cut brian kilmeade, cut greg gutfeld, don't cut me. >> juan: those are millionaires. say -- >> andrea: they're not milliontarys, juan. >> brian: we all inherited or money. wetch didn't work a day in our life. >> greg: i hang around shirtless carried around by my servants. >> brian: who merged my bank accounts? why do i share money with greg? >> kimberly: why do i have an office next to you, let alone merge accounts. >> brian: this is somewhat sad. if you expand the numbers you just brought up do you know, you said 65% of the country want millionaires to pay more taxes. do you know what they want them to pay? 30% of their income. it shows that the class warfare argument works. even if the president gets elected, what country is left? everything is turned up on its head. success is taxed and looked down upon. >> juan: no it feels like we're blessed, we're in america. we're doing well. we have to make sacrifice at time of financial turmoil when we have high deficit and we need to get the country back track. where you know what? those who have been blessed and have great

i'm the wee wordsmith, greg gutfeld with delectable defender, kimberly guilfoyle, tough and tender in light blue suspenders, bob beckel. right wing eric bolling and the nation snow globe dana perino. it's 5:00 p.m. in new york city. 1:00 a.m. in my heart. this is "the five." this show is packed tighter than rosie's sweatpants so let's do this america. ♪ ♪ >> greg: the national nightmare is over. it finally got my teeth cleaned but also the last republican debate occurred. we have wanted fireworks and got black snakes instead. all ash, no fire. odd moments like when john king asked the men to name their favorite color. >> courage. >> consistent. >> resolute. >> cheerful. >> greg: i never heard of those color. as usual, newt was newty. >> you are told you have self-esteem, even if you can't read the word self-esteem. >> greg: that is a great line. yet, he still felt out of place, like an ex that keeps showing up at bowling night though the new guy is there. then there is ron paul who reminded me of ron paul. >> congressman paul, you question the fiscal conservative credentials of all th

greg gutfeld is next. ♪ ♪ >> greg: some want newt out. others embrace the surge.kered convention, i say hooey. if santorum is the nominee i should have run. if i only i didn't make the art films in the '90s. they were art films. what is all the angst about? it's about the lack of angst on mitt's part. you have can't get worked up over him because he can't get worked up over himself. if he can't get mad, i'll get mad for him. so here i offer a crib sheet of stuff. mitch should throw a fit over. for example, the elevation of thugs to advisors, there is now no difference between obama class warfare and occupy wall street. except for indoor plumbing. agenda that mocks agenda belief. planned parenthood happened because the hand of intrusive government is now god. as athens burned, we spend. if deficits don't matter why raise taxes at all. the left wants greece here because it tends american idea. spend the country to ruin, austerity breached riots and the revolution arrives. the white house as a detackor teachers lounge, who see you as backward and bigoted. take the gh

i'm greg gutfeld. let's go to tv's andy levy for a pre game report. andy, what is coming up on tonight's show? >> our top stories tonight, the head of the bbc is far more likely for islam than christianity. >> it is my experience that new polls never lie. and a new program would allow inmates to have mp3 players, but are they arguing that forcing them to listen to the black eyes eyes -- black eyed peas are cruel and unusual punishment? wild race night. >> it sure was. i thought they would never catch them. >> what? >> i know, i can't believe juan pablo almost got away either. >> are you talking about when juan pablo montoya crashed? >> i don't know juan possible blow's last name. all i know is he came close to winning his freedom last night. >> what the hell are you talking about? >> the 12th annual race for freedom which i held in my apartment. what would i be talking about? >> the daytona 500. >> what the hell is that? >> never mind. >> go away. let's welcome our guests. she is so adorable that cute things around her commit suicide. i am here with j

from the bay area, happy to have greg gutfeld joining us today. a proud alumni from -- right? of my favorite bay area schools. you followed the issue for what? 20 years. >> greg: 20 years now. i have a joke for you. what do you get when you cross feminist with a fetus? a feminist. >> kimberly: okay. that is a tie for last place as the knock-knock one. >> bob: are you kidding me? >> greg: a couple of interesting things going on. originally, this controversy, i had it up there with solyndra. and fast and furious. it doesn't mean anything until democrats get involved. kaine, manchin and nelson in nebraska, all from major swing states that obama won last time but not looking good now. you are watching obama's numbers go down. more important, who is the most powerful catholic in the united states politically? joe biden. the first catholic vice president ever. he is saying nothing public. that's me being silent on gnome awareness week. >> andrea: it would be weird if you had nothing to say. >> greg: i'll speak up. who is running the white house? sebelius, valerie jarret and michelle.

hello, everybody, i'm eric biology along with kimberly guilfoyle, dana perino, greg gutfeld, bob beckel. the new york giants hometown and this is "the five." ♪ >> to our top story tonight. has president obama earned a second term? he seems to think so, take a listen. >> i deserve a second term, but we're not done. look, when you and i sat down, we were losing 750,000 jobs a month. and in fact, we've found out a few days before we sat down at that we'd lost that much. 750,000 jobs and now we're creating 250,000. we created 3.7 million jobs over the last 23 months. we created the most jobs since 2005, manufacturing jobs since 1990. but we're not finished. >> really, mr. president, you deserve more time in the oval office, more rounds of golf and flights aboard air force one more access to money? that's not what you promised three years ago, remember, sir, what you don't love? >> i will be held accountable, i've got four years. >> you know quickly how people feel about what happened. >> that's right, a year from now, i think people are going to see that, we're starting to make some progres

i'm greg gutfeld. or as i am known on the new jersey turnpike, the sonoco strangler. now to andy levy with a pre game report. >> byob, america. gop debate number 20 is in the books. who won? who lost? who cares? and should you be subsidizing a federal program that gives cell phones to poor people? the story we have had in the run down for over a week and haven't gotten to, but will definitely get to tonight. and is an adorable seven-year-old british ad a racist? stick around to find out how much i over sold this story. greg? >> thank you, andy. >> well i guess i will can sell next week's greg is cool day then. >> you were planning a greg is cool day? >> i was, but as usual you ruined something i nice i was planning for you. >> i love how you say you were planning it, but now you are not planning. if i were a cow you would make all of my stomach sick. >> i was picking up the invites from the printer and now i am out that money. plus the deposit i put on the club. >> you put a lot of deposits on the club which is why it is not working out between us. by the way, it is e

i'm greg gutfeld in for jack gray son. our hopes and prayers are with zach's family. although i am pretty sure he is dead. let's go to tv's andy levy for a pre game report. andy, what is coming up on tonight's show, old sport. >> i missed you america. 0* tonight's episode of mitt and newt, mitt runs away with the florida primary, but newt remains defiant. and who knows what their wacky neighbor is up to. and does a new gal lop poll show president obama? and would you give up sex for one month if somebody would pay your bills for six months? so by that math somebody owes me for my bills for three months. i missed you, america. coming up on the big show, on tonight ace episode, mitt runs away with the florida primary, but newt remains defiant. and who knows what ron paul was up to. and there was a new gal lop poll for president obama? some say yes, but others say hells yeah. would you give up sex for six months if somebody paid your bills for one month? happy groundhog day, greg? >> happy groundhog day to you, andy. >> coming up on the big show -- >> that's enough. go a

i'm bob beckel with andrea tantaros, eric bolling, darren darren and greg gutfeld. it's 5:00 in new york city. this is "the five." ♪ ♪ our top story is the continuation to my one more thing from yesterday. this newsweek cover highlighting the war on christianity in muslim countries. an example is december of 2011 churches in nigeria were torched. catlich church, another church, christian church 40. people were killed in this ram pain. this is not isolated incident. it happened across the muslim world. it happened in egypt with coptic christians and it happened in pakistan. it's happened in many of the countries that we have -- reportedly have allies with it. we'll keep going with this. dana, we give money to some of these countrys and yet, we go out of our way to respect the muslim religion and allow them to practice and build their mosques. is it unfair of us to be picking up the countries and say enough is enough, the authorities in the country, why don't you do something about this? >> dana: it's absolutely right and appropriate we should be doing so. we need to

our own greg gutfeld will tell you about it next. e-mail us at thefive@foxnews.com. ♪ ♪ kiss those lines goodbye! discover juvÉderm® xc, the smooth gel filler your doctors uses to instantly smooth out those parentheses lines around your nose and mouth for up to a year! temporary side effects include redness, pain, firmness, swelling, bumps or risk of infection. lose those lines! the way you look with juvÉderm® xc, might just change the way you look at everything. ask your doctor and visit juvederm.com. ♪ ♪ >>> ♪ the thrill is gone ♪ the thrill is gone my way ♪ the thrill is gone, baby >> greg: well, the thrill will never be gone here, right? >> dana: right. >> andrea: as long as you're here. >> greg: as gas prices rise faster than kids on christmas morning it makes you wonder was this part of the plan all along? of course, if you say that you sound like a conspiracy freak, but maybe that's what they want you to sound like. after all, remember what president obama's energy secretary steven chu said about conservative fuel. he said, "s

i'm greg gutfeld. i shall see you next time.

our own greg gutfeld will tell you about it next. e-mail us at thefive@foxnews.com. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: meet mary. she loves to shop online with her debit card, and so does bill, an identity thief who stole mary's identity, took over her bank accounts and stole her hard-earned money. now meet jack. enough to enjoy retirement.saved angie, the waitress at jack's favorite diner, is also enjoying his retirement. with just a little information, she's opened up a credit line, draining the equity in jack's home. unfortunately, millions of americans just like you learn all it may take is a little misplaced information to wreak havoc on your life. this is identity theft, and no one helps stop it better than lifelock. see, ordinary credit monitoring services tell you after your identity has been stolen. they may take up to 60 days to alert you-- too late for jack. lifelock has the most comprehensive identity theft protection available. if mary had lifelock's bank account alerts, she may have been notified in time to help stop it. if jack had lif

i'm kimberly guilfoyle along with juan williams, dana perino, eric bowling and greg gutfeld. it's 5:00 o'clock in new york city. this is "the five". >> a little over an hour ago in las vegas, donald trump placed his bet on the gop front runner, mitt romney. >> it's my honor, real honor and privilege to endorse mitt romney. mitt is tough. he's smart. he's sharp. he's not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country that we all love. so governor romney, go out and get em. you can do it. >> thank you. [ applause ] >> there are some things that you just can't imagine happening in your life. this is one of them. i want to say thank you to donald trump for his endorsement. it means a great deal to me to have the endorsement of mr. trump and people across this country who care about the future of america. >> all right. i guess what happens in vegas doesn't stay in vegas. leave it to trump to break all of the rules, greg. >> here is the thing, this is not about mitt romney. it's not about newt gingrich. it's about obama. and basically what donald just said to the w

>> hello, i'm eric bolling along with andrea tantaros, bob beckel, dana perino and greg gutfeld. it's five o'clock in new york city and this is "the five." ♪ >> well, it's election day primaries in arizona and michigan. polls close in just a few hours. while arizona should go solidly romney, michigan, a completely different primary, and the candidates, they're going rogue to win the wolverines state. listen to the the robo call that's got conservatives like me scratching our heads. >> romney supported the bailouts for his wall street buddies. opposed to the auto bailouts and that's a slap in the face to every michigan worker and we're not going to let romney get away with it. >> and romney fighting back with harsh words for santorum's tactics. >> it's a dirty trick, outrageous, to see rick santorum team up with the obama people and go after union labor people in detroit and try it get them to vote against me. i think it's outrageous and disgusting, a terrible dirty trick. >> all right. while santorum and romney slugged it out in michigan, president obama addressed the united auto

. >> that is greg gutfeld. do you recognize that name? >> no. he looks like a creep. >> well, he looks less creep ethan the other guys. >> do you recognize this guy? >> yes, but his name doesn't come to mind. >> that is billy zane. you can be blasay about some things, rose, but not titanic. what is the movie? >> "titanic." >> no, it is "home alone." >> you can be blasa about some things, rose, but not titanic. i kind of gave it away. >> that's right, batman forever. appreciate it. >> i think you should grow the hair back. >> i don't think he can. >> billy zane needs row gain. any final words? >> no, kisses to new york. >> kisses to, no. new york kisses you right back. all over of the. >> well, if we have learned anything today, the american voter is not sure what they want. snoop dogg snows exactly what he -- knows exactly what he wants. and i think i know what i want. don't be insane! vote for zane. don't be silly vote for billy. bald is beautiful. bald is beautiful. >> i'm billy zane and i approve this message. >> i think we learned something

>> greg: there is a good reason. the gutfeldund a scientific fact that parents cannot hear their own children scream. you cannot hear your enjoy genetic code above 50-decibels. darwinian thing. >> bob: same thing you can't smell diapers when you're in their house, but you know it's there. parents don't smell it but you do. >> kimberly: bob loves to talk about this. >> bob: i'm all for this. if you can have people not smoke you can have kids not cry. one guy got hit in the head by a toy from the punks. they're crying and out of control. why bring them in first place? keep them home and probably pay less money to pay a babysitter to break down in front of everybody. >> greg: parents go to the eat. take their kids out. >> kimberly: stay a prisoner their house? by the way, what pizza place bans kids. hello, that's the kids main thing. >> dana: one place they banned children the receipts went up 20% on the first night. >> greg: they are attacking little people like that. >> dana: give you a box of crayons and you play. >> greg: i saw

coverage is actually as seen by democrats and the left to eliminate poor people to listen to what greg gutfeld had to say. the left is making this about availability to the poor it's more about getting rid of the poor. maybe mr gutfeld the rest of the gang at the five take a look at the mirror conservatives are the only people who like to pretend poverty doesn't exist in the squad at the idea of sharing the wealth and the very very ugly congressman allen west in a floor speech last night congressman west started to talk about the republican party's excellent record of defending personal freedoms over the past hundred fifty years however somehow he shifted gears and turned the subject to the democratic party's perceived dislike of equality saying the democrats support for a social safety net is the most insidious for most. lavery remaining in the world today first congressman west is completely ignorant to the fact that actual slavery is still a human and tremendous human. in the world today with an estimated twelve point three million forced labors around the world secondly of democrats dislik

i'm greg gutfeld. it's the anniversary of the first host. he said why are you doing this to me. can't believe i can't breathe. let's go to andy levy. >> what is coming up. >> keep it together, america. top story, muslim writer faces possible execution because of a couple of tweets. join us. and something, something, something, santorum surging and according to one congressman, keeping the keystone pipeline is to keep caribou content. >> greg: any updates about the group of felines that work at city hall? >> you mean zero cat. i have a lot of interest last night. but it's too late for you andy. >> i had a meeting with 20th century about a project of my own. a group of felines that work at city hall. my is called the bureau cats. >> greg: this is a cash cow like you always steal. >> more like a cash cat. >> greg: that is my other one that i'm working on. >> i have a the meeting about a wealthy feline, it's called the cash cat. >>. >> now, you'll be the first person if anything bad happen is to me. i will go away secure on the knowledge that you will be looking after me. >> greg: y

back to me, greg gutfeld. see you later. >> bret: in world headlines iran ambassador to russia says his country is capable of carrying out military strikes against the u.s. targets and against the u.s. targets around the world. a senior obama administration official called the statement "reckless. "meanwhile, more than two-third of iran lawmakers endorsed the idea of cutting off oil sales. to the european union before the e.u. imposes its own boycott. the number two american commanderer in afghanistan says the military will begin sending advisory teams this year to help the afghan combat forces. trying to get the afghan troops ready to assume the security responsibilities starting next year. egypt military backed prime minister says his country will not halt the crackdown against foreign non-profit groups or ngos. says egypt will not buckle under the threat of losing foreign aid. 19 americans have been referred to trial on accusation of supporting up rest in egypt. the european union and the u.s. are piling mo

let's switch to our next story which is that when you know fox news greg gutfeld the specially always thing things that are just deplorable and make you think that he's a horrible person so this is his response when they were talking about president obama apologizing to karzai for the qur'an they were inadvertently burned in afghanistan. obama will apologize to them but he won't apologize to catholics right as catholics write letters and muslims stab you with the letter opener so that i would love that would love to bomb them back to the stone age but they're already there. i mean don't even get me started on this over to you guys to the top yeah well first i thought it was so interesting that after you make that last comment you can hear everyone's my oh yeah good point yeah we should have bombed him back to the stone age but they're already there think ok first consider the crowd but on top of that i mean catholics apologizing are we occupying a catholic country in and killing them in a war with them and killing civilians are responsible for that how is that even a logical parallel