greg? >> greg: i want to know think.veryone to know how awesome our seals really are to pull that off, the surgical strike they took bin laden down with. good the world knows. >> kimberly: one of many missions over the years. we owe them a debt of gratitude for the service. coming up, chicago teachers are officially on strike leaving parents and kids scrambling. what will happen? should unions have this much control over your children's education? we tell you what the unions are demanding and what they're already getting when we come [ male announcer ] if it wasn't for a little thing called the computer, we might still be making mix tapes. find this. pause this. play this. eject this. write this. it's like the days before esurance express lane™. you had to find a bunch of documents just to get a car insurance quote. now express lane finds your driving info with just one click, saving time to be nostalgic about the days before express lane. thank you, insurance for the modern world. esurance. now backed by allstate. click

>> dana: greg, one for you.minutes nominating michael dukakis and got a standing ovation when he said, "in conclusion." speaking this week. >> greg: bill clinton. >> dana: right. you were there? >> bob: i was. twice as long as it was supposed to be. 20 minutes. going on for policy. he got applause "in conclusion." yea! >> greg: i have trivia. last week, the amount of time that bob went to atm and disappeared. the amount of time that male delegates hit on andrea at the bar. 16, right? >> andrea: more or less. >> greg: the timer rick went to bed unknown. >> bob: i can answer that. no. >> eric: because my wife is watching can explain that. >> greg: you were helping the homeless. >> eric: the speeches went to 11:00. your went on and then i had to get a run in. >> andrea: i saw you jogging in the suit home. >> bob: birthday suit. >> greg: the amount of pictures that dana showed of her dog. >> dana: when we were stuck on the way, we were asked for the picture to be taken what was the common denominator of everyone who

greg?asking people to tweet pictures of themselves with writing on their hands. here is the obama campaign manager jim messina. one word for this. creepy. this is creepy. this is not a campaign. this is a cult. they should set up a camp at a fairground to get you to enlist. >> greg: we could do a segment on that. >> dana: i thought today we could do something nice. victory for freedom. bipartisan when burma of given the congressional gold medal. that is her meeting with mrs. bush this morning. i don't know if it's escollusive picture of "the five." but one this morning. i came to know her because of mrs. bush. secretary clinton championed the cause. if you want to read more, mrs. bush has op-ed in "wall street journal." radio free asia did reporting on this. voice of america over many years. i'm sure bob remembers that. >> bob: i do. >> eric: i read hollywood reporter. i love this magazine. brad pitt does a thing called yes i dade that. he said, "it's strange but i feel better having a gun.

. >> greg: hello, everyone i'm the lucid leprechaun, greg gutfeld. heels made of steel, andrea tantaros. he's polled like i have moles, joe trippi. the man with the tan, eric bolling. buttons say they're as cute as dana perino. it's dana perino. it's 5:00 st. show is packed tighter than lenny dystra chick. let's do this, america. ♪ ♪ >> greg: okay. so recording it surfing, offending a religion causing the fervent followers to go bad. the tape of entitlement to offend obama and the media. hate fact. the truth lives, hate to hear. ashley juddd and eva eva longora found outrage. some are ticked that obama is doing another late-night infomercial, i.e., david letterman, as the globe implodes. i disagree. it's safer to have obama visit a bitter old crank than wor working. consider ten things obama could do instead of letterman. stimulates unemployment and alec baldwin. another auto bail-out, huge success according to people who rides bikes to work. healthcare bill that nobody understands. tax the rich, which will not reduce the crushing deficit. crush a st

greg? >> greg: i want to know think.everyone to know how awesome our seals really are to pull that off, the surgical strike they took bin laden down with. good the world knows. >> kimberly: one of many missions over the years. we owe them a debt of gratitude for the service. coming up, chicago teachers are officially on strike leaving parents and kids scrambling. what will happen? should unions have this much control over your children's education? we tell you what the unions are demanding and what they're already getting when we come back. ♪ ♪ ♪ and even more from real families who use them like this. we think there's another test to consider. it's based on one simple question. after living with your van, would you buy it again? more town & country owners do than the owners of any other minivan. it's called the test of ownership, and to us, it's the most important test there is. so let's talk about coverage. based on this chart, who would you choose ? wow. you guys take a minute. zon, hands down. i'm going to show you g

>> greg: yes! place. >> bob: they have editorial meeting this morning and said what can we do for bam snap >> greg: they already share the assumption. >> kimberly: think, bob, it's ingrained. it's not like anyone says it out loud. it's the way business is done. you know that. >> andrea: they hand the economy the way they handle foreign affairs. they handle economy the way they handle foreign affairs. same thing. ignore, ignore, ignore, don't report. >> eric: don't forget. where obama been? quite a few times over the last year he has been on cbs "60 minutes." >> bob: yeah. >> kimberly: vegas, baby. >> eric: they didn't cover the story. pilot pulls a frank on the girlfriend tricking her to think the plane is going down. going to crash before proposing. would you marry this guy? we'll show you the tape. ♪ ♪ [ "the odd couple" theme playing ] humans. even when we cross our "t"s d dot our "i"s, we sll run into oblems -- mainly other humans. at liberty mutual insurance, we understand. that's why our auto

greg, kick it off. >> greg: this is as spontaneous as a moon landing. can you say it's a coincidence? like saying you went to a strip club and it was a coincidence you had a lap dance. it happened on 9/11. that is not a coon dense. where does president obama find these people? susan rice, jay carney, did he get them off craigslist? try a temp agency like manpower. they're really good. america deserves better than these hacks. this is like the keystone cops or a special episode of "facts of life." >> dana: but, greg, it comes from the top. they are saying what they were carefully planned to say, which is that if you blame a video, after on thursday, president obama says the terrorist attack. saturday morning the state department said, the right thing to do, we're not commenting on this anymore. by sunday morning we are brushing this under the rug saying it's based on a video. >> greg: i haven't seen this many abouttures since open mic night at comedy cellar. >> eric: ambassador rice hit all five sunday talk shows an had the same narrative. we knew nothin

>> greg: get out of my hole.t is too close to what i normally say. celebrities don't matter much except to raise money. i don't -- >> dana: do you think oprah matters? >> bob: yes. that mattered in her being the first time she campaigned. that mattered, yes. in 2008, obama enjoyed, you know, a wide scope of people. including somebody like oprah who came out for the first time and did something for him. i don't think you expect to see it this time. >> kimberly: now hot cheeks. great. really? we knew that. this list is not good of who they have participating. they are having to bus people in. sounds like a bust. >> dana: james taylor. >> kimberly: the one exception to ruin my point. >> bob: is anybody really going to vote one way or another who shows up at convention? i thought clint eastwood was bad and a lot thought he was good. i don't think it mattered. >> andrea: celebrities have always been in his corner. i have been talking to a woman who does our hair here and she brought up a point. obama did use certain p

>> greg: i moved back for one year.g. >> dana: in the new ad that president obama is running from the speech at the convention, it was i haven't done as much as i thought i could do. i want to do more. i promise to do more. in the future. their own messaging is saying they are looking at the last four years to base it going forward. you are right. why not try to persuade some of those republican women, or independent women and some of the state states she mentioned and get them to your side rather than marginalize them. >> eric: why single out women? everyone should forget about the last four years. >> andrea: isn't saying forget about the last four years that people don't care a past acknowledgment, you have nothing to tout for the last four years if stephanie cutter saying forget it? concern about obamacare and everything else? every election is determined by married women. they are reliable voters, swing voters. to write them off is fatal. this president has. >> bob: the number of people who will swing this election

greg, could you eat that? >> greg: i could try. >> bob: you wouldn't. kimberly: i like my bun toasted. that looks non. >> greg: glad to know. one more thing. banned phrase. "rock star." i said it when people describe people in other occupations as rock stars. have you met our new accountant? he's the rock star. this guy, new guy at the

. >> greg: thank you. i am on muscle relaxants, no wonder what i did there. >> kimberly: no wonder you're so friendly. >> greg: i'm friendly all the time. you just ignore me. you talk about the polls. i want to talk about rush limbaugh. he's talking about how the polls reflect the mind set or ideology of democrats, not america as whole. take it from there. >> the purpose of the people right now, most of them doing the polls, they're trying to make news, not reflect it. advancing an agenda. they all have different jobs. the polls are the replacement refs. they watch and they see certain things and don't see other things. they don't call certain things. other things go by. it has to be some truth to that, right? >> bob: no. they're not all republicans or democrats. rush, stick to what he does well, a radio talk show host. not try to second guess pollsters. you can argue about how the polls are reflected. in the end, most of them are unbelievably accurate in the politics and other things. i think all the atta

greg? >> greg: my biggest pet peeve is word pet peeve. it's not a pet.na: i have lots of them. but my current one is there is a guy at the gym i go on tuesday, thursday mornings and she is a muscle head. he wears headphones and he talks on the phone while he is working out. then he takes the huge -- i done know how big they are, but've pounds doing bicep curl and throw them on the ground and it makes noise. >> eric: that is what we do. >> greg: talk about john scott. do it all the time. >> eric: biggest pet peeve, unnamed sources. [ laughter ] >> bob: pet peeve, sensors and -- i hate sensors. >> dana: when people are on their phone and eating dinner. >> bob: that's right. twitter -- like i took you to dinner one night and all you did is hold the phone like this. >> andrea: my biggest pet peeve is people get off the elevator before letting you get on. >> dana: i'm guilty. >> andrea: coming up who is the biggest tipper and cheapskate on "the five"? we'll tell you. stay with us. [ male announcer ] what if you had thermal night-vision goggles, like in a spec

. >> greg: hello, i'm the jim dandy eye candy, greg gutfeld. she is so hot, the sun blisters. kimberly guilfoyle. gem of the dems, bob beckel. bronze bomber eric bolling. she gets to work on chauffeur-driven rainbow. it's dana perino. 5:00 in new york city. this is "the five." let's do this, america. ♪ ♪ some folks think pollsters are rigging results targeting democrats. not me, i see nothing unbalanced about npr taking poll in organic food cooperative on the west side. polls are like the grateful dead. you follow them or you don't. like the dead, polls are just noise that make tippie dance. some accuse the gullibility for buying this stuff but not me. the media knows what it's doing but they do it anyway. why is that? they're the most despotic entity today, shadow government setting policy and calling shots. the main stream media decide the ends justify the means and assume decision-making power reporting what it wants to. so fox is the only place to tune in and not be scolded in submission, only place you can feel good about your country. shut up, bob. today people don't wan

greg? >> greg: just trashed himself. the obama of 2008.th everybody else. i thought univision was a network for one-eyed people. >> juan: you would think that. biggest failure? didn't he say a while back the biggest failure was narratives? >> dana: he ran on something else. in 2008 he said he would be the one that came in, he would be the change. the hope and the change. that was the point. if this is true why does he want to run again? why didn't he say i'm not going to run again. i'm going to start an outside group, community organizes, sidewalking, because obviously, i can't change it from the inside so i am going out. does anybody here think for a second that his answer would have been different if he were somewhere else? >> kimberly: yeah, i do. >> dana: second part of your thing. sorry. getting ahead. in your tease, he says about immigration being the biggest failure. but the thing is put it on this one. he says he didn't change from the inside, he had every opportunity. the democrats ran the congress in the first few years a he coul

>> dollar make me holler, honey boo-boo. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] >> kimberly: greg's face is -- >> greg:t person in ten or 12 years is going to be a mess. it will be her parents' fault. you're seeing lindsay lohan at 3. >> andrea: that person in ten years will not be a mess. [ overtalk ] >> eric: drugs are bad and cash. >> bob: i got to say i'm sorry. i wasn't making fun of her. >> eric: moving along. ann romney was on jay leno two nights ago. you have to see the clip. it's fantastic. >> is he is a good dancer? >> you know, jay, he has gotten be a better dancer. >> that is a political answer. that is a political answer. i saw him dance when he came out at the republican convention. and here, take a look. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> eric: romney, ganga style. >> kimberly: i love that. >> eric: i don't remember that. >> kimberly: dancing in my mind like that. >> bob: i hate tattoos and i can't stand them and everybody is getting them. who would put this junk on their body? i want to tell you -- two things. one, there is one person on the "the five" that has a tattoo. i'd like you to guess who it is. i'll t

>> greg: he's right.

then they walk it back. >> greg: i'll say this.n't this feel like they were going for gotcha moment? >> bob: you assume they are going for gotcha. this isn't new. does anybody believe the question wouldn't asked? it was top of everybody's thoughts. the aides let him down, coming out with a statement that is premature. they let him down. like they let him go to las vegas today. >> dana: in the long run, romney will look like he made a smart decision. the instinct was to have the press allow him questions. that's not what happened -- >> be presidential. >> bob: be presidential? >> kimberly: he is trying to get the job to be president of the united states and commander in chief. >> bob: you think it was presidential statement? >> kimberly: he is asking like one and take question and doesn't cower behind the fact to back out the door and not answer one question when you have 17 americans wounded, four murdered including the ambassador. >> bob: you don't start talking about it on the campaign trail. >> kimberly: then don't go to vegas b

>> eric: stop it, greg.b: got to get out of here. my former boss jimmy carter set record for longest post white house 31 years. tough time as president but a wonderful job in a lot of things, eradicating diseases around the world. give him credit and the carter center as well. thank you, boss. >> eric: he didn't get a second term. >> bob: you had to say that. i said he eradzcated diseases, and you sat there and dumped on him. >> kimberly: i want the talk about prince harry. something important. what happens in vegas, gets sent to afghanistan, people. don't think it's going to be a secret. so poor harry with clothes on is going to afghanistan. we're happy he will serve his country and help us out over there. he is going to the -- southern afghanta

greg gutfeld. >> greg: i know, we have been dating throughout the '80s.ke it. >> bob: i would let her take -- >> greg: i would let her take me an enjoy every minute of it. >> kimberly: wow. this is very bizarre. >> greg: don't judge. >> kimberly: okay. i'll do a nice thing to honor andy williams who passed away at 84 from bladder cancer. one of my favorite things was president ronald reagan called him a national treasure. somebody that everybody loved to watch, great performer. he didn't have the word "retire" in him. he will be missed. >> greg: bob? >> bob: well, this is dedicated to dana and eric. the new jersey state legislature has a bill pending that puts seat belts on cats and dogs. cats and dogs. if you don't have a seat belt on cat and dog, $20 fine and charge with cruelty against animals. i can't think of anything more ridiculous in my life. i'm with mitt. strap them to the top of the car or obama, eat them. but putting a seat belt on a ridiculous dog or cat, c'mon! >> eric: great idea. >> dana: who is going to make the seat belt? >> eric: above

greg doesn't buy it.s next. >> greg: some media hacks believe a video sparked the attack on the embassies. they even want to try the film-makers for murder. once again, their overarching concern is for causes of muslim rage, rather than the rage, itself. but we know there is no justification for the ravages of savages, and to think a movie sparked the violence is irrelevant. by the way, i hate the phrase "spark." if something sparked an assault you would assume it would not happen on the solemn day that commemorates the most devastating tragedy sparked by islamic extremists. if you believe that is a coincidence, i have a mosque downtown i'd like to sell you. these media people are delusionadelusional we are the . our existence, way of life is one long spark. they want to extinguish that spark. we're reminded by the leaders to reject denigration of religion. christians are the butt of jokes by lazy comics and are killed in places where jokes don't suffice. we only respect the denigration of one religion be

. >> greg: let me make a point.are mitt romney talk about the foreign policy issues of the day. he should be discussing contraception for young women who can afford it. that would make it much more popular among the press. i want to make a point here that is bigger. republicans are accused of shamelessly politicizing an international situation. >> eric: by obama. >> greg: i want to make a list of every single thing politicized by the list. let's go. you have to academic pursuit. skin color, christmas, tv sitcoms, obesity, religious ceremonies, music, kids' toys, motion picture, sexual orientation, fashion, the food you eat, your health practices, animal ownership, life in general. conservatives don't politicize anything until it's already politicized. >> eric: birth control. of course. >> dana: can i mention something about that, the war on women? because i cannot imagine that this actually happened. not enough people know about this. on mon, president obama had taped an interview with a guy, radio disk jockey in fl