. >> larry: you just did ha ha ha. >> jon: son of a b tch wilmore. here is your moment of zone. >> the whole world is on fire. >> the world's on fire. >> the world is on fire. yes. your world is on fire captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> larry: tonightly... we're talking march madness! as god is my witness, "linda in accounting," you're going down! are student athletes getting an education -- or does thinky sport guys no get good college no more? we figured out what ncaa stands for -- it's "no compensation

. >> aka be president. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ha, ha, ha. ve to laugh. ha. ha, ha, ha. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: by the way, i've got to ask. are we still scheduled to box evander holyfield? i mean, what are we thinking? >> don't worry. it's all in good fun. it's for charity. what's the worst that can happen? >> jimmy: that's true. i guess it won't be the first time we lose to a black guy. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> touche. well, what else should i talk about during the interview? >> jimmy: why don't you talk about the sweet 16? >> oh, you mean my sons? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. i'm talking about tag and tad and toby, tweet, and tumblr and tinder. [ laughter ] >> well maybe i should talk about the important issues facing our great nation. we've got turmoil in the middle east, an immigration crisis here at home, and now zayn quit one direction. thanks, obama. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and zayn was my favorite one. ♪ we can dance all night to the best song ever ♪ come on, mitt man, show me some of those moves. [ laugh

ha ha! you ok

ha ha ha! ha ha! we love halloween. especially claire. it's my favorite holiday.r since i was a kid i loved scary things. if there was a new horror movie in town i was the first in line. "one, please." [chuckles] then i met phil. "two, please."

a/k/a -- >> be president. >> ha-ha, has ha ha. good one me. you know me. i love to laugh. ha-ha. >> and what's "the tonight show" without an instagram with the guest? rapper 50 cent. romney's son po%m&- d edposted the image and showing fallon and romney together. >> that was 50 cent. >> funny though. he was great. >> you were -- >> yes. no no, no. this morning, no, no. i saw it. >> i thought you were up. >> no. >> funny even last night. i was staying up in bed waging it. it's always nice to see a normally serious politician having a little fun. don't you agree? >> absolutely agree. >>> how much rain we could see today but it's goin >>> breaking news now out of richmond. escaped convict on the loose. 54-year-old managing to assault a guard at a treatment center he was staying at and rahn off. 200 pounds, 6'3". two school dms the yeah on lock dourn and a convicted sex offender. the search is ton to try to get him back into custody here's tom. >>> rain that moved through heading into northeastern maryland. a few showers, tide water virginia, should stay dry now. this evening,

ha ha ha ha ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's the way to do it. ] ♪ pe nn state is right here in greater philidelphia. ♪ we are top ranked by corporate recruiters. ♪ there's new scholarship money available. ♪ we have four year degrees so you can finish here. or at another penn state campus. ♪ and there's no application fee when you visit here. penn state in greater philidelphia. download your application fee waiver at: ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >>> our thanks to judi dench, ansel elgort. [ cheers and applause ] gza, tom morello. the roots right there ladies and gentlemen from philadelphia. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

ha ha ha ha. >> that's great. that was jimmy fallon and mitt romney. sports get mauled. while we're waiting for the sweet sixteen to get started. here tied against murray state in the game's final seconds. >> here's freeman. he's got a shot. oh my god. oh my god. >> oh that buzzer beater gives odu the 72-69 victory. they advance to the tournament semi finals. >>> great news to report. defensive tackle daughter is in remission. the four-year-old was given a 50/50 chance of survival when she was diagnosed with pediatric cancer. he made the announcement yesterday with a photo of his daughter and a caption that reads in part wrrkts quote june second was the day doctors walked into the waiting room to tell me my daughter had cancer. it was devastating. march 25th is feeling like the best day of my life. >> an embarrassing moment for wisconsin basketball player when he forgot his microphone was hot at a press conference yesterday. take a look. >> god, she's beautiful. did you hear that? >> i heard that. >> all right. so we'll open it up to questions. >> and

ha! ha! ha! [cheers and applause] welcome to millionaire.week, some of the smartest young people you've ever seen are playing for big bucks. it's millionaire whiz kids! [cheers and applause] our returning whiz kid is a 14-year-old science genius who invented an earthquake-proof desk in the sixth grade. today he's back to win more money to invest in his science projects. from rancho palos verdes california, please welcome chris isozaki. ah, what's up? how you doing? >> great. and you? >> come on in, chris

ha ha ha! ha ha ha! >> he'll watch you and his hope is that you will make a mistake so he can either get out or fight with you. that is his plan, that's what he does 24 hours a day. >> every time i see them, it's to make their eight hours as stressful as possible. >> inmate hymes, we need you to turn around -- nope! >> nope. i'm not going to turn around. you know, whatever that may be, be making noise all day. whatever i can do to make their eight hours as stressful as possible. they say, well, i'm going home, i'm going home. but, yeah, when you go home, you'll be back tomorrow. >> close it. close it. >> hold it. >> hold it. >> come on. >> [ bleep ]. >> that's the thing about this place. me out. >> eventually transferred to san quentin state prison, the man who is arguably california's most violent inmate completed his sentence and was released in 2007. >> you have people locked up in this, this type of environment and then you release them to the street. what do you expect? >> back up, mother -- ha ha ha

ha! ha! ha! ha! [cheers and applause] welcome to millionaire.he smartest young people you've ever seen are playing for big bucks. it's millionaire whiz kids! [cheers and applause] our returning whiz kid is a 14-year-old science genius who invented an earthquake-proof desk in the sixth grade. today he's back to win more money to invest in his science projects. from rancho palos verdes california, please welcome chris isozaki. ah, what's up? how you doing? >> great. and you? >> come on in, chris. [cheers and applause]

ha ha ha, ha. [ laughter ] >> where was that guy in 2012? us into your home tonight. that's it for "special report," but keep it right here on fox where more news is always on the way. and greta van susteren goes "on the record" in just a couple of seconds. >>> this is a fox news alert. the co-pilot did it. french prosecutors say the german wings co-pilot deliberately slamming the passenger jet into a mountain side. they say the 27-year-old co-pilot's intention was to destroy the plane. the cockpit voice recorder showing evidence of the terrifying minutes of the doomed flight. >> mystery, terror and confusion. just 48 hours after german wings flight 9525 goes down in the french alps killing everybody on board. today the french prosecutor accusing the co-pilot of crashing the airplane. >> he voluntarily allowed the plane to lose altitude. >> the story starts at 10:01 a.m. german

ha ha ha ha ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's the way to do it. ] ♪ [ birds chirping ] [ inhales, exhales ] [ announcer ] cigarettes are not just dangerous when they're smoked. [ rat squeaking ] they're dangerous long after. cigarette butts are toxic. they release chemicals that poison our water... and harm wildlife. and millions... are polluting our environment. [ sniffing ] [ seagulls squawking ] yoplait greek 100. for when you just can't make it without a protein-packed, thick and creamy, power-me-up-with-something filling taste-bud-loving, satisfaction by the spoonful, deliciously fruity, dinner feels a million years away, grab and go, let's take on the world with 100 calories, snack yoplait greek 100. there are hundreds of reasons to snack on it. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >>> our thanks to judi dench, ansel elgort. [ cheers and applause ] gza, tom morello. the roots right there ladies and gentlemen from philadelphia. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. hope to see y

ha, ha, ha, ha. immy fallon and his friends at bayside. ♪ >> jimmy: nice! zack attack. i love them! ♪ ♪ we met some time ago when we were all so young we've been through thick and thin ♪ ♪ we lost, we tied, we won friends forever ♪ >> jimmy: hey, guys. friends forever? >> friends forever! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to the cast of "saved by the bell." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show"! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ why are all these people so asleep, yet i'm so awake? did you know your brain has two systems? one helps keep you awake- the other helps you sleep. science suggests when you have insomnia, the wake system in your brain may be too strong and your neurotransmitters remain too active as you try to sleep, which could be leading to your insomnia. ohh...maybe that's what's preventing me from getting the sleep i need! talk to your doctor about ways to manage your insomnia. girls: (giggling) girl: he's so cute. what should we name him? (mixe

ha, ha, ha, ha. know your financial plan won't keep you up at night. know you have insights from professional investment strategists to help set your mind at ease. know that planning for retirement can be the least of your worries. with the guidance of a pnc investments financial advisor, know you can get help staying on track for the future you've always wanted. across america, people are their type 2 diabetes... ...with non-insulin victoza. for a while, i took a pill to lower my blood sugar, but it didn't get me to my goal. so i asked my doctor about victoza. he said victoza works differently than pills, and comes in a pen. victoza is proven to lower blood sugar and a1c. it's taken once a day, any time. and the needle is thin. victoza is not for weight loss, but it may help you lose some weight. victoza is an injectable prescription medicine that may improve blood sugar in adults with type 2 diabetes when used with diet and exercise. it is not recommended as the first medication to treat diabetes and should not be used in people with type 1 diabetes o

ha ha ha ha. >> okay. t jimmy did ask him about an upcoming charity fight with evander holyfield. >> i actually have footage of you training for this. this is your two and a half-year-old. >> grandson. winston. >> he's taking the governor to the ropes. watch this. >> my favorite. my nose. >> with that that is your morning dish of scrambled politics. in your face. let's bring in syndicated columnist. he is in washington. always great to see you, bob. >> nice to talk to you. i still think that mitt romney believes that there's a chance that he might be the candidate for president. otherwise, why, why would he fight with evander holyfield? >> it looks like he's bringing the gloves out and he might want to wear some ear muffs? >> maybe a head muff or something like that. >> oh my goodness. sergeant bow burg daul. the debate brewing in washington. do you think the president is going to face more blowback over this? >> i suspect so. certainly the republicans are going to remind him that the freedom of him was ann

ha ha ha ha. >> toure has mitt found a new career path? >> cracking you up, man. eaking my side. >> no not really. i thought i guy wanted to change america. you can change america outside of politics. i expected his post-political life to be more substantive. after you fight evander holy field, you can't be taken seriously. i don't know what this guy is doing. >> i like to see politicians not taking themselves too seriously. i think obama has good at that the self-deprecating the video he did recently was -- >> he has been heavily criticized. other politicians are doing the same thing. >> we shouldn't be that surprised that he's that funny, because the policies are usually laugh around. >> oh, zinger. >> thank you. i'm here all night. it's nice when we sue them being a bit human. >> and not take yourself too seriously. >>> thank you all for your time tonight. be sure to catch toure on requests the cycle. >>> we'll be right back with a big report on that racist frat video. stay with us. snooz a dry mouth can be a side effect of many medications. but it can also lead

ha-ha. >> ha-ha. >> coming up the in "the skinny" this morning. ular person in the world, well at least on facebook. why he might not be a household name. >> get your brackets ready. march madness officially begun. ncaa college hoops tournament. teams in the big dance to the final four. who will you be picking? you are watching "world news now." >> announcer: "world news now" weather brought to you by woolite darks. >>> all right. welcome back. time for this year's edition of march madness. all starts tomorrow night when manhattan takes on hampton university. the winner of the game has a big task. they'll meet the tournament's overall number one seed. university of kentucky wildcats. kentucky 34-0 this year. they won the southeastern conference title beating arkansas. a victory that probably made t.j. holmes upset. >> ha-ha. >> bet you are right. >> that's right. another big favorite. going to get a lot of attention in the brackets is wisconsin. the badgers needed overtime against michigan state yesterday before winning the big ten championship. wi

ha, ha, ha. ha, ha, ha. i wasn't born yesterday. i was born 67 years ago, and i have been planning on being president ever since. there will be no mistakes in my rise to the top, if i decide to run. who knows. who knows. >> oh, a week of stories over hillary clinton's e-mails capped by that skit on "saturday night live." now it's become a pretty familiar pattern but will this story evaporate like so many in the past or does it spell real trouble for the upc campaign? jon karl examines those questions in our "closer look." >> hi, everybody. >> reporter: last night hillary clinton and daughter chelsea got a rousing welcome at a meeting of the clinton global initiative. hillary clinton didn't say anything about the topic du jour but president obama did telling cbs he was unaware that she conducted official business using personal e-mail. when did he learn about it? >> the same time everybody else earn learned it through news reports. >> reporter: the president praised secretary clinton as a great secretary of state but made it clear he

ha ha ha ha ha! cohanthe answer is fred smith chief executive officer of federal express. ght away on my bloomberg terminal. how about on twitter, who is our first twitter responder? there we go. it had to be none other than fred smith. bill: and paul tudor jones. stephanie: i'm going to say j.t. is my number one. he's pretty special. keep your eye on the nasdaq. we are 13 points away from a record high. i won't see you. see you in a week and a half. ♪ scarlet: i'm scarlet fu. here's a snapshot of the trading action this friday. stocks are rallying. this has been the pattern of late with the dow alternating between triple digit point gains and losses every day since last thursday. the trend is a jagged move higher with the dow up almost 3% above its six-week low in mid-march and less than 1% away from its record close. the nasdaq at a fresh 15 year high, closing in on topping its bubble era record. joining me for today's options inside is dan deming of equity armor investments. that is volatility making a comeback isn't it? dan: volatility certainly has made a comeback. it'

. >> larry: you just did ha ha ha. >> jon: son of a b tch wilmore. here is your moment of zone. >> the whole world is on fire. >> the world's on fire. >> the world is on fire. yes. your world is on fire captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> larry: tonightly... we're talking march madness! as god is my witness, "linda in accounting," you're going down! are student athletes getting an education -- or does thinky sport guys no get good college no more? we figured out what ncaa stands for -- it's "no compensation aaaah-ha, aaaaahahahaaa!" time to fill out your brackets, bitches! this is the "the nightly show"! captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) ♪ >> larry: thank you! thank you very much! welcome to the "the nightly show." i'm larry wilmore. my mind went blank. i still can't think -- i'm so upset. tomorrow morning i'll have ten. that's the way it goes. we've got a few stories tonight as a part of our new segment "rich people are getting away with stuff as usual." (laughte

apart and his knee slipped out. >> look at his buddy over there dying laughing hopping around like ha ha, ha's sad. his friends could have maybe tried to help pull that tree apart a little. >> his friends challenged him to climb in the first place. like let's see how far up the tree you can go. >> i don't think the kids had man strength just yet. >> poor knee. that couldn't have felt good. >>> police officers in south africa are looking for a carjacking suspect when they spot it they turn on their sirens but the chase is on. it takes off and listen. >> are those shots there? >> two shots ring out. the car continues down the street weaving through traffic into oncoming lanes. then it piles up on this curve here. their hands immediately come out. the officers' guns drawn. they dragged three suspects out of the car and detained them. >> oh, my gosh. right next to a pedestrian. did you see where that person was standing? inches away from being hit. >> no reports of any injuries in this incident. but can't say the same for this next dash cam video from russia. the reason why there are so many rus

has 650,000 people, and pretty soon, you've got the numbers to select for a thousand serious members of a congress watchdog group, and this happens all over the country, 435 districts. every district has talent, every district has a community college, 4-year college, lot of talent. the thousand people put themselves behind an agreed agenda. i mentioned some of these: the living wage and full insurance and so on, war and peace. they agree from the beginning, so they don't have to bicker so much. they agree to devote 200 hours a year, volunteer 200 hours a year, 4 hours a week. they agree to raise or contribute $200 a year, and they open an office with 2 or 3 full-time staff. and then they summon their members with an agreed-upon, national agenda of long-overdue redirection supported by a majority of the american people, what abraham lincoln called "the public sentiment" when he said, "with the public's sentiment, you can do anything," which is why i say 1% of the american people turning congress around, turns the executive branch around, turns our priorities into humane and productive paths, reduces the level of corrosive greed, and on and on. we become a humanitarian superpower instead of a military-ravaging em

. >> jon: ha-ha-ha-boom! that is the university of-- that is the university of oklahoma's sigma alpha epsilon fraternity describing their rush policy in racist chant form. now, i know what you're thinking after seeing that video-- luckily, oklahoma line backer eric striker put your feeling into words. i'm so ( bleep ) furious right now. s.a.e. just ( bleep ) it up for you all ( bleep ) white fraternities. same ( bleep ) talkin' about racism don't exist be the same ( bleep ) that be shakin' our hands, givin' us hugs, tellin' how you really love us. ( bleep ) you phony ( bleep ) fraud ( bleep ). ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: i felt that. ( laughter ) by the way phony-ass-bitches is those kids' new fraternity. you know what, i gotta say, i think everyone felt pretty angry after this incident but luckily, we got a speedy apology. >> i was angered. i was-- you know, i was outraged. i apologize for the profanity, but i'm not apologizing about how i felt because that's how i felt in my heart. >> jon: o

has has been cooperate and whether the the ordinance is affecting the relationship. the fbi understand the restriction placed on its members of the sfpd and to ensure the officers assigned and the sfpd maintains a very close professional working relationship with our colleagues in the fbi. regarding complete description of any issues in relation to the sfpd's process to ensure that the ordinance is being implemented. >> a request for a complete description of any sfpd funds and any attended issues resulting from those these expenditures. the sfpd paid the salaries of the officers in 2014 used personal equipment and other expert expenses such as overtime etc. remain the responsibility of the fbi and a recent inquiring all task members are provided with a government vehicle with the fbi. >> regarding a complete description of the oversight system created to ensure compliance with the ordinance the task force officers including a a description of relevant training provided to sfpd officers. officers are trained to be familiar

going to tell help you by telling people that your show starts right now. >> larry: you just did ha ha haent of zone. >> the whole world is on fire. >> the world's on fire. >> the world is on fire. yes. your world is on fire captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org (piano playing "as time goes by") (orchestra joins in, music swells) (song concludes with a flourish) (flames roaring whooshing) ♪ ♪ (can pops open, liquid pours) (can clatters to floor) (slow, dramatic music plays) (bell tolls) (raspy laughter) (continues laughing) you got spunk, wolfhouse, i'll give you that-- but i don't know if i got room in my pocket for any more of your money. i got a little spunk for ya. (laughing) (continues lau

ha! steve: ha! >> [laughing] that is so silly. steve: shut up, girl! okay, go ahead. >> knock knock. steve: who's there? >> orange. steve: orange who? >> orange you glad to meet me, steve harvey? ha ha! steve: hey, listen, win yourself a lot of money, okay? come on. play well. defend your title campbell family. let's go. hey, let's play "feud." give me lindsey, give me diane. ["family feud" theme playing] ladies, we got top 6 answers on the board. here we go. if the zipper on your pants breaks at work, what do you do? >> use a safety pin. steve: use a safety pin. >> whoo! i'm going to play, steve. steve: they'

ha-ha! shshalall l wewe d dinine?e? [ [ chuckle ] yoyou u wowoululdndn't't e expxpecectt an insurance company toto s shohow w yoyou u ththeieir r raratetes and their competitors' rates bubut t ththatat's's p prereciciseselyly w whahat we do. gogoining g upup!! nonopepe, , cocomimingng d dowown.n. anand d ifif y youou s swiwitctchh to progressive today yoyou u cocoululd d sasaveve a an n avavereragage of over 500 bucks. ststopop i it.t. so call l meme t tododayay at the number below. oror i is s itit a aboboveve?? didismsmouountnt!! ohoh, , anand d hehe s stitickcks s ththe e landing! >>> i have a couple of cycling videos that you really just have to see to believe. this first one in the netherlands. this is all part of a european women's cycling tour. they're right at the finish line. the two on the right are neck and neck going for first place. >> what happened? >> you see the cyclist falls, but then crawls to the finish line. ends upcoming in seventh place. >> from second to seventh. >> this rider, 26-year-old lauren rowney from australia. >> did she hit one of the barriers on the side? did somebody do something? >> watch what happens. in slow motion. >> oh you jerk! he reached out and grabbed her handlebars. >> yeah a spectator reaches his arms out, grabs the handlebars forcing this rider over her handlebars and causing this problem. according to reports, she ended up breaking her collarbone. >> why would you sabotage someone's race? they train so much for this. but not only that she ended up really injured. >> this next video from san luis abispo in california. they get a little visitor that comes on this ride. it's a wild turkey. this video posted by randy warren. it's actually not that crazy. there are many wild turkeys in california. maybe he was just out for a workout and decided he wanted a buddy system. >>> a birthday party, you get presents. she's clearly enjoying this. her birthday was around the holiday season. but the video was just posted. now, this is a really cool gift. also a hint, which she does not really pick up on. >> that's your dream car. you said you wanted a car for christmas. >> i remember that. >> that's from the uncle. hey, heard you wanted a new car. ha ha it's a match boxcar. >> that's kind of exactly how it goes down. she's like oh yeah, this is really what i wanted, a little vw bug. >> that's like the perfect car for a 16-year-old too because they're adorably cute. >> yeah, it's awesome. >> and then a car alarm starts sounding outside. she's really not picking up on the hints at all. she's just being goofy. like oh, is that my car? she pretend she's going to run outside being funny. everybody's like, hint two. down the drain. and finally, they get her to look out the window and she sees her car. >> it's a vehicle! >> turns around she's in shock because she just got a 2002 yellow very cool volkswagen beetle. >> happy birthday congratulations. >> thanks. >> there's some old wives tales about diesel engine cars that volkswagen is setting out the dispel. they're stinky they're smelly. this includes youtube stars we may recognize. >> something stinks, i'm telling you. >> oh! >> from golden sisters, josie, mary and teresa. huge internet

not much practice the way the republicans have because she has not had a reason to be out there. >> she has delayed starting this campaign, she has not held the painful infrastructure, she has not had a strong voice making arguments for her so the weight of the whole thing ours -- falls squarely on her shoulders. i cannot remember in this cycle so far that carries as much weight as this press conference. >> i hope she comes out and says i will put it out on the table and reporters can decide. the e-mail scandal is just one more thing. sen. chuck grassley is ramping an inquiry into her unusual state -- hiring practice. they could work for her and work in the private sector. the clinton foundation accepted millions of dollars from middle eastern countries that are about as nice to women as frank underwood is to journalist. that issue came over -- came up over the weekend. >> there are more than 300,000 people who have country rated the work we have done over the years. and i believe we have done a lot more good than harm. and it believe this is a good thing so i am going to tell you who gave us the money and you can make your decis

has. one of the things that disturbs us is that she has defended the president's authority to act in the way that he hasadministrative legalization to about 5 million people who are unlawfully in the united states. not only has the house rejected that idea from the homeland security appropriations bill with five amendments that make it clear that the president does not, in the opinion of the house, have that power, but now the u.s. district court judge in texas has agreed and has imposed an injunction on the president in that program. -- that program has been suspended as a result of that. the president has on 22 occasions prior to that, the said that he did not have the authority under the law to do what he subsequently did. we are not satisfied with her answer in that regard, and we are troubled by that. >> net neutrality rules. you have sent a letter signed by a number of colleagues expressing concern. what are your concerns that it will do to the internet? why are you opposed to it? >> i think it is a truly wonderful idea to take this i wonderful technology that has been a instrument of growth and s

has an agenda. iran has an agenda isis has an agenda russia has an a general d. but what is the american agenda? u know what obama's agenda is, but you don't know america's agenda. you need a president where both agendas come together. right now he's admonishing and correcting the nation that he represents. what's wrong with the air? >> nothing, i'm just ponderring what you're saying. what kind of concessions do you think we need to make? >> the fact this is happening in yemen today could actually be what helps prevent the administration from signing a bad deal about iranian nukes. because on the one hand, we are helping the iranians fight with isis and iraq. on the other hand we are helping -- maybe co vertly, but some people think it should be marked over at least but it rain yanns don't want that. i think in some ways the timing of this could end up working in the long run in america's favor. i agree, greg, in the question about what is america's moochlt at the moment? the big cave-in. i guess our latest was not to allow iran to have nuclear enrichment underground where it would be absolutely

going to tell help you by telling people that your show starts right now. >> larry: you just did ha ha hajon: son of a b tch wilmore. here is your moment of zone. >> the whole world is on fire. >> the world's on fire. >> the world is on fire. yes. your world is on fire captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> larry: tonightly... we're talking march madness! as god is my witness, "linda in accounting," you're going down! are student athletes getting an education -- or does thinky sport guys no get good college no more? we figured out what ncaa stands for -- it's "no compensation aaaah-ha, aaaaahahahaaa!" time to fill out your brackets, bitches! this is the "the nightly show"! captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) ♪ >> larry: thank you! thank you very much! welcome to the "the nightly show." i'm larry wilmore. my mind went blank. i still can't think -- i'm so upset. tomorrow morning i'll have ten. that's the way it goes. we've got a few stories tonight as a part of our new segment "rich people are getting away w

ha ha ha ha! narrator: some reached for the stars... luis: come on, diane. high-five me.t is absolutely fantastic. ooh! narrator: others crashed to earth. jordan: everything's gone wrong. there were burn-outs... absolutely no idea. there were meltdowns... sue: no, no, no, no, you can't-- there were triumphs... chetna: it's one of the best experiences of my life. now it's a final festival finale, as friends and family gather to find out if richard, nancy, or luis will be crowned the winner.

ha ha ha ha. >> by the way, i got to ask, are we still scheduled to box evander holyfield? 't worry. it's all in good fun. it's for charity. what's the worst that could happen? >> that's true. i guess it won't be the first time we'd lose to a black guy. [ laughter ] >> now, where was that in 2012? things might be different for us right now. that's it for us tonight. thanks for watching. i'm eric bolling in for bill o'reilly. please remember the spin stops here because we're looking out for you. >>> breaking tonight investigators seen leaving the former home of a germanwings co-pilot with bags of evidence after he is accused of doing the unthinkable, deliberately flying a jet filled with passengers into the side of a mountain killing 149 innocent men, women and children. welcome to "the kelly file" everyone, i'm megyn kelly. it was just 24 hours ago we firs brought you reports that one of the pilots aboard germanwings flight 9525 had been locked out of the cockpit before the plane went down. in the hours since the news has only gotten more heartbreaking and more disturbing. p

has a child and she has two teenage daughters. whether she's infertile or not, we don't know. >> we know she has children. er situation from the plosolice report, she showed her family a sonogram. it wasn't hers. she told the kids she was pregnant. she was building this up for quite some time to the people around her. what does that tell you? i mean this was not just a sudden thing, i want to have a baby. this was months in the planning. >> it is. and there's something called the hysterical pregnancy, a woman believes she's pregnant and gets symptoms of being pregnant but she's not pregnant. very often, it's caused by lying to herself. she wants to have the baby so badly, her body gains weight, she skips her period and people think she's pregnant. the problem is once she tells the lie and if she self-brainwashes herself and believes it, a level of denial. the train left the station. at a certain point there has to be a baby. this took her to a prenatal appointment. the jig was about to be up. >> he came right after this incident happened. right. and then she produced this baby and said, i miscarried and he

paulina: la informaciÓn que ella ha ha permitido que nos sigamos informando.nte a la decisiÓn, supuestamente empresarial estos canallas de mvs. ilia: en instantes, dicen ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> la casa de la capital mexicana en la que viviÓ roberto gÓmez bolaÑos estÁ a la venta por unos 2.200.000 $. florinda meza puso en venta la residencia. la mayorÍa de los dueÑos de mascotas por ejemplo como gatos conocen lo difÍcil que puede ser intentar baÑarnos pero al parecer no todos los animales pueden meterse al agua y darse un baÑo. y eso lo sabe el centro de negocios elefantes. illia: este elefantes y quiso baÑarse, parece que no se puede meter, se caÍa, no podÍa pero la tercera la vencida, le tocaba baÑo. enrique: uno de los momentos cumbres de nuestra carrera. illia: me gusta la actitud del elefante, firme. enrique: gracias a todo el equipo de nuestra emisió ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ al despertar ♪♪ kira: buenos dÍas. hoy es martes 17 de marzo. es dÍa de san patricio y tambiÉn el cumpleaÑos de una

ha ha ha. because we don't know what we're doing. it could be falling apart as we speak. we have been together over a year. stay on target! having a lot of sex. a lot of sex. [applause] motions and potions and jams and jellies and sauces and salsas and soups and hustle bustle, hammer anvil, hammer anvil. nothing has been consummated. judd: is your mom excited about you getting married? >> she is very excited. i didn't understand that chairs had to be dressed and wear outfits. you know how they have to have sashes and -- lena: it is going to be a big wedding? >> well, 150. we're having it at an event center. if you get bored with our wedding you can head over to the korean family reunion. it is a bar mitzvah or whatever you want to go see. lena: your ring is very nice. >> thank you very much. we got it off -- >> my boyfriend made a rule. too many deranged things showing up in our mailbox. judd: i know that lena has some o.c.d. issues here and there. wasn't there one, lena where you had to lick the wall in your apartment? lena: i had to lick a bunch of different things. ther

ha-ha! shall we dine? [ chuckle ] you wouldn't expect an insurance company to show you their rates and their competitors' rates but that's precisely what we do. going up! nope, coming down. and if you switch to progressive today you could save an average of over 500 bucks. stop it. so call me today at the number below. or is it above? dismount! oh, and he sticks the landing! when sweet and tart meet the possibilities are delicious. get ready for sweetarts soft and chewy ropes. with no artificial flavors colors. they're new from sweetarts. get ready to be obsessed. sweetarts soft and chewy ropes. with no artificial flavors or colors. new from sweetarts. wanna get roped in? ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: welcome back. we're talking about allowing gay groups to march in new york's st. patrick's day parade. joining me on the panel tonight: comedian and co-host of the "race wars" podcast, sherrod small. ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you, larry! founder of the irish l.g.b.t. group "lavender and green alliance," brendan fay. ( cheers and applause ) very, very funny comedian, she's been with us a few times. kathleen madigan. one of our favorites. and comedian and star of the new web series "cop show" on lstudio.com, colin quinn. ( cheers and applause ) so much fun. brendan, i want to start with you because i know you've been protesting this issue a lot, and, you know, just try to relate to us-- as i said my people tend to protest a lot. we've been protesting just trying to not get shot, you're protesting praedz. >> that's right. >> larry: i'm not making a moral equivalence here. just help me to understand why this issue is so important. >> absolutely. well, i'm irish, and i'm gay, and part of our irish tradition is to speak up and stand up against discrimination prejudice, and injustice anywhere. and then. ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: good. >> actually, the one more thing, more and more praedz all around ireland-- belfast, galway-- there were rainbow flags all around the country in the u.s.-- >> with leprechauns on it. it's already in the the parade. but our parades, we made it up. >> yes, it's a big thing in new york. >> it sound like you're throwing shade on the irish americans. are they irish-ish. >> they call it plastic paddies. >> larry: really? >> i love white on white stuff. >> larry: exactly. irish hate on irish in america? >> of course, they do. >> larry: i don't understand the parade obsession here kind of thing. but to praedz parades is there an obligation to include everybody. there's supposed to be a prolife group i would hate to see that float. does the parade have to have everybody in it? >> me? yeah, i'm torn because on the one hand, it does exclude gays. on the other hand, irish people are not sexual people. this is-- ( laughter ) ( applause ) we're just getting use-- we're just adapting to heterosexuality. >> larry: just adapting to heterosexuality. >> it's not like gyrating, skin showing. this is sweaters. old ladies. red faces. log above the legal limit into bag pipes. >> the organizing people their reasoning keeps getting more absurd. anything that starts with "ancient order "you know they're not going to be flexible. it's like wow what are we going up against. >> larry: that's keeping it really old school. that's like prerapper's delight old school. >> they use the example, well, if we include the irish gays, we're opening it up. what about puerto ricans. well, no, they're puerto rican gays. they have their own parade. you can't just keep take-- >> in 1998, you know the breakan parade opened up to l.g.b.t. groups. and by the way, we have a nice puerto rican irish connection. ... who actually supported the irish movement for independence. look-- >> you're the only one who knows that brendan. >> larry: you're opening up a whole can of worms. if you're going to have a puerto rican irish day parade, that's a whole new can of worms. >> the puerto rican day parade there is so much spanneddix, you have to have the gays. >> if you're going to open it up st. patrick they claim his father is italian and born in london so i say you have to let the italians and english in. >> i'm with the public school here in new york city in brooklyn. i was in a marching band, ps437. we maeched in every parade. we were all black, rifle squad -- >> were you gay? >> for that parade, yes! miss school for a day, i'll be anything. >> larry: most holidays after a while you forget what it is. president's day you buy mattresses. should we just drop the whole irish thing and just focus on beer and green? >> no it's got to be the irish thing. why would you say such a terrible thing, larry? >> larry: that's all you got? >> we're like interspersed into the cult glur yes, you're officially white. >> i agree with colin. just the suggestion of it. if we were drinking, we would probably be beating you up now just for saying it. you can't say no more irish. >> larry: no, not more irish people. >> you said no more irish people. i can't believe it. >> larry: i did not say that. okay-- >> you're saying kill irish babies. >> larry: i never said that guys! >> i heard that! >> larry: we'll be right back and we'll see what happens during the break. ( cheers and applause ) ooooh... i can hear that sizzle. getting louder! and louder! philly cheesesteak and egg sizzling with prime rib and gooey cheese. i better (just) silence this sizzle! the new philly cheesesteak and egg skillet. denny's. welcome to america's diner. (clucking noises) everyone wants to be the cadbury bunny because only he brings delicious cadbury creme eggs. while others may keep trying nobunny knows easter better than cadbury. [ male announcer ] digiorno? or delivery? ♪ ♪ digiorno? or delivery? taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, fresh-baked pizza, is your oven. thankfully, it's not delivery. it's digiorno. ♪ ♪ ♪ all the goodness of milk all the deliciousness of hershey's syrup. the road. it can bring out the worst in people. t the m-class scans r danger... ...corrects for lane drifting... ...and if necessary, it will even brake all by itself. it is a luxury suv engineered to get you there and back safely. for tomorrow is another fight. the 2015 m-class. see your authorized dealer for exceptional offers through mercedes-benz financial services. ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: okay. welcome back. it's time for a special st. patrick's day edition of what we like to call "keep it 100". for all you people who don't know what that is it means keep it 100% real. now tonight we're going to have a special question about parades. here's the deal. these are some of the parades here in new york city. you have to get rid of one of them. okay? all right? so we've got the philippine independence day parade. the st. patrick's day parade. korean harvest day parade. nigerian day parade. muslim day parade. and indian independence day parade. greek independence day parade. prakan day parade mexican day, and hispanic day parade. so kathleen, keep it 100. you gotta get rid of one of them. >> no, i'm going to offend somebody. >> larry: that's why it's called "keep it 100". >> who are the furthest away? the turkish. >> larry: they're the furthest away? >> they probably can't get here quickly to harm me as other people. >> larry: i feel like you're being a little disingenuous there. i don't know. is boo for the tea or boo for keeping it 100. what do you think? she should get 100? >> tea! >> larry: tea? all right, we'll give both. we'll give you a little shamrock, keep it 100. okay. all right. all right. sherrod. which one? >> i'll give you a tea bag. >> larry: you can't pick turkish. >> i'm ready to pick. nigerian. out. out. >> larry: and why? why is nigerian out? >> they never rescued african americans after slavery. what happened to that? >> larry: there you go. keep it 100. shamrock. show the shamrock. that's why you got the tea. >> and for two, boko haram. you can't have parades -- >> larry: you're not getting another one. >> i'll keep it 200. >> larry: brendan you have to keep one. >> what is the hispanic day parade? >> larry: that's what you're picking, great. why are you picking hispanic day parade. >> because the hispanics have the mexicans, do min cans, puerto ricans -- >> oh my god. you're so racist. here, take that. >> we have one day where -- >> okay colin. we have a tea left. >> and we all know the one-- >> go for it col! >> larry: you're starting to get some tea here. >> muslim day parade. >> larry: he said muslim day parade is what he said. why the muslim day parade? >> well, it's the only one left on the chopping block and they got hit. that's the way it is. >> larry: are you keeping it 100? >> yes. i was going to saw the hispanic day parade -- >> audience? sorry man, you get the tea. >> tea we're irish! >> larry: we'll be right back. we're going to fight during this commercial right now. come on. when sweet and tart meet the possibilities are delicious. get ready for sweetarts soft and chewy ropes. with no artificial flavors colors. they're new from sweetarts. get ready to be obsessed. sweetarts soft and chewy ropes. with no artificial flavors or colors. new from sweetarts. wanna get roped in? hey! i like your ride. i just wanted to let you know... you can save a ton by switching to progressive, just like squirrel here. we offer great discounts like responsible rider paid in full, and homeowners. making us number one in motorcycle insurance. isn't this romantic. it was. going the distance to save you more. now, that's progressive. progressive insurance here and i'm a box who thrives on the unexpected. hane? [ chuckle ] you wouldn't expect an insurance company to show you their rates and their competitors' rates but that's precisely what we do. going up! nope, coming down. and if you switch to progressive today you could save an average of over 500 bucks. stop it. so call me today at the number below. or is it above? dismount! oh, and he sticks the landing! ( cheers and applause ). >> larry: okay, that's all the time we have for tonight. i want to thank our panelists sherrod small, brendan fay kathleen madigan, and colin quinn. finally tonight, thanks for all the great dares you've tweeted to help us complete our bracket for dare-y wilmore's march badness bracketsball dare-o-mania it's boner time tournament. @iangecko wants to see me go to a furry convention in costume. if number two seed arizona wins it all, i promise i will be there. i have to, right? @futurefreeze1 dares me to poop on a mountain if number one seed villanova wins-- actually, i don't mind that, but i get to pick the m