. - oh, god damn it, do i have to explain this again? smoking is bad, people. so if we have to be a little extreme to stop it, it's okay. - no, it isn't, you fat turd. because i've learned something today. you just hate--see? i knew it. - yup. - you just hate smoking, so you use all your money and power to force others to think like you, and that's called fascism, you tubby asshole. - god damn it, there will be no more smoking. - it wasn't the tobacco company's fault that we smoked. it was our fault, us. we should all take personal responsibility instead of letting fat fascists like him tell us what to do. - you're right, boys, mkay. - yeah, let smokers smoke. - yeah! - that's right. - hey, mr. reiner, why don't you butt out? [laughter] - i'm warning you. don't mess with anti-smoking groups. - i don't idolize you anymore, asshole. - my goo. my precious goo. - so, kyle, it wasn't the tobacco company that made you want to smoke? - no. - well, then you are grounded, mister. - you too, eric. - aww, awwww. - well, i guess we learned our lesson. - no, we didn't, dude

band or vice versa paradigm that every god damn story must wear like i'd like an ill fitting gown they just have to cram it is. sausage. and threw it also doesn't fit into the russian idea paradigm that every story has to wear over top itself into get out of its banks over an ugly dress that primitive. the white blood cells the mainstream media know that putting on those gals will distract us all from the continued pillaging by the ultra wealthy and the white blood cells you know they may not enjoy mixed metaphors as much as i do much but i love them i love all. but they love anything that allows their corporate owners to go about business as usual not all who work at mainstream media are villainous or even morally vacant but they're all at least useful idiots greasing the gears of the neo liberal neo con extraction of the planet they're helping wall street to pull the wool over our eyes. and that wall is shown by children in bangladesh getting paid like five cents an hour and those kids are willing to take the jobs over the wall because they've got an economic god to their heads to ta

will be going on california's list of potentially cancerous chemicals it's about god damn time if you've been following this story then you know mind sandow has been fighting this battle for a long time we as a country use roundup herbicide for everything we then of that crap than donald trump uses spray on tan or every time a study comes out saying it's cancerous monsanto then trots out one of their in-house scientists that they pull out he's got like an electric collar around his neck and he declares. character a is and then he brings me and morse code just before they shove him back in the cage with like cattle prod. i go in but it was not cancerous then then then why i mean if it is cancers then why isn't everyone getting cancer. i think we all are. attorney michael balm represents more than three hundred people who claim a loved one became sick or died from exposure to round up oh it was only able to find three hundred for the lawsuit this is how corporate rule works are i profit over people works this is this is it you can see it you can cheat with your own eyes they introduce a ch

. >> you know, i still see a rerun of "carol burnett show" and i think, god, damn, they're funny.er. >> she was great in bed, too, dickey, remember? >> you never went to bed -- >> well. >> not supposed to curtsy, you're supposed to bow. well, i get dizzy when i bend over. >> when tim conway came on his goal in life was to destroy harvey. here's tim with our own harvey korman as a brand new dentist with his very first patient. we used to have a pool back stage, not as to whether harvey was going to break up, but how far he could get along in the sketch before he broke up. >> novocaine. okay here. novocaine. take a firm hold of the hypodermic needle. right. >> they never knew what he was going to do. but they knew it was not going to be what they expected. >> when they did the dentist sketch none of that was rehearsed. >> yeah, be right with you. >> poor harvey was helpless, tears coming down. and tim swears that harvey wet his pants during that sketch. >> i don't know why that worked so well. watching two actors break character and just crack each other up should not be as entertai

beautiful ♪ ♪ she's hot hot like the sun the loneliest one still everything beautiful ♪ ♪ well i'll be god damnede city ♪ ♪ until the stars lost the war so friday night holy ghost ♪ ♪ take me to your level show me the one i need the most i need the most ♪ ♪ i wish i knew you when i was young we could've got so high ♪ ♪ now we're here it's been so long two strangers in the bright lights ♪ ♪ oh i hope you don't mind we can share my mood yeah two strangers in the bright lights ♪ ♪ i wish i knew you i wish i knew you oh i wish i knew you when i was young ♪ ♪ truth it's all that you need you bury that seed it's everything beautiful ♪ ♪ that sound comes from the underground it's all inside you now it's everything beautiful ♪ ♪ but what you what you what you what you running from ♪ ♪ they got they got they got you on the run ♪ ♪ so friday night holy ghost take me to your level show me the one i need the most ♪ ♪ i need the most i wish i knew you when i was young we could've got so high ♪ ♪ now we're here it's been so long two strangers in the bright lights ♪ ♪ oh and i hope you don't mind we can share m

. >> i don't deserve this, god damn it, i don't but you do. because you are all losers. mother [ bleep ] one of you, loser. loser! >> the worst word you can hear when you're trying to make a comedy is likeable. from the suits. it's not believable if everybody is likeable. we're not. >> what happened to old idea of doing something for your fellow man? of service. i mean today people just -- >> mr. fawlty. >> i'm coming! wait a moment. >> there's no comedy in likeable. i always go to louie depalma played by danny devito. >> sunshine cab. crazy lady, give me a break here. it's ma. >> this was a troll. mean. said the worst things. was he likeable? no. loveable? yes. why? he's really funny. >> this guy does the best addy g. impersonation. do it. go on. >> i don't. >> oh, sorry, it's not you. it's the other one. >> the other what? paki? >> that's racist. >> i think the thing that made "the office" successful with ricky gervais was the realism more relationship oriented and commented on the mundaneness of situations we find ourselves in. >> if i have to work with him another da

god damn two of the pap era zee are going two jews walk into the bar. >> it's such a great relief.s a whole other world. >> you know i was in a bad neighborhood. it's 3:00 in the morning, it was a [ bleep ] baby standing on the corner. >> when i'm on stage i get real happy up there. maybe that's the only time in my dull life that i feel like myself. you standing up there, you know what i mean, like gladiator and the lights is on and you look down and everyone's looking up at you like -- >> doing comedy it's needing to express, needing to expose yourself. sometimes i find myself telling audiences my deepest darkest secrets. this odd confessional. when i moved to l.a. i had an eye brow, and my roommate at the time was like hey, let's go make this into two. and so i went to her waxing lady, i had never went to a waxing lady. and the lady called me in and i'm following her into the room. and she turns around and shoosz like what are we doing to do a mustache. >> i had ocd, i head problems making eye contact with people to about the age of 32. so stand up was a way to connect with peopl

god. >> [ bleep ] damn it. >> i love you dad. >> i am going to [ bleep ] stick that thing so far up youro taste it. do you understand me? >> i love you! >> ah! >> really? >> love you, dad. >> happy father's day, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: apologies to all the dads. tonight on the show we have music from playboi carti. paul w. downs is here, and we'll be right back with elle fanning. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by kfc. it's finger lickin' good. ♪ and now i'm sure it's more than a stroke of luck ♪ ♪ yeah, i love you, do you love me, too? ♪ ♪ yeah, i love you, do you love me, too? ♪ ♪ clap your hands if it feels good ♪ ♪ clap your hands, ohh ♪ [crunch] ♪ ♪ [slap] [slap] [punch] [crunch] havertys furniture helps even when life isn't.t are you sure you don't want me to call an exterminator? oh, look. babies. [loud hissing.] darren! daddy! [crashing from above. loud and violent.] they're on the move! honey!?! what's going on? she's got m