(laughter) >> jon: we're screwed, there is nothing we can-- grandma.e and food, we'll just kick in a little bit in the beginning of the year, and you know, she'll make it work. (laughter) >> some ways we are doing her a favor. she doesn't want to die with us resenting her. (laughter) animation. that still doesn't get us all the money we need. >> jon: oh, our older brother, i forgot, gordon, he runs the hedge fund. maybe cokick in in this very difficult time, just a little extra, not a lot. a few percentage points. wouldn't make a dent in his lifestyle, not to mention at one point we bailed him out when he was having financial troubles. you know, maybe that plan could work. >> governments more and more want to subsidize failure and they want to punish success. >> should be encouraging everyone to be successful, everyone to be wealthy, not punish those who achieve success. >> jon: oh, right, giving it back to the tax rates of the 90s that would be punishing success whereas grandma and quid pro quo disaster relief thing only punishes, age, illness and mis

there for and we've got to take money away from grandma and from the environment to pay back the money that bush and reagan borrowed to try and make the economy look good. my head is exploding here as it was this latest bush what about this latest bush that we have in the letter asserting our slide for knowers he's our latest bush this guy this guy is is just continuing the bush doctrine this guy just got us into a third war for crying out loud and he is gone and spend more money by one man in the history of the rule disguised as take on the deficit us not seconds to truth but look honestly tom i think to get back to the whole point here i believe it is absolutely the fiscally responsible thing and i bet you dollars to. don't it's that people in joplin missouri would be the first ones to say we absolutely want to see this done we don't want to take money if it's if it's not done the right way because that is the of that is the bunch that's the questioners that fly over country the much disparaged bunch by by obama and the left and the interesting too by the way you know it's out and i'

instead of helping those in need are nickel and dime in those in need saying we need to cut money for grandma or the environment before we can help turn it over to us so while leaving joplin high and dry well republicans rather spend money we don't have on tax cuts for millionaires and billionaires or corporate welfare for big oil polluters to taxpayer subsidies that's actually not what that's actually not what eric cantor said and i think that's who you're referring to areas are said that you would love to give money to the republican house that we would love to give money to the people in joplin but we need to get money from elsewhere bad there's a finite amount of money and you don't have an infinite amount of money this is

a california company is letting you rent a grandma.ovide carefully screened women some jobs like child care, even some pet sitting. the company founder says the older women bring extensive life experience. they have 40 to 50 women works in the los angeles area. there are five franchises set to roll out in texas, but no word on whether you can rent a grandma in the bay area soon. you know, there is an organization out on the east bay called rent a spouse. it's a handy man that comes out to do stuff at your house. i have to confess, i have rented him several times. >> this is interesting. >> we talked with lily earlier from "the voice." go to nbc.com and vote for her there. >> see you tomorrow. featurin

there are pictures of a latino girl's birthday party with grandma and grandpa, possibly the owner of the camera with her dog -- dog. he found this in late march at hidden beach after two days of heavy storms. that will do it for us.

why pay the post office 44 cents to send your grandma a letter when you can pay fedex 25 bucks. it shows her you care more and when grandma fedexs you a birthday card with $5 in it, it will only take four more years to have enough to send her a thank you note. so i say we can google test our way to eliminating the government all together. okay, for instance, who needs the department of transportation to maintain our interstate highways when i can just google r. pasqually and sons paving. it's right there on their web site "no paving job is too big." good. they can fill the potholes on i-95. as long as mr. di pasqually has more sons than michele bachmann. and, folks, it's easy. we can eliminate medicare. there's all kinds of health services on the internet. seniors, if you're feeling chest pain, just fire up your mac book, go to web m.d., search the message boards for the right pharmaceutical by friending cardiac patients on facebook, then create a fake gmail account to buy black market plavix from canada. (cheers and applause) the point is regardless of the fact that tim pawlent

and it came in a box, grandma's urn. the urn is sealed and has no identifying markers or serial numbers. sort of sad. >> does anybody out there recognize this? >> if so. >> workers held on to the urn for two months hoping some body would claim it. nobody did. it is now in the hands of police. maybe grandma would like some where else to go besides goodwill. >> doesn't sound like a great final resting place. >> no, i think not. now that people are talking about it, maybe someone will come forward. >> absolutely. >> we'll be right back, everyone, with more "world news now." ♪ who are you, i really want to know ♪ ♪ come on tell me, who are you while some fiber ads use super models, metamucil uses super hard working psyllium fiber, which gels to remove unsexy waste and reduce cholesterol. taking psyllium fiber won't make you a model but you should feel a little more super. metamucil. down with cholesterol. and those people are what i like to call wrong. metamucil is the only leading fiber supplement with psyllium, which gels

now it's a grandma. tsa tonight defending its actions in an incident involving a 95-year-old woman. agents required the woman to remove her adult diaper in order to clear airport security. nbc bay area's vicky nguyen has the details. it's almost as if they're trying to make mistakes. >> reporter: jessica, this is a tough one. they had a lot of things to say in response to what happened over the weekend. we'll have more in a minute. this is a story as you can imagine that has blown up on social media networks and traditional news sources. the toddler, now the grandma. the overwhelming public opinion on this one, the tsa went too far. >> embarrassing me. >> reporter: lena was about to board a plane in florida last weekend to make her way back to west michigan to her hometown of hastings. she was in a wheelchair. still battling leukemia. >> they did something because i had something in my pants and they put me through a screen. and that kind of thing. >> reporter: a tsa agent patted her down and forced her

>> the california company letting you rent a grandma. a >>> okay, are you looking for a lesson in knitting or fresh baked cookies? a california company is letting you rent a grandma. it's in l.a. and it provides carefully screened women 50 years and over for jobs like child care, housekeeping and pet sitting. still not here in the bay area, but maybe soon. >> thanks for joining us. "nightly news" is next. >> bye-b. aill k b 6

rent-a-grandma will be looking for people who can provide more experience. and also, they say, granny will not be texting or tweeting when she's supposed to be watching your kids. that's an upside. i think a lot of parents know that. >> can use some help. >>> coming up next on this wednesday, no joke. a late-night comic injuries himself while on the air. >> say it isn't so. that's not our jon. indeed. >>> also, the remarkable effort by dallas to even out the nba finals. ♪ [ instrumental: upbeat ] hey, max. [ announcer ] your dog's one of a kind. and now, you have the power... [ giggling ] to help significantly extend his healthy years. a groundbreaking 14-year study by purina... proves that puppy chow, then dog chow nutrition, fed properly over a lifetime, can help extend his lovable antics..., up to 1.8 healthy years. [ barks ] long live your buddy. oh, max! long live your dog. purina puppy chow and purina dog chow. i feel like i have to wind myself up to deal with the sadness, the loss of interest, the lack of energy. [ male announcer ] ask your doctor abo

my grandma farted and caught her snuggie on fire. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my goodness.d herself out real quick. so that's a good thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's good news. that's so good. >> but those -- but those snuggies -- are you kidding me? >> jimmy: it's ridiculous. >> makes me madder than a hunchback in a limbo contest, those snuggies. >> jimmy: that's not fair. >> the dumbest invention in the world is the snuggie. we used to have that back in the '80s. it was called a robe. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> backward. and let me just say did you ever seen the commercial? oh, the blanket. you can't keep the blank -- if you're too stupid to operate a blanket, you deserve to be cold every night. [ laughter ] i mean, that's the dumbest invention i've ever seen. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> but there's just one tragedy after another one. >> jimmy: really? what else happened? >> my wife's great grandpa passed way. >> jimmy: i'm so sorry. >> he overdosed on viagra. >> jimmy: oh, man. that's really dangerous. >> went to the funeral, his casket had a s

. >>> a 79-year-old new mexico grandma has got her wallet back now after her son tracked it down andown the thief actually on facebook. now, many carmen nuranjo was shopping at the store that her family owns in espanola when she stepped away for a quick moment, the purse snatcher grabbed the goods. he posted this on facebook and somebody recognized the thief and he was able to retrieve the wallet. carmen reacted like a typical grandma. >> i don't think it was very nice of her. >> all right, well, the wallet was especially valuable. it contained carmen's birth certificate, her social security card as well as her medicaid card. >>> turning to sports now and the boys of summer have begun interleague play. baseball and tennis now from espn news. >>> hi, i'm don bell. we start with a battle in the windy city. the chicago cubs visiting the white sox. south side of chicago we go. top of the sixth tied at 3, carlos pena facing brian bruney. get up and get gone. his third home run in five games. cubs take a 6-3 lead. bottom of the sixth, alexei ramirez called out when he swings and tips it on

grandma's already headed down because barack obama's put a price control plan in place and it's top-downis giving seniors the choice to participate in economic decisions and make those decisions about access to care, quality of care by themselves. >> i want to talk a little more about medicare in a minute, but i want to ask about your announcement and place in the field. last time you were up for re-election, you were handily defeated by 17 points in your run for the senate. how do you think you've changed professionally and personally since that defeat, now that you're standing for president? >> well, a couple of things. first off, one of the things i learned from that race is that losing isn't the worst thing that can happen to you, that standing up -- not standing up for what you believe in and fighting for those things is the worst thing, and i think if i go back and look at my race, did i make mistakes? sure. but one of the things i think i was -- where i ended up on the short end of the stick is i was out there talking about social security reform in 2005 and 2006, when george bush

had their bath and, you know, said good night, grandma, i love you.great to see them. >> there's a kind of feeling, i guess because of the impending court actions involving the doctor and his death and everything else, that he'd become sort of pathetic character, addicted to these medication. is that an inaccurate portrayal? >> i can tell you when he was at the bel air hotel, there wasn't -- there was none of that, because he was right underneath where i was. and we talked all the time. in fact, if we were going somewhere in the daytime, he'd say, 1:00 down at the fountain. and if i was five minutes late -- i mean, he was very on top of it and he was with his kids. i -- i believe in my heart that as he got into the concert thing, it was hard for him to sleep probably. he was not a drug addict. he had a problem going to sleep. i mean, this is not somebody that recreationally would abuse something. i guess the levels went up and up and up. >> what do think his legacy will be, michael jackson? >> i think now that he's gone, everybody realizes what a good

the crazier the idea, the better. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so, a few seconds go by -- they're doing and grandmaiss?" i was like, "yeah." he's like, "okay, got it." >> jimmy: getting all nervous. >> yeah, so, sure enough, seven seconds later, kiss cam. and, you know, it's the rule of the kiss cam. so, we take huge bites of our sandwiches and go for this big sloppy kiss -- [ audience groans ] -- and i'm sure you have a picture of it. >> jimmy: the audience went crazy. it's just not a private joke in the stadium. >> well, that's what i thought. i thought well, whatever. it was like so what. like, the people in the stadium see it. and then after we did it, i turned and looked and there's like a bank of 50 photographers in front of me. i was like, "what was i thinking." it was those beverages. so, there it is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a pastrami sandwich. [ cheers and applause ] >> and will, you can see will added a very tender touch of the cheek. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a cheek touch. >> did you notice my pants? my pants are by oscar mayer. [ laughter ] a great designer. really great designer. [ laugh

my grandma told them. you have to sit them in the room and make your point be heard. if people have that much interest. they should walk down the neighborhoods and ask them what they would be interested in. maybe they would help out. there's never before that. i was on mission street and people handed me condoms. you care about our sex but not about our lives >> i think brother said just what needed to be said. >> jenay. go. >> and about the program that you guys are trying to make. it's not about what people like to do. nowadays. it where you're from. say if you are from hunters point. you can't just walk in their. that's just the reality. i am not trying to be ghetto or bring stuff that you don't want to hear. if you don't like a girl, girls are going to fight. you are going to get stabbed. with boys, you can't just go anymore. you might really, really, want to do that. but i know some boys who would love the music program, but they are not going to come to fillmore all the way and risk their lives for something they really really, want to do. it's the areas. put it

the man lived on a sailboat in the grandma rinna. he died yesterday morning after falling into the water. >>> one of the biggest wildfires in arizona is growing larger this morning as more people are leaving their homes to escape the wall of fire. more than 184,000 acres are burning in arizona near the mexico border. the fire has been burning for more than a week now. the firefighters can't get a hand on the blaze. 2300 firefighters are still on the scene. four rental cabins have been destroyed. so far, no injuries reported. >>> strange weather over the weekend here. what's in store for the rest of the week? >> good morning. yeah, you made it through the weekend. we had a rough weekend in the weather department. things are significantly improving. this morning it's pushing into southern california. light showers in the east bay now. take a look at where the swirl is. right now, it's located over southern california. if you are headed down that way for travel for business, take it easy. that's where the rain has headed. for us, we are

luckily, grandma had a credit card that was not maxed out. otherwise, the child would not receive emergency services from someone who could not afford to pay for it later. speaking about this, a transportation -- they intend to have 2.5 times as many parking spaces on that site. think of the traffic. right now, it has been a hotel, but they do not generate that kind of traffic. >> thank you. >> thank you so much for your patience during good now i am the executive director at the north of market who/center in -- for your patience. >> i am the executive director of the north of market /tenderloin district. i want to say thank you to the staff and all the apartments. i a thing they have done a third job, and we feel -- i think they have done a good job, and we feel this is a place to start. we would like to enter into a community benefit agreement. the community has said many times they want to directly address this, and i want to extend that invitation that we want to talk about it and negotiate directly with them. i heard the ceo say they wer

the name evokes a similar time when grandma would rock on the porch firing 500 rounds a minute from her browning m-1917 machine gun. to one forgets to call her on her birthday. (laughter) and, folks, at... (applause). at the knob creek machine gun shoot, you can shop from vendors selling a wide variety of guns, even flame thrower rentals. you never want to buy a flame throwers, of course, it's just going to be a newer model next year. it's like apple. (laughter) plus, at the knob creek machine gun shoot, there's vendors selling militia handbooks and nazi par a yale ya with prices so low everyday is a white sale. (laughter) unfortunately this harmless gathering of weapons enthusiasts has been marred by speeches advocating the overthrow of the government. for example, in april 2010, the not at all anti-semitic christian patriot metal band poker face played knob creek and the band's lead singer, tom toe petty declared obama is basically the exclamation point on the takeover of the united states. too many of us are waking up and too many of us are heavily armed. they are going to push and w

and said good night, grandma. i love you.s great to see them. >> is a kind of feeling -- because i guess of the impending court actions involving the doctor and his death and everything else, that he'd become a sort of pathetic character towards the end, addicted to all this medication and so on. is that an inaccurate portrayal, do you think? >> i can tell you that when he was at the belair hotel, there was none of -- there wasn't any -- none of that. because he was right underneath where i was. and we talk all the time. in fact if we would be going somewhere in the daytime he'd say, 1:00 down at the fountain. and if i was five minutes late, i mean, he was very on top of it. and he was with his kids. i believe in my heart that as he got into the concert thing, it was hard for him to sleep, probably. he was not a drug addict. he had a problem going to sleep. this is not something that recreationally would abuse something. and then i guess the levels just went up and up and up. >> what do you think his legacy will be? michael j

for those of us, you know, who are in member growing up, who have to look out for me while grandma was dealing in some of these meetings, you know, i want to thank you for your help and those of you who helped her, because when your honor, you also honored those who contributed -- when you honor her, you also honor those who contributed, those who helped her along the way. though she may be the one out front, she is always backed up by good health, and that is what made her and pushed her to be who and what she is. without some of your help, they could have chosen a different name, but i'm glad you chose to honor her in this way because if you had given another plaque and award, she would have just waited until you left and then told me to go put it in the closet with the rest. [laughter] so, of course, she is very thankful. very thankful. let us not forget about those who sacrificed so much on behalf of us. for a lot of them, it is on, you know, their shoulders many of us stand. because we stand on their shoulders, we get benefits, but it is based of somebody else's sacrifice, work, b

walk it off, grandma. [cheers and applause] hold on a minute, folks. i have to take a break for my favorite mid-show snack. jelly belly jellybeans. i love them because you can combine them to create new flavors. for instance, you mix margarita with pina colada and strawberry daiquiri and you get regrettable spring break. [laughter] and these sugary legumes hail from the subject of my 434-part series better know a district. tonight california's 10th, the fighting 10th. [cheers and applause] the 10th, the 10th contains the town of walnut creek, which settlers originally called "nuts creek" but later changed it to avoid confusion with the nearby village of testicle falls. [laughter] meanwhile, in nearby livermore is the liver moore national laboratory, home of the world's most powerful laser, and more than a quadrillion watts. it is able to scan groceries as far away as ohio. [laughter] speaking of bright things, the livermore firehouse contains the world's longest-burning lightbulb, which has been illuminated for over a century. evidently the towns lack