(sneeze) gesundheit. gesundheit, mother, dear. gesundheit. look at all those bags. this isn't a visit. it's an n vasion. -gesund... -(sneeze) ...heit. come on, mother. we'll make you comfortable. okay, dear. kay, i'm worried about your mother. maybe we ought to call a doctor. oh, dear. i'm fine. i'm perfectly all right. don't worry about me. oh, come on, mother. all right, dear. -you go ahead, carol, will you? -okay. oh, i do hope you enjoy your visit with them. mother: oh, i'm sure i will. candy. flowers. i'll take you camping tomorrow. you broke your promise. i had to help roger out. wilbur, never mention that name in my house again. wouldn't you help him out? i have no friends. i found that out today, stranger. well, all right. but even when strangers talk, at least it's face to face. oops! wilbur, may i use your phone? i'd rather my mother-in-law didn't hear my conversation. sure. how long is she gonna stay? well, the last time she visited us, she stayed through the holidays. the holidays? well, that's not too bad. she arrived on new year's and left on christmas

oh, gesundheit. ah-choo! oh, gesundheit! ah-choo! gesundheit! hello, archie. wait a minute. wait a minute. you see what you've done? you went back, you pick up three loads of germs, then you come and dump them on me! stay away from me. daddy, you never have any sympathy for anybody but yourself. can't you see i got the flu? well, whose fault is that? i think it's mr. nixon's fault. "i think it's mr. nixon's fault." why? well, making us put our thermostat down so low. it gets awful chilly upstairs at night. in their bedroom it ain't never chilly. come on. very funny. let's get a little dinner on the table here, huh, edith. dinner's all ready, archie. i'm just waiting for mike to come home. michael had a very important lecture he had to attend. oh, well, listen, that's tough luck on him. we ain't waiting. come on, edith. get it on, huh? all right. we always wait for you. that, little girl, is because i happen to be the breadwinner in this house. your husband is the crumb. here you are, archie. i'm keeping mike's warm for him. oh, look at this. hey, this looks pretty good here,

[clears throat] [sneezes] gesundheit. let's face it, i'm sick as a dog. oh, look at those watery eyes, and that red nose. ahhh. i'm not long for this world. [sniffles] wilbur, feel my head. i think i'm getting a fever. you won't let me call a doctor, what can i do? well, you could nurse me back to health with your own loving hands. i'll go down to the drug store and see what cold remedies they have. ah, good. rog', i'm going to the drug store. can i get you... hey, is that your new camera? yeah. isn't that a beauty? mmm. wilbur, this lens is so powerful, i can take a picture of a fly at 100 feet. profile or full face? with this beauty, i'm a cinch to win my club's photography contest this year. well, i wish you good luck, rog'. [kay ululating] [drumming] [hollering] how. she fell off a wagon train when she was a papoose. roger, i think it's very nice of kay to offer to help you out. see? he wanted to go out and hire one of those young models to stand around the beach in a bikini. so i said, "why waste your wampum when you've got me?" well, he had to admit

[sneezing] gesundheit. [sneezing] oh, dear, he did it again. the poor baby had such a restless night. he sneezed four times. you don't say. so i think you'd better let him rest now, hazel, and serve his breakfast later on. are you kidding? you mean because he sneezed four times, he's too weak to eat? oh, i do hope he isn't gonna start suffering with his allergy again. i never heard of an allergic dog. rodney's another one of those unfortunate cases the doctors can diagnose but don't know how to cure. he is? it's a sort of combination of asthma and hay fever that overcomes him. and when it happens, all we can do is head straight for maine. straight to where? after all else had failed, the doctors recommended rodney have a change of climate. the only place he could get any relief was maine. you don't say. [barking] rodney, darling, you're feeling better. [barking] no, it isn't. come here, baby. mother will serve your breakfast right away before it gets cold. [barking] you wanna buy what? that's right. six of 'em. no. no, you better make it a doze

gesundheit. oh, yeah. like there's something wrong with saying "god bless you." i was raised to say "god bless you." ah-choo! aw, shut up. what does it mean, it's a stupid stuperstition. a stupid what? whatever. to make a person feel better after they sneeze, you shouldn't say "god bless you." you should say "you're so good-lookin'." yeah. yeah. that's better than "god bless you." anyway, she left a message on my machine. she wants you to call her. who? robin. why? well, i assume she'd call to apologize. that's why she called me. where's the remote phone? bedroom. hey, grab jerry's sweater for me, would you? [entertainment tonight theme plays] [tv plays] what's it like out? should i take a sweater? yeah, you could take a sweater if you want. a scarf? nah. hey, shut this off. shut it off. what's the matter? what's going on? what happened? i think i hit my head again. what is wrong? hey, wait a minute. let me ask you, the last time you hit your head, was mary hart on tv? yeah. that is it! that is it! mary hart's voice! don't you see? there's something about the sou

>> mchale: gesundheit. hey, you see, there's nothing to worry about, sir. the doctor said you're going to be just fine. >> binghamton: of all the stupid schemes, having that native nitwit over here. >> chuck: well, i don't think you realize it, sir, but i think you're beginning to win him over. >> binghamton: oh, win him. win him. ah-choo! win him over? >> mchale: ah, well, easy does it, sir. tonight we'll throw him the dinner, and by the time we get through stuffing him full of booze and beans, why, he'll be willing to give you the island. >> binghamton: well, he better, mchale, or i'll court-martial you along with all the rest of them. now get out of my way. i need to get some sleep. >> chuck: oh, would you like me to read you a bedtime story, sir? "rebecca of sunnybrook farm" is my favorite. >> binghamton: parker, if i now get out of here. you keep that monster urulu out of my sight. aah! >> buddy-buddy, you got real crazy pad here. >> binghamton: what are you doing in my bed? get out of there. >> relax after hot bath. you out of clean towels. >> bingham

[sneezes] gesundheit. oh, thanks, mike. what day is it? it's wednesday. we're gonna get a letter. what? if you sneeze on monday, you sneeze for danger, sneeze on tuesday, kiss a stranger, sneeze on wednesday, sneeze for a letter. i never heard that before. what's the rest of it? sneeze on wednesday, sneeze for a letter, sneeze on thursday, something better, sneeze on friday, sneeze for sorrow, sneeze on saturday, see your sweetheart tomorrow. what about sunday? there ain't no sneeze for sunday. sunday was a day of allerest. ha, ha, ha. sorry. gloria, will you help me clear the table? ma, i'm helping you set the table! that's right. ma! me, keep secrets from you? [laughs] we better find out what's going on. yeah. ma! are you in some kind of trouble? no, and i can't tell you what it is. ma! the letter? is that what you're worried about, a letter? well, since you guessed part of it, i'll tell you the rest. here. look. gloria: wow! look at all those quarters. you must've been saving them for months. that's a lot of money. forty-seven dollars and 75 cents. and it ain't mine. where did