. - get out of bed, fatso. ooh! arrest that man for striking a superior officer. - aye-aye, sir. you're under arrest--sir, it's a torpedo. - well, arrest the torpedo then. - what? we do. what is a torpedo doing in a bunk? hmm, what's that smell? - look, sir, it must be this insecticide. - insecticide? ooh, that's vermouth. - vermouth, sir? - this is beginning to add up. torpedo juice, vermouth. those pirates are making martinis. - sir, maybe we can find some olives, too. - never mind the olives. we're going to turn this off broadway brewery upside down. come on. let's go. - yes, sir. - ow! - oh, sorry, sir, i didn't mean it. - oh, that stupid-- "do not open. this means you." what kind of nonsense is this now? - "the private diary of ensign charles parker, authentic and top secret." no, sir. - hmm. "january 14th, dear diary, "today the guys heisted 6 sets of signal flags aha. "february first. "dear diary, this afternoon gruber lost the captain's jeep to urulu in a poker game." - sir, all these months you've been making me pay for it. - "march 17th. "dear diary, tonight the guys bo

all right...fatso. get on in here! come on! [ knock on door ] that must be vanessa. hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo. uh, billy dee, the door. oh, yeah. j.j., darling. hoo, hoo, hoo-hoo, hoo. vanessa, my contessa. we've been parted much too long. did you fly here on gossamer wings? no, t.w.a. but, j.j., you were on my mind so much, i saw your face on all the clouds. it rained all the way, huh? uh, over here's my brother-in-law, keith. you remember my old, ugly sister over here, frog-face. well, we were just gonna go bowling. would you guys like to come? oh, no, thank you. [ laughs ] real class, real class. i tell you, this woman outvogues "vogue," outharper's "harper's" brassiere. that's so cute. i'll see you later, flo. nice seeing you again, vanessa. ciao. hamburger to you, sweetie. uh, vanessa, i'd like you to meet my mother. vanessa, mumsy. hello, vanessa. i've heard so much about you. my, what a beautiful voice. you know, people with full, deep voices just make me tingle all over. [ deep voice ] well, then, why don't we sit down on the couch? well, j.j., we've got so much to ta

fatso. he actually did that. wow. he didn't say low-energy. [laughter] >> he didn't say that he didn't say you want to look at that face for four years or things like that but he did say fatso which is quite funny but rude though. he challenges for the republican nomination but being the president helps as was discovered later and didn't get anywhere. there was attempt to stop jimmy carter in 1980, couldn't succeed, gerald ford in '76, george h. bush in '92, the president has an edge in getting nominated but, of course, each time they challenge them in their party notice they lose the election. every single case, you know, hoover, carter, every one lost but got nomination. so now forms a progressive party and symbols of moose after his big-game safari in africa. but now, it becomes part of political history just like the elephant of the republicans and the donkey of the democrats, actually it's not a donkey, it's a type of a donkey known as an ass. political cartoonist in late 19th century portrays democrats as asses and donkey and republicans

well, if i'm the surprisee, then ipso fatso, you're the jerkee. no, archie, we gotta think of the guests. mike's right. no, he ain't. mike is dumb. all they gotta do is show up with the presents. but, arch, it's psychological. ha ha ha. "psychological"! once more we hear from dr. sigmund freus. arch, don't you see how upset these people are gonna be if you take away their chance to shout "surprise"? yeah, archie, they've all been looking forward to shouting at you. gloria: hey, ma! is this the box? oh, yeah. i'm sure it's in here. archie, look! here's that picture of you in the army. "foggia, italy, 1944." archie, if we knew how old you were then, we could figure out how old you are now. i know how old i am now! forty-nine today. now, let's forget this. will you do something useful and get me a beer? [doorbell rings] oh, it's them! it's the guests! [all yelling] gloria: give me your arm. what do you want me to do? put on your coat! you gotta go out the back door and in the front like you're coming home from work. and would you please act surprised

when your wife is making pancakes, never say, "where's mine, fatso?" [ laughter ]that's not true. that's not true. >> by the way. this is vinyl. this is vinyl-related.bout the show, i don't know what the next episode is, and they just told me i had to get a prosthetic and i get beat up.they break my nose. and i don't know if you know, but i had to do my nose in sections. yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. >> jimmy: it wasn't enough our whole nose at once. >> they had to cover their plaster. okay, here we go. this one i like, too. yeah, this one, i tried to figure out. [ laughter ] this from my writer, one of our writers and my best friend. this is mid-fist, right here. here's what happened. that's my bathroom in my his is a true story. it was my birthday. and in my bathroom with the lights off for about 20 minutes. [ laughter ] with a clown mask an army jacket and a real knife. [ laughter ] and he was videotaping as -- so urn the lights on, and i went to punch the clown. and yeah.riend? >> jimmy: he's my best friend. >> you know, what, a clown with a knife is scary, but probably a a plunger

you had a book called, "fatso." that's what they called you when you played pro ball, right? >> that's what everybody calls me. >> yeah. >> i wonder why? >> yeah. [ laughs ] [ laughter ] >> i was 17 pounds when i was born. >> yeah. seriously? >> yeah. my mother couldn't walk for about three weeks. [ laughter ] >> seventeen pounds. do you, umm, you still get a kick out of watching the game a lot? it's changed a lot since you played. >> it's changed. i watch, uh-- i don't watch, uh-- i'm not gonna waste my time watching, uh-uh, san diego chargers, or-- i watch schuler's team and i watch raymond berry's team on account of they're my teammates. >> yeah. >> but other than that, i watch the bears. i like dick and the way he acts. >> yeah. >> and, uh-- [ applause ] >> you know, i just-- so many other games. >> you played when football was a different kind of game. now let me ask you-- there's a rule that they have now called "in the grasp." >> beautiful. >> the quarterback goes back. a guy comes in, grabs his jersey. the whistle blows. they say, "he's in the grasp." >> yeah, well i

low-energy -- [laughter] he didn't say you want to look at that face for four years but he did say fatso which was funny he challenges him for the republican nomination but being the president helps as it was discovered in later times as well. it didn't get anywhere and there were attempts to stop jimmy carter in 1980, couldn't succeed, to stop gerald ford, that couldn't work out. there's always the edge getting nominated but of course each time there are challenges in the party they lose the election in every single case. every one of them is lost but they get the nominations are now he forms a progressive party and it's the symbol of a bold moves. i am not i'm not sure what that means honestly. but now becomes a part of political history just like the elephant of the republicans and the democrats although actually it isn't a donkey to be exact it is the type of a donkey known as an ass and this is done by the political cartoonist for trades democrats as a ass or donkey but now we have the moves added to this in 1912. eugene is the socialist in the time he he's running at he's dynamic a

he did not say you want to look at that pace for four years with things like that but he did say fatso which is quite funny. anyway he challenges him for the republican nomination but being the president helps as we discovered in later times as well. taft would win the nomination. there is attempts to stop jimmy carter in 1980 but couldn't succeed, stop joe borden 76 but couldn't. george hw bush. george hw bush and 92, the president always, at least in my mind has an edge in getting nominated. of course each time they are challenged in their party they lose the election, every single case. taft, hoover, ford, carter and bush one, but they got the nomination. so now roosevelt forms the progressive party and adopts the symbol of the bullmoose. as he has in his den. after speaking safari in africa. he said i misfit is a bullmoose, not sure what that means honestly. now becomes part of political history just as the elephant of the republican and the donkey of the democrat actually to be exact it's a type of a donkey known as an. there is such an animal. this is done as a cartoonist and per