went to college, and i saw the-- and then the new wave of films came in, with-- with truffaut and godard. and then i saw cassavetes movies, and then i would listen to miles davis and hendrix. then i heard lenny bruce and-- and then became friends and saw richard pryor. i went these-- this-- these bars, and that's just-- it's just, you know one-- a few names. i said, "if i ever go on stage, and i did it about a month or two after my dad died-- i said "i have to reach for th-- i have to unravel myself on stage as fearlessly as possible, and see if i get laughs." because i really did feel pretty much like a chagall painting you know but i was sort of tethered to nothing. because they were-- i really didn't have much of a family life. so-- the audience became my family >> well, and all that led to what at times was crippling depression you had serious problems with addiction. wha-- what do you tell people who think, "here's a guy who had s-- all sorts of successful sitcoms, movies books, and all this and they say-- h-- they can't understand-- >> i know. >> --how somebody like you coulda gone