-these are our guys? -yeah, we put lapd in the delivery guys' uniforms. buckley: mmm. fantastic. favor. when you're done feeding the multitudes here, could you get the professor and i two mochaccinos? oh, no, i'm okay. and a, um... chai latte with a hint of cinnamon for the lady and, uh, black coffee for grumpy over there. i've got maddux on the line. buckley: hey, guys, listen! if he lets you buy more time, the airplane is a con. him and his guys are going to be tunneling their way out. this is eppes. where is my food? it's on its way. but we need a little more time for that plane. one hour. and i want that food. all right, you better have swat cover those sewer exits, right? we're talking a lot of manpower. i-i think we know a guy. hey. i heard don gave you a call. ready to go spelunking? we going to need miner's lights? no, just an outlet. my, uh, computer is dying. ah. i hope you understand this. it's just an elaboration on the same strategy puzzles that you did in prison. hey, charlie. uh, i'm sending you the traffic flow data you asked for. and you are...? engaged... to me.

one guy. (laughter) bush administration hits them with shock and awe and you've got one guy-- no one's ever heard of. this guy better be rambo. >> it's a very important point for your viewers and americans generally to understand. this was an effort across two administrations. indeed, many of the same professionals who worked for president bush on this project work with us today. so it is not a matter of partisanship. >> jon: (whispering) what are you doing? (laughter) whatever happened to those guy's sucked in? this shows we can accomplish our goals without waging regime change war on other countries. it shows the bush administration monday morning waterboarders that intelligence can be developed through more traditional less soul corroding means. jesus, democrats! you can't engage the republicans on their terms-- the blame game-- ends up with obama and the credit game, well, (bleep), we all know where that's going. >> i think credit goes over three generations... three presidencies. >> presi

"you guys are gonna go loop de loop for ron paul, you guys. round paul. want to try it?ou got to buy it." okay. some more political news. yesterday, joe biden said that working on the deficit with republicans is like carpooling to work. in response, everyone who carpools with biden was like, "it can't be that bad. [ laughter ] that's awful, what we have to deal with it." and a new study found that arkansas is the most depressed state in the u.s. that explains their state motto. [ sighs ] [ laughter ] change that. >> steve: that's a bad state motto. >> jimmy: they can change it. yeah. get this, the postal service said 5,600 mailmen were bitten by dogs last year. and that was just in "new yorker" cartoons. [ laughter ] that was dick cabot, i think he liked that one. i don't what to make of this. four people were arrested in texas for selling illegal drugs and raccoon meat at a car wash. yeah, the cop was like, "you boys are in big trouble. y'all giving a bad name to every carwash/raccoon meat shop in texas. [ laughter ] bad name!" and finally, an 80-year-old woman in calif

but the show gets crazier, you guys.s super star, the one, the only, new york city's own, john mcenroe is dropping by! [ cheers and applause ] he's a tennis legend. he's the best! and as part of this week, it's bob marley week we have the one and only, the greatest chris cornell will be performing! [ cheers and applause ] chris cornell is going to play, jam out. what kind of show is this? it's a crazy show. all sorts of stars. he's going to do "redemption song." it's a knockout. and i want to thank margaritaville spiked tea and spiked lemonade for hooking us up as tonight's sponsor. thanks so much, you guys. [ cheers ] without them, we couldn't do it. ladies and gentlemen, it's time to look at stories making headlines today, and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here you go. ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons an pros ♪ >> jimmy: tonight we'll be taking a look at the pros and cons of graduating college. it's an exciting time. exciting time, but, of course, it can be a little scary. so, here we go.

love that guy. hand if you're either a man or a woman. [ light laughter ] yeah, yeah. me, too. me too. and you know, one thing i've really noticed lately is that men and women are totally different. they almost never see eye to eye. in fact, sometimes they can be in the exact same situation and be thinking two totally different things. what kind of things are men and women thinking? let's find out together in a segment called "he said, she said." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now, you guys may not realize this, but i have a real knack for telling what's on people's minds. i don't like to brag about it, but i'm kind of psychic that way. like, for example, take a look at this. see, this couple's enjoying each other's company. it looks like fun. and i can tell just by looking at this lady that she's thinking, "he's so funny." but he's thinking something very different. he's thinking, "she's so drunk." [ light laughter ] see, that's two very different viewpoints. like, here's another example. here

that guy is such a cool dude, isn't he? and you guys hang out together.y? >> yeah. doing -- we just did the premiere for "pirates." >> jimmy: and you got to do "pirates of the caribbean." >> yeah. >> jimmy: now, you were in the last one, and i have to say in the movie theater, i saw it crushed. i mean, people went nuts, 'cause they didn't expect you to be there. cause he's kind of doing an impression of you. or he asked you permission -- just for his jack sparrow character. >> johnny can get away with murder. >> jimmy: yeah, he can just do whatever he wants. >> i think i taught him how to walk around the corner backwards or something like that. >> jimmy: oh, really? yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah. you'd never. >> and with that -- you know, that hand thing. >> jimmy: and the hand thing. [ laughter ] i love that. i love that. [ cheers and applause ] he seems like a great dude. now, is your part -- is the part meatier in this one? is -- is it bigger part? >> it's not particularly longer. but there is, it's more of a conversation between johnny and myself. >> jimmy:

the guys to get hurt the worst are the little guys. tavis: about the notions of their having to be a connection, as many in gop are due to come up between deficit-reduction and raising the debt sc eiling? is that a quid pro quo? >> it is not to me. it is to them. i came here to cut the government, a lot of these guys said. spending cuts alone will not get there. and tax increases will not get you there. anybody with half the board on their shoulders can tell you this. and that is why the gang of six is so important. they are going to say, you're going to have to do a little of everything. if he cannot do that, then, as i say, we are not greece or ireland or spain, but we are a global society, and a global unification, and everything we do is dependent upon the world. the money is fungible. everything. and i am just saying, do not do anything -- do not do a thing. just a freeze in place. these new guys say, i will not vote to extend the debt limit until you cut spending. if they say, what you want? if they say, waste, fraud, abuse, earm

this guy, this guy, this guy... wait a minute. can i see that shot of me watching this footage over the weekend? son of a bitch. no! no. ( applause ) you know, osama, we weren't so different, you and i. except of course for you being the world's most evil man and my unrekited love for the bugles. but home video of bin laden in his jihad snuggie wasn't the most embarrassing thing we found. >> and they found a syrup which according to folklore in that part of the world at least can be used for virility enhancement. >> jon: yes, yes. we're not so different, you and i. ( cheers and applause ) big deal. so an old guy with six wives needed to use a little dong syrup. what else did we find? >> look at the difference. the candid shots, the gray beard. the propaganda tape. the beard has been dyed black. >> jon: he dyes his beard? you know, now i feel bad for the courier who had to do osama's shopping at the abbottabad cvs. "i need you to go to the store and get me some, what you call, juice and three boxes of the just for mad men. i want t

the smart guys who may not go in the operation, right? then the guys willing to cut throats.me about that. how many guys are sitting in rooms right now drinking coffee thinking about how to kill us? >> there's an unlimited supply of people like that. thugs. >> unlimited. >> the smart guys are much more -- much rarer. also people who have been through the training, through some kind of training to show them how to build the bombs and organize themselves. >> the monkey bar stuff, they always show this stuff -- i always wonder, is that what we're afraid of? guys that can run along obstacles forces? i'm more afraid of a guy who has a master's degree from m.i.t. and knows how to build a bomb. >> another real danger, chris, is a group like hezbollah. >> you're laughing, bob. you had to do that to get into s.e.a.l.s, right? >>, well, no, take the guy who was the leader of the attack on september 11th, mohammed atta. if he had gone to the cafe in hamburg where he was planning this thing a couple years -- he had no military background. he was an unhappy student, from egypt. he shopped

[ cheers and applause ] you guys are the best. you guys are boss.mes, can i get some thank you note writing music, please? [ laughter ] ♪ unbelievable. unbelievable. ♪ "thank you -- college diplomas, for being the world's most expensive frameable receipt." ♪ "thank you -- people who fear that tomorrow, may 21st, will be the end of the world. and congratulations, guys hitting on those people in bars tonight." "tomorrow might be the end of the world, so you might as well just make out with me now." [ laughter ] ♪ "it's a pretty smooth bar. huh? they got some smooth music." ♪ "thank you, webmd for being the fastest and easiest way to turn a simple bruise into a rare, life-threatening disease." "oh, my god! i got yellow fever!" [ laughter ] i got to the wait until -- tomorrow's the end of the world. ♪ "thank you -- the couple in israel who were inspired by facebook to name their new daughter like. based on the way she was conceived, though, you should have named her poke." [ laughter ] should have. right? >> steve: oh, i -- >> jimmy: it's the end of the

all right, you guys. you guys ready to play some "doll posing"?> jimmy: all right, let's do it. here's how it works. [ cheers and applause ] tiny doll hidden inside here. when it's your turn, i will show you the doll for five seconds. you have to make a mental note of what it's wearing, how it's posed and what its facial expression is. you will then have 30 seconds to pull props from a bin, put them on and then, when you hear this sound -- [ baby crying ] you have to look right into that two-way mirror and strike your doll pose. okay? the contestant whose pose looks most like the doll wins the grand prize. any questions? very good. higgins, what are they playing for tonight? >> jimmy, tonight's "doll posing" winner will receive $100 and that's not all. they will also get to take home tonight's doll. ♪ jimmy >> jimmy: -- you can join me over here and just so you guys don't cheat and look at the doll before it is your turn, we're gonna have you put on these domes of silence. [ laughter ] you won't be able to -- >> steve: shh! >> jimmy: -- hear or se

hey, guys.ure you've heard of this by now, but last week cbs announced that ashton kutcher is replacing charlie sheen on "two and a half men." did you hear about this? pretty big news. this is -- but, some other news that's not getting as much attention, apparently charlie sheen is replacing ashton kutcher on mtv's "punk'd." [ laughter ] i know. it seems crazy, but it's pretty much the same show. it's basically just him pranking people around the office. it's called "sheen'd." [ laughter ] take a look. ♪ >> welcome, my gods and goddesses. i, the sheen man, have this new show where i get to go around pulling the most bitching pranks on droopy-eyed trolls. these pranks are so gnarly they might melt your face off. check out this first prank. what you working on there, dude? >> i got this report that i have to finish by next friday. hey! >> you good? >> no, you're wrecking my work. >> you just got sheen'd. >> what? >> sheen'd. sheen'd. troll. yep, pretty bitching. you mess with sheen, you get sheen'

huge, huge news, you guys.resident obama said he will not release the photo of osama bin laden's dead body. well, there goes my christmas card idea. [ laughter ] this is interesting. after osama bin laden's death on sunday there was a 1 million% increase in bin laden searches on google. [ laughter ] which means people are going, "yes, we got bin laden. hold on. who's that again?" [ laughter ] oh, yeah. yeah, that guy. yeah, yeah. yeah, i know him. good, we got him. listen to this, you guys. cleveland indians outfielder, shin-soo choo was arrest this week for drunk driving. they let him go when they realized he wasn't drunk. he was just introducing himself. [ laughter ] shin-soo choo. shin-soo choo. i'm just saying my name. shin-soo choo, nice to meet you. shin-soo choo. get him a tissue or something. you're going downtown, buddy. check this out you guys. a 90-year-old woman and a 100-year-old man recently became the oldest couple ever to get married. [ audience aws ] yeah. it was really sweet. first the couple

this is the best guy ever. he is the same guy on tv as he is off tv. do you want to play a little game when we come back? >> sure. >> jimmy: thanks, buddy. i appreciate it. john rich and i are going to play a game of skee ball when we get back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ survival's all about keeping your cool. so who will be the last man standing? cubby, add the wolverines! [ growling ] new everest from degree has a fresh scent and twice the sweat-blocking power. still looks cool and dry! new everest from degree. took some wild risks when i was young. but i was still taking a risk with my cholesterol. anyone with high cholesterol may be at increased risk of heart attack. diet and exercise weren't enough for me. i stopped kidding myself. i've been eating healthier, exercising more, and now i'm also taking lipitor. if you've been kidding yourself about high cholesterol, stop. along with diet, lipitor has been shown to lower bad cholesterol 39 to 60 percent. lipitor is fda approved to reduce the risk of heart attack and stroke in patients who have heart di

with a guy that was very close to the devil, he was a tough guy. paying me to do. i got close to members of organized crime so we can eliminate them. >> cooper: do you feel like you walked up to the line? >> devecchio: yeah. yeah, sure, i got close to it. i... i freely admit that. >> cooper: in the 1980s, the mafia was a big problem in new york city, and this was as close as law enforcement often got-- surveillance footage taken outside a mob hang-out called the wimpy boys social club in bensonhurst, brooklyn, an area then controlled by the colombo family. one of the most notorious wise guys was greg scarpa, who had a reputation for brutality. >> devecchio: he was a made guy, a button in the colombo family. >> cooper: a tough guy, too? >> devecchio: very tough. was absolutely fearless. one of the toughest guys i've ever seen. >> cooper: his toughness may have been legendary, but what no one in the colombo family knew was that "the grim reaper" was also a rat. in the 1960s, he had secretly provided the fbi with detailed information about fellow mobs

inknow a lot of guys. i know a lot of guys. my wife and my family do charitable work for military heroes all the time. i got guys with no legs that went into that war on terror hell storm knowing they would probably come out with no legs or arms. they went anyway because that's the the war yor spirit they have. and they're still waiting for their prosthetics. the special wheelchair. but maybe there's some child rapist in prison who's getting a new liver transplant this week. >> you're very pro the troops. inget that. you yourself, you dodged the draft. >> i'm glad we're here on "the piers morgan show" to set that straight. >> set the record straight. >> no, did i not dodge the trap. i was 17 and i was a clueless idiot. >> i was quite suave. >> being that as it may, no, i was enrolled in oakland community college. i had a one wide deferment. did i register -- i registered. did i volunteer? no. should i have? yes. >> do you regret that? >> you know, i do regret it on one level. on the most important, fundamental level, is that i

we have some smart guys here that will fly the planes. your guys' jobs is to cut throats.there's two kids, the smart guys that may not go into the operation and the guys willing to cut throats. so how many guys are sitting in rooms drinking coffee or smoking hooka pipes thinking about ways to kill us. >> there's unlimited number of those. the smart guys are much rarer of you also have people through the training, through some kind of training to show them how to build the bombs. >> this kind -- we always show this stock footage. is that what we're afraid of, guys that can run along obstacle forces? i'm more worried about a guy with a master's from m.i.t. >> the real danger, and other real danger is a group lining hezbollah. >> you're laughing, bob, because you had to do that to get into the s.e.a.l.s, right? >> no, you take the guy that was the leader of the attack, mohammed atta, if you had gone to the cafe in ham burg, you wouldn't have recognized him as a military operative, because he has no military background. he was an unhappy student from egypt, he was planning, an

oh, i love you guys.ey, man, if you were watching "celebrity apprentice" last night, it was just crazy. [ laughter ] i mean, i didn't see it, but, apparently, star jones and nene leakes got so out of control, they ended up killing osama bin laden. [ laughter ] crazy. that's right, president obama announced late last night that bin laden has been killed in pakistan. that's right. [ cheers and applause ] that's right, bin laden is dead, just like the republicans' chances in 2012. [ cheers and applause ] that's right, obama announced last night that bin laden was killed. and, oddly enough, bin laden's last words were, "i hope you at least use this to interrupt 'celebrity apprentice.' [ laughter ] please. why not?" that's right. bin laden was killed by u.s. forces in an upscale suburb of pakistan. even worse for bin laden, turns out his 72 virgins were just some dudes watching "game of thrones" on hbo. [ laughter ] "i'm saving myself." [ laughter ] listen to this. they did dna testing to prove that the body a

, a great guy. mark to rosa. played in 29 regular-season games for the giants. he is an infielder, an outfielder. in the regular season, there were lots of heroes for the giants, but nobody had more big home runs, seventh inning or later, down the stretch, bay area native, grew up a giants fan, outfielder tad burrow. [applause] how about what a weapon this guy turned into? first baseman, travis ishikawa. [applause] this guy knocked in a run in game 1 of the world series, bay area native, giants fan, outfielder nate sherholmes. [applause] latest and gentlemen, the hall of fame in cooperstown new york, for this morning because they have a lot of memorabilia from the giants on display right now, including the batting helmets worn in the world series. ladies and gentlemen, the national league championship series mvp, here is toni ross. -- tony ross. [applause] an important pick up midseason, late-season from the chicago cubs, he started four different post-season games for the giants, infielder. will th

this guy is -- this guy has -- >> jimmy: i love this guy.tattoos everywhere. a little issue with controlled substances. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> they weren't even going to -- they weren't going to invite him, but they thought he'd be so pissed off if they snubbed him that he'd freak. and so they decided we have to invite him. it's like keep your friends close and your enemies closer. >> jimmy: i love weddings. >> uncle gary. that's the moment. watch for uncle gary. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. that's very -- >> i know. >> jimmy: now, who's -- everyone on the "today" show is going, right? >> meredith is there. al is there. ann will be there. i'll be there. natalie -- >> jimmy: who's going to be here in new york? >> hoda and kathie lee are back. [ light laughter ] >> oh, no. wait, wait, wait. this is insane. >> it's an outrage. i know, it's an outrage. >> jimmy: it's going to be like "risky business." they're going to have a big party. they're going to have a kegger while the parents are away. [ laughter ] >> i know. >> jimmy: "no, we didn't have a

hey, guys, listen to this."the undefeated?" [ laughter ] that's like a documentary about arnold schwarzenegger called "the faithful." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's right. someone made a two-hour documentary about sarah palin's political life. in case you're interested in watching a movie that's longer than palin's actual political life. speaking of the palins, in a new interview, bristol palin says she doesn't plan on having more kids any time soon. but then she added, "but that never stopped me before." [ laughter ] i just saw this, president obama is planning a state visit to puerto rico in june. i'm sorry, "a state visit to puerto rico"? i'm pretty sure that's a vacation to puerto rico. [ laughter ] "we also have just normalized diplomatic relations with sandals resort in jamaica, so i've got to get over there and make sure -- apparently they stopped doing massages. [ laughter ] so we've got to get down to it and see what they're doing over there. nightmare. nightmare over there." some election

it's all going down, you guys. so guys, get your cats and tats.halston dresses and tune in monday yacht rock 2k11. it's going to be great! [ cheers and applause ] we have an awesome show tonight though. rapper, author, actor ice-t is here! [ cheers and applause ] he's a great dude. [ applause ] such a nice guy. also, the beautiful and talented actress, paula patton is dropping by! [ cheers and applause ] and if you like good music, you guys, we've got tim mcgraw is going to be here! [ cheers and applause ] tim mcgraw. he's a legend. hey guys, before we get started, i want to send a quick shout-out. i'm very lucky to be doing this again this year. this saturday, put it on your calendars, i'll be one of the hosts for the revlon run/walk for women right here in new york city. it starts in times square. [ applause ] we'll have thousands of people there to raise money for women's cancer research. you can still register online. it's not too late. so go to revlonrunwalk.org. donate some money or sign up and come meet us on saturday for a great cause. [ c

i like that guy.ts," aly michalka is here. [ cheers and applause ] and we got a great, great song. this guy just smacking hits left and right in the country music world. darius rucker is here. [ cheers and applause ] he's gonna sing a great song. ♪ i don't care you know, our show is lucky to have the greatest band in late night the roots, right there, ladies and gentlemen. they are the greatest. [ cheers and applause ] they really are cool. but, it isn't all fun and games. it's not all fun and games. from time to time, we put the roots to the test. we pick people from our audience, random people, and have the roots make up songs about them on the spot. it's time for "freestylin' with the roots." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ time to freestyle with the roots -- ♪ >> jimmy: very, very nice. here we are. very good. thank you, roots. roots, you guys ready? >> yes. >> ow. >> jimmy: all right. let's pick someone. who wants a song written about them? [ cheers and applause ] there you go. how you doing? >> hi. >>

as i looked, i said this guy wasn't a bad guy.he always talkd about protecting his employees, protecting his colleagues, protecting his shareholders. when i talked to people off the record who knew him they said he had his head in the sand. somebody brought him the bad news a few weeks earlier and so he was fired. don't bring dick any bad news. people said that in war and leaders have unfortunately watched their countries go up in flames. there are people who said that he really didn't get it until virtually the weekend before his the stock crash. >> charlie: and what the stakes were. >> you have to remember, he turned down warn buffet who was willing to buy eeb the toxic assets, the real estate securities that were such a disaster. bufert >> this is a guy who had a billion dollars of stock in his company. i mean he had all the skin in the game you'd ever want. he was only to supposed to make the right decisions. he ends up with $56,000 because he believed to the bitter end-- and i what i love about his performance is he captures

these guys, our guys go in... in...e dead of night, it's pitch black, they're taking out walls, false doors, getting shot at, they killed bin laden, and they had the presence of mind to still gather up a whole bunch of bin laden's material, which will be a treasure trove of information that could serve us very well in the weeks and months to come. it's just an indication of the extraordinary work that they did. >> kroft: do you have any sense of what they found there? >> obama: we are now obviously putting everything we've got into analyzing and evaluating all that information. but we anticipate that it can give us leads to other terrorists that we've been looking for... for a long time, other high-value targets. but also can give us a better sense of existing plots that might have been there. how they operated and... and... and their methods of communicating. and we now have the opportunity, we're not done yet, but we've got the opportunity, i think, to really finally defeat at least al qaeda in that border region betw