elsa espinoza says prosecutors have given up on an appeal. but through all the setbacks, she finds sanctuary at her daughter's grave site. >> nobody has ever said sorry for your loss. >> day one, first thing i wanted to do was apologize. >> reporter: but white says attorneys told him not to speak with the grieving family, even as he sat near them in court, where they're suing cal fire for wrongful death. >> i'm sitting feet away from this mother, and god, i would love more than anything to give letter a hug and let her know how sad and sorry and empathy for her position. of course. but in the legal world, i'm told to halt the emotion. and go status quo and let legal system proceed. it's uncomfortable. i don't like that. >> reporter: last year, white said he broke down and sought treatment. >> you know, i didn't want to be alive. to be completely honest. and i struggle with that to this day. it's, it's hard. >> reporter: he says cal fire has never punished him for the crash. >> i was never given any discipline. >> reporter: he's waiting for pr

elsa espinoza says prosecutors have given up on an appeal. but through all the setbacks, she finds sanctuary at her daughter's grave site. >> nobody has ever said sorry for your loss. >> day one, first thing i wanted to do was apologize. >> reporter: but white says attorneys told him not to speak with the grieving family, even as he sat near them in court, where they're suing cal fire for wrongful death. >> here i'm sitting feet away from this mother. and god, i would love more than anything to give her a hug and let her know how sad and ore sorry and have empathy for her position. but in the legal world, i'm told to halt the emotion and go status quo and let the legal system proceed. it's uncomfortable. i don't like that. >> reporter: last year he said he broke down and sought treatment. >> i didn't want to be live, to be honest, and i struggle with that to this day. it's hard. >> reporter: he says cal fire has never punished him for the crash. >> i was never given any administrative or progressive discipline, no. >> reporter: in fact, he's

. >>> for the last three years, elsa espinoza has visited her daughter's grave site. she was on her way to meet up with her boyfriend where she was an honors didn't studying communication. >> she was the life. everyone loved to be around her.>> vanessa espinoza was waiting to make a left turn at that light. she got the green arrow and started the turn when a fire rig responding to a fire ran the red light and broadsided her. according to the findings of the investigation. >> he pushed her vehicle another 60 feet down the road. vanessa would have survived if the riggs driver had followed the policy to slow to five miles per hour wind running a red light. >> do i believe firefighters are heroes? they may be heroes but they are here. they make mistakes. they have to be accountable for these mistakes. ? it haunts me to this day. responding like i would to any other call. he told us he couldn't actually see her but saw her look up at his rig second before impact. going 45 to 60 miles an hour on impact. they say white was driving recklessly without due regard for safety esp