godzilla! [godzilla roaring] [laughter] ♪ >> yeah! oh! [laughs] >> help! my baby's on fire!laughter] [vomits] [laughter] >> thank you. [baby gurgling] [laughter] >> see you next season. good night. [cheers and applause] ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers an captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) [crowd chanting stephen] >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. good to have you with us. please, nation, sit down. as an american i don't like to talk about other countries that are not us. with their crazy names -- "notamerica-stan." [laughter] but tonight, every single story i will be reporting on comes from another country. i'm not happy about it either. blame the u.n. [laughter] first up, a story that is rocking theworld of meat. >> the united kingdom's meat industry is in disarray after horse meat was discovered in products intended for humans. >> food giant nestle suspending some of its deliveries after traces of horse dna were found in the meat. >> stores in britain, france and sweden now yanking beef products off the shelves ove

you don't get the name double life godzilla for running your mouth. i got a big mouth. heart to back it up. you tell them tv personality. i've got people i've got to have fertilizing bushes. i've got people that will come up short, six feet short. if they ever run up on me, i've got people chasing me. it's going to be like that for a little while now. they would rather get aids than to get next to me. they would rather catch ebola than to get next to me. that's what i'm thinking. i'll see you when i see you. probably won't see you in a long time, huh? okey-doke. >>> fleece johnson stirred up more than his share of trouble behind bars. johnson's first arrest was at the age of 15 for armed robbery. since then, he has spent more than 30 years behind bars. most of them within the stone ramparts of kentucky state penitentiary. >> this is like a gladiator school down here. you come down here, you're either going to fight or you're going to be somebody's punk. and it's that simple. so, to survive in here, i had to fight. and so, we fought. and i whooped their ass all around th

that beat the previous box office record of 99 million set by all 28 godzilla films. "nobita's secret gadget museum" hit theaters in early march. distributors at the production company says the 34 film in their series directed 1.56 million in the first two weeks. the first doraemon movie was opened in 1980. it drew an audience of more than 3 million. the creator's widow says he must be happy to be loved by so many people. >>> people in japan are heading outside to enjoy a brief period of beauty and happiness. their cherry blossom season arrived early after a sudden burst of warm weather. many enjoy the sights at parks and riverbanks during the day. but the flower viewing parties are just as lively after the sun goes down. nhk world's nakajima joins us from one of the most popular spots in tokyo. >> reporter: i'm at the park enjoying the night time lightup of the cherry blossoms. now, hanami is a very magical atmosphere. as you can see, many workers from places around everywhere on their way home to visitors parks around tokyo. this park is near a temple district with

stomping around like godzilla. rah! smash. and she's on the show, doing the panel segment, talking about how she had to do a sex scene in one of her "eh" movies. and i'd never heard of this, but they make the guy -- when they're having movie sex -- they make the guy wear a thing called a [bleep] sock. it's totally true. it's a [bleep] sock, and, basically, they put a stocking on your wiener, and then they pull it through your legs, which -- that's appealing. that's like how serial killers [bleep] [ breathing heavily ] snap. you got to break their neck at the end. [ laughs ] oh, come on. you got to. [ laughs ] but i had never heard of the [bleep] sock because i've never done a sex scene in a movie. done a bunch of movies. no sex scenes. and i know my place. i know i'm not gonna get to do a sex scene in a movie. i think if i did, it would be a horror movie, and i won't be the one having the sex. like, some hot, young couple getting it on, hot-young-couple style. and i'm, like, the creepy janitor watching them. or the inbred, red

>>> plus, forget king kong and godzilla, because there's a bigger battle in stocks versus bonds. only one can be right. we'll show you how you can make money now. and why were all those traders chowing down on mcdonald's calls? we'll find the dough in mcdough. the action begins right now. >> new york city times square. these are the traders here on the deck. and record denied. dow just points away from its its all-time high. while the market makes a run at the record books, one stock closed on a fresh 52-week low and that is apple. shares closing on the lows of the day. does apple matter to the market and is there more pain for america's favorite stock? let's get in the money and find out right now. the price action on apple not good considering it closed at its lowest. >> a new 52-week low. when the dow jones is a percent away from all time highs. it's holding the s&p back a little bit. 1% is 5% of the s&p. every rally gets sold and there are no -- for a stock that used to be very product driven. people are the only really argument to be made for the stock, it trades at nine tim

. >> even for florida where sinkholes are common this was the godzilla of sinkholes. we're talking about the fact that two reasons why florida is sometimes called the sinkhole capital. first, rainfall. florida gets about four feet of rain annually which moistens the soil. and second of all, limestone. about 50% of the state of florida sits on top of a layer of limestone, carbonate rock which are porous and water which will actually dissolve. many of the beautiful lakes you see in pictures next to the golf courses are actually former sinkholes that collapsed hundreds, thousands of years ago. >> how do you determine if you have a sinkhole under your house? >> first, you can use common sense. you can look for cracks in the foundation fences and telephone poles that begin to wobble doors and windows that don't close properly. if you're thinking of buying a house in florida, i would advise you to think about gaining a test with an engineer to look with ground penetrating radar, which is several feet underground, and a cylinder that you actually insert into the soil to sens

he looks like bambino, but he is godzilla in real life. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i'm not. >> when itts. >> i just did what i wanted to do. >> jimmy: and then you just -- >> i had my way with you. that's right. >> jimmy: you had your way with me. [ laughter ] it was unbelievable. >> and god only knows what will happen tonight. [ cheers ] ♪ >> jimmy: are you ready? >> oh, am i ready, baby! bring it on! >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. "wine pong" rematch with kathie lee after the break. come on back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] subway introduces the new $3 six-inch select! this march, we're kicking things off with the low fat oven roasted chicken $3 six-inch select. it's available all month long as one of our march featured values, the newest way to enjoy subway every day! subway. eat fresh. understanding you clearly... what is the capital of zimbabwe ? ... the first time you ask with the google voice search. the droid razr maxx hd by motorola. droid recognition. droid powerful. people have chosen it again and again for over eight years. its key ingr

is there anyway they could get godzilla to go in there and crush north korean?we will go to jim from maryland on the democratic line. caller: secretary of state john kerry made an appointment to the director of policy planning. what do you think about that appointment's? -- what do you think about the appointment? how does that reflect our foreign policy style? guest: i do not know much about him personally. he has historical ties to kerry. the policy planning director job is an interesting one. a few months ago, the foreign policy department convened a meeting and we had a discussion about the job from administration to administration. person said to us, the only thing that matters to be an effective policy planning director is, do whatever the secretary of state says. that is probably what you can expect from this guy. his predecessor was a smart, young guy who has gone to work for vice president biden's office. he was the rear -- he was the rare policy planning director who went everywhere with clinton. he was a powerful figure despite being young. the new gu

is there anyway they could get godzilla to go in there and crush north korean?: we will go to jim from maryland on the democratic line. caller: secretary of state john kerry made an appointment to the director of policy planning. what do you think about that appointment's? -- what do you think about the appointment? how does that reflect our foreign policy style? guest: i do not know much about him personally. he has historical ties to kerry. the policy planning director job is an interesting one. a few months ago, the foreign policy department convened a meeting and we had a discussion about the job from administration to administration. one person said to us, the only thing that matters to be an effective policy planning director is, do whatever the secretary of state says. that is probably what you can expect from this guy. his predecessor was a smart, young guy who has gone to work for vice president biden's office. he was the rear -- he was the rare policy planning director who went everywhere with clinton. he was a powerful figure despite being young. the