hill going after the real problem, a bunch of hulking cro-magnon baseball players with shriveled-up gonadshis the best use of our government's time? since nobody seems to care, we're joined by the stars of this three-ring circus. first up, his recently-published memoir made him the first guy to make the bestseller list with a book written entirely in crayon-- former player jose canseco. [ laughter and applause ] nice to be here, chris. good god, canseco. you look like someone tried to cram the entire cast of "the george lopez show" into one suit. [ laughter ] also with us, your estranged bash brother, and what it would look like if the incredible hulk had sex with a ham, mark mcgwire. how you feeling there, mark? i'm sorry, chris, i can't answer that. kinda what i expected, stonewall jackson. and rounding out our panel, a man who respects the integrity of the game so much that he got caught corking his bat, mr. sammy sosa. mr. sosa has prepared a statement. [ clears throat ] "sammy very happy to be here. "sammy love play baseball game. "him hit ball very far. "him run the bases very fast."