film. for hailee steinfeld, it's a role you can scratch off her bucket list. >> i've been seeing my face on billboards all over town. >> are you looking up at yourself like ah? >> i mean, literally in the car, how slow can you drive through this intersection. i just want to take it in. >> a pinch myself moment for hailee who grew up in los angeles with a dream of making it big. "the bumblebee" world tour took her to berlin where she took her fashion to a new level. >> i love that part of what i do allows me to wear some of the most incredible clothes, and shoes and coats. >> can we talk about those boots? those like lace-up boots you had on, how long did that take? >> to put them on? i was hoping you would ask. about

ryan reynolds paid ellen degeneres a visit and ellen asked him about the rivalry between you and him.th hugh jackman.e it seems l do you have like a rivalry or why wouldn't he not -- wouldin he b "deadpool"? >> i would leave him to. i would love to do adeadpool" wolverine mash-up. i don't know. he is on this kickball chain kick right now. i can' seem to bring him bac to the violence and mayhem. i'm trying. i talk tove him other day. every other, other day he tak the call. yeah. no. it's not a rivalry. it's war. >> uh-huh? >> wow! >> we have gone to a new level. i didn't know that. i'll take on theok war. we do speak every other day. and he always says he, you know, he calls me about "deadpool" logan. it's not. he calls me every day wanting to be in my one-man show singing and dancing as "deadpool." i'm ,like, du i don't think you can sing or dance unless you can. i mean, that's a challgge. i am layo oout the challenge. >> for the record, we are team hugh. >> of course. who isn't? >> i should say this episode of en" airs later today. check your local listings for when to tune in. and h

ellen degeneres a visit. and ellen asked about the rivalry between you and him. you troll each other on social media. let's see what ryan reynolds had to say about it. >> you're friends with hugh jackman. and it seems like, do you have a rivalry? why wouldn't he not -- would he be in "deadpool"? >> i would love him to. i would love to do a deadpool/wolverine mashup. he's on this change, kick, ball change. i can't seem to bring him in from the violence. i'm bringing him in. i am trying. i call him every other day. every other, other day he takes the kaucall. it's not a rivalry. it's war. >> we've gone to a new level. i'll take on the war. we do speak every other day. and he always says he, you know, he's calling me about "deadpool." it's not. he calls me every other day, wanting to be in my one-man show, singing and dancing as "deadpool." i don't any you can sing and dance unless you can. that's a challenge. i'm laying out the challenge. >> for the record, we're team hugh. >> ah. >> of course. who isn't? >> i should say, this episode of "ellening up. >> i will. my deb is tim ryan. i love it. >>> a little boy named cam worked up the courage to try the zip line at his gym. but he forgot one important final step. >> oh, no. >> oh, my goodness. >> here's the thing, he's totally fine. it looks worse than it is. after it was over, he begged his mom to do it again. and he's been doing it ever since. he's fine. he's totally fine. >> do you know anything about my history -- >> what happened? >> i did a zip line from the opera house on the stage and it went wrong. and i banged in after 150 feet. i just got ptsd. >> i forgot about that. >> i'm telling the kid, just let it go. don't go again. >> you turned out okay and so did he. >> kudos to that kid for getting back up. >> now, apparently, he loves it. >> ryan reynolds would have done that okay. >> that was an action-packed "pop start" by the way. hugh jackman, a new book dropped. man. >> they cut away from it. there we go. don't cut away. the publishers will kill me. >>> coming up, o

ellen smith introduces herself over the phone. >> my name is ellen smith at the new middle school at the historic stratford building. >> reporter: this is the new middle school.be its name t determined. located in arlington's cherry dale neighborhood, the school will serve about a thousand students next fall. len wants tho students to understand the significance of this spot. >> this building was the first building in the commonwealth of virginia to atdesegr >> reporter: at the time it was stratford junior high. it comes from the name o the confederate general robert e. lee. the school boardo voted have lee removed from washington lee high school. they're considering washington loving, to allow the virginia couple who allowed for interracial marriage. one person writing, this would be a very beautiful thing. #virginiaisforlovers. another concerned at the added expense of renaming, my personal issue is simply the cost. >> i see it a part of my mission as principal to help kids understand the work of the community. >> reporter: ellen'sool is different in that choosing a new name, not renames. the committee considering two option, both with the word stratford. they believe it is what many associate th successful tegration. >> we don't want that to be forgotten, right, so the most important tng for me is how can we keep that history alive. >> reporter: tomorrowchool board is expected to hear more about what went into the process to finding these two oions for the name, and then later this month, they'll cast their vote for which one they want to see on the building behind me. arlington, david culver, news >> the school board will be voting on the new name on january 10th. >>> when we come back, an unusual find for a police officer on patrol. a speed camera on fire. but was it a case of vandalism? >>> and right now, radar tracking some snow showers moving through the area. it's not sticking. temperatures above freezing. but mnly along parts of 270 up through parts of frederi county. we're also tracking the ftentialor a

ellen says, i wanted to show all of me. the talk show is me,ut i'm so playing a little character of a talk-show host. there is a tiny,it tiny of difference. ellen is releasing a new stand-up special on netflix called "relatable" next week. she fnuses how her celebrity has made her less relatable than shesed to be and may seem on her show. ellen is signed on to doer talk show at least through the summer of 2020. i think that's a gift though. she still seems relatable. >> think so? don't know. filthy rich is filthy rich to me. i think money changes you. >> she's very charitable though. >> yeah, but still. >>> the early alarm might be hurting your child's performance in the classroom. ame new practices are helping kids in ourrea by letting them stay in bed. >>> a man was trapped in greece for two days. not the country, the substance. firefighters we finally able to free him from a vent, but police have some questions about why he was there in the first place. >> yikes. >>> all right. four things you need to know about the next couple days. b chilly toda at least it won't be raining. i can't say that about the next three days aer today. i'll show you the five-day forecast coming righup. t >>> welcome back. at 4:15, an imptant recall to tell you about this morning. there is a defek in a popular brand tampons. some women report u

ellen pompeo lays it all on the red table. >> if i celebrate i inevitably get a million comments. >> in an exclusive clip of "red table talk," ellen reveals she's been attacked an social media. >> they are threatened by my love of people of color or black chulture. >> he's also talking about the end of her series "grey's anatomy." >> obviously i have been doing it a long time and i do get >> obviously i have been doing it a long time and i do get restle youand the holiday spiritoss just hits you... yes! or when you get the best deal... on a treat for your best friend? or when you score a magical gift... at an unbelievable price? yes! that's yes for less. ross has you and your list covered with gifts you'll love to give. and it feels even better when you find them for less-at ross. yes for less. so we don't want you to pay yone cent more than you need to for health care. at covered california, you can get health insurance at a lower cost. in fact, enrollees pay an average of $5 per day. see how little it costs to get covered. visit coveredca.com today. >>> it was a big week for newlyweds nick jonas and priyanka chopra. just ask his big bro. only keltie night was with him in new york. ♪ you baby >> you just came back from the biggest wedding of then so much. the something that was new for me. i think we were all in tiers ♪ and i keep on climbing up >> what's it about priyanka and nick that makes them so good for each other? >> the way he talks about her, getting to know her and what an amazing person she is, i knew right away they were definitely a match made in even. >> guess what? you're next. are you inspired now? >> i am. >> are you scared? >> i didn't even really think about it much to be honest with you. it was about them the whole week. we just let the was hard not to, because it was everything you wish francia raisa them. >> this is santa. you don't recognize him. he looks like joe jonas. >> joe got an early start making holiday wishes come true. we teamed up with them and j.c. penney as they kicked off their yearly tradition. a $100 shopping spree for lucky kids. >> once they realize they're going to be getting $100 to spend, it's amazing and i try to do it as much as i can with them. >> what a great cause. joe is obviously all about spreading love this holiday. all right, coming up. sequel. parton's breaking news >>> and jennifer aniston's "friends" reunion with courteney cox. >>> plus, behind the scenes of the royal costumes that will take your breath away. >> they were heavy and restrictive and i felt trapped. closed captioning provided by -- >>> hollywood's new besties, j aniston caused a red carpet commotion at the premier of "dumplin'.." >> all these flash. i can't see you, but i knowu out there. i'm the girl with stars in her eyes. >> there was a mini "friends" reunion. courteney cox was there to support jen. she tells nischelle turner how it was about supporting women. >> just a love let tore girls. that must mean a lot to you. >> it does. that's what we are interested in is supporting women. >> dolly's song "9 to 5" is in "dumplin'" and she sang it on james corden last night. ♪ working 9 to 5 >> she broke news about the sequel. >> what's the news? >> we are getting the first draft soon. it's going to be a go. we are excited >> she got the role of her life at jen's daughter. >> i'm like, what if she hates me? i met her and she was awesome. >> can you believe this awesome woman turns the big 5-0 in february? >> are you going to blow it out? >> apparently ellenwing me my bairt day party? >> really? >> did she say that? >> yes, she did. she has to now. >> chrissy metz is now in her first featured film. she's going touch your heart again as nischelle turner found out on the set. >> chrissy metz is the lead in a movie. >> i can't believe it. >> rise and shine. breakfast is ready in ten minutes. >> also hard to believe, the incredible story that inspired "breakthrough." >> on january 9, 2014, john smith slipped through the ice of a frozen lake. he stayed submergeddhour until for his life. >> deer god, please send yourself to my son. >> what made you feel like this is role you needed to play? >> well, i never played a mother before. my mother had a medical emergency nine months ago. the doctors give you a prognosis and you refuse to believe it. i'm like, you don't know my mom. when i read the script, i was like, i got to be there. >> you gave me goose bumps. >> you are my pride and joy. >> john's full recovery is described as a miracle. >> i was

ellen degeneres is showing a diffnent side of herself an interview with "the new york times." the talk show host says sheas consistently thought of leaving her show because in a way feels boxed in creatively. ellen says, i wanted to show all of me. the talk show is me, but i'm also playing a character of a talk-show host. there is a tiny, tiny bit of difference. ellen is reasing a n stand-up special on netflix called "relatable" next week. she focuses on how her celebrity has made her less relshable than used to be and may seem on her show. ellen isn signed to do her talk show through at least the summer of 2020. oh, it would be to sad to see her go. >>> llwe, an early alarm might be hurting your child's performance in the classroom. some new practices are helping kids in our area by letting them stay in bed. >>> and a man was trapped in grease for two days. firefighters were finally able to free him from a vent, but police have questions about why he was there in the first place. >>> i'm guessing he wasn't looking for the stash of fortune cookies. we're talking about rain coming back into the picture for torrow afternoon and evening. by the time you wake up saturday morning, most of the area will have had nearly a inch of rain. that won't be the end of it. more about how long this rain chance lingers through the weekend coming up. is is a fight. n

ellen degeneres the comedian was about to come out as a lesbian. >> i'm on the cover of time. >> and she does it on time magazine. yep, i'm gay. but they decide that the character that ellen plays on tv will also come out. >> it is just reprehensible that abc, now owned by disney of all companies, is going to feature elleninking about having a coming out episode with ellen. >> i'm 35 years old. i'm so afraid to tell people. i mean -- susan, i'm gay. [ cheers and applause ] >> ellen coming out was a huge moment for me personally because, you know, i was a closeted gay guy, gay child at that time. and it was the braveest thing i saw. >> that felt great. that felt so great. >> initial reports, abc made a bundle on ellen's highly publicized outing on national tv last night. the broadcast was accompanied by coming out parties across the country including one in birmingham, alabama, where the local abc stationery fuse today broadcast the show. >> she did a great thing. she was brave. >> i made the decision that i wasn't going to live my life as a lie any more. i was -- i belong with everybody else. and that's what i finally did. >> we used to say ellen opened the door, and we knocked it down. >> i love my -- [ laughter ] ♪ tell me lazy, tell me so, tell me i'm crazy, maybe i know ♪ ♪ can't help loving that ma

. >> the ellen shows getting help for the 12 days of give aways. ashton kucher co-hosts the whole hour with ellen. and the n >>> you can hurt yourself putting up holiday decorations. >> between that and shoveling the snow, there's plenty of hazards to watch out for this time of the year. chris lawrence has more on how to make itgo spr in one piece. >> the holidays can be hazardous if you're not careful. >> it's always important to be cautious. >> he is aor professf orthopedic surgery. he says even the most mundane tasks can be dangerous. >> a close friend of ours was putting up lights at his home this last week and slipped and fell off the stool and had a bad fracture. >> breaks are one thg, bad strains are another. your body isn't used to hauling christmas tre >> some of the muscles that he used to carrie that tree down may not have been used for a o coup months. >> it won't be long before you'll need those >>muscles. o let's not be a super hero within a couple of hoursfter the first heavy snow fall. >> bend your knees, push the snow instead of trying to lift it and clear the area in small secti

ellen posted of the moment. there's the plane pulling the banner. unless you have binoculars, and i mean strong ones, it's a little hard to read. >> what does it say? >> you can hear ellen and portia laughing in the background saying, i cannot see it, honey. ellenting, i agree, honey, but sometimes bigger is better. robin -- to answer your question, i'm going to write it. it was a heart and it had a 15 in it for 15 years. so that's what it should have said. ellen, consider this your banner flying by. >> well done, lara. >>> finally, here's a man that we first met this time last year. look at this. ♪ otherwise known as gilly, well, he was back at russo's market in watertown, connecticut, singing christmas carols again this year. things have changed for gilly just a little bit, after he was discovered singing at the market last year, he was sponsored to go to the berkeley college of music. this year, he went back to the market to say thank you to his fans, sign autographs on his first album of christmas music. [ cheers and applause ] the gift of baritone came to the u.s. just three years ago, hoping the money he raises will be enough to pay for a second year of music school, saying that experience has changed his life. >> what a great kid. >> lov

ellen allman which was published last year. and that's a marvelous book. ellenalman is a very -- ellen allman is a very interesting writer. she began her career as a software developer in silicon valley in the very early days of silicon valley, and she was one of the few women developers at that time. and about 20 years ago, she wrote a book that's become something of a cult classic among coders called close to the machine, which is really about how coders think and so on. and then she went on to write two novels, one called by blood and the ore called the bug -- and the other called the bug. and then last year she published this book called life in code which is a series of essays that -- it's about technology, but it's more about the world that technology has made for us and how we live in it today. and it's a marvelous book. you learn a lot about technology and coding, but you learn even more about life. she's just a marvelous writer. that's probably the book that i've given to the most people myself, because i wanted them to read it in the past year. and the one that didn't make it was the last one that was there is a

ellen." not bad. you think it's a wrap. happy>> ending here. hanks to ellene nypd. >>> coming up, will kevin hart's oscars hosting controversy force comedy stars like jerry seinfeld, sarah ilsilverman, to make them change their material? they will talk about these issues r we'll talk about it rig this. hurry in to old navy and get up to sixty percent off the entire store, with gifts from three dollars! need gifts now? buy online and pick up in store today. that's up to sixty percent off the entire store, only at old navy! with fitness... ...friends and farxiga, the pill that starts with "f." farxiga, along with diet and exercise, helps lower a1c in adults with type 2 diabetes. it's one pill a day and although it's not a weight-loss drug, it may help you lose weight. do not take if allergic to farxiga. if you experience symptoms of a serious allergic reaction such as rash, swelling, difficulty breathing or swallowing, stop taking and seek medical help right away. do not take farxiga if you have severe kidney problems, are on dialysis, or have bladder cancer. t

. >> today on ellen, fin out what steve harvey was thinking when he decided tofet go his signature mustache. >> you won't want to miss jennif jennifer aniston answering some of ellen's burning questions. >> that's at 3:00 and then stay >> that's at 3:00 and then stay tuned fs 4 at 4:00 this is a fight. not to the finish. >> that's at 3:00 and then stay tuned fs 4 at 4:00 but to the beginning. a fight that can only be won, if we stand together for one cause. him. expert care for every new beginning. >>> what causes the holiday blues and how to get through it. >> folks get a real taste of the holiday blues. >> it creates these enormous expectations that are almost possible to live up to. >> our brains are divided into twosections. one focused on what we have, the other on what we swant. when we anticipate something we use the future rcuits and that is dopamine. >> he wrote a book on how it effects our lives. >> when the christmas season is no longers anticipated but i here, we switch out of dopamine into the present oriented chemicals and that can actually feel like a crash. >> for most folks it's okay to say bahumbug to the holidays. >> people that had a maj depressi

ellen stofan. you and your team have done a magnificent job and i have enjoyed is so far. if we could get a round of applause for ellenthe national air and space museum. [applause] how about the most reverend michael curry? was you are speaking, i thinking, i've got to come after this guy. you havemazing job done representing how important this mission was to all of us. not just the united states of america, but the entire world. it is true that god does hold the whole world in his hands. thank you for reminding us of that important message. i want to share with you a little history before apollo 8. 1967,back to apollo 1, which resulted in a fire during a test and that killed three of our best astronauts. that was 1967. 668 we had the apollo d.ssion, which was uncrewe it was also a failure. parts of the first stage of the apollo 6 mission fell off the rocket. the second stage only three of the five engines ignited and module,al stage, the the single engine that would need to be reignited over and over again on a trip to the moon failed to reignite even once. the spacecraft barely made it to orbit and it did not achiev

ellen degeneres to talk about his two upcoming movies. turns out he lives close to ellen's studio and often rides his bike innd the area recently was hit by a car. >> i was riding and i -- it was a pretty fast road. and i madedn a turn and i see the car behind me and they hit me from behind. so i went t up over handlebars and i -- it's a weird experience because everything just slows down. and i just, i thought, well, i'm going to tuck and roll, and i rolled and i gotp and i was fine. and the woman who was driving the car jumped out and she was distraught, obviously. and i went over to her and my bike was sort ofhe stuck under front of her car. she is saying, oh my god, oh my h my god, it's steve carell! and she was so excited that she hitme >> just happy he is okay. ellenart >> thank you, dylan. >>> a check of the weather. >> milder afternoon in the southeast and mountain snows as this front comes in. that low pressure dives down. we have wind watches for parts of texas on into the central plains. that's what's going on around the country. here's wha neck of the in your >>> right here in the nation's capital it is a sunny start to the day. still in the subfreezing zone for most of the suburbs this morning. 35 now at nional airport, but only 25 at dulles. so a big change depending which side of the beltway you live o f yoecast today, plenty of sunshine early. we will pick up more cloud cover later on i the afternoon. today high near 45 degrees. another day in the mid-to-upperh 40s tomorrow w fair amount of sunshine. then we get back to the rain for much offternoon and saturday, especially in the morning >> and that's your latest weather. savannah. >> thank you. >>d w joined now by very busy natalie portman. she is gracing this month's cover of "vanity f

ellen's show, you would get one. but guess what, you're not getting any! [ laughter ] >> there's not that many of you. i could have brought you everything. 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( ♪ ) "mmm..."mhm"ievable" ♪ wait! wait! this is incredible! yeah, it's an incredible deal. last chance to join t-mobile and get the awesome iphone xr, on us. it has an amazing camera. and it comes in all those colors! so when they join t-mobile, give them the iphone xr? it's the holidays, we've gotta go big. it's too much, i can't bear it! tell me you went with the bear head just for the pun. maybe. it's your last chance this holiday season to join t-mobile and get the iphone xr on us. >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. our next guest is another exceptionally funny person who has a comedy special, too. "pete holmes: dirty clean" premieres saturday on hbo. from "crashing," please welcome pete holmes. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> good, i'm happy to be here. >> jimmy: congratulations to you. you have had an unbelievable year. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you got married. you have a baby. [ cheers and applause ] what am i missing? third season of "crashing," which is a show i happen to love. >> i know, you've been so kind and i really appreciate that. but obviously, the baby is the biggest. >> jimmy: baby's number one. >> she's very small. i saw you trying to get them to smile, my baby's apparently tripping on mushrooms. doesn't do anything but coo, very sweet. looks a lot like me. same butt, too. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> i was holding her after she took a bath and my wife took a picture to show me, and yeah. >> jimmy: lucky kid, i guess. >> i have the unformed bottom of a baby. >> jimmy: how are you doing as a father? how's that going for you? are you a natural. >> it's going well. everybody gives you advice. did they? they were saying "don't shake a baby" when you had your baby? >> jimmy: i have four children. >> did they tell you four times, don't shake a baby? >> jimmy: honestly, they never told me not to shake the baby. maybe that's what happened -- no. >> jimmy kimmel, of course they did. it's a big thing. at the hospital, they're like, 20 nurses. each nurse came in to val and i and were like, seriously, don't shake a baby. [ laughter ] and then another nurse would come in. for real, though. never. there were posters that said never, ever shake a baby. >> jimmy: i've seen the posters. you think maybe it's because you're so big? they thought, oh -- >> posters that say please don't eat your baby's bones. and live in a cave. really. because i'm an ogre-like gentleman. >> jimmy: seems like that would go without saying. >> stop eating the neighbor's chickens. they have all these posters just for me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how are your parents reactioning to their new grandchild? >> barely. >> jimmy: what do you mean, barely? >> they've seen her once. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> yeah. she's about 2 1/2 months. i understand. they live in boston. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> they put it off. >> jimmy: how long did it take them to get out here? >> i don't know, it was pretty close to a month and a half. dad's like, we're going to the car show. he wants to walk around parts of corvettes, oh, same as last year. he wouldn't come and see the baby. finally they came and saw the baby. and i call and text them different times because the baby sleeps at different times, please come between 3:30 and 7:30. and my parents are not good with that, i guess. they're not people. with people you can be like, 3:30 to 7:30 and you say, i understand because i'm on earth as well. [ laughter ] i get a text from my mother. my mother says we're going to be a little late, we got tickets to the 3:30 "a star is born." it's like a four-hour movie. mom, this is real. come whenever you want but the baby's going to go to bed at 7:30. and mom's like oh, i didn't know there was a window. yes, i gave you a window, that's what it is. she's like, you didn't say. you were busy the other times. i'm like, that's what a window is. they leave the movie. they only saw 20 minutes of "a star is born." >> jimmy: really? still went? still went. they wanted a taste, they wanted a taste. and they got there and they mostly talked about "a star is born." my dad is like, bradley cooper, lady gaga, she's got it. i'm like, you didn't even see it! stay with it. it gets sadder. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: they're more interested in stars being born than babies being born. >> that's exactly right. >> jimmy: yeah, okay. >> and my mother, this is 100% true -- she's going to hate this. my mom was like, we got you a gift for the baby, but we left it at a diner in pasadena. could you go get it? [ laughter ] i was like, this is the opposite of help. that's not a gift. you're giving me an errand. [ laughter ] i don't know, i don't know, are your parents good with your baby? >> jimmy: very good, yes. >> i gave my mom the baby, three seconds later it's slinking down her. >> jimmy: really? >> like a salvador dali clock painting. how did you do this? the baby is dripping down from you. >> jimmy: wow. you're on your own. >> i'm a bit on my own. >> jimmy: yeah, you really are. >> valerie is very, very good. >> jimmy: your special is fantastic. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're very funny, always and for sure in this special, called "pete holmes: dirty clean." watch it saturday night at 10:00 on hbo. pete holmes, everybody. and we'll return with music from cole swindell. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank ellenline" is next, but first, this is his album "all of it." here with the song "love you too late," cole swindell! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> how y'all doin'? all right? ♪ ♪ i wish this whisky would make her miss me like i wish she did i wish she did ♪ ♪ pouring up another one won't change what i should've done ♪ ♪ before she left now all that's left is mile by mile and city by city ♪ ♪ she's getting over me and man it ain't pretty no ♪ ♪ she's out there rolling down some old interstate wide open wide open couldn't make her stay ♪ ♪ probably cranking up some new freedom song wide open wide open won't pick up the phone ♪ ♪ while i'm dying here tonight staring goodbye in the face ♪ ♪ saying i love you too late ♪ i can't take back what i never said ♪ ♪ but if i could man i would ♪ try and make her see that me and tennessee want her back i wish it worked like that ♪ ♪ yeah if i had half a clue where she was heading now ♪ ♪ i'd do what i had to do to make her turn her car around ♪ ♪ she's ou