coverage and gerry paxman are some very snide questions and i put them right i lost that fair and square and so initially i held it together and after a couple of weeks it really started taking its toll and you feel a sense of bereavement and displacement because as you say i thought i was heading perhaps even to a ministry position if we were in coalition and instead i was heading for the dole office and just two years previously you'd been nearly favorite the campaign to be president of your party so it was a rapid the reversal of fortunes so the one she got over there michelle shocked what was your approach to getting back on your feet will you maintain a kind of momentum even after you lose almost as if you are in denial you carry on expecting to be called for interviews and for a while you are because it was a curious. i was the scout that people wanted to talk about michael portillo can talk about that same experience and then they do this is something new a new and myself i didn't want to comment but you know the feeling of self and your curiosity you're a talking point to some ex