is the next featured $5 footlong of the month!ry, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! host: could switching to geico or more on car insurance? host: would foghorn leghorn make a really bad book narrator? foghorn (stammering): it was the best of times, it was the wor - i say worst of times. and by worst i'm talkin' as bad, i say, as bad as my aunt ginny's corn puddin'. that stuff'll sink you like a stone. engineer: ok that was a little... foghorn: you gettin' all this in there son? i just added that last part it's called "adlibbin..."anyway...it was, i say it was... vo: geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is the award-winning creator and star of "30 rock" and the author of "bossypants," which debuted at the top of "the new york times" bestseller list. that's my girl. that's awesome. [ cheers and applause ] if that's not enough, she's hosting "saturday night live"

is the next featured $5 footlong of the month!lery, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. that's why lysol does more with our new stainless look no-touch hand soap system. it fits any decor... and automatically dispenses the perfect amount of soap and kills 99.9% of bacteria. so you'll never touch a germy pump again. with the lysol no-touch hand soap system, healthy hands are automatic... all over your home. for healthy tips and more, visit lysol.com/ missionforhealth. host: could switching to geico reon car insurance? or more host: is the pen mightier than the sword? ninja 2: ow vo: geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, if you like darts, and you love insanity then you're going to have a serious crush on this game. it's time to play, "darts of insanity." ♪ darts of insanity [ applause ] thank you. this is "darts of insanity" a game of skill, strategy and what some would consi

sweet apples and crunch-tastic celery, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thank you so much. thank you, folks. before the commercial break i broke the titanic news that both donald trump an and-- let's see, ah, i want to say hoyt axton-- mike huckabee, whooo, both of these gentlemen have dropped out of the presidential race to spend more time with their tv shows. of course whoever is the eventual republican nominee is going to need a lot of money. because it is estimated that barack obama will raise over $1 billion for his campaign. that means between now and election day, he has to collect $21 a second. which is why his campaign slogan has gone from change to benjamin. (applause) >> stephen: so clearly fund-raising, fund raising is going to be key. and friday there was game-changing news in the world of campaign finance. jim? >> stephen colbert went to washington today and is filing a request to create his own superpac can. his parent company viacom doesn't want him getting them into trouble with the

sweet apples and crunch-tastic celery, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongssubway. eat fresh. i mean, just, you know, the whole heist thing. all right, let's do this. all right? before my wife changes her mind. go. [ male announcer ] movies right when you want them. watch unlimited tv episodes and movies instantly, all for only 8 bucks a month from netflix. welcome back. my guest guest tonight is the international best selling author of the men who... his new book is called the psychopath test. the journey through the madness industry. please welcome to the program john ron sen. >> jon: thank you so much for being here. we're all huge fans of yours. we're delighted that you could be here. >> thank you for saying that. >> jon: the psychopath test. why, john, why? why would you put yourself in the way of psychopaths? >> especially because i'm a very anxious person. i suffer with debilitating anxieties to hang out with people who basically want to kill me. i'm the neuro logical of the psychopath. the psychopath knows no anxiety and i feel too much anxiety. psych

and applause) [ male announcer ] this may, the orchard chicken salad sub is the next featured $5 footlong of the month! with tasty chicken, sweet apples and crunch-tastic celery, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. (cheers and applause). >> jon: that's our show! join us tomorrow night at 11:00, the great albert brooks will be joining us. (cheers and applause) here it, is your moment of zen. >> thrusting his hips forward and backward in a sexual manner. coach mcdowel then put up three fingers, pointing at the men and in response some individuals in the bleachers shouted "oh, my go captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> tonight a unique solution to

and applause) [ male announcer ] this may, the orchard chicken salad sub is the next featured $5 footlong with tasty chicken, sweet apples and crunch-tastic celery, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: thank you very much. folks, before we go, i have to issue a rare correction. i said thatof

3msmç%iezq [ male announcer ] this may, the orchard chicken salad sub is the next featured $5 footlongof the month! with tasty chicken, sweet apples and crunch-tastic celery, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. (cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back with my guest tonight, very funny guy, we found him on the internet and he just seems terrific. he's got a new movie out called "everything must go." >> hay, bro, i'll give you ten bucks for that right there. >> aren't you young to be drinking beers. >> aren't you a little old to be dripping that slippery there, gray ball? >> is that what they teach you in school you little (bleep)? >> what? (horn honking) (laughter). >> jon: welcome back to the show will ferrell. (cheers and applause) . (cheers and applause) >> i played a lot of ball in my time. (laughter) >> jon: you know what this reminds me of? this story may be apocryphal. >> right. >> jon: but they say that babe ruth once... >> right. >> jon: called a shot. >> never heard of him. (laughter). >> jon: he took the bat and he said

than pebble be [ male announcer ] this may, the orchard chicken salad sub is the next featured $5 footlonge month! with tasty chicken, sweet apples and crunch-tastic celery, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. naomi pryce: i am. i'm in the name your own price division. i find empty hotel rooms and help people save - >> - up to 60% off. i am familiar. your name? > naomi pryce. >> what other "negotiating" skills do you have? > i'm a fifth-degree black belt. >> as am i. > i'm fluent in 37 languages. >> (indistinct clicking) > and i'm a master of disguise >> as am i. > as am i. >> as am i. > as am i. >> well played naomi pryce. at 1-800that's right. deliver every brand, right to your door. and order from us and you'll also save money. brands... door... money. that's just how we do it. order now at 1-800-contacts. also at walmart. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my guest tonight has won an emmy, a tony, and two academy awards. if he's nice, i might let him touch my golden tweet. please welcome geoffrey rush. (cheer

is the next featured $5 footlong of the month!tasty chicken, sweet apples and crunch-tastic celery, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. (cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back. so way back in 2003 on this program we introduced a segment devouted to rounding up various news items about the homosexual agenda which we called "gay watch." (cheers and applause). >> jon: the title... (laughter) forgot i started this show 43 years ago. (laughter) anyway, the title, of course, a play on "by a watch" and the title worked on a lot of levels but that show's been off the air for like 20 years now so we need a more contemporary cultural reference for the segment so... no. no. i think... actually, that's been off the air for five years. maybe something a bit more hip. (laughter) meh. i need something newsy that ca can... hmm. okay. (laughter) okay. closer. no. no. i don't even know what that is. (laughter) that's... (laughter) (cheers and applause) all right. let's just go with the one we

is the next featured $5 footlong of the month!lery, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. ♪ that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪ ♪ i like it, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪ that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪ ♪ i like it [ male announcer ] introducing mio -- a revolutionary liquid water enhancer. add a little. add a lot. ♪ for a drink that's just the way you like it. ♪ i like it, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪ that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪ [ male announcer ] make it yours. make it mio. ♪ [ male announcer ] make it yours. make it mio. ♪ ♪ ♪ it's better when you mix things up. fuze slenderize strawberry melon. fruit flavors, nutrients, and 15 calories per bottle. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look great. our first guest is a grammy winning hip-hop pioneer and accomplished actor. he can currently be seen starring in "ncis: los angeles" which airs tuesdays at 9:00 p.m. on cbs. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome ll cool j! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> figured i'd -- figured i'd get in the spirit with the

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is the next featured $5 footlong of the month!sty chicken, sweet apples and crunch-tastic celery, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. we make it sizzle and snap. and now so can you. ♪ ignite the night with p.f. chang's home menu. the boldest flavors in the freezer aisle. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- thor, chris hemsworth. from "happy endings," adam pally. and music from calexico. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, what do you know, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hola. well, thank you very much. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you, cleto. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. happy cinco de mayo. i sense a slight whiff of drunkenness in this group, am i right? as you all know, cinco de mayo celebrates the day st. cinco drove the pinatas out of tijuana. cinco de mayo commemorates the mexican army's victory over the french. but is any victory over the french really unlikely? cinco de

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is the next featured $5 footlong of the month! bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back you guys. as you know, we're always trying to get better here at "late night." harder -- ♪ better -- ♪ faster -- ♪ stronger. [ cheers ] so, before every show we put out a suggestion box for the audience just to get feedback about what you think of the show. things you'd like to see us do. that kind of stuff. tonight, let's look inside the audience suggestion box. here we go. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all righty. here we go. let's see what we've got here. first one is from ray miller. says, "hey, jimmy. you should see 'thor.' it's awesome." [ laughter ] okay. next one is from larissa clark. she says, "jimmy, can you find a guy in your audience who looks nothing like the famous wrestler andre the giant but sound exactly like him?" sure, larissa. how about -- how about that guy right there. yeah. [ laughter and applause ] >> hey, jimmy. what a great

is the next featured $5 footlong of the month!s a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. of course. ugh. ♪ [ male announcer ] icy cool intensity so you're prepared no matter how close you get. where were we? dentyne ice. practice safe breath. jijijijijijijijijijijijijijijije create my oasis. marcy: ok, romantic garden? bree: oh, is there a castle nearby? marcy: no, but there's a charming farmhouse. bree: right next to my posh castle! i'm sensing a theme here. well, i am the queen, dear sister. >> jimmy: this is their latest album. it's called "all at once." here with the song "changing," with some help with the strikers all-stars, the airborne toxic event. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ all these buckets of rain i've heard enough about you say that i lied i am a gentleman ♪ ♪ didn't i ask for a place i could stay what were we both thinking the next part just got ♪ ♪ in the way you were just always talking about changing changing ♪ ♪ what if i was the same then same then the same i always was ♪ ♪ ♪ all these thi

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is the next featured $5 footlong of the month!it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. mine hurt more! mine stopped hurting faster! [ female announcer ] neosporin plus pain relief starts relieving pain faster. and kills more types of infectious bacteria. neosporin plus pain relief. kills the germs. fights the pain. ♪ 'cause band-aid®'s stuck on me ♪ [ female announcer ] moms trust band-aid® brand to heal the hurt better than store brands. ♪ i am stuck on band-aid® brand ♪ ♪ 'cause band-aid® helps heal me ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, hey. welcome back. our first guest is the co-anchor of nbc's "today" show, which just passed the 800-week mark as the number one morning news show. that's what i'm talking about! nbc, baby! [ applause ] he's getting ready to head to london for live coverage of the royal wedding. please welcome back to our show, matt lauer, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. you -- you were taking this seriously. >> i'm a method anchor, and i'm -- [ laughter ] -- getting in

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applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] this may, the orchard chicken salad sub is the next featured $5 footlongith tasty chicken, sweet apples and crunch-tastic celery, it's a bushel full o' flavor, and it's joining our many $5 footlongs! subway. eat fresh. now make it official. tell us what makes you a covergirl on facebook. the next generation of easy, breezy, beautiful is you! rockin' it for 50 years! ... it's something you smell. new lysol no mess automatic toilet bowl cleaner not only cleans your toilet with every flush, but also freshens your entire bathroom. so even in between deep cleans, it's as fresh as any room in your home. for tips on a healthy home, visit lysol.com/missionforhealth. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is the emmy-winning star of the hit nbc show "30 rock" which has a season final tomorrow night at 10 pm. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome alec baldwin! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they love you. they love you, alec baldwin. >> i got a big cushion coming out of my butt over here. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. you

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in april only it joins our many $5 footlongs. subway.airline passenger is being interviewed by anti-terrorism agents after he tried to rush the cockpit on an plane coming into sfo. they say she walked up to the cockpit area and started yelling and pounding on the. two flight attendants along with two passengers managed to restrain him. police say he carried a yemini passport and california i.d. card. plane landed safely less than 30 minutes later. >> we're starting to see the usual slow spots including one at the bay bridge poll tol plaza 20 minute wait. especially slow on westbound 4 out of antioch. also westbound 580 through the altamont pass. check out the drive time from 205 to 680, 35 minutes. "h" train number three, it's running five minutes late. >> we'll check in with mike and see things will be >> all new. oprah: the only child of sonny and cher. when did it fully occur to you, i'm in the wrong body? >> oprah's world exclusive with chaz bono. oprah: how did you tell your chaz bono. oprah: how did you tell your mom? marcy: ok, ro