>> yes, that's greg gutfeld. >> i will read you a line. is from this book and the other from "50 shades of gray." >> he removes my shoes, and may socks. efficiently and he slowly peels off my sweatpants. oh, what panties am i wearing. second line. being a teenager in the 70s comes from two books, back acne. >> the second is from this book. >> ding, di ng. in your hands is a piping fresh copy of "the joy of hate" by greg gutfeld. it is available at all barnes and nobels and american doll stores everywhere. is this something you might want to purchase for the holidays? i >>- q. maybe. -- >> maybe. >> no. >> how about thanksgiving? >> no. >> halloween. >> no. >> kwanza? >> no. >> labor day? >> no. >> my birthday? >> probably. >> two guys there, we will do something called gorilla market cking. marketing. >> hi, guys. flavor country, am i right? i was totally reading this book for no reason whatsoever. it is called "the joy of hate" and i never hated love so much. the only thing i like more than delicious, delicious tobacco is reading the line

i had to be the lead in for greg gutfeld filling in for bill o'reilly. a boom and a boom. >> boom cubed. >> back to you, greg. >> i was on three

greg gutfeld making a bold assertion. obama is faking outrage over libya. >> for them to go after the u.n. ambassador who had nothing to do with benghazi and was simply making a presentation based on intelligence that she had received and to besmirch her reputation is outrageous. >> bill: here bernard mcgirk who produces for imus in the morning and mr. gutfeld, the author of the book "the joy of hate, how to triumph over whiners in the age of phony outrage." this is brilliant. you tag the president with phony outrage to promote your book. >> yes. >> bill: it's better than anything i could say. >> it's amazing. i didn't even mean it. he was acting like a stage mom from toddlers and tiara. this was the most manufactured anger, because heidn't have that -- he's never had that anger before when the actual act took place, the act of terror. he was calm. somehow he rushes to her defense, which just seems so smarmy. >> bill: what if he really likes her? what if this is sincere reaction and you're wrong? >> well, i'm never wrong,

to get us started on the next one, this is untitled by greg gutfeld, his next book.led is another greg gutfeld book and will do well if you buy it now. >> greg: "you of bob." >> bob:ly read it on the train. >> dana: it's in invisible ink. he is number seven debuting on the "new york times" best seller list. >> greg: you really don't have a lot to say in the "b" block. >> dana: is it not news that it is hard to travel on thanksgiving weekend. >> greg: we could run a segment from tomorrow. >> dana: but it's 36 in chicago and 78 in dallas. there is weather on the west coast. okay. i know. >> greg: you know how you make holidays easier? stagger the holidays by last name. if you are from "a" to "m" you do thanksgiving this week. "n" to "z" you do next week. that cuts the travel in half. >> dana: we're going to get something to talk about initially. eric will catch us up. you talked about the twinkies. we have news. >> eric: we could have gone to lax. the seiu is protesting at the los angeles airport. the point is unions disrupting everything going on, including hostess. w

we are missing greg gutfeld. he is at the reagan library.ts unicorns? nah! doesn't have time for unicorns. bill o'reilly? maybe if he was doing a book call "killing unicorns." i get the unicorns. they don't get the unicorns. >> dana: our own greg gutfeld on his book tour for "joy of hate" and he got standing ovations at the library last night. sold-out crowd. 1300. >> eric: they photo shopped that. >> dana: i did not. >> andrea: "time" magazine has announced the people that have been nominated for person of the year and one was sandra fluke. yes. i think ben shapiro sums it up well. leave it to time to make her the person of the year. in the year of the dependent voter they might be right. what a terrible person to elevate. a woman who says i need the government, i need help. i can't afford my birth control. it should point out, though, the girl who was shot by the taliban, is also on that list. she is a true hero. she is a true woman standing up for women rights. i hope they choose wisely or go the path of "newsweek" and go bankrupt continu

i'm dana perino with kimberly guilfoyle, bob beckel, eric bolling, greg gutfeld. it's 5:00 in new ork city. this is "the five." ♪ ♪ >> dana: hard to believe, but it's november already. we are only five days away from the election we've been talking about for months and months. after taking the last couple of days off because of the storm, both campaigns are on the trail hitting key swing states with the closing arguments. the fox news election team is on the scene. carl cameron is governor romney in virginia. ed henry with president obama in vegas. campaign carl gives us an update first. >> reporter: hi, dana. this is the first bit of broadcast history for "the five." rolling live from richmond to virginia beach with the romney campaign. in the back of the bus with the rust of the reporters trailing around the republican nominee as we close in on the election day. mr. romney has been spending a tremendous amount of time in the last couple of days talking about his desire to be a bipartisan president, reach across the aisle and deal with democrats to meet the chall

and greg gutfeld, his new book is called the joy of hate. people love to hate other people, is that why we have class warfare and tax the rich? greg is a rising star, on this program today. college football teams, changing conferences and shaking up the sport. they're going wherever there is more money, can't blame them for that and throwing away many years of tradition, just wait until you hear how much money is involved in this. all right, it's tuesday morning and i've got seven early movers, lots of earnings reports, we call them what they are, roths. hormel increases its dividend. nonetheless down a buck 30. krispy kreme takes in more money than expected and raises profits guidance. it's up. shoe carnival's profit, the guidance there disappointing, down it goes. emerging markets growth gives heinz profit a boost and that stock is down. and jack in the box, the profit there, disappointing. the stock is down. a strong back to school season helped the maker of naturalizer footwear, brown shoe, post a better than expected profit, it's up. sig

colin powell spoke last week and greg gutfeld tonight. >> greg: who is colin powel powell. >> in caseer i wasn't inviteed. >> greg: terrible. sorry. it will end. it will end soon. >> eric: q&a. >> greg: yeah. ask anything you want. >> kimberly: are you going ed hyperion him. >> greg: who took the video? >> kimberly: you can talk now. >> greg: a big day at fox news. it's bill hemmer's birthday. he is 54. i would like to wish him happy birthday and i forgot to untie him this morning and he's probably getting hungry. the last time i did this, he ate through the leather straps and ended up in the hospital. bill, i will be home soon, try to stay alive. >> eric: little known bill hemmer fact. on his birthday, he will not answer the phone unless you're singing happy birthday. >> kimberly: that is why i e-mailed him. he is not 54. >> greg: he is. he has had so many surgeries you wouldn't recognize him. >> kimberly: i'm not even going to go there, actually. i'm going to go to -- >> oh! [ laughter ] >> kimberly: well, the best hairdo. sadly, we are demanding a recount because for some reason "p

i'm greg gutfeld i'm known as the cleveland creeper. we new hair cut.hat is coming up. >> with the election only a few days away. we'll take a look at latest news and make bold predictions. >> and chinese man sues his wife but did he win. shocking answer i gave away last night but we didn't get to the story. finally why are college campuses giving sources on civility. others say it's another example of elitesocialists trying to drive their agenda to honest hard working americans. >> andy. i haven't heard about your cat. i don't know if that is true. ever since the storm we haven't heard from stormy. you pout weight. >> i would invite you check them out tonight but i know you have to catch the train. >> in this the last show before the election. i want to make it special. we may have a new president by tuesday? >> we won't. >> greg: that is true. go away. such a jerk. let's welcome our guests. look at her. she is so cute she is mistaken for a beanie baby. check out the website, the and jill. and zamboni i would ride him before and after a hockey game. a

greg gutfeld will be dropping by, trying orgeat to you buy his book. >> brian: right. he top of the hour. we have a lot to discuss and a lot of breaking news. but first. >> gretchen: let's get to your headlines. you probably have seen this name on your computer screen. mchas feaa antivirus. the company's founder might be wanted for murder. according to the tech blog, police in belize want to question him about the shooting death of his neighbor, gregory "fallin." they had been at odds after fall filed a complaint at mcafe, for firing guns. the same report suggests he experimented with drugs and arrested on gun charges. >>> he wanted to blow up the home of former president george w. bush and soon khalid could be call ago prison cell home. in a few hours, a texas judge will sentence him for his plot to attack the former president's home, as well as several nearby power plants. a jury convicted the former texas tech student in june. >>> speculation growing now. senator john kerry may become the new secretary of defense, not secretary of state as many had thought. according

i'm greg gutfeld in for bill o'reilly. thanks for watching us tonight's. let's get to our top story. general david petraeus on capitol hill testifying about libya. exactly one week after resigning as the head of the c.i.a. because of an affair, petraeus testified today in closed door hearings in front of both the house and senate intelligence committees. according to those who were there, petraeus said the c.i.a. immediately suspected that al-qaeda was involved in the 9-11 benghazi attack. but for some reason, the original c.i.a. talking points had been altered. the al-qaeda reference removed. this raises all kind of questions. joining me now to answer them, senator roy blunt, a member of the senate intelligence committee who is in washington this evening. i got to say, this is isn't just a smoking gun. it's like a smoking cannon. this news is pretty big. >> well, i think it is big and i think it's big in really questioning how the intelligence operation we now have in the country works. how what we did after 9-11 has impa

greg gutfeld. >> greg: well, i'll have you know, this isn't a brawl.. wins wars but loses elections. >> dana: why? >> greg: i don't know. [ laughter ] >> kimberly: he didn't know anything. >> greg: this is a bunch of republicans. >> this is what romney's crew should have done to axelrod and messina. gone all out. >> dana: jumped from behind? >> eric: thi care of middle america. this is the right way to do stuff. if you mess with my car we beat you up. >> kimberly: this is boxing. i want to tell you something, i'm surprised. i know jeff gordon. we used to live in the same building. his wife is nice. i'm telling you, super nice, mellow and low key. something must have done really bad. >> dana: they said he had been ramming his car purposefully the whole season and he had had enough. that's why he went ahead -- >> juan: what is striking to me in the strategy. he had to slow down and wait to make this happen. and then start this. >> eric: this is a team, juan. you know, none of the drivers drive alone. they drive in teams. taking care of his teammates. com

. >> they are all variations of the name greg gutfeld. if you are going to do it, get more creative. >> that's my signature machine. >> let's get a white house response now. >> it is just a vagrant wearing tin foil. >> he can't spell robert. >> he tans well. they envoke a lot of the same reasons they cited in 1860. if you want to make it not look like race, don't draw the parallels to the civil war. >> i believe she is getting the vapors. >> you are tickling her. >> all right, coming up. i don't have anymore opinions on this, do you? >> no, i'm just disappointed idaho is not filing for succession. >> i just think -- look, to your point, why have an experiment? for four years let red go red, blue go blue and see what side ends up more profitable. i guarantee they will be better -- if they fail, do we take them back? >> yes. the blue might have better movies and the red better businesses. >> we can say which states are doing better? >> that's a good point. >> it is called the national football league. >> should unattractive people be forced

i'm andy levy filling in for greg gutfeld. you may have heard. he has a new book out called "the joy of hate." i am contractually obligated to show it anyway. i have to sopa signing things. let's go to jedediah bila for a pre game president are. what is coming up on tonight's show? >> our top story, the fbi surveillance prowess, should you be worried about what is stored on your personal computer 1234* yes, bill schulz, you should be. and barack obama rebukes republican senators for their rights. but did our president point the finger at himself? and finally do men have standards when it comes to hitting on hot women? we discovered illiteracy and just plain weirdness sometimes aren't enough to deter men on a mission. >> thanks, jedediah. let's welcome our guests. i am here with fox news network reporter sandra smith. imus in the morning executive producer so he claims. i have never seen him do anything. bill schulz, do you think he just broke up with justin bieber? and sitting next to me is penn jaw let. he hosts a pod cast called penn sunday sch

i am tom shalou pilling in for a man named greg gutfeld. let's go to tv's andy levy for a pre game report. andy, what is coming up on tonight's show? >> our top story, does america need a drone policy? some say yes, and others say not as long as the messiah is in charge. and chris brown quits twitter. how this fine young man was under hoed and bullied by an evil woman. and a man arrested for riffing a manatee. we will have an interview with the manatee's mother. wait until you hear what she has to say. >> thanks. >> gobble, gobble. >> indeed. gobble, gobble, bill loves that. >>> i first met her during a bomb scare on an l.a. city bus. as long as the bus stayed 50 miles an hour the bomb didn't go off. we barely made it out alive. i am here with imogen lloyd webber. her latest book is called "the twitter diaries." and he was a janitor who liked to solve complex math problems. it is "the daily beast's" editor. and we cemented our friendship after he convinced me to play hook key. we had a blast in downtown chicago. it is bill schulz. and i met

the reason why greg gutfeld was not here today, he had to restock the shelves for his book, "the joybrian. >> a thanksgiving theme, and unlike tens of thousands of people not home because the water came up and wiped out my first floor and it's diabolical and across the street. the and tens of thousands of people are not going to be in their dining rooms and everyone here is thinking about you, number one, number two, i'm very thankful when the call came about a year and a half ago from national flood insurance and i was one of the few who said, well, my wife was one of the few who said let's keep it it's only $400. most of the people said, great, i'll save money and they are he' wiped out today and i thought whoever is behind those calls should really be having trouble. >> that's a good point and think about the people from sandy, new jersey, and all over are hurting and don't have a place to go home to. >> this is day i traditionally start my christmas day decorations, if you watched last year, i do. last year 85,000 lights on my house and this year i've gone for 100,000 and one of

we'll tell you what greg gutfeld 4g lte is the fastest. supeast 4g lte service would yochoose, based on this chart ? don't rush into it, i'm not lookg for the fastest answer. obviously verizon. okay, i have a fferent chart. going that way, does that make a difference ? look at verizon. it's so much more than the other ones. so what if we just changed the foat altogether ? isn't that the exact same thing ? it's pretty clear. still sticking with verizon. verizon. more 4g lte coverage than all other networks combined. >> lou: our next guest says our country is under attack by liberals, who claim to be offended and outrage and try disguise their own intolerance, joining us now is greg gutfeld, amongst other things the cohost of "the five" on the fox news channel and the host of "red eye" which airs at 3:00 a.m. eastern and his new book is, here you go... "the joy of hate." how to triumph over whiners in the age of phony outrage. great to have you here, greg. >> pleasure to be here. >> lou: a brilliant book as we'd expect and laugh out loud fun

we'll tell you what greg gutfeld [ male announcer ] at scottrade, we believe the more you know, the betterou trade. so we have ongoing webinars and interactive learning, plus, in-branch seminars at over 500 locations, where our dedicated support teams help you know more so your money can do more. [ rodger ] at scottrade, seven dollar trades are just the start. our teams have the information you want when youeed it. it's anothereason more investors are saying... [ all ] i'm with scottrade. >> lou: our next guest says our country is under attack by liberals, who claim to be offended and outrage and try disguise their own intolerance, joining us now is greg gutfeld, amongst other things the cohost of "the five" on the fox news channel and the host of "red eye" which airs at 3:00 a.m. eastern and his new book is, here you go... "the joy of hate." how to triumph over whiners in the age of phony outrage. great to have you here, greg. >> pleasure to be here. >> lou: a brilliant boo as we'd expect and laugh out loud funny. >> thank you. >> lou: as we were discussing. it is great. you came up with

along with andrea tantaros, bob beckel, dana perino, greg gutfeld. 5 verz in new yor5:00 in new yo.e five" is proud to kick off fox's coverage of election 2012. ♪ ♪ >> eric: the day has finally arrived. american voters will decide who will be the next president of the united states. we all get to exercise that right today. including the candidates. governor romney voted this morning in belmont, massachusetts. paul ryan cast his ballot in janesville, wisconsin. joe biden checked the box for the obama ticket in his home state of delaware. you will remember, president obama voted early in chicago back on october 25. but today, it's really up to you. in this hour we'll check in with carl cameron at the romney headquarters in boston. plus ed henry with the obama camp in chicago. we'll tell you which states to watch, when the polls close and what is at stake in each one of them. plus, we'll run down reports of voter fraud and intimidation. hope you stay with us for the hour. the way we'll do it, run to the swing state and start with virginia. bob, what is going on in virginia? what is the

i'm dana perino with andrea tantaros, bob beckel, eric bolling, greg gutfeld. it's 5:00 in new york city. this is "the five." ♪ ♪ >> dana: benghazi hearings finally got underway on capitol hill today. the purpose to find out what the white house and others in the administration knew about the attack, why the video was blamed and why repeated requests for more security were seemingly ignored. former c.i.a. director david petraeus will testify tomorrow in two closed door hearings. it was announced today that secretary of state hillary clinton will testify in mid-december. chairman of the house foreign affairs committee spoke today about the frustration over the conflicting information. >> every time we have another classified briefing and every time we try to pry deeper we get conflicting reports about what was taking place. and what messages were being sent to washington. what did the administration know, and we have got to do something to make sure that our personnel in harm's way including diplomat, they are on the front line, that the diplomatic posts are pro

we'll tell you what greg gutfeld [poignant music] woman: my father taught me a lot about life withoutng a word. when i was a little girl, my friends were all just like me. his never were. - hello, hello. - didn't you bring them, george? - i thought you were going to. - no, no. i brought them last time. - you are right. [laughs] i forgot! all right, all right. woman: i used to wonder, why would a jew, a christian, and a muslim ever get together? both: it was him! woman: and then i finally got it. they had a lot more in common than doughnuts. - ♪ love can build a bridge - ♪ oh, love and only love - ♪ between your heart and mine ♪ - ♪ between your heart and mine ♪ male announcer: a message from the foundation for a better life. >> lou: our next guest says our country is under attack by liberals, who claim to be offended and outrage and try disguise their own intolerance, joining us now is greg gutfeld, amongst other things the cohost of "the five" on the fox news channel and the host of "red eye" which airs at 3:00 a.m. eastern and his new book is, here you go... "the joy of hate." how t

we'll tell you what greg gutfeld says, we'll talk about his new book, "the joy of 8". -- the joy of hatepark cash card from capital one, sven gets great rewards for his small business! how does this thing work? oh, i like it! [ garth ] sven's small business earns 2% cash back on every purche, everday! woo-hoo!!! so that's ten security gators, right? put them on my spark card! why settle for less? testing hot tar... great sinesses deserve great rewards! [ male announcer ] the spark business card from capital one. choose unlimited rewards with 2% cash back or double miles on every purchase, every day! what's in your wallet? here's your invoice. >> lou: our next guest says our country is under attack by liberals, who claim to be offended and outrage and try disguise their own intolerance, joining us now is greg gutfeld, amongst other things the cohost of "the five" on the fox news channel and the host of "red eye" which airs at 3:00 a.m. eastern and his new book is, here you go... "the joy of hate." how to triumph over whiners in the age of phony outrage. great to have you here, greg. >> pl

i'm eric bolling with andrea tantaros, bob beckel, dana perino, greg gutfeld. it's 5:00 in new york city. this is "the five." ♪ ♪ >> eric: don't worry. we'll get to legalizing pot for recreational use story in a minute. hang tight. but first, 1460 days until the 2016 election. just kidding. but we did think it would be interesting to see and hear how some of america's trusted opinion makers reacted to four more years of obama. kick it off with the one and only el rushbo, rush limbaugh. >> conservatism, in my humble opinion, did not lose last night. it's just very difficult to beat santa claus. it's practically impossible to beat santa claus. people are not going to vote against st. louis, especially if the a tern tiff is being your own santa claus -- alternative is being your own santa claus. country of children where the option is santa claus or work, what wins? >> eric: you know, rush puts it in a way a lot of people can understand. >> greg: but you can't beat santa claus. you take his clothes. that is how you expose santa claus. conservatives need to expand